Thursday, January 12, 2006

Bittersweet

I went downstairs to the cafeteria this morning to get some breakfast (a dose of protein to get the metabolism to understand it is actually time to start the day) and overhear there is another three day weekend coming our way.
Um, what????
Exqueeze me??
You didn't let me come to work for 5 paydays in Dec, or the first payday in Jan, and now you're "giving me another day off"??
Is it just to royally hose my budgeted income????
Or are you really trying to punish me for that last meal in Vegas?
F*ckin permanent employees are all jazzed that they get paid to garden or sunbathe or go shopping while us temps hide from the world for the rest of the month because we are short on cash and have PLENTY of time to think about it since we aren't at work all that much... hosers.

I remember loving to hear of days off - but if they don't ask me to work soon, I'm going to forget what wearing heels feels like... what a button up looks like... if a collar belongs on a shirt... how to deal with hairspray... how to wear jewelry... all the things that make a corporate job fun in the mornings!!!!
I LIKED getting dressed, knowing I would be asked difficult questions and have time sensitive projects coming to me for completion for the entire department to 'ohhh' and 'ahhh' and 'ain't she the best' over me about.
With all this UNPAID vacation time you "give me", I can barely muster the will to put on jeans in khaki instead of blue or wash my hair for the amount of 'work' you ask of me.

So with all this work ethic going to waste, I've applied to another handful of jobs ALL MORNING.
I'll be stopping off at the temp agency I work for at lunch (not DURING lunch, but as a tag along 'appointment') to see if they can offer me anything besides more of the same and asking what the punishment is for leaving before the 6 month contract is up.
THEN I will ponder the possibility of completely changing fields and job requirements and mindsets about who I am, how I operate, and how I make money so as to completely mentally and spiritually prepare myself for applying for this position I saw posted - a seminar coming up in a few weeks that you have to offer your resume before they reserve you a seat.
Apparently they will take you in and train you for two years before asking you to do the job on your own. Sounds scary, but so does sitting in front of a filing cabinet for the rest of my life!!

Maybe a nice stack of veggies and some teriaki will settle my nerves. Yes, I know its just an application to go to an informational seminar... but I'm PMSing and the whole world is crashing down on me and my upcoming three day weekend and its SCARY to think about changing the direction of your life!!!
Try it.
I dare you.
Think of traveling in Africa on a dirt road in a Wrangler tracking the migratory patterns of animals that could eat you as an apartif - for your job.
Think of moving into your office because the bitch down the hall might be up for the same promotion you are and you have to be there before and after every associate on the floor.
Think of hating everything about your every day schedule but doing it because it looks great on your Resume of Life... shopping, botox, gym, lypo - all to impress people who are so self absorbed they don't notice your efforts... up and out to take the kids to school so you can get to all your social meetings and clean house and cook for the clan before you pick them up and take them to thier well-rounded after school activities - mewhile wishing you could be studying for your Masters so your spouse doesn't confuse you by talking in AdultSpeak... or sitting in an 18 square foot cube of grey waiting for another stack of filing to crowd you in the back corner just so you can afford to eat and make car payments and have a place to call home-of-the-moment - just because everyone tells you that if you think of the money the boredom will be worth it...

Just think about completely revolutionizing your view of your individual talents and gifts and graces of personality.
Think of abandoning all your work experience and diving two feet first into a field you have only seen in the movies - and they made fun of it.
Think of knowing how the corporate world is raping you of your dignity and choosing to consider years of training to solidify your position in the rat race.
Then add a fear of commitment, decision making, 5 year goal planning, and the knowledge that there are other ways to make money if the mind is in it.
Oh, then add PMS, a lack of social life or support, compound that with the idea that 'its just an idea to kick around' and the general blah mindset that comes with lack of sunshine...
See, its SCARY right???

Maybe not this bad...
But the magnitude of even THINKING life could go in a completely different direction is profound.
The last time I radically changed the direction of my life, I ended up LOVING it.
And Him.
That hurt. A Lot. And Still Does.
Would I do it again?
Well, thats the question of the day, isn't it????
Was the positive outcome worth the pain and struggle and strength and power I've amassed since?
You know... its just a seminar. Its not like I will be commiting to the new life. Just hearing about it. Hang on, I gotta send my resume real quick -

2 comments:

Roonie said...

Just keep your eyes open. You never have to settle.

Mom of Three said...

Damn. That picture's cute.

Get a government job. They pay you for everything.