Sunday, October 01, 2006

Movin On Up

This started as an email, and transformed to a post... if it seems to go astray, its because I've gone over these events about 19 times in my head in the last 24 hours, and even with a readover for editing purposes I am still ON MY SATURDAY and my brain has taken an early vacation.
Here we go...

I met the possibly new roomie girl for dinner, came home about 9pm, found T. getting ready to go out. She said "I left you a note - we have my friends kid's 10th bday party here tomorrow and we need the table in the backyard so if you could clear off those replanted plants so we could use it, yeah, that would be what we need."
Alright, I'm not taking well to this about 10 minutes later when she is telling me that the5 pots on the table can be moved less than 4 feet away, AND after I made repeated statements identical to "I told you last weekend that the FIRST TIME I'm home when the sun is out, its the first thing I'm doing... that means I was planning on it tomorrow morning anyway." I'll just skip over the part where she and I are the only ones in the house ALL WEEK and I've seen her watching TV in bed every night and we nod at each other and NEVER did it cross her mind to let me know that my normal Saturday when everyone is gone would be terrorized by her taking the day off to plan for a kids birthday party... so, we continue talking, and I end up telling her I wasn't at the gym but rather meeting a possible new roomie because come Nov. 1st I can't afford rent.
She says "why November?"
I say "because of the note you left me saying rent goes up Nov 1st"
She says "um, rent goes up for OCTOBER" and walks to her room to change.
Ohh Kay.
So I dump my purse and find my checkbook to write my rent check, tell her what I'm looking for when she comments on the pile of shit on my bed, I ask no less than 4 times "so I am writing a check for the new rent price?????" and she ignores me each time - responds to other conversation, not about rent.
FUCK YOU WHORE.

Right, so just as I'm about to pee my pants (because I REFUSE to use the other bathroom because if I don't clean it, I don't use it, and if I use it, I clean it, because I am the BEST ROOMIE EVAH) she vacates the bathroom and whoosh she leaves for her party.
No "so, rent this month is $xxx, just to be clear" or "let me show you my copy of the one liner note where I ripped open your ass and ripped you a whole new version of indignation while shredding into your checking account"... just walked out.
I throw down the chones, place my ass carefully on the seat, lean forward for the parade of animals that have had her home for the last umpteen hours but need attention from ME, and notice that I am shaking from anger as I whiz for about 3 straight minutes (LOVE the new supliments I picked up, but I drink a LOT of water with them!)
I see that I am a bit wild eyed and feel my blood heating by the minute... the dogs don't look at ALL ready for bed, so I take My Georgeous Girl for a walk. Her big boy can suck it, he isn't trained enough to sit on cue. I'm looking for validation and end up leaving angry messages on everyone's voicemail cuz no one answered their phone -- like they had something to DO on a Friday night besides take my call -- I need more friends!!
Right, so the dog is pooped and I am staring down a liquor cabinet, still livid and twitchy. I look down at the gut I'm trying to get rid of (I just had a piece of chocolate creme pie for dinner tonight, but whatever) and thought of ALL the other more calming less caloric ways to calm down... hot shower, here I come.
I ended up getting vocal enough to have the dogs barking at me through the curtain... so the heat from the shower ESCALATED my internal rage inferno?? My vocal chords hurt, I realize I'm pacing in the shower, and somehow I think I've washed my hair twice... alright, that didn't work, whats next??
I dress myself, get the tunes, and head out for an 11pm walk about the neighborhood - but my shoes are for shit and when I get to walking with any speed (or threaten to burst into a run for the sheer energy expenditure) the heels slide down my foot and keep me at a pretty mellow pace. okokokok whew ggrrrrrrr whatever, its not that bad, just consider options - you've told her you're leaving, you've been looking at places for a few weeks, you have until Nov weather they gouge you or not, and just because you threw out the one sentence letter telling of your new rent rate and her computer has a BLANK FILE saved from the same day you got the letter (she leaves her computer on and tells me to use it whenever, I'm not breaking into anything, just using a different file than usual ;) ) (oh, and NOT on the first, giving me 30 days notice like they need from me that I'm leaving, btw)... just breathe and walk sista, you will figure this out.

Alright, so a bit of text messaging with Sexy on my adventure, I didn't tell him WHY I decided to walk the streets instead of swill the tequila bottle, I just invited him for shots and nakedness later, he didn't reply after work, I sent "sleep well =)" and went to bed, miffed at just about everything in my world.

