Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I Got It.

I got the job.
I went to lunch with Boss who talked like it was a done deal.
I talked with Would Be Boss at the end of her day and she talked like it was a done deal.
Then they tagged up to give the secret handshake that it was a done deal.

My references were checked today. My application is on file. My paperwork is being shuffled.
I don't have a start date yet - depends on when they find my replacement.
I don't know how much the raise is - depends on how the scale of bonuses works and which one I want to be on.
I don't know why I have this crazy twisty feeling in my gut right now, and my lips are turned curiously upward, and all my veins feel like they are electrified, but I can only assume that its got something to do with the building finally stopping its dance in the wind and the hangover wearing off and the lunch being digested and MY GETTING PROMOTED TODAY!!!!!!!

Fuck, 2 weeks ago I was told management had picked someone out - today I'm told that everyone can see I'm bored and I need to move up and I already know the business and in some ways am TRAINING the bosses on how to do this business so they are gathering their faith in me and handing it over for me to gobble down and BAM look whos got a shiny new title at her same old office!!!
There is pressure. There is a 7:30am-6pm shift for 2 weeks at a time, on a 3 person rotation. There is business to do, its brand new, and we have a sizeable goal to meet.
I'm all twitchy just thinkin about it.
But I will get a desk where I can see the ocean and sunsets, have a list of things to get done by the end of the day every day, and have weekly goals to strive for that others will hold me accountable for.
And THAT is what we call growing up!!!

Boom chaka Boom chaka Boom bada Boom, Sassy's got her grove on, ya'll, make some room! Boom clacka Boom clacka Boom chuga Boom, watch that Sass, she'll laso the moon!

Love My Sister!

I do,
I really really do appreciate her for who she is, respect her for doing what she has to when it has to be done, understand her needs and desires are different than mine and adore how she is there for me these days.

But for fucks sake, is it totally necessary to come visit just to go to a dive bar where they are spinnen the ones and twos of her kind of music and keep a constantly full Tokyo Tea in front of the purse that I have been assigned to watch??? I mean, Long Islands will get you shitty in a hurry, so lets take out the soda (caffeine that might keep you from a headache in the morning, sugar to remind you that you should SLOW DOWN) and add Midori (the sweetest nectar of whatever its made of thats like 17% alcohol, cuz the other 3/4 of the pint glass filled with well spirits isn't quite enough to throw you over the edge in the first sip).

I willingly partake in these events, but she gets trained on her new job today, and I have reason to believe that this morning I will be seriously discussing my start date for the promotion the office is all a buzz with after yesterday's conversation I so elegantly guided with Boss' Boss. Basically I got stuck helping her look up some numbers, we chatted about how the office will be growing soon, and I reminded her I am very interested in taking one of the available seats. She told me to talk to Boss and Would Be Boss by the end of the day and have someone call her back. Yep. You heard me. If I can get Boss to have 2 minutes, we'll go back and discuss the details and if I can maintain the front that I am capable and committed and ready to be a go getter, I'll be seeking my replacement by the end of the day (actually Boss asked about Sister to take my seat ;) )
So what do I do? Go home last night, cook a fantabulous fresh healthy dinner, compliment it with a glass of water, and pass out on the couch. When Sister comes in at 10:45pm, I get up, change out of my sweats into some jeans, and go get shitty in a dive bar while watching her 20lbs of purse while she shakes her ass and kicks her feet and grinds on some dude. Yep. I'm a little over confident about this new position, huh?? I decide its ok to leave the house at 11pm to have a drink, end up being awake (after Monday, the 6am wake up, 7:45 in the office, leave at 7pm, get to sleep at 1am day) till about 3:30am, and bolt to the shower just shy of 4 hours of sleep later.

Sister learns how to carry a tray of hot plates to tables today. I told her to mind her wrist, thanked her for the drinks, reminded her that next time I have to be roused from slumber to go out that it REALLY is ok to let me be a cheap/one drink date, and sent her on her merry way to fend for her own McMuffin and coffee.
Already burned my tongue.
But hey, I found my keys and my wallet and got to work on time to have a conversation about my new job... she better get here quick or my 2 functioning brain cells might just decide its ok to nap with the rest of them.

Love my Sister!!!

Monday, November 27, 2006

I've Got Meme On Me

Vince has officially tagged me.
Serves me right I guess, since I only unofficially tagged him with mine.
Since I'm in just that kind of mood, I think I'll partake.

10 Things I'll Never Do.

1) Understand the meaning of it all. Especially out of the mouth of a man.

2) Keep my mouth shut about what I'm thinking. I surprise myself too often with what comes out to ever keep it in.

3) Enjoy being the bigger person. I do it. I am good at it. I spout it as advice often. But I NEVER like it, I'm just too nice to come up with something vindictive to do instead.

4) I'll never regret/hold guilt over my relationships with any of my family, living or dead. They are what I am given, I do the best I can with what I've got when I'm there.

5) I'll never give up hope that this is not really my life. This is always just a step on the path that is my life. My life is bigger than these small things I sweat, or these Sassy shoes I strut in.

Ya'll, this is hard. I am having a hard time thinking of things I won't do, and everything I'm coming up with is more of a "well, if the timing were right..." Stupid open mind. Worse, some things I can think of I've already done, how sick is that??

6) I'll never eat a live goldfish. Cum on an empty water filled stomach makes me yack, I could only imagine what a goldfish could elicit out of me.

7) keep up with the Jones'. I don't know them, they don't care about me, I like my car and my house for me, not what they think of me. But if they kick down their old shit, I'll gladly accept =)

8) Think he loves me because he hits me. I'll put up with a LOT of shit (dad may get a call on that this week actually, as I notice I put up with the same things from him), but if he beats me, he's out, no questions asked. (no, I haven't been beaten, ever, don't sharpen your bayonettes.)

