Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Memorial Day Wrap-up

Its midnight at the end of a long weekend.
Tomorrow is the first day I officially begin my new job... when I run into a problem I can't turn to the trainer and say "um, I frgot" and have it go away.
Its also the end of the month and I have to remember all the stuff she said has to happen by or on the first.
And wouldn't you know it, I get less days THIS week to figure out what ALL those STUPENDOUSLY important things are.

So what do I do??
Get on Blogger and recap the weekend so I might get SIX hours of sleep before this chaos begins.

Trips to the gym - none.

Cups of ice cream eaten - two.

Calls, texts, checkins from family while THEY were intoxicated - four.

Number of nails bitten off, broken, torn, or otherwise in need if filing to the nub - ALL TEN.

Number of times I said out loud "Aunt Flo is a fucking Bitch. Dammitalltodogshit." - 27.

Number of roomies I shared the house with during night hours - NONE until tonight!!!

Number of times it was obvious someone else used the bathroom I was supposed to have to myself because T was out with the ex all weekend - 3.

Days in PJs, bikinis, slippers, braless, or otherwise not presentable at the 7-11 - 2.

Days spent with a gay guy couple admiring kittens, gemstones, and The Girls in my shirt - one completely full day of being told everything I was doing was great, including TWO homecooked meals and NO drinking (there were kittens to play with and The Girls to admire).

Number of times I was awakened by a pet - SEVEN. Normally my lucky number... now its midnight and I can't sleep because I kept trying to wake up on my own accord and it NEVER HAPPENED. They sure are cute though... so glad I remembered to feed them all so they could have enough energy to bite my nose and ram their heads into my eye sockets and play jungle gym on over my legs and bark at every falling leaf they saw and dig in the garbage and find the only can not rinsed and lick it and clap it against the tile floor and never be satisfied with being inside or outside so I can't even pass out on a commercial break and enjoy it!!!!!! AAhhhhhh...

Number of hours I spent laying naked in the sun - 2.5. It was supposed to be 2, but as it turns out the alarm doens't beep through when your on a call... so starting that call with 10 minutes left before its time to turn over, NOT leaving a message like expected but rather having a HALF HOUR conversation at 12:15pm on a crystal clear blue sky day maybe wasn't the BESTEST time to find out this feature of my phone. Yeah.

Number of applications of aloe and Vitamin E oil in the last 10 hours - 10. And my hair got greasy too... very hot right about now in SSSOoooooooo many ways.

Number of times I was impressed at the warm response I got from a guy I hadn't heard from/talked to/seen in at least 2.5 months, or met for the first time this weekend - 7. HERE its a lucky number I guess, but considering 2 were gay, and 2 were questionable, does it still count?

Times I called a friend and asked her NOT to rip me a new one for doing EXACTLY what EVERYONE I know tells me NEVER to do, but I HAD to tell someone ANYWAY - One, and she was very kind about it, and it was due to her kindness that I burned BOTH sides of my too-light-to-match-ivory200-foundation-and-thats-to-match-the-sun-kissed-parts-of-my-HIDE.

Number of minutes on the phone with a guy (he needs a nicname, it will come to me) before he gets up the guts to tell me he would like to see me again - 97. I'm not kidding. This after 3 breaks in the call, me telling him he sounds tired and can call me later in the week TWICE, and mentioning out ONE randevu and subsequently less fun dates thereafter numerous times. Finally, after he says he never SAID he didn't want a repeat performance (its just that after coffee and a movie he didn't let me KISS HIM GOODNIGHT)... he leaks that he could take care of my sunburn for me (I say he could take me to dinner and I would promise to be good if he kept me in public)... and then he says hes ready for another "mindblowing" evening with me.

Number of times I have repeated, in conversation and context, enough times to emblazen a resume worthy phrase for my bedroom conduct in my head for at least a year - 37.
Number of times they didn't appreciate me laughing at their choice of words until I could catch my wits and think of something remotely nice to say back - 37. =)

All in all, not a bad weekend now that I look back on it. Killed my phone battery connecting with a few people, got plenty of time in the house to myself, got the now Annually Celebrated Backyard Tanning Gone Wrong Memorial Day Sunburn, managed NOT to kick/throw/angrily toss/mangle an animal for being an animal, and bragged to enough different people about how well my life is going that not ONE got sick of telling me how well my life is going =)
If only Aunt Flo would vacate so I could have been driving to Mr. Calling Out of Nowhere's place and seeing if all this yoga and dancing was helping turn "mindblowing" back into "I really think I died and went to heaven for a minute". Dammitalltodogshit.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


Thanks to Curmudgeon for pointing out that my efforts to modify my blog turned OFF the ability to leave comments... He was VERY nice about my asking for comments on the first post that wouldn't ALLOW comments... I promise it was just a happy clicker finger that got me turning off and on all kinds of new tricks - ah, hell, now I'm all dirty thoughts...

