Thursday, February 02, 2006

Random Crap

Hi! This is where I dump some fun stuff because I know I've been a bitchy whiner lately and its not all that bad...

1 - I saw my gym rat dude again. He's been kinda MIA since I met him way back when... then Monday I saw him giving a free session to someone and watched him the whole time (hence the treadmill episode - seriously, those things are evil and I got off with vertigo for like 7 minutes). Then last night I went to take a class for the first time and asked if there was a protocol and the snotty 17 year old behind the counter told me to sign up on the clipboard where the trainer was standing. It was him. He was blissfully chatting with another freebie with his elbow right over the clipboard. It took a minute for anyone to notice I was just standing there, two feet from him, in my frumpy college sweatshirt and the missettes all smashed into a sports bra, seeing the definition of the bicep next to the triceps right above the elbow where his black tee ended and his tanned and toned skin began. One of the WAY too perky dude counter helpers asked if there were anything he could help me with and gym rat dude was quick to turn, look me right in the face with only the slightest recognition (or massive recognition without the gall to show it) while he said "well next time, just push me out of the way!" I stumbled on 'well ok then!' as he took his client down the counter a bit. Ah, a bit of a reason to be at the gym - much more fun to admire his strong swagger than the greasy hair guido that barely keeps the feet movin and doesn't hide his need to be on a machine next to the walkway, nor his need to watch the girls asses walk by until he is completely twisted in the other direction; boyfriend in tow or not. No joke. I laughed out loud at him last week. Better than muted Jeopardy.

2 - Its Miss Menthols birthday today. I came in to a severely decorated cube and a plate of straight from the tube to the oven cookies. They were half gone by lunch and I didn't/ haven't had ONE. That's right folks - this hating my body type out of nowhere syndrome has really taken its hold on me to the point of choosing water over fresh baked chocolate chip cookies!! Don't get me wrong, if they were real Tollhouse, mixed with two bare hands, misshapen and monstrously oversized... I would have snagged a stack while she was on her 1.75 hour lunch. Yes, MOT, I did tell her boss when she went to lunch... and her coworker came in saying something about how its her birthday and she should have stayed out until 3!!!

3 - Whoever thought to serve french fries with tacos is retarded. It just doesn't make sense.

4 - The size -2 (no kidding, she can't buy real clothes, she has to get them taken in to fit) freak of a smokers cough that used to be my direct manager came in today at 11am with a gigantic coke and a very full bag of fast food to share with my 105lb boss. They stunk up the place with hot salty greasy stench of cheap crappy food and it made me hungry about two hours early. Both of these girls I would gladly take over my knee and paddle if I weren't so afraid that their vampire-esque acrylic nails could quickly be used to carve into my torso and pick my heart out cleanly... or sever my Achilles tendon in one quick lash... oh, and I would really need to find a job, like, now if I swaddled my managers. Agh, nice thought though =)

5 - I was invited by Tempura (remember the guy who I was gonna do sushi dinner with before he went home at Thanksgiving who ended up staying here until after Christmas; I drove to his parents house for another sushi dinner and came home to get my CDs stolen from my car?? that guy) to fly out to Indiana for a weekend.
It didn't start that way, but he eventually backpedaled enough to make me stop hyperventilating that another guy met me and wants to take me home with him.
The kicker is that last time I fell for it, that I really like the changes in my personal strength and fortitude that has come from it, and these two guys went to high school together.
What EXACTLY do they teach guys in the locker rooms these days???
Oh, and what kind of loner do you need to be to not hear from someone for a month and when they finally give in to "are you still alive?" and return your call you invite them to come to the other side of the country to be with you? Yes, he invited me to be with him, even offer the 'L' word to make it somehow easier for me to stop laughing out loud at the idea that I would jump in a Uhaul and bust ass to go there.
Oh, and when I said I didn't call for a myriad of reasons, one of which being that I need a career change and am having a crisis picking a direction, he mentioned having kids. Yes He Did!!! I threw that back at him too.

It could be worse I suppose... I mean its kinda sweet that he met me for dinner and wanted to figure out a way to get me to his domain immediately and it only took another two months for him to bring this idea up to me. That he has been thinking of me the whole time I haven't talked to him and pointedly blown him off (no, not that way) and mentioned I had some personal stuff to work out that included closure with another man and that my latest coping methods for stress are alcoholism, insomnia, depression, bitch fits, and talking myself out of bulimia and cocaine as resolutions for my sudden onset of feeling like a fatass. He called me nuts, then told me the flights are really cheap and there is a breeze to navigate.

And you know what? I'm considering it. I mean come on... when else am I gonna go to Indiana??!!?!?? And its not like I hate the guy (Curmudgeon, hear me now), its just that I was a bit disappointed that he was so nervous around me he couldn't deal with entertaining me. Oh, and he uses food for coping more than I do. Oh, and I don't see myself in a long term relationship of any kind with him. But what's a weekend trip to me these days? I liked the change of pace last time I was out of town for him... and this time I will have an itinerary of time tables to know what I am getting into! I don't know, I told him I have some shit to work out here but I'd let him know.