9) Take a stupid dare. I've met people who ate a bottle of Tobasco in one gulp, felt the ulcer pop instantaneously, and are plagued with it to this day because one time at boy scout camp a friend said "dare ya!". Thats bullshit. Recent events included, I actually really think I have a choice in what I do and I won't be pursuaded by a phrase to do something I know is stupid.

10) I almost said "think I'm worth it - money, attention, gifts, praise", but I really think I'll get over that if life settles enough to let me be secure in what I have. So maybe I want to say that I'll never wrap my head around why it took so long for me to put my foot down and DEMAND I never feel short changed or over extended or walked on or taken advantage of.

That was rediculously fucking hard. Its all in flux this minute and I have a very broad thinking spectrum these weeks and to even say "I'll never stop drinking" or "I'll never choose to be alone" or "I'll never go to that damn town again"... well, I laughed at the split second thought that I have any clue what my life will be like even a month from now.

In other news, I'm single. I am also revamping my mental list of requirements for a guy to be considered dateable. Please feel free to drop your suggestions in the comment box. I will be sure to carefully consider your offerings before ripping them to shreds. =) Mostly I know that people who have lists are disappointed when they meet their List Girl ::coughDADcough:: and aren't happy. There are a few things I hold sacred though, and I will fitfully dangle by them when it all falls to shit, and I'm thinking I need more than a fingerhook worth of Must Have's in order to have a fighting chance at not falling in love with the next houseplant I see.
Hoping the rest of my life's shit bath is as easy to clean off as this was...


Got here late. Listened to Boss read memo's I had in my email. Left the meeting early to take care of a candidate who didn't have any of his shit together. Par for the course, as my end didn't have their shit together either.
It's 9am, I just caught a break, I have a stack of work to do, an email inbox that is overflowing, and a broken blood vessel in my right eye from the deluge of compounded shit I ended up dealing with last night. It wouldn't bother me so much that I look like a stoner except it feels like my eyeball is swollen and that is a little distracting.
My left shoulder blade has had an accompanying knot since the Wednesday drive. I can't get it to loosen up. I can't get a friend to work it out for me. I don't know where they do massages around here. All that tension next to my spine and moving toward my neck isn't helping my exhausted mood. I am about to get on another ibuprofin buzz, just so my fingers don't go numb while I do this fucking data entry from the 9 interviews my coworkers crammed into 2 half days that they need done RIGHT NOW like before the standard Super High Priority Monday Morning stack of shit I always have to do.

Yeah. Susie Sunshine is still MIA. Don't expect her soon, the search party is on break. I'm somehow wikedly content to be fucking miserable. I don't even fake a smile anymore. Its Sassy, with a dark cloud, a pitchfork, and the stare that frightens small children. I'm hungry, I'm uncaffeinated, I'm puffy in the face from too much crying and not enough sleep, and it rained last night so my avoidance of laundry leaving me in a skirt suit means my shoes and stockinged legs and hem were dripping by the time I got to my car. I hate being wet. Wish me luck, I read a diet plan and how little I should be eating and I am nearly convinced that the reason I sleep with men on the first date is to win their affections so they keep calling me back but its backfiring to the extreme and I think if I were skinny I would let myself think they would call me back even if I weren't sleeping with them. Diet pills will be added when I can muster the energy to deal with a store, until then, its counted calories no matter what my stomach says and hard core excercise until I can't see straight before bed. Unfortunately it looks like my prefered method will be short lived, and instead of silk and latex as accessories I'll be strapped by sprorts bras and entertained by iPod.

Fuckity fuck. Fuck it. Water and Work. Fuck it. Life is too short for this bullshit, but since I'm psychologically ready for a WEEK LONG MELTDOWN, I guess I should suck it up and get it out of my system good and hard so MAYBE whenever Susie peeks out she has a fighting chance of not getting the shit pummeled out of her.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Hit It

Ever have all your shit hit the fan?

Some days, its all just there, splayed before you, gobbed on the wall and in your hair and everywhere you look and when you move you feel it everywhere.

These are the days that have you sobbing in revalation after revalation in the work bathroom stall at 9:45pm.

Life happens. Things Change. Memories are made, then forgotten. Hearts hurt. Fingers bleed.

Nothing that unusual happened today. Lots of little unlikeable things happened in one day, but nothing I haven't bitched about here before.

What the difference was in today's concoction of bullshit that had me bent over my panties dropping tears onto my kneecaps, I'm not exactly sure.

Am I the only one who needs no rational reason whatsoever to have a total breakdown? Sure, my life is entertaining, I apparently thrive on the drama of it all, and when I am dull I find things that will frustrate me and fixate on them. I guess the point is that a meltdown of this magnitude doesn't have anything to do with the logical side of life... I am riding the wave of the gut-feeling-initiated-life, and with the crash I find myself soaked in salty water.

Well. Here I have a reconing. A recognizing. A self evaluation.
Dangerous to prescribe one's own medicine, I know this.
But I have a bit of clarity through these swollen eyes.
I know decisions and actions have to be made.
I put both off intensely.
With all the energy I've put into letting things be, I could have built a bridge to Taiwan by now.
I notice, but until it compiles itself in just such a way, no one else sees my mutilating habits.

The wounds are bleeding today, they hurt, and they are all demanding attention which leaves me exhausted and weak and not able to tend to any of them.
My patchwork dressings are piled on the floor, right there in the shit that hit the fan.

