Friday, February 10, 2006

I'm Aghast

So I'm in the coffee room this afternoon, looking for the Tropical Fruit Smoothie of fresh juices I only get on sale that I forgot I finished this morning for breakfast.
I decide a cup of tea might curb the appetite and give me the pep I NEED to deal with Miss "Bugs Bunny" Menthol and the Friday Funk that settles over a marketing department that is still at work on a Friday afternoon.
As I bob the little bag in and out of the steaming hot water I wonder who the first person was to say "hey babe, lets teabag tonight". I watch the dark caffinated magic ooze and swirl with the dissolving sugar cube fighting for its composure in the bottom as I weave and bob my little brew.

Just then, I get a visitor.
I've never met this little indian woman before, but she starts with a smile and a "how is your afternoon going?" so I return the smile and say "its good but after this cup of tea I think it will be great!"

Yes, this is what came out of my mouth on a Friday at 3:30pm. The test said I was 40% weird; I am trying to figure out what part of me fits into the 60% when this peppy shit comes pouring out of my face.

She looks me dead in the eye and says "I LOVE tea, but I just drink water hear because I don't want to deal with making it."

Blink with me here folks. I will now offer the rest of the conversation the only way my 9th grade English teacher would allow.

Me: "Yeah, sometimes I don't bother, but today we have a new coffee maker with the hot water spout on it, and the box of tea bags is right there, so I went for it."

Her: "Uh huh. (Slurps on half a cup of water. This cup is identical to the one I am brewing tea in as they came from the same stack.) I know, it is just tea, but then you have the sugar to deal with, and it just gets to be a big deal."

Me: "Oh. Yeah. I sometimes drip from the teabag as I try to throw it away, then I have to wash my hands because I didn't want it to drip on my shoe, then my hands get dry and I have to put lotion on at my desk... I can see how it would be enough to make me stick to water."

Her: "OH NO. I just leave the bag in the cup. I just throw them away together."

Me: Watching her finish her water and refill it halfway and take another drink; "See, to me I just grab a cup, put the bag in, put the sugar CUBE in there, pour the water in, and pull the bag out when its dark enough. Is there a better way to make tea that you are keeping from me? (giggle here to try not to make it seem like I am calling her the scariestly retarded EMPLOYED PERMANENTLY AT THIS COMPANY ergo probably has a college degree)"

Her: "Well, I guess the water is right here (the spout NEXT TO the water she is pouring into the cup for the third time isn't the water I used, but whatever - there are TWO hot water spouts within a foot of each other, and that doesn't count the tap). But even at home I make my husband make it for me. I guess I am just so lay-zeee. Sometimes he says 'I don't want to' and I say 'just one cup!!' I just drink the water here so I don't have to deal with it. Nice to meet you!" and she exits the room.

Me: "uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh, whew. wow. holy crapminster." I add ice to my cup of tea, continue to watch the swirling osmosis, and it hits me.

I just met a woman who is too lazy to make tea who has a permanent job at a very competatively sought after company who whines to get her HUSBAND to do things for her.

I enjoy how the cosmos have taught me certain lessons in my life, I Really don't want to be all "this little hunk of wasted breath has How Much Stuff I Want in MY Life" or "these are the people we make individually wrapped everything for and it is STILL too much effort to unwrap the paper from the tea bag, pick up an 8oz cup, drop in a sugar cube, and pick the red spicket instead of the blue" but I've already had my work place smack in the face this week and I'm not sure how much more of this I can take!!!!!

I found a representation of how I felt talking to this disgusting cutely perfect chicka; I had originally labeled it "Bite Me" and I think that is appropriate:

Its Friday. Its breaktime. I'm out. See ya after a weekend at a chocolate festival. Maybe I'll get laid or a date for next week or a call from any of the hosers who only ask for titty shots and never for the dinner that will get them the real thing... see? Its making me crazy just being here!! I've gotta bail.


curmudgeon said...

She will probably search the house for hours to find the teevee remote instead of just changing the channel.

But then, I would too.

Miss Sassy said...

I nearly started telling her of the great mocha you can make with the ingredients packaged right in front of her, but I thought she would get confused and run crying.

Bent Fabric said...

Good thing breathing is an involuntary reflex.

Cute doggies!

Mom of Three said...

Thank you! Now I know where all those "don't know/no opinion" nimrods come from on those TV polls.

I hope to Christ she has someone driving her to and from work, because she's probably too lazy to look in the next lane over when making a change, or too bothered to stop at a red light.