Did you catch that - NO DRINKING!!!!! Sometimes I don't care, but for some reason I knew the sauce wouldn't fix anything and the emotional backlash wouldn't be worth it. Plus, I was walking for an hour on a night when I DIDN'T go stalk Sexy at work, so that's good news =)

Moving on... so I didn't give her a check at all... its going to go with the letter I have to write: "I'm giving notice, I'll be moving in the month of October, with the way you bragged that Squeeky has to pay Oct. rent and has until the 20th to get her stuff out because she 'gave notice' on Sept. 20th, I understand I'll be paying for the entire month of October no matter when I leave... however there seems to be a misunderstanding with the rent price for this month, please understand my position and take any additional rent from my deposit you back stabbing underhanded lying sacks of control freak two faced duchemongers." Or how ever it comes out.

So this morning I wake up with the dogs - 7:30, the EXACT minute I TRY to get up during the week but never do (and I have to drag them from bed at 8:30 to pee before I leave, but only on weekdays, damn selfish pups), crawl back into bed, and finally give into getting up when T. is yelling into her cell phone as the house phone is ringing and her dog is barking his head off at the front window. I turn to my girl, who has suctioned herself to my leg, and she concedes that this is NO WAY TO START A SATURDAY. With Squeeky moved out and TweedleDipshit house sitting and T. normally working, this was going to be a great morning... I decided to suck it up, do my chore list that she left me, and get the fuck out and look for a new place to call home before the Brat Brigade shows up. I wait for her to get out of the bathroom (yeah, come to find out she had already baked a cake, but somehow the instant I'm finally roused by her ruckus, its time for her to wash her face and put on some makeup), put some clothes on (nothing like sleeping naked when the air is crisp over the still summer thin blanket, am I right?!!), brush my teeth, wash my face, and go downstairs for a snack and to move 5 pots 4 feet.

She is moving the pots. Yeah, in the 5 minutes it took me to go from comatose to downstairs for HER, she is doing what she needed to write a note AND chew my ear about for 10 minutes last night. Apparently I went over the 12 hours to get it done rule and she just couldn't take it anymore. I made a PBJ sandwich, got some water, went upstairs for my vitamins, and 30 minutes later came back downstairs with my gym bag packed, face on, clothes (and options for weather pattern changes) coordinated, and a rawhide in my pups mouth as I walked past the birthday girl and her wad of balloons with a "looks good, happy birthday" as I got into my car and raced off.

The moral of this story??? Well, sometimes rational can win over emotions - last week Flo would have been all "take the drink! go get buffalo wings and beer and sob about it!!"; When the tough get going, my ass gets in the car and finds a new place to live; Sometimes having just you and your thoughts can lend some not-so-ordinary epiphanies... and an appointment for first thing tomorrow morning to see a place that is 7 freeway miles from work, one block to the OCEAN, and living with ONE roommate who DEMANDS you have a dog to live with her!!!!
I am VERY SUPER EXUBERANTLY ECSTATIC about maybe spending a birthday weekend moving!!!! Not that the Knotts SCARY Farm halloween extravaganza my sister says she'll go with me to doesn't sound like a DREAMY way to ring in another year... but waking up in a house with an ocean breeze coming through my window doesn't sound all to awful either!!!
Nothing tells your "I'm getting older, lets see what this year has brought me" like taking a few PAID days off work to get the shit scared out of you by professional spooks before packing everything you own into the small Uhaul and treating your sister to drinks on the beach outside your new place huh???
Pray for me people, make your voodoo dolls of good luck and do a tribal dance... this place sounds IDEAL, I can afford it if my gas tank doesn't need a refill once a week, and could you throw in a little 'get Sassy laid' in there too because after Sexy LOVED all over me on Monday he kinda spazzed out about how all over him I suddenly got (or his friends just found out about since I haven't changed my behavior patterns from last week to this)... and I woke up this morning with my pussy calling for him. I'm not kidding ya'll, I'm MEDITATING on this shit tonight!! I know its nothing like a sick child or a dying cat or being evicted, but I've been trying HARD to get my life to go somewhere and I am ALREADY TIRED of figuring out where the next step will be, so I'll think happy thoughts for WHATEVER you ask for EVERY DAY THIS MONTH for YOU if you just wiggle your nose and make this one karmically happen!!!
Just think, I'll just keep asking until something falls into place, so you might as well muster your heartthoughts and cash in on my offer now... my first born is already spoken for so I'm not gonna offer much else.

Again, LOVING the new suppliments (think RockStar, but with no caffiene, no calories, and 3 times a day), but I'm not really used to having energy ALL day... its nearing 10pm and I'm wondering whats for dinner... gonna have to work out a schedule for this shit.
Peace, Love, and Sober for a day...

2 comments:

Mom of Three said...

What supplements?

Does your roomie ask you to do things like that manager in "The Office?"

All my good vibes going to you and your living sitch.

curmudgeon said...

best of luck from me for the new place. It's waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay overdue.