How long before I clean the mess?? Thats the real bitch of it all; I can't tell whats new and whats old.
Do I walk over the shit to get new dressings for my wounds, or do I shovel the shit while my wounds seep?
If I start to dig, do I create new wounds?
Will it take a day or a year to make any progress?
Does it matter which I tend to first, really??

Achingly, I retreat.

I will go home and pack a bag to go to my home town.
The last time I was there, I stood in my dad's driveway and dropped a single tear on his shirt, knowing I never needed to go back there for anything, even my mother's gravestone.
I do this trip, these 1000 miles on my car, these 16 hours of roadtrip, these 12 work hours missed, because I have a poster that lists one of Life's Little Lessons as "go home for the holidays" and follows it with "don't get too big for your britches."
It is just for him. And his dying parents. He will pay me for his time, I will thank him, and he will not know that he has made me feel like a whore for 10 years; we both know I won't spend time with him unless he pays me. I will be polite and hide my pain and joys and anything that means anything to me, I will eat and drink and give myself pep talks in the bathroom.
I will bring a shovel and fresh dressings.
And this is only the tip of the shit covered iceberg of what hurts tonight.
I will pack the gratitude journal too, just to keep from drowning in this muck.

My prayers and Susie Sunshine thoughts are with you and yours this holiday weekend. Travel safe, pack light. Be glad you have family and friends, remember to say Thank You and mean it. Don't eat everything you see, it will be there for leftovers later. I'll be better soon, I promise, but know you don't need to carry the weight of the world today because I am doing it for you.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I'm It

I've been tagged by MOT to list the 5 things most people don't know about me.
Well, won't this be a challenge!! What DON'T you guys know about me???

1) I used to be PAINFULLY shy. Like it actually physically wrecked me to be in social situations. This was especially gut wrenching with my salesman of a gregarious dad who found it unfathomable that I really could not walk up to a new kid and start talking, function a sentance when formally introduced, walk with my head up to invite eye contact, or remember what we decided when ordering a pizza. It was THAT bad. Somehow I got over this - I'm thinking it was the manymanymanymany many many M A N Y times I was forced to be with people. Trouble was, as my Freakazoid Aunt put it, "by the time you were 13 you were already WAY too smart for me and I didn't like talking to you because you would just throw it in my face that you knew everything, but you didn't know you did it, you just started talking and in one minute flat I was lost." To my defense she was on some form of blow through my entire formative years, but still, this is indicitive of how my mother had to fight like the dickens to get me socialized in a caliber of people that would suffice. Eventually the real world came and got me, but because I actually had a worthwhile personality but hid behind a solomn face, I was labeled BITCH by quite a few people who overheard my coolness in the hallways with my friends but who I apparently wouldn't give the time of day (because I was ready to vomit at the thought of looking THAT awsome person in the face).
Yeah. This is gonna be a tough list!

2) I was a band GEEK. I wasn't in the band, I was section leader, marching center of the entire squad, winning awards left and right at band camp, teaching the frosh how to behave in class, first to arrive when we had to be on the bus at 4:30am for a competition, telling the Band Aids what the requirements were for us to win all the appearance points, running with the instructors keys to get the room opened up for the tard who forgot to get his neckstrap, at EVERY SINGLE Varsity football game because thats when I could show off how loud I could blast my brass and how well my vocal chords could handle the cheers and shout backs. I was a trumpet player for 10 years. I was in marching band, concert band, and jazz band, where my second chair had me not hitting all the high notes (braces, ouch) but I was the ONLY one doing solos. Again, extremely painful to stand in front of everyone and literally toot my horn, but somehow the instructor got me through it. Go Scho!!!
I have it in my closet, I haven't picked it up in years, but I am convinced that this part of my experience built my "help others for the greater good of the whole" mentality that keeps me strapped in administrative work.

3) I cry. A lot. Like last night I was washing my face after watching TV and out of no where I broke into sobs, right there with my face under the spout. There was a heartfelt moment at the end of the show, and I got a little teary about the letter from beyond the grave apologizing for what he was sure everyone had found out about him (Brothers and Sisters, if you don't already, START WATCHING)... then pet the dog and got ready for bed only to find I flashed back to 2 years ago for almost no reason whatsoever. You'd THINK I'd be crying for my mom, who didn't get a chance to leave a letter before succumbing to her illness, but instead I heard something in Costco that had me flash to an ex and it had me snotting myself as I rinsed my face.
I'll cry in the car on the way to work. I'll take a morning break to let loose in the bathroom. I'll cry on the way home. I'll look at the dog and drop a tear. I'll have conversations with people who aren't there and cry until my stomach can't eek out another breath. I don't know why, I usually feel a release when I'm done, and its not every day, but I don't remember crying even a year ago so this is getting a bit worrysome now that I think about it. I'm either becoming fully realized as an emotional being or I'm falling apart at the seams. Stay tuned.

4) I am still extremely nieve. It took me until, well, about a year ago to understand what "White Lines" was singing about. I liked the song, and knew the words, but didn't know what they MEANT. I am still baffled when guys who SHOULD treat me well because they are trying to get BACK into my pants treat me like SHIT for exactly the same reason. I can't follow politics because I forget who does what jobs and where their effects reach before I read the next story. I am that chick who could have a plane crash over her head while she's picking a dandilion and wonder why everyone is running when she stands up. But, I am also extremely smart and observant of the little things, like when the waitress thought we were ready to order because our menus were closed, Sexy thought I was AMAZINGLY observant. I'm getting better, and I decided to keep my head buried when I realized that I would eventually grow up and there was no need to rush that. But I'm in my late 20's now and I am still a little embarrassed when my little sister and my boyfriend talk about shooting up vs. freebase vs. dropping parachutes and they both look at me and I get to say "uh huh, what you said" because I was too blinded by rear of the unknown to have anyone talk to me about it, let alone offer to let me try it.

