Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Another Bitch Fit

I have been told I've been a bit upbeat lately.
I guess some people don't like when I get laid frequently.
Or they're jeleous and complain to hide it.
Either way, I will go "back to the good old days" of whining my post away.
no? fuck. fine. get your shit guard up, cuz I'm about to sling it, I'll wait.

I have too much work to do. I got permission to take time to JUST WORK NO DISTRACTIONS GET YOUR OWN DAMN PHONES AND DO NOT TAP ME ON THE SHOULDER BECAUSE I AM WORKING HERE every day for at least an hour a day. Its Wednesday. Yes, its my fault for not being more forceful about my time, but when 2 of our 3 people are out and I'm training the new guy, how the fuck is it a help to anyone if I say "I need my space, deal with it"?? So I think of implimenting our new system tomorrow, but I'm invited to a neighboring office to see how they operate and try to steal some hints on how to keep up on work. The phones have been slow, but the "hey, can you do this?" emails take me 15 minutes each to deal with and come 5 at a time every 20 minutes. Add that shit up. Catch up??? Well, there goes that idea. Maybe next week, when I've got my shit together and I'm good and sick of seeing this shit on my desk.

Next. Flo can suck my fuzzy white wide but freakishly strong ass. There is no reason in the history of insanity to have me aching as I finally fall asleep and then wake my sorry ass up at 5am to say "I made it!!! Roll out the soon to be red carpet and I hope you have baby wipes instead of toilet paper in there cuz I brought BAGGAGE BABY!!!"
The pisser - if I woke up at 6am I would have sucked it up, ate something, chowed half a bottle of ibuprofin, and came into work for an early day (as Sister has a weekly ritual of spending all her days off at my house and Wednesday is the kickoff to the party). As it stands, I tryed and tryed to get some of the pain to disipate with proper pillow placement and master breathing skills and damn if it didn't take me like 45 minutes to pass back out!!! You know what that means... I was DEAD ASLEEP and dream'n of some hottie all wrapped up on me. I don't remember WHO because of the PANIC I was in when I finally heard my 7am alarm at 8:10am, but whatever, right??

Moving on. I'm looped on ibus and trying to stay lucid and Sister came to save me and take me to lunch and we had coconut shrimp and chips with the coleslaw and a side of ceviche tostada. YUM, I agree, but DAMN if I wasn't being a good girl and not eating shit today and had a deep fried lunch. Now I'm full but needing nutrition and already leaking and remembering the Month of BabyShitSmearForTurds that was my quest to make the Costco sized bottle of vitamins take only ONE year to deplete... If I'm running to the bathroom with my knees squeezed every 92 minutes anyway, does it matter which hole is the culprit?? Somehow, I think yes. But with a $20 lunch, I'm not sure I'll be having anything but trail mix and lite beer for dinner, so why not get started early. My evening will revolve around sitting on the pot anyway.

Last one. I got paid today. I've spent a shitload of money the last two weeks. I have 3 uncleared transactions and my checking account balance is, this minute, EXACTLY (like on the fucking dollar) what I need to pay off my car TODAY. fuckity fuck. So do I pay part and another part with the Dec 1st paycheck (aka raped by rent and leaving so little to eat with I rarely leave the housewith my ATM card in hand)??? Or do I suck it up that I transfered an extrodinant amount to my savings account, transfer it back, and admit that at this point in my life I am meant to pay off debt and go on trips and not have a swollen stash of cash for a rainy day.
Don't get me wrong, I'll still have a savings account bigger than 90% of uninvested people in my age bracket. But I wanted to be super flush in case of emergency and I'll be back down to 'cover a month' or 'make it to the funeral' or 'thank God it was just a water pump' status instead of "sure, I can do Hawaii, what are the dates?" status.
Then again, I did say I'd do a vacation this year. I'm told life is too short not to appreciate it while you've got it. I want to live with no regrets, and passing up Hawaii becuase I'm afraid to spend money is about the lamest thing this big busted band geek has ever thought up.
But I can still be pissed that Target had SO much stuff on sale and that ALL my bras stopped working the same week and that I needed to EAT at the same time my self imposed bill's due date came.

I have to go do my best to keep the bathroom from resembling the remnents of a slaughter house... I'm not sure I wasn't abducted by aliens but I'm pretty sure I'm trying to birth some kind of spawn today.
Either that of Flo hates the way I talk about her, in which case you all can puke on your keyboards at all the sappy shit I post about me and my guy and his Shag'n Wagon because fuck I hate hating my body this much.
At least the Sexy talk makes me smile. Flo does not make me smile. She makes me wince in pain. Sexy is pretty and kisses me. Flo makes me feel like I've peed my pants - though he IS winning the wet panty contest, but he gets the other 25 days a month and has to earn his keep somehow.
Maybe Sister has some concoction of excedrin and tylonol and vodka and pineapple juice that can make me forget that its 5pm and I still have a monster stack of data entry and am bringing an alien life form into this world. Wish me, my sister, and tonights cleaning crew luck...


VirginWhoCan'tDrive said...

I'm alive!
This post made me giggle. It amazes me that you can bitch up a storm about life and it still cracks me up. This is an excellent combo.
I'll be back soon!

vincentblackshadow said...

Any blog that includes the following -

big busted band geek
I'm trying to birth some kind of spawn today
Shag'n Wagon
running to the bathroom with my knees squeezed every 92 minutes

must be hailed as a true of genius.

I applaud you.

Miss Sassy said...

VBS - you compliment me by commenting, then you slather on the syrupy sweet good stuff girls LIVE ON.
Congrats, you made me smile too.

Welcome to the Sassy side of things, I've been a bit Susie Sunshine lately. All it takes is a visit from Aunt Flo to bring the dark cloud of a bitch storm...

Miss Sassy said...

Virgin - why you're post didn't come up for me the first time, but I'm glad you didn't fall off the face of the earth.
I don't know how it happens, I just start complaining about my life and people curl up in laughter left and right. I guess it works =) see you soon!

Mom of Three said...

I am sorry you're feeling poorly. It's at times like this we need more coconut shrimp, not less.

Everyone hates their body, don't they? Well, at least everyone sighted. I'm not too fond of mine, incidentally.

And we don't have any savings account at all, so you're wayyy ahead of us in spite of the fact we are almost 40.

Hang in there.

Miss Sassy said...

MOT - I added the last line of the next post just for you =)
I know I'm basically set up well, which makes the little rubs that much worse - if I had to worry about where I was living next week the little shit wouldn't matter!