I knew it.
I fucking knew it.
Well, at least my chin is breaking out, letting me think maybe I can blame some of this on PMS.
The fun broke today. At 3:30pm.
I'd been merrily going along in my someone sedated but none the less moderately happy demeanored way, very proud of myself in so many areas of my recent behavior, and I came back from a lovely loner lunch with my book and my salad in the window seat at the local eatery and stood for that extra moment to soak up the sunshine before getting back to the office where I found the email that got me wondering who exactly the boss had been demoting and/or cutting all day and how far this recession is really going to go in affecting my daily life.
I guess it's not all that serious, but when all I do is approve stuff and my boss wants to see everything before I approve it, well, I know she won't do what I do, but I'm kinda not seeing that my job will seem all that important when she can whip out her red pen and toss back a stack of papers.
The cross training has begun, and that we have people in our small (but double the size of this time last year) team planning to be out for maternity leave within the year, and I do have some stuff to do on the other days of the month (though my coworkers haven't been able to wait for me to get to work to do some of it lately).
Anyway, that on top of roomie searches on top of single apartment searches on top of coming home for dinner to find I can't even approach the kitchen to going upstairs to find someone had just finished a shower in my bathroom to a little moment of taking deep breaths to wait for the impluse to chug alcohol or chow pie to pass... so, all this stuff has been pretty latent lately, and just when I think I'm getting back in control of my emotions and remembering a healthy perspective on this shit, Trainer Boy responds to my text of "ok, I saw you every other day, so now the prospect of not seeing you for 10 days has me bursting with questions to ask you" with "you got me at such a good time, I'm so horny right now..."
I have been awsome at turning down the food addiction, I don't even have alcohol in the house and haven't for weeks now (I must go out in public and with people to drink, much different!) , and the gym thing is becoming more of a choice than a chore, and I'm so proud of myself every time I notice that I don't do something because someone else wants me to and for voicing my actual opinion and for taking care of myself and being upbeat and NOT CRYING so much lately, and on the afternoon that has me meditating through the tears I get an offer of hottie sex with a totally inappropriate guy - one of the other vices I haven't been so good at controlling.
Yada yada, an hour later with the texting back and forth he is getting tired and since I didn't have a drink tonight I'm clear headed enough to know these impulses pass.
Don't worry, I didn't miss out, he's totally hooked on me, and probably every other chick he tells to stick their chest out and watches their ass do squats, he just needs to turn 21 so we can get drunk and screw.
Did you see that???? I got propositioned by a super hottie but have been so good at being a good girl that I turned down the opportunity to royally fuck up our flirty friendly and TOTALLY WORKING FOR ME trainer/trainee relationship, then had to slip in the "but he'd have said that to anyone who texted him at 9:30pm".
Stupid hormones. No amount of walking a treadmill or bench presses will combat the NUCKING FUTS in my head.
And, now I'm horny. fuckityfucken kid didn't even send the pic I've seen and been begging for since Thursday. Remember Sexy, that gym rat I screwed all over the county?? Yeah, he looks like that, but with brown eyes, and a bit more smarts behind them.
aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh IIIIIIIII really don't like this phase of no control, the part where I start to take control and it blows up in my fucking face.
Plus, now I resent my boss for screwing with my day - I don't even approve anything for another 2 weeks, why did she have to throw that out today???
I'm hungry and horny and I didn't get my workout and I can't decide where or how I want to live and I don't think I'm dating coworker all week and no one gets my witty comments in email or text anymore and this is the kinda of state that gets me doing really stupid things, or in bed for a month.