5) I'm really ok with myself. I go through fits of disliking this or that, but I think its Flo who incites these insecurities. I know I am a growing expanding creative person who will never fulfill her full potential, and I am willing to be who I am right this minute on my way to being who I will become tomorrow. I don't hang on to memories because I don't want to be stuck as who I was then. I don't plan too much because I don't know who I will be when I get there and I do NOT want to be hindered by today's goals. I think I want to be thin, but I've always been heavy, and my size 12 waistline offers me a kind of classic Venitian curvature that I typically find attractive when I stand naked in the mirror. I remember the days when getting offered to go to the movies with a friend would get me hyperventilating with anxious anticipation... I'm glad I am not like that anymore... but even yesterday when Sexy came over and asked how I was my only response was "happy to see you" because I am still a bit like the shy girl who hit puberty and grew up before everyone else who is thrilled that someone wants to spend their time with her.
I am work in progress, and I know it, and 90% of my angst is from knowing deep down that opportunities are everywhere and I don't want to be the chickenshit I once was. The best thing I ever did for myself was follow my gut, but with all the coffee and multivitamins I've been taking I'm afraid my intuition might be skewed. I'm afraid to listen when things are good and only respond to the bad after a thurough going over in the mental side of things (which I hash out here for public scrutiny and support and approval). Somewhere in this Libran process of checks and balances, I know its what I need to do in order to stay on my right path and take advantage of what I can only when I am ready to... and for that I am comfortable knowing these pounds will stay on and the makeup will be applied and my friends list will be short and my work life will be a struggle of discontent and my home life will continue to test me in unphathomable ways. In the end though, I know its all good for me and I can take it and that I am the person I am meant to be right now. The fun is that who I am is Sassy, or Susie Sunshine, whoever peeks out that very minute, and the dominant is forever undecided =)

Alright. I'm talkative today. I made coffee and had to add a warmer to dilute the creamer explosion, then Would Be Boss asked if I wanted breakfast so instead of a protein shake I had a veggie omlette. I am PUMPED UP!!
I almost forgot to tag my 5... lets see...
Laurie, as a topic to post about in these non-Pirate days,
Christal, just because I really wonder what she hasn't put on display yet,
Curmudgeon, as I think the one liners would be quote worthy ;),
LBB, cuz who doesn't wonder what makes that guy tick??,
and, Stacey as I'm sure she would LOVE to be more entrenched in the Blogger world =)

Saturday, November 18, 2006


Spaz caught me last night.
Before I could get in the door enough to close it behind me.
Asked if was planning on staying, or if she should tell the property management company they can rent the place.
I asked, calmly, without showing the wild glee pulsing through my veins, if we were talking about January first.
She said YES.

I had to grab the side of the counter to keep from colapsing!!!!

Within the hour I was walking the dog and talking to Sister and convincing her how fucking cool it will be when she works at the restaurant around the corner and stops at the grocery store ON the corner and cooks to her hearts delight and I will come home to find my dog and her cat curled up on the landing together and we can both have boys over whenever we want without fear they will be eaten by some psychotic idiot dog and we can have a New Years party in our Beach House back yard.
She kinda panics at change.
She is resisting changing her shitty life.
I am trying my hardest to not knock her upside the head until she realizes that CHANGE IS GOOD when you complain about your life EVERY DAY.

Anyway, I might move January first too, just to keep the rent bill from eating my ENTIRE first paycheck of the month... or I might try my hand at waitressing at the 24hr Dennys within walking distance from this house... or just convince myself that I work 8-6 and use the overtime to keep up on the work and pay the bills.

Oh - FYI - I have benefits. I have a beneficiary. I am invested.
Well, as of January first I am.
I am a little freaked out about this phase of growing up. But I did it and I know its good for me and I will be getting a professional to polish my bright pearly whites for Valentines Day.

Random Tangent Alert!!! I talked to Sexy to find out he is finishing his homework before we play tonight, have another guy texting me to see if I can play with him tonight, another guy who randomly emailed to see if my 'taken' status has changed yet, and I bumped into the 22 year old I didn't sleep with that one time... all in the last half an hour.
Its like they can smell I'm in heat.
And the reasons to hate Flo just keep stack'n up.
Then again, my tits look fabulous this time of the month, so maybe thats the draw ;)

I am at the office because I have SO much work to do and I can't get online from home yet. If Sexy doesn't call me by 8pm I'm going to assume we partied WAY too hard for his must-watch-game-can't-take-nap ass last night and find a party of my own. With Sister and I being out twice already this week, I'm feeling pretty alright about walking up to a bar and seeing where the night takes me. God Help Me, with no cable at home there is nothing to distract me from having a real life! Somehow I'm reverting to my college dayz self, but I already relived the lameness of high school at the last house... at least this way I get to meet enough people to have the awkwardness of 4 would be fucks within reach on any given Saturday afternoon. Ah, College.

Focus. 8" stack of data entry MUST be gone by Monday Morning.

