Dad is asking Sister and I to come visit for Christmas...
I was thinking just this morning that I'd have to go for a holiday but Tday was more my speed...
I haven't participated in Christmas in a few years - no gifts, no cards, no nuthin but a phone call, and even that was a wash last year after too much fun on the roller coasters. Apparently step sis will be making the trip and the one who still lives around the home town is invited for the holiday.
I don't know why I don't give a shit about the holidays, but I kinda really really don't. If I like you, you know it, I don't need to blow my savings account proving it to you in December.
I have a poster called "Life's Little Lessons", one of them is "go home for the holidays" and I HATE that one. I spent last year's Tday at the roomiess parents house, and Xmas sleeping off roller coasters at my aunt's (yes, the freak Sister is currently living with).
I don't feel at home when I go to the home town, I never lived in the house I visit, and while my car drives itself over the roads, the only trips I've made have been to help me or Sister VACATE.
He is willing to cover the cost of the trip.
I'm not replying until I really get my head around the idea, and see if Sister is up to the road trip.
I have friends up there I could see.
I have had dreams of the local haunts I've missed while trying to establish new ones.
To be at Mom's gravestone for the holidays might make a much needed dent in my appreciation for daily life, but I have her urn on my dresser to rub for that.
And its not 500 miles and 8 hours away.
I really feel established here, like I've put some roots down that are all mine and I can stand firmly on them.
And Dad has a way of questioning everything I'm doing and making me feel inadiquate in everything I do. I have gotten better and making him stop before it really hurts, but there is something special about a parent talking to you that makes the words stick, you know?
Since I know you're here to avoid thinking about your own drama, wade around in my shit pool for a few minutes and tell me what you think... swallow my pride and give Dad his girls at the dinner table for Christmas, or find my resolve to do what I feel comfortable with and have the dinner table festivities on Thanksgiving? Or tell him he has broken my spirit every time we've talked for more than 5 minutes for the last 10 years and he can shove the turkey up his ass???