Monday, February 06, 2006

Cube Rants

Is it weird that I get nailed to the wall for getting coffee on the way to my desk and my boss gets to take a two hour lunch break four days a week? No? Just how the benifits roll, huh? OK...

Is it a bit screwy that Miss Menthol has been part of numerous whisper meetingswith my bosses ... and within 48 hours I get a slew of new work to do or asked what MINUTE I left for lunch? And that she takes off for 15 minutes at a time no less than 6 times a day goes completely unnoticed?? And that I have never had a meeting with any of her team???

Is there something really complicated about taking lunch breaks to eat?? Or is there some rule about working at a desk that I missed while answering the phone that demands that lunch breaks be taken during a part of the day when everyone needs you only to return with lunch in hand to chomp in their face while they freak out that you were missing?

I get the whole health kick. I do. I really really do. But whose brilliant idea was it to sell nuts, carrots, celery, rice cakes, and stale (read: crumbs EVERYWHERE) crunchy baguettes to a bunch of cubies who can't get to the next building for food?? I mean we KNOW they will just go back to the desk and munch them, so are we just HOPING they will take it outside and not ruin the sanity of the rest of the quad?

I ordered some supplies, including a special order item, the first week of January. I got half the basic order the next day. Today I got the special order stuff (perhaps because I emailed on Friday saying "dude, 2 weeks my ass, give me the Dilbert day planner pages or I'm gonna tell on you"). I am still waiting for the rest of the backorder. I mean seriously, its a day planner!! I just got the special order stuff from the same company!! This is something that is a Stock Item and should be easy to have on hand. Don't even try to tell me manufacturing is backed up because they forgot to make enough for all the oraganizing freaks that came out of the closet on New Years. I want my little leather bound book AND reciept envelopes that have the holes punched right in them and little zipper pouch. Now.

My chakras are WAY off. I did a yoga class on Saturday and it was more in the traditional vein with the sitting on your feet and chanting and laying down for naps in the middle of it and all that. I've gotta say, I know its the first time for this kind of yoga for me, but I felt REALLY OFF when the room gets all into it and I'm stuck with having to stare at myself in the mirror and say "do not laugh at them. it is not funny. you are uncomfortable. omg, they don't know the words but still want to sing!!!! do. not. laugh. it is your first class. go with it and see what happens."
No joke. Almost spewed boogers all over my mat trying to keep this to myself.
Even with all the fluid movements and naps ("lay on your stomach, toes touching, heels apart, make a pillow of your hands, turn your head to one side, now close your eyes and breath deeply". I wanted a carpet square, but the mat wasn't bad) and guided breathing and focusing on my life force, all I did when I came home was have fajitas, crack a beer, and vedge. It took me all day to get off that couch, and when I did I just went back to the gym to get my heart to start pumping again. Perhaps this is the 'worse before it gets better' part but I really won't be rolling out of bed and rushing over to the 11:30am class if all its gonna do is make me sleep through the rest of my Saturday. I mean I do that already, I don't need chanting and public naps to help me out.

I don't want to grow up. Sweets in the cube next to me has $2500 in an account with a big major investment company that she put in 10 years ago and they now don't like her tiny account anymore and have asked her to close the account or they will charge her $30 a month until it empties itself and closes all on its own. So every two days since she got this letter (before we left for Christmas) I have gotten to hear her defend her right to have access to her own money, told them she would never have thought to leave the company unless they TOLD HER TO, faxed a form no less than 6 times, FedEx'd it twice, and plain old mailed it the first time. She has a list of names of every person shes talked to, has three managers that know her by name, and STILL is fighting to get her money.
I just found a really cool tin that I don't know what to do with. I think its my new savings account. If this is the pain in the arse you have to get the returns on your investments, I don't think I'll be up for it at retirement. I'll just take my tin of old school paper money to the airport and get the ever lovin f*ck out of town.