Friday, November 17, 2006


I went out last night with Sister. We took up the offer by New Guy to have a drink to celebrate his new job. He was a bit boysterous and loud and repetative in his sentances, but he picked up our tab and went to the bar I picked and that was nice.
If our movie had ended closer to Grey's Anatomy, we would have missed stayed for the TV, and that would have been nice too.
So I give the new guy a welcome, take his shit for drinking a Tokyo Tea instead of his Newcastle, then get shit for drinking my 80 proof pint of drink slower than his 6.6% pint of beer, then I come in this morning to find out he won't be in til noon.
EDIT - ALL DAY. Pussy. His kid better be in the hospital or I'm ratting him out.
I told him and his friend I knew how to hold my own, and they laughed at me. The bartender and I shared a wink at how collected I was and how over the top they were, then we shared another wink when I heard the bill was about $100 and no one dropped a tip.
Thats right - my sister is telling them how she works in a restaurant and sees how hard she and her coworkers work for $7 and hour and PRAY that people recognize this isn't slavery days and its ok to tip the help and these fuckers walked out without a leaving a tip????
We sat at the bar, they were there at the corner when you walk into the place for about 3 hours, and thought the price of the drinks was enough to cover her time and effort to put up with the "I have half an inch in the bottom of my glass, come ask me again in a minute if I want another drink."
So I leaned over the bar and said "I'm sorry, did they leave you a tip?"
Politely she says "well, um, maybe like $10" as she shakes her head and looks at her feet.
Sister and I look at each other, look at her, she shrugs as we dive into our purses for any cash we have. While I was expecting that our $18 would pay for another round of drinks, we gladly forked over our hard earned cash to this woman's pocket for being stuck at the side of the bar with the boarish new guys who forget that pouring a beer with no foam deserves a tip.

Moving on, because the recount is pissing me the fuck off...
I get up this morning feelin fine, do my thing without the Brut so much as looking at me, get my quality time with my Gorgeous Girl without the baby talkin Spaz tossing breakfast scraps at her while calling her a fatty, and come out to find my duplex-wall-sharen neighbor wiping down my car.
I see the hose and bucket and the shammee hand is on the side of my car facing his van, so I think "ah, he oversprayed and its swirling it around in the dust cloud that perfectly covered my car! Nice thought, I need a car wash anyway." Then I see the water on my tires as I approach... he says "hey there, you would not believe the amount of bird dung you had on your car, it looked like someone tossed a can of white paint, you wouldn't have been able to drive with it on there."
I look over my sparkling, dried, non swirled almost totally paid off and now I care that much more vehicle and said "so you washed my car for me?????? well, Thank You!! ok, um, thank you, I needed a car wash this weekend anyway so thanks, I've got to get to work, so have a great day!"Whew. A little weird, but who am I to complain? If I didn't just dump my cash into the bartenders pants I would have tipped him. I will find a way to repay, I swear.

So I'm driving to work wondering how long my granny smith apple for breakfast will tide me over in my shiny car and I'm flicking my hair toward the vents because I usually just open the windows to blowdry my hair but I didn't want to water mark the windows. I come in late, of course, to see that my coworker, in leiu of doughnuts as a thank you for the hard work I do, brought me an egg mcmuffin. =)=)
Happiness IS free food at 9am.

The day hits the fan, but I realize that there is nothing happening that I can do anything about and go on about my merry business while angry people gather in my lobby. I got a text from Sexy, who waited patiently in my lobby for me to tiddy up before molesting him in the hallway as we waited for the elevator to take us to lunch. We enjoy a table in the fresh air, had a yummy sandwich, played footsie under the table, had a kiss in the parking lot that melted my week away, and then back to the desk to try to make some kind of dent in the mass of post its and paper clips and needing to be filed documents before my end of week meeting with the boss to tell her that it is STILL too much work, no matter how much free food I get.
But you know what? I feel totally stress free about sitting here in piles up to my eyes... good Sister time followed by good pupster time followed by good deeds coming back on me followed by good food and great Sexy somehow has me realizing that this is a JOB and I will catch up eventually and life is too short to hate your minutes away when you have a chance to ride the wave of a good happy buzz on a Friday afternoon. =)

TGIF and all that kitchy shit; if you are really nice you can stand real close and catch some of my happy molecules off of me, but you'd better make it quick cuz we all know I can turn super sour with a quickness.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Another Bitch Fit

I have been told I've been a bit upbeat lately.
I guess some people don't like when I get laid frequently.
Or they're jeleous and complain to hide it.
Either way, I will go "back to the good old days" of whining my post away.
no? fuck. fine. get your shit guard up, cuz I'm about to sling it, I'll wait.

I have too much work to do. I got permission to take time to JUST WORK NO DISTRACTIONS GET YOUR OWN DAMN PHONES AND DO NOT TAP ME ON THE SHOULDER BECAUSE I AM WORKING HERE every day for at least an hour a day. Its Wednesday. Yes, its my fault for not being more forceful about my time, but when 2 of our 3 people are out and I'm training the new guy, how the fuck is it a help to anyone if I say "I need my space, deal with it"?? So I think of implimenting our new system tomorrow, but I'm invited to a neighboring office to see how they operate and try to steal some hints on how to keep up on work. The phones have been slow, but the "hey, can you do this?" emails take me 15 minutes each to deal with and come 5 at a time every 20 minutes. Add that shit up. Catch up??? Well, there goes that idea. Maybe next week, when I've got my shit together and I'm good and sick of seeing this shit on my desk.

Next. Flo can suck my fuzzy white wide but freakishly strong ass. There is no reason in the history of insanity to have me aching as I finally fall asleep and then wake my sorry ass up at 5am to say "I made it!!! Roll out the soon to be red carpet and I hope you have baby wipes instead of toilet paper in there cuz I brought BAGGAGE BABY!!!"
The pisser - if I woke up at 6am I would have sucked it up, ate something, chowed half a bottle of ibuprofin, and came into work for an early day (as Sister has a weekly ritual of spending all her days off at my house and Wednesday is the kickoff to the party). As it stands, I tryed and tryed to get some of the pain to disipate with proper pillow placement and master breathing skills and damn if it didn't take me like 45 minutes to pass back out!!! You know what that means... I was DEAD ASLEEP and dream'n of some hottie all wrapped up on me. I don't remember WHO because of the PANIC I was in when I finally heard my 7am alarm at 8:10am, but whatever, right??

