Monday, October 23, 2006


I have decided God loves me.
There is no other reason for him to spend so much time setting up these challenges for me all right in a row like this.

The Spaz Roomie is certifyable in her ability to do a complete 180 in thought processes. Sometimes its as simple as "you need to put your foot down and not let Sexy do that to you... but if you want to keep the perks, I wouldn't blame you!"
Other times its telling me she will move out at noon and inviting me and Sexy and my sister and anyone else I want to have over for...

get this...

an intervention FOR HER DOG so we can all live happily in the house and have guests over without him mauling them.
She tells me this as I walk in the back door, pet the Brut, who then sniffs my sand and surf soaked pup, comes back at me with two paws to the chest with a bark to the face and a grab of the forearm on the way down... then gives me the evil stink eye for my reaction of "Brut, NNNOOO, no biting, no barking, no jumping!!! Its ME, Brut, look, its meeeee and I've BEEN HERE for FOUR minutes?!!?! What was that???"
She then gives him his choice of 4 colors of dog buscuits.
I'm going to ask this once - who needs the intervention if he gets TREATS FOR BITING PEOPLE????

God Loves MEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
Before I could even post this Fucked Up Drama, I've had 3 encounters with FuckAss Sexy, another What the Fuck with Spaz Roomie and her Psycho Brut Dog From Neurotic Hell, and an internal auditor at my work.
For a little perspective, I grabbed a bottle of gatorade from my nightstand for a little something in my tummy before I got to work where my breakfast is (instant oatmeal with the super hot tea water = perfect for instant chowage). It had vodka in it from when I came home last night and needed a mixer to keep me from suckling the bottle.
I drank it anyway.
To find out my sister and Sexy and me AND MY DOG have all been lunged at by Brut, to have my manager get reamed and have her spew leftover blame to anyone in the office, to watch Spaz run through a train of thought TWICE before I can even blink and say good morning... and to have no one to go to for sex... well, I'm getting the impression that roller coasters and moving days are NOT sufficient relief from the day to day and perhaps its time for a REAL vacation (thank you commenters for your astute observation =)=) )

"If God brings you to it, God will bring you through it."
I know God loves me... there is no other reason he would pay so much attention to me, setting up all these hurdles and then lifting me over them.
Now, how do you piss off God enough to make him leave you alone?? I'm being VERY careful with my prayers... if I ask for patience or forgiveness or independence or responsibility... all of these have pictures of "BeDazzled" Elizabeth Hurley turning Brenden Frasier into the most outlandish versions of his wishes - if I didn't even ASK for a lesson to learn and this is what my life is, there is no FUCKING way I'm gonna walk into that hell trap.
Pray for my liver ya'll. Seriously, Costco is RIGHT around the corner. Beer Run has a whole 'nuther meaning these days. They sell vitamins to though... kinda makes me feel better for eyeing the case of brews and wondering if one a week is too much.

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