Anywho, I got all click happy again and I THINK I let you comment again =)
Let me know, I think my email addy is linked to my profile or on the sidebar or something - of course no time to check since I'm still training and using the 3 minutes my exiting pro needs to pee to think about you all!!!

Monday, May 22, 2006


I get it I get it I get it I get it.

I KKKNNNOOOOOOWWWWW I haven't posted and SSSOOOOO many things are to blame!!!

Every time I get a totally blogworthy ANYTHING happening I am too busy DOING it to stop and Blog It.

Sorry. Spank me, see if I care ;)

For starters (and quickly, so I catch ya'll up), I thank you for checking in still - maybe I'll get in a schedule to blab a bit.

Blabbing has already started!!!! AAAHHHHhhhhhh!! I just can't help myself!!

Alrighty - the gym is officially my social life. I missed a class two Thursdays ago and on my way in to the second class of the evening I was ASSAULTED by 4 people and casually asked by another 5 RE: my whereabouts. It was as if I was in the bathroom while winning an Emmy or something, I swear!
Anyway, it isn't all bad and it felt great to be noticed. Actually, the next Thursday I got asked by,directly and while maintaining eye contact, Blonde Bombshell if I would be coming to the next weeks class. I came home and passed out on the day of the oh-so-would-have-made-an-AWSOME-story-if-I-hadn't-just-had-his-g/f-as-my-workout-partner. Whatever. There is always this week.

Home life - fave roomie officially back with tard b/f. They sleep with each other 5 nights a week, 1/2 of them at my house. This means I wake up and don't know if I'll be fighting a 6'4 built black dude with dreds for the toilet. NICE, I know. Anyway she is in denial and its starting to grate on me that she KNOWS he is annoying but keeps talking about her 2 YEARS ago ex-fiancee like he is still anywhere in the picture and REFUSES to see Tard as the rebound she needs because they are the only two guys in the COUNTY with dreds (Psych Major Walking - beware).
The Downstairs Girls are in fine form, and if I had time I'd complain about what morons they are, but I've got NO TIME to fuss about today.
Moving on...

Family - Sister came to visit this weekend (again - I haven't NOT seen her for a weekend since the Tahoe trip, kinda freak'n me out that we are still talking, but she owes me BIG so shes staying on my sweetie pie side =) ). She realized how big her life could be if she lets it, how many opportunities she can sweep up, and how easy it can be to set up a new life if she just puts a smile on and talks to people. She also confirmed that I am a sucker for $1 shots =)
My Georgeous Girl got her summer shave this weekend and knows EXACTLY how cute she is now. I am not sure she slept at all Saturday afternoon or AT.ALL.YESTERDAY because whenever anyone would move about she would be underfoot and rolling around on her back with a BIG OL' smile on.
We love this time of year. Actually, its a little wierd because she looks like a black lab on tiny legs anyway but now with the long Cocker hair trimmed up to the skin she REALLY has a Mini-Me thing goin with Bubba, her 3 year old black lab buddy. Fave Roomie fell against the wall at the cutness of the little one; Squeeky thought the big one got a bandana as a new outfit (Mini-Me was laying on a pillow on the floor so the legs were disguised). Good Times.

After all that, I started my new job this week. Promoted!!! I have Mousy's position in a neighboring office.
Thats Right Thats Right!!!
Its a much smaller office, but as for the administrative support staff its me and a part time front desk-er. Training this week, three day weekend, all me next week, and the $$ part of the promotion kicks in on the first.
I am THRILLED to be in a company where I am told I can move away from the front desk and then it HAPPENS!!!!! In 2.5 months I went from needing a job to being a temp to being a permanent employee to being transfered and promoted to a management position!!!! muah muah to my company and ex-Big Boss for believing in me!!!!