Moving on. I'm looped on ibus and trying to stay lucid and Sister came to save me and take me to lunch and we had coconut shrimp and chips with the coleslaw and a side of ceviche tostada. YUM, I agree, but DAMN if I wasn't being a good girl and not eating shit today and had a deep fried lunch. Now I'm full but needing nutrition and already leaking and remembering the Month of BabyShitSmearForTurds that was my quest to make the Costco sized bottle of vitamins take only ONE year to deplete... If I'm running to the bathroom with my knees squeezed every 92 minutes anyway, does it matter which hole is the culprit?? Somehow, I think yes. But with a $20 lunch, I'm not sure I'll be having anything but trail mix and lite beer for dinner, so why not get started early. My evening will revolve around sitting on the pot anyway.

Last one. I got paid today. I've spent a shitload of money the last two weeks. I have 3 uncleared transactions and my checking account balance is, this minute, EXACTLY (like on the fucking dollar) what I need to pay off my car TODAY. fuckity fuck. So do I pay part and another part with the Dec 1st paycheck (aka raped by rent and leaving so little to eat with I rarely leave the housewith my ATM card in hand)??? Or do I suck it up that I transfered an extrodinant amount to my savings account, transfer it back, and admit that at this point in my life I am meant to pay off debt and go on trips and not have a swollen stash of cash for a rainy day.
Don't get me wrong, I'll still have a savings account bigger than 90% of uninvested people in my age bracket. But I wanted to be super flush in case of emergency and I'll be back down to 'cover a month' or 'make it to the funeral' or 'thank God it was just a water pump' status instead of "sure, I can do Hawaii, what are the dates?" status.
Then again, I did say I'd do a vacation this year. I'm told life is too short not to appreciate it while you've got it. I want to live with no regrets, and passing up Hawaii becuase I'm afraid to spend money is about the lamest thing this big busted band geek has ever thought up.
But I can still be pissed that Target had SO much stuff on sale and that ALL my bras stopped working the same week and that I needed to EAT at the same time my self imposed bill's due date came.

I have to go do my best to keep the bathroom from resembling the remnents of a slaughter house... I'm not sure I wasn't abducted by aliens but I'm pretty sure I'm trying to birth some kind of spawn today.
Either that of Flo hates the way I talk about her, in which case you all can puke on your keyboards at all the sappy shit I post about me and my guy and his Shag'n Wagon because fuck I hate hating my body this much.
At least the Sexy talk makes me smile. Flo does not make me smile. She makes me wince in pain. Sexy is pretty and kisses me. Flo makes me feel like I've peed my pants - though he IS winning the wet panty contest, but he gets the other 25 days a month and has to earn his keep somehow.
Maybe Sister has some concoction of excedrin and tylonol and vodka and pineapple juice that can make me forget that its 5pm and I still have a monster stack of data entry and am bringing an alien life form into this world. Wish me, my sister, and tonights cleaning crew luck...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006


I am in shock that Spaz told me she'd be gone for the weekend but came home Saturday night in the new version of MY CAR.
She knows the dealer and got a great deal, blah blah. It still reminded me of "Single White Female" and I'm a little too excited to see she is dying her hair blonde instead of my chestnut brown this go round.

I'm dazed by the idea that Sister is turning down normal day jobs that pay $3 more an hour than her current place because she works sooooo many hours a day at the current place that its about even in the scope of things - and she doesn't want to leave them understaffed. It baffles me that she has that much dedication to her workplace but that somehow last year I paid a deposit on a cell phone because her Family Share'n ass let our account default too long and I was communicationless for 2 months.

I am gluttonously giddy with the french vanilla creamered coffee lasting into the early afternoon, the chocolate crusted and caramel swirl topped cheesecake taking the place of lunch as I was too busy getting my cervix massaged by a certain male member until the windows were fogged and our bodies were covered in tiny persperation beads that made sitting up an absolute challenge against passing out from the dizzying overload of endorphins to the brain. We actually laid against each other just catching our breath and blinking hard for at least 2 minutes, then set a date to have 'lunches leftovers' for dinner. =)
Maybe I'll have gotten some work done by then, maybe not, but this particular afternoon I am living life as if it were my last day and my goodness the joys of being a grown ass woman are, if only for the moment, mighty sweet.
Now, if I could only get my eyes to deglaze from the shock and dazed and gluttony of the pleasures of the flesh, maybe I could see whats on my desk and earn my keep.

EDIT: My coworker ordered in lunch because we are short staffed today. She ORDERED me to come eat with her, saying that my taking lunch early and shortening it for her to make her noon meeting meant I SURELY didn't have time to eat. I blinked. She said "well, you wanted to go at 11:30am to meet up with Sexy, right? (yes she calls him Sexy, and she calls me Sassy. Its hilarious to hear out loud in real life :) ) So that means 30 minutes isn't enough to make out AND eat. I was sure you didn't eat, because why would you leave for him if you weren't going to make out with him? So here, take some beef and brocolli."
I thanked her profusely, said I appreciated her understanding. We bonded over the idea of taking every lovely smile inducing thing in this life and savoring it, then giggled like school girls about how I was savoring Sexy.
Its been hours and I'm still in my nooner coma. Coffee nor water nor food is cracking the glaze of delight. Poor me ;)

Friday, November 10, 2006

Can't... Breathe.... Too... Excited...