6 - Is it maybe the weather that is giving me headaches? I swear, my shoulders were WAY tense the other day, you all called that one... Laurie was dead on in saying the drink would cure it... the hot showers and concentrating on getting my ears away from my shoulders and the yoga last night had me all chakra aligned and energy flowing and oxygenated and stuff... and this morning I was GREAT!!!
Its now 3 hours past lunch where I was home with the pets and in my safe place with a homemade sandwich and a yogurt and big glass of water. I came back to the desk and had 2 Excedrin an hour later. Now I can't stop peeing because of the amount of water I've had, am a little hungry but convincing myself its the RAPIDLY BEING HOOVERED plate of cookies (still none for me!) behind me making my mouth water, and that there is NO WAY one drink a night with an occasional binge is making my head hurt by 3pm every day. Yes, MOT, I am going to Target this weekend and GoldenSeal is on the list.
Its gotta be the cubes man. I'm thinking of calling in sick tomorrow. I can still make my car payment with a short paycheck. That, or I'm gonna see if my boss comes back from her afternoon gym class and if she doesn't I'm not coming back from lunch.

7 - I love you guys. =) I mean it. I love hearing from you, hearing about you, having you add me to your blogrolls, getting your help with my sidebar or health, and knowing that there are people scattered across the US thinking of me helps me appreciate the little things these days. You've collectively pushed aside my grey clouds and helped me admire the grey stitching of my cube walls for what they are - a box I need to start thinking outside of!! Its been a pleasure meeting you, and I am immensely interested in keeping in touch with you even if I do get a job that doesn't allow me to write emails and read blogs ALL DAY. =) Thanks for the smiles and the love, you make me feel like this with every email notice:

I saw it on CuteOverload and it had this caption that I will not keep from you:


Sleeping here, my cheek on your chest,

no greater bliss

well, except pooping

8 - I have noticed a lot of blogs mentioning their excrement, flatulence, or the places these activities are regimented to in public... (I'd link them but they are older posts and I'm not that savvy to direct you Right There) coincidentally I have just become able to freely think about my own digestive habits. As I am trying to understand the natural cycle of many of my habits (i.e. spending, hording, eating, dressing in heels, gym tendencies, drunk dial/text/email/blogging/journaling tendencies), I seem to have become more aware of myself as a whole. It seems my intestines have a very particular way of letting me know if they like my current lifestyle or not. Lately, not so much love from the insides... then again I hear the transition from eating fat laden carbs at any given chance to water and lean protein and veggies all the time is bound to take its toll on the public restroom etiquette. I don't even care anymore - if I want to fart, I do; if the coffee has stimulated ALL of me and you walk in to the next stall, I won't wait for you to finish so I can finish; and if I've just finished twisting my body for almost two hours and I want to let one rip in the ally on the way to the car, I don't care if you smiled at me walking by, I won't warn you to walk only after the next breeze. Thanks for the precedence ya'll.

We've now come to the part of the day where I make a quick trip to the other side of the building for no reason but to check the desks of my coworkers and see if anyone is left to catch me leaving early. Enjoy yourselves...


Viewfinder said...

wrt #5: omg, run, don't walk the other way. or, at least, if the flights are so goddamn cheap, let him haul his low-rent ass onto a plane to better express his devotion and/or begin the blissful work of impregnating you with your future progeny...

I mean really, gimme (give you) a break!

sorry, I almost never label a brother thusly, but um, I think we've spotted a LU-HOO-SER!

wrt #7: okay, maybe the greatest haiku EVER.

curmudgeon said...

I hear ya, I hear ya...!
But anyway, you STILL give me the impression he ain't all that. Whatever. If you want to talk yourself into a free weekend trip, then go ahead and do it. Just keep in mind that you're the one finding the faults.
But anyway, you said you don't want any sort of relationship with him. It would suck to go out there and want to leave...

But anyway, (Sorry, Blues Traveler was on the XM a while ago) you sound in a much better mood than last week. (Aunt Flo was visiting? Correlation?) I'm glad for you.

Funny 'Dogku' too.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I don't know. I think fries work with tacos. The idea weirded me out at first. But when I tried it, I liked it.

Insert innuendo here.

april said...

YAAAAAAAY!!!! You blogged about poop!! Don't you feel better now?

Miss Sassy said...

VF - alright! My perception of him obviously isn't the greatest - that was not the issue!! It was the complimentary trip across the US to be treated like a Princess I was debating, not the fact that he is so lonely that my smile is all he has to get him through the long nights alone...
Oh, and I agree!! I suck at poetry but somehow this one hit home =)

C - He ain't all THAT. He has ambition, followed the races to IN from CA, and wants me bad enough to overlook that I ditched him and his calls for 6 weeks.
If he were a puppy, I'd eventually take him home, yes.
Good moods come from accepting ones place in the world while simultaneously planning for a better future while sleeping through the roomies clusterf*ck in the kitchen, working out, and not bleeding profusely - good call and thanks for noticing =)

LBB - you know, when I think about it YOUR way, it doesn't sound so lame after all.
I just typically don't go to the exact same place and unwrap the same package for both is all.
But whatever your into...

april - YES. I don't talk about it, but somehow I knew blogging about it would maintain my real world facade by not blurting out to the bookstore cashier "I farted over there, I wouldn't stock that shelf right now".
That and Aunt Flo taking a hike leave me a much more jovial sort!