The are f*cking with my coffee again. Last week we got new pocket sized packs of the preground cheeeeep stuff. This week we now have the massive caraffe with the ppuuusssshhhh button on top. Having just mastered the sugar cube to sludge to powdered 'creamer' (seriously, can you call it creamer if it is in powder form? do we call ice 'liquified ice' when it completely changes consistancy and usefullness? NO. Its not right.) ratio, I am a little cranky about this. Here is the problem: lets see how long it takes to teach this many monkeys that when you make that much coffee, you need to rip open MORE PACKETS of coffee or else its just, well, bean tea. OK, not too big a deal, right? I mean now there is like NO excuse to be out of coffee at 9am, right? But these freaks were all about the two packets per pot before, and now there is a sign saying how convenient it is to rip open one packet and brew. IT ISN"T COFFEE IF YOU CAN SEE THROUGH IT.

I got an email this morning titled "FYI". The contents were "have you thought about this?" followed by a job description. Its the permanent position for my cubemates job. She is not qualified for the job she has been doing. The deparment is making it a permanent position beacuse of the audit she performed during the last quarter of last year, but with the new status of the position they are requiring that all candidates be certified smart. I happen to be certified smart. I happen to know the hiring manager and half the department, including the direct manager. They all think I'm Midas or some crap because I know how to file. While that hasn't transfered respect to any of the rest of my potential, I have a sneaky feeling that I know all of the interview panal and the forwarding party's followup of "let me know if I can be of any help" could get me in the door.
I applied for it as I was composing this post. I didn't tell my cubemate. I still have some issues with Cubeville being the best opportunity in town. This is everlasting. I wonder if there is some perfect job for everyone or if some of us are just lazy enough to find going to the gym for a nap a waste of a morning.
As the bosses chit chat for the last half hour of their day, right behind my desk, I contemplate how much nicer it would be to sit here knowing I had a dentist appointment, a physical, a massage, and three gym classes scheduled this week that were to be comped by the company. I think of how nice it would be to call in sick when I get sick ::knock on wood:: instead of wondering if I can make it with another short paycheck this month. I think of all the money the company would already put into a 401K for me, how many paid holidays I would have the first year, and how great 'fermentation seminars' would be with the likes of these lads I see every day.
Hmmm... and as the bosses that came in at 9:23am area bolting out the door after a two hour lunch today, I wonder "is it REALLY that bad to be here??"

With that, I'm out to catch the sunset... with my purse in hand in case I need something from my car... or to sit in because the wind picks up... um, yeah... (and if you have temps, just say hi once in a while, they are people too... otherwise don't bitch when they shuffle your files and bail early)


Bent Fabric said...

lmao! Dig the notice.

Mona Buonanotte said...

At work we have a 3-burner coffee pot thingy. One we make 'regular' coffee (read "weak-ass swill"), one is decaf, and one is "double stuff", wherein we dump two (or more) packets of pre-ground coffee bits into the thang and let it brew up nice and dark. Like coffee SHOULD be.

I dunno how you stand it at work, I really don't. You should start timing when management comes in and leaves for lunch, and make it public on the bulletin board. Or to HR. Serves 'em right....

Miss Sassy said...

Bent - I just KNEW there would be a post I would need it for!

Mona - you would think we could handle having three pots and three pots of coffee... but no. Usually when I walk in at 9:02am there is ground filled oil slick guk in the bottom of one pot and the others are still clean.
And to work here permanently you have to hold a degree.
So much for raising the IQ.
For the managers - its more fun to keep a tally of how often Miss Menthol takes off...yesterday she was only at her desk for 13 minutes out of 2.5 hours. The managers office is across the building - but when she comes to see the boss right behind me they squeeeeeel with giggles every two seconds so tracking them is no problem - well it gives me a migrane, but I just go home and drown it in Ibprofin and vodka and its all good.

curmudgeon said...

What the hell. If you have to be there, it would be nice if it's perm status.