Its been a rough couple of days ya'll.
Meeting with the Boss at lunch in a real restaurant to talk about where we are at which ended up giving me a shit list of things to present at the now MANDITORY Monday Morning Meeting. I said its too much work, she gave me a special project to tell everyone how to make my life easier. Doesn't help much this week though.

I tried to get laid in severe amounts this week but unfortunatly my boy toy has responsibilities like JOBS and COLLEGE and can't really accomodate my every whim from 20 miles away.

I look at all my workout clothes and somehow end up curled in my blankets by 7pm most nights. Sometimes I get up later, sometimes I don't. Flo can suck it for giving me this kind of dramatic change in daily life more than a week before her arrival.

Sister bit the bullet and cut a deal with her last creditor so now we can FINALLY realistically talk about what its gonna take for her to move out of my Freakazoid Aunt's house. We have gone over and over what a WRONG situation that place is for her and finally there is a real light coming through the end of the tunnel.

Sister and I decided Tday was a better holiday to visit on, even if all we get is a bag of turkey to take home instead of a trunk of trinkets, and she works til 2pm Wednesday and 9am on Saturday so it will be a VERY short trip.

And then, after all this slothen-ness and weights on my psyche and heavy boggs dragging behind my every move, I hear something this morning that makes it all seem to lift away in an instant.

The dreamy part is, my sister was there to hear it, so there is no way I can twist it around - it was actually said and there is no denying it.

Spaz is returning to Orange County this weekend, where she spent last weekend, and as she is telling me this she spits out "well, I guess I should tell you, I'm going down there to look at places to live because I am going to be moving back down there. I'll surely give you 30 days notice, but maybe your sister could come in and cover the rent?"

Y E A H B A B Y !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I said "I kinda thought you were leaning that way after last weekend, but I appreciate the notice, just keep me updated and we'll see what is where when you find a place."
She went upstairs to get ready, sister was in the living room, I leaned over the couch and said "do you hear that??? no more dog that howls, no more not being able to get in the kitchen, no more storing my towels 20 feet from the shower, no more being told how to mop a floor... aaahhhhhheeehehehehehehe... I don't even need to get laid anymore I'm so thrilled!!!"

Then I came to work and remebered that no matter how my home life changes, I am still committing myself emotional sucide in my current rut, and I need to bust ass one of these days (like a weekend when no more work can get piled up) and get to zero on a few projects so I have a fighting chance at staying up to date... but the idea that I could have my pink slip and my own hand picked roomate by Christmas!!!!???!?!?! We'll, its trumping my desire to wreak my cuticles in a file cabinet, if you know what I mean.

Happy Friday!!! Sister is coming in to apply for a real money making job today, she might end up being my bitch at the file cabinet, I am dressed well enough to get through the work day and go STRAIGHT to a dinner/bar and still get a drink bought for me, I think I have lunch plans, there is 4 kinds of chocolate cheesecake in the fridge ready to celebrate my coworkers birthday ::devil horns:: =) Oh, and even with a maple bar, a glazed, and a chocolate muffin all waiting for me, I had oatmeal for breakfast... and after yesterdays bitchy afternoon caffeine headache, I remembered my cup of tea to go with it.
Its all coming together!!

EDIT: A way to make any day better is to treat yourself right by starting with a good nights sleep, some good attention to the dog in the morning, float on a cloud of giddy happiness as you stroll into work on time, respect yourself by avoiding the doughnuts, get some serious productive work done, continue to respect yourself with the salad topped with seared albacore, then get really ground into the carpet in the back of a hatchback by a young buck who couldn't wait to get his tounge to your tonsils and get your juices flowen TWICE before politely kissing you at your office doorstep and saying he'd love to spend the day with you and your sister tomorrow.
Makes the afternoon a lot less of a drag if you can get your day started that way.
TGIF has a whole new meaning =)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Holiday Season

Dad is asking Sister and I to come visit for Christmas...

I was thinking just this morning that I'd have to go for a holiday but Tday was more my speed...

I haven't participated in Christmas in a few years - no gifts, no cards, no nuthin but a phone call, and even that was a wash last year after too much fun on the roller coasters. Apparently step sis will be making the trip and the one who still lives around the home town is invited for the holiday.

I don't know why I don't give a shit about the holidays, but I kinda really really don't. If I like you, you know it, I don't need to blow my savings account proving it to you in December.

I have a poster called "Life's Little Lessons", one of them is "go home for the holidays" and I HATE that one. I spent last year's Tday at the roomiess parents house, and Xmas sleeping off roller coasters at my aunt's (yes, the freak Sister is currently living with).

I don't feel at home when I go to the home town, I never lived in the house I visit, and while my car drives itself over the roads, the only trips I've made have been to help me or Sister VACATE.

He is willing to cover the cost of the trip.
I'm not replying until I really get my head around the idea, and see if Sister is up to the road trip.
I have friends up there I could see.
I have had dreams of the local haunts I've missed while trying to establish new ones.
To be at Mom's gravestone for the holidays might make a much needed dent in my appreciation for daily life, but I have her urn on my dresser to rub for that.
And its not 500 miles and 8 hours away.

I really feel established here, like I've put some roots down that are all mine and I can stand firmly on them.
And Dad has a way of questioning everything I'm doing and making me feel inadiquate in everything I do. I have gotten better and making him stop before it really hurts, but there is something special about a parent talking to you that makes the words stick, you know?

Since I know you're here to avoid thinking about your own drama, wade around in my shit pool for a few minutes and tell me what you think... swallow my pride and give Dad his girls at the dinner table for Christmas, or find my resolve to do what I feel comfortable with and have the dinner table festivities on Thanksgiving? Or tell him he has broken my spirit every time we've talked for more than 5 minutes for the last 10 years and he can shove the turkey up his ass???

