Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I found my smile

Yesterday was empowering.
I asserted myself to a customer service rep of my phone company.
I reasserted my independence by walking into another carrier with a bottom line and ending up with a Rockin brand new phone with all the gadgets to go with it.
Then I became a tech junkie and picked ring tones for two hours.
I read a few pages of my novel in bed with the slow methodical exhales of My Love (the dog) keeping time as the lines passed.
I had a full nights sleep last night.

I hit the snooze so many times I got an extra hours sleep this morning.
I pressed my leg up against My Love and she stretched against it. This always fosters peace in each of us.
I realized I would be late to work. I turned off all the alarms and rolled toward the door.
My eyes opened to see My Love stretched along my leg then the Clear Horizon shade of blue I picked for my rental repaint of the room followed by the oil painting I bought for myself for my college graduation and just below it a bulletin board with pictures of all the friends I left when I came here.
And it came. The tiny stress of the apple of my cheeks that pulls my face from the relaxed/angry/solomn/focused/depressed/introverted norm to an upbeat/perky/satisfied/contented/and yes relaxed but with Life face that I had lost somewhere.
Somehow my world in the last few days has evolved to produce a version of me that can roll over in the morning knowing another tardy is unavoidable and find a moment to smile in spite of absolutely all the ails of the world.
I woke up with a smile! As a bonafide night owl, this is miraculous!!

My cubemate and I were girls today. Chatting, conversing, relating, rolling our eyes together, shared laughs that got the adjoining cubemates to prairie dog just to find out what all the fun was about.
I successfully told the guys on the prowl to back off.
The Redhead emailed saying he thought I was being very cool and understanding and he really wants to be my friend and see you tomorrow.
I asked my fellow cube dweller a few disjointed questions only to be called back into her cube and read on her screen "if a permanent position were to open up in the department would you" before the overwhelming but barely audible "mmhhhmmhmhhhhmmmhhhmhmhmh" came pouring from me as I could find no words for the opportunity she was placing before me.
Everything I ate or drank today was complimentary =)
And to top it all, when I left the office and checked both my phones, I saw that He called. No message since the crossover apparently has some kinks... oh, but the victorious cripplingly overwhelming awe that comes when He is on the missed calls list!

And suddenly I realized I had thought as I looked at my surroundings this morning and that warm sensation came over my face: "the paint is the hue of His eyes".

Its near 1am now. I have been to both cell phone company stores, the gym to sign a new membership, home for complimentary dinner and conversation (thank you great roomies!), got a few chores done, finished clearing my room of any sign of a semi recent move, and took nearly an entire hour to be a girl in the bathroom while transforming into a naked dancing fool in a house to myself.

And I still have my smile. Any tiny recollection of any part of my day is turning up my cheeks and bearing teeth at this hour. I know I'm living a priviledged life. Somehow I had forgotten to take joy in it and have to fight to be pleasant in every day... but...
TODAY I found my Smile.
And I Feel Good.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

My Love = your dog? you're a sicko, get a hobby or drink more.

Monty said...

You're just fine. Don't let someone hiding behind an anonymous name tag suddenly become someone who knows anything. If anon isn't willing to take responsibility for what anon said, then he or she is just envious, and needs a life with enough stimulation to beat off on their own merits.

Miss Sassy said...

Thank You Monty for the affirmation and your willingness to take me and My Love for our online labels and not request that real world names be used. I enjoy your commentary and your tolerance of my decision to use labels an not names on this format.
Just as it is their perogotive to dash around blogs, read up on fairly personal introspections, and spread judgement like butter on toast and not want credit for it.

Mom of Three said...

Anonymous is obviously a closed-off ice cube of an individual. I'll never have anyone as dedicated to me as my Lucy!!! But Miss Shortness is a pretty close second!