What else?? OOHHHHHHH -
Not to beat a dead horse, but with all this fun stuff happening (sister back in my life, home settling, pooch nearly having surgery but getting beautified instead, promotion), I have had NO aching desire to prove myself awsome to Him. ::sticking tounge out:: I mention it only because I was going through the list of people I wanted to be sure heard the news ASAP about all the goings on and He used to be about mid list... this time I just passed Him right over. Somehow Das wasn't on the list either, but I'm in a good mood and I don't want to talk about it ::another tounge out::

Gotta pee, gotta eat, gotta run!!!

Comment so I know you love me ;)

Monday, May 08, 2006

Mayo Mia

Ay my goodness this month is not my favorite already!!!

First the work thing.
Fine, good experience in reading what managers are really telling you when your talked to instead of canned.

Second, the guy thing. Sure I am thrilled to be dateable again, but that the dating site has apparently been advertising me coupled with the guy that didn't call me back this weekend and the nagging neuropatterns that revert to Him whenever I'm not paying attention... makes me want to scream a little. Not motivating enough to make me shave, even if I lay out in a bikini long enough to sunburn my entire back side at the first sight of sunlight, but enough to wonder if I need to put some dedicated effort into getting out of the house in order to meet some 3D people who don't chap my hide.

Third, the money thing. Another weekend of swiping the card and I haven't been keeping very close track of the funds for over a month now. My Gorgeous Girl went to the vet yesterday to get bloodwork done to be sure the steroids shes on so her back doesn't seize aren't wrecking her liver before I get a refill. While shes there I ask about this fatty bump on the back of her head that keeps getting scratched or something because it cakes over in protective icky stuff. The doc said the other 4 she has aren't too worrysome because they are staying where they are and not doing much but this one is obviously growing and infected and he wants it out ASAP. She now has an appt on Tuesday (THAT should be a fun kink to throw into the scheduling!) to rip a rent check worth of funds from my savings to keep her healthy. This on top of the "can't pass up a sale" binge in the alcohol isle Friday night (I can't remember the last time I bought food that wasn't from the deli, but somehow my grocery store bill is steady... problem? I don't remember having a problem.) and the $200 in bloodwork and pills I coughed on Saturday.

Fourth, this crappy weather thing. Isn't it June Gloom?? Why am I socked in four days a week? And how is my car still an inferno when I get in it after work?? I severly need to scope out my wardrobe for sticky icky appropriate outfits to peice together because this needing a sweater in the morning but sweating two steps out the building at lunch crap has got.to.stop.now. Thanks.

Fifth, this PMS thing. Two weeks ago I was upside down on roller coasters between public bathroom trips thanks to Aunt Flos amazing timing. TWO WEEKS. So how am I unbearably pissy today??? Hmmm? Answer.Me!!!
Yeah, it sounds like that in my head. It seems to be all the time nowadays. Maybe its just the two and a half days of beer and tequila talking. Maybe I'm restless since I haven't moved or found a new job in a few months. Maybe I just need some dick that I don't have to hold on to, a house that I can watch a movie in without interuption, and a room that cleans itself. Or maybe I need to learn how to run so I can get all this huff and puff out on a treadmill. LOVE my classes, but something tells me that dancing around to hip hop isn't exactly going to give the high I need to smash this funk into a million irreperable pieces.

Fuck all May days.
Or get me fucked on every May day.
Either way, this month better shape the fuck up.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

And Life Goes On

I got asked out yesterday.
We will be chatting on Saturday about what our afternoon plans will be.

Is it bad that I've been thinking that dating would be a good addition to my life these days, and when I got asked out I didn't think "wow, hes cute and smart and nice and listens when I talk and blushes when I want him too and we will hang out Saturday to see if its just both of our working personalities that jive or if we are really cool together!!", instead I thought "I need to get out and he will open my life up to getting out of the house more and gosh this is darned good timing to start my summer fling!" ?????

Is the pragmatic approach really so bad? I feel like I'm dismissing the opportunity to have that overwhelming giddyness that comes with crushin on someone - will that come later? or just after a few drinks?

Remember when I talked about changing the format of the blog since I'm not a Cubvilian anymore and I wanted to stop whining about being in my 20s and start talking like I enjoy being distraught all the time??
The 100th post wasn't a strong enough motivator, but the time is upon us - well, me, to get to it.