Monday, November 06, 2006

Career Change

Perhaps its not Mondays or Tuesdays that piss me off... perhaps its just the nature of my job.
My weekend was lovely, I slept well, I DECIDED to come in at the normal time instead of the Fuckass Monday Morning time, pet the dog until she couldn't take one more rub, had a healthy dose of procrastination angst in my morning routine that got me out the door at the perfect minute to get to my desk on the minute of 9am.

The girls are pissy today for some unknown reason, then the phones went down AFTER I was too busy answering calls to be able to make INSTANT oatmeal OR a cup of tea, I got the shitstorm of "my weekend SUCKED" from the one who has decided that "don't go to bed angry" is for pussies... oh, and the part that set me off is the email saying "lets have a meeting today at 5pm, my agenda is an itemized list of every single thing you do so I can can politely say 'I know you are single handedly running the operations of this place, but if you could make sure the coffee pot is always full and explain why when we gave you 20 hrs more weekly work to do and then revived a 15 hour a week project two weeks later, I am finding places you are falling behind.'"

It doesn't have to go like that I guess, but every other meeting I've had with her goes like that. And if it happens at 5pm that will be a new trick too since we typically get these postponed for 10 minutes to three days.

I know I need to work harder, but its kinda rough when I had a nearly perfect weekend and was looking forward to coming into the office and having some hard core regularity and building a schedule of "data entry til lunch" followed by "2 hours of letters" then "30 minutes of filing" or whatever works out... and instead I come in to find that no one even looks at me when I come in and the only words spoken are covered in bitchy ick.

Maybe its just my position as Office Bitch that I don't like more than the Monday funk.

No emails today, my friends, no chats, no calls, I might even get stuck for lunch if this incommunicado bullshit keeps up... but I'll be damned if I'm gonna go into that meeting in this fucked up mood and a stack to the ceiling of work I just couldn't get done because I was busy having a social life.

Oh, and new toys from the XXX store are GREAT bonding tools, and when he leaves them at your place, use them with the voracious appitite they were built for as he will call and ask if you finished breaking them in and your emphatic "YES" will convey that he done good =)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Travel, My New Obsession

I was offered a free place to stay in Hawaii.
Its with family, some of whom I know, some I know only by name, others are tangents off that name... but its a free place to stay with people that won't jack my shit while I sleep.
Right now, I might be offered a sofa couch in the living room of a suite, but we are clearing up the details and I'm not JUMPING on the airfare that is $200 cheaper than a month ago quite yet.

The fun: I've told 3 people that I am buying 2 tickets and THEY can be my partner in crime for the week on the island!!!

Techie said "blonde twins waiting for me?? I need their combined age to be at least legal, tnx tho" when I said "you put the idea of Hawaii in my head YESTERDAY and I can book the flight TODAY, are you SURE you don't want to see how cute my baby cousins are??!?!?"

Sister said "um, yeah, sounds FUCKING FANTABULOUS, GREAT, but I need to pay off a card and get a new car that RUNS and move out. Priorities. I have to keep my priorities." I agreed whole heartedly, and reminded her that she does whatever the fuck she puts her mind to so if she would just get her spindly neurons wrapped around the condensed timeframe I proposed, we could be in Hawaii CELEBRATING the accomplishment of her priorities.

Sexy said "you bought two tickets to Hawaii? well, almost bought? you are taking me to Hawaii?? Thats, wow, really?" I'll leave out the mushy crap where he batted his eyes and blushed and thought through the 'I will get you there and give you shelter, you pay for all the fun stuff, whatever that may be' catch before offering this gem (with a smile, only partly serious, but still my key phrase of the week): "wait, January? The end of January?? We'll never make it!! You already frustrate the shit out of me! ::sidelong glance with a sidelong smile to match:: Ah, man, that would be so great though! Wait, would I have to sleep with you while we are there?"
I reminded him that he frustrates the everliven shit out of me too, but somehow we still call each other... and he can get excited as he wants cuz when it all turns to shit I'll bring my sister anyway. He said "yeah, thats true, your covered two ways from Sunday on this one - either me to take you all over and have crazy fun island sex on everything we see and buy you whatever you want, or you and your sister just sit looking over the water giggling like fools the whole time..."

Here's what I love - the reactions to the people I've already told about this trifecta of fun...
the person who invited me was already pulled off to the side of the highway, but I SWEAR she was gonna pee her pants laughing at Sexy, aka YesterdayISaidWeDecidedYouWereAStalkerChickToRunFrom and today you are the BESTESTCHICKEVER... she was a little shocked that Sister realized the ramifications before jumping onboard, but since last night she has bragged to our Auntie (that she is shacked up with until her credit cards vacate her credit report) that she is being Sugar Mama'd to the ONE PLACE IN THE WORLD Auntie has said she wants to go before she dies (did I mention Auntie was in the middle of a 15 minute long "my bday is coming my bday is coming!! oh, you talked to your sister? What is Sassy doing for MY BIRFFDAY?!!?! - one sentance from the Sister I love more than my morning latte had that bitch shut up for 20 minutes!!!!!
Sister said, about Sexy's comment that he was the designated drag along, "WHAT? Who does he think he is? FREAK, yesterday he was never gonna call you again because you LIKE HIM!!!"

I can't WAIT to see how this plays out... seriously, I'm not buying any tickets yet, I'm just talking about all this stuff, but to have Sexy and Sister vying for Sassy Sugar Mama-ness... it makes me giddy on a day when 4 hours of sleep, 2 double lattes and an Earl Grey tea just Ain't Cutt'n It.