Thursday, March 16, 2006

Quick Thoughts

1 - If you tell me that I can arrange my desk however it works for me, listen to me tell you where everything is and why I put it there, and tell me you will work my desk while I go to lunch, WHY THE FUCK wouldn't you let me get all the way through the door before telling me I will hate you and then show me how you put EVERYTHING back the way YOU want it????

2 - When I tell you that a person in the lobby with a clipboard and a pen in her hand has already been helped and there is no reason to inform the party she is meeting until her paperwork is completed and verified BY ME, THE PERSON YOU HIRED TO DO THIS JOB, don't look at me and squishy up your face and tell me that the 20 questions you give everyone in the lobby every time you walk in "is to be polite".
If you want to make a difference in the world by adding niceties, DO NOT make the person sitting out there waiting for a job interview think there is any reason not to trust the person who takes their social security card and drivers license and has already made it clear that she has all the power over what the computer says about them to possible new bosses.
In other words, WHY are you micro managing so hard? Who fucked you over? What might happen if you just smile at the person to be polite? You might gain my respect?? Yeah. STOP.IT.

3 - If I tell you that my fave show didn't get TiVo'd because your lame ass decided that it would be easier if the box sat useless for two days until Juan Dillhole can come back and plug in the right part so the satalite can talk to the box... and I call you to see if you are still on my side of town for lunch, DO NOT tell me that you set appts all through the time Juan Dillhole is set to come back and that you are gonna see if he can come back on SATURDAY. Tell me you've already eaten and see how my day is going before pissing me off.
Love ya T, but a little testing of the water when you know the crimson tidal wave is rushing the house MIGHT help.

4 - Why is it that as soon as your mind decides something is ok, the whole world falls into place the way you never thought it could?
Case in Point - I decide its ok to talk to Tempura. Yesterday I was so piled up with compliments my text inbox overflowed. NO JOKE.
Case in Point - I decide its ok to work out with other people. I get called out of a room of 50 people shaken their ases and flailing their arms to perform with 5 others who exeplify "what the dance is supposed to look like when you put some Sass in that Ass". Direct quote. I'm not altering it at all to fit my personality - she thought I had so much sass that I deserved to show the other shy wallflowers what Cardio Funk is all about.
THEN, after the whole yoga class watches this performance throught the window, and the teacher tells me 'good' as he walks by fixing my neighbors Warrior 1 and Flying Airplane, I go to ask a simple question. Apparenly the gurus have pow wowed before and I get to stay for an HOUR chatting it up with the boys.
Case in Point - I decide its ok to let go of Him, that life is better than fine without Him, and I get smiled at when I go get a sandwich for lunch. Subway, Quizznos, Vons... no matter where I go, I get smiles. For dinner at El Pollo Loco I made two friends in line, had the cashier call over her buddy to laugh with us, and every table on the way out had people in it that smiled at me as I passed.
Case in Point - I decide its ok to live my life, do the gym every day, work at a job with little prestige but easy work, and My Gorgeous Girl cuddles with me every night again. And the cats run to me when I come in.

5 - Is it necessary to cut across 5 lanes of traffic to get on the freeway because you and your buddy got the bosses convertable for the lunch break? Do you not understand lane assignments because the roar of your dumb ass revving the Mustang into second gear is clouding your thought process? Did your boss know you don't know how to drive a stick when he tossed you the keys and said "lets keep it to two beers today, ok boys?"??? I'm just sayen, I was sucked into the "hey, the are fuckin cool" until I took another blink and you... well, YOU were there.

6 - If the program saves the work every time I hit save, why is the information not there when I go back???
If someone else LOOKS at the profile I am adding to, why does that make the SAVE button do NOTHING?
How is it possible that this compnay is as bad ass as everyone says it is if this program that they designed just for them is so bad at Saving stupid stuff like the guys phone number or work history or references... but somehow never loose any info on the page that gives people credit for seeing the weepy SOB that came in (in other words, the screen that gets them paid)???