I have been told that the girls in the office found my blog left up on my screen and were very hurt by the things I've said about them here. I am a little confused as to how that happened since I am sure to close my windows and/or log out before leaving my desk in the hands of someone else for this very reason. They read back quite far, had a printed out highlighted copy of about two inches of pages, and I have no reason to think that this web address won't be revisited by the offended parties.
After a quite lengthy discussion with both my managers, I am assured that they like my working here and feel this personal offense I've committed can be mended, but I was asked specifically not to talk about work here.
I remember Used Hack saying too many people found out about his blog and had to disappear or relocate with no trace. If you go to his old address, the entire format and voice of the blog is severly different. I don't know if that is necessary here, but with my schedule the way it has been, this office was the prime source for any thought provoking adventure in my world. Surely I will have to have a life outside of the office if I will be blogging much in the future.

Let me know if its ok to get all worked up over the date this weekend - it will foster much more entertaining posts in the future!! If you don't want to comment, email me =)

Monday, May 01, 2006

Mounting Evidence

I am discovering why I've never been unemployed.

Yes, I constantly post from work these days and yes I tend to be cranky when I do it, but hey, I'm posting ain't I?? Give a Sass a break.

So last week I was all up and down about being able to cover for a day off but having to mentally and physically prepare for 10 hr days.
I got the overtime.
I wore comfortable shoes.
I rationed my coffee to avoid the caffeine crash that infamously has me nodding off at my desk.
I'm not kidding.

I was left with New Girl to handle the end of the week AND end of the month rush with little more than a 'yep, I'm out' from either of the offending parties.

And today we knew that New Girl had ANOTHER funeral in her family to attend (shes taken 3 full days off in three weeks of working here to deal with all the death in her circle - I burn incense in my office to keep her tainted aura out of my space).
We knew this since last week.
In fact, we were all so pleased that it would only be Monday she was taking off instead of three days at the end of last week!!

So how is it that it comes to the end of my work day, 4:30pm, and I start to log out and go tell Mousy I'm ready to go and its her turn to sit at my desk and she looks over at the seat thats been empty ALL DAY and looks back at me and looks at Ms. Status Quo's desk and then back at me and says "oh, shes not here today and she just left. oh. I have a meeting tonight. ::blank stare up at me from her chair:: um. oh. um. can you stay until at least 5pm?"

Its quarter to six.
My bladder is not happy.
My ripped nylons are creating a nice suction cup looking mark on my upper left thigh as well as cutting me in half at about the diaphram (when when when will they make 'lowrider' nylons that don't need to be tucked into the bra to stay put???).
I'm coming down off the sugar buzz that was blissfully gained by the Prailenes and Cream Baskin Robins birthday cake we had in the office today.
I am ready to go ralph all the sugary blob that is the contents of my stomach because apparently ice cream and a bottle of water do NOT equal dinner.

All of this could have been avoided, in my 20/20 hindsight, if someone had a CALENDAR that they LOOKED AT so an email could have been sent to avoid having to actually look at someone while she asked them to rearrange their lives to accomodate the office after just scrambling our schedules three times this month. Maybe even just stopping by my desk fresh from the bathroom after her daily bag of popcorn to mention that someone will be out of the office and wait for me to OFFER the solution that she can't seem to muster the confidence to spit out.

So I'm here, rackin up the hours, thrilled that my take home pay this hour is more than my normal hourly wage, and only mildly passing out from sheer exhaustion.

It was a big sister filled, money blowing, driving to the beach, eating too much, watching movies and painting toe nails and laughing at drunk roomies weekend and I was TOTALLY ready to up and walk out ON TIME today since I got almost six hours of sleep last night and my hair still looks windblown from the beach walk since I didn't get to wash it this morning but apparently there is a severe case of FUCK NO I'M STILL HERE LIKE A GOOD LITTLE MAKING-UP-FOR-PAST-LATE-DAYS GIRL that I need a vaccine for. If I could have known ahead of time this would happen, I would have put the gym bag in the car. Or asked to come in at 9am. Or just showed up at 9am to get the upper hand in this game of SCREW THE BITCH WHO WANTS A CAREER AND NOT A JOB.

I feel better.
I like getting here early. Its the staying until closing thats icken my wow.
Time to speed run across town, change into the gym garb, take the movies back, get the groomers number off the door (its right next to BB and the AWSOME thai place Sis and I found Saturday) (in hopes that I'll get 5 minutes tomorrow or any time this week to schedule anything for my personal life), and then go shake my ass like I've been sitting on it for 10 hours and HOPE AND PRAY AND SHAKE SOME MORE that it will bubble back out in time for tomorrows endurance test.

Bring on the RedBull.