7 - Is it a bad sign in society if I come back from lunch to find that the covering receptionist AND the interviewer both refer to the two women testing by pulling the corners of their eyes out and saying "they both look like this, I couldn't tell them apart when they sat in the lobby!"

8 - I only drink on Fridays these days. Just cuz. No abstinence or lent or fighting it, just happening. Is it a sign that I am HAVE to sleep till noon to avoid the raging hangover every Saturday??? Or just that I need to 1) eat dinner before Happy Hour, 2) drink more often to keep up my tolerance, or 3) that I need to roll over and give up my status as a Party School Attendee and leave the 32oz cups at home on 'bring your own cup' nite???

9 - If you are a super big wig at some company calling another company that you are putting in charge of staffing you operation, is it an actual written law you get from the Golfers With Shafts Up Their Prostates Association that you need to cut off the receptionist and demand to speak with SoAndSo??
I mean really, do you talk to the people in your office that way? And are you SURE you want to talk to that person, because all I have to do is just hang up on you or put you right to voice mail or give you to the wrong person and apparently that would be The. Worst. Crime. Against. Your. Self. Important. Secretary. Filled. Out. For. You. Day Planner. I know this because the two seconds it takes for me to annoucnce my name pisses you off to the point you have to bark over me.
Be nice or Lose.The.Call. Thats it. Fucker. Don't piss me off for the next caller, its not their fault you have no manners, decency, or cooth.

10 - I had to round out the list. Ten is a good number.
Just when I thought I didn't have a tenth thought, I come up with two.
Go figure.
I like 10, though it isn't my favorite number. I realized today that I round off my life in decades and that this triflin shit I've been blabbin/blubbering/bloggin about is just the BS of this decade. Give me a few years and I will hate myself for this crap, but here in the mid twenties I figure its just part of the territory.
My second thought is that we have a new hire in our office and so many people are helping him get started that he is too busy interviewing to take calls and too busy on the phone to greet his interviews. As I typed his name to get his credit for all this work, I mistakenly wrote his last name as "Bumpass" instead of "Bumpus". Is this my dancing queen peeking through? My opinion of his wide stature and slow southern drawl pissing me off when all he wants is to borrow a pen? Or perhaps seeing Aunt Flows bus rounding the bend is getting my mind into the all familiar gutter to duck for cover and this was a written invitation for a Freudian Slip???

Yep. I meant it when I said Quick Thoughts. This is me trying to sum things up. But hey, at least its not sappy drivel like I've been prone to, huh??


Mona Buonanotte said...

I think I need a little more sass in my ass...can you help??!

Wicked post, sistah! Loved it! (BTW, Management = Satan)

Ale8one said...

Aunt Flo. Just in time for the weekend!!

curmudgeon said...

It sounds like that box of cookies is about to be devoured! :O

Miss Sassy said...

Mona - check your email for tips on sass'n that ass, and if I'd have known the equation five years ago I would have stayed in school!!

Ale8one - If I'm lucky. She kinda likes to bang on the door through the weekend and drop her bags on me come Monday morning. Bitch.

Curmudgeon - you think its one box do ya? I've got 4 in my room waiting for a movie marathon!! They are only half full though - last weekend happened. I'm cool with it.

april said...

Micro-managing FUCKERS!!!!!! I'm sorry your job sucks ass. Have a good weekend!

Bent Fabric said...

Quick thoughts?! *lol* ;) It's Friday so you must be out having a drink. Emphasis on the word a, as in ONE drink. Don't think I forgot. ;)

Miss Sassy said...

april - I hear a job will suck ass in some way no matter what... I'm giving it two more weeks to see if it will pay my bills before I go undercover and ask my recruiter to find me something I can live on!

Bent - you know what missy??? I recall this conversation about drinking applying to company happy hour - there was never any longstanding agreement!!!
So YOUR not a drinker; go pop in a DVD and vedge YOUR way >:)