So I've been a blubbering fool the last few posts... whatever.
You still came back, didn't you??
Well then, I guess it wasn't THAT awful to hear of the woes of getting life yanked around on someone else for however many paragraphs I could spew between phone calls.
For the record, I actually was on a roll of about one call every 10 seconds... this was noted by the caller on my cell phone who waited patiently for two minutes for me to tell them I was at work and couldn't talk - you all are SO lucky I needed to vent so shit last week or you'd have had to find, like, 12 other blogs to take up your reading time.
Its now late late late on a Sunday and I should have been in bed hours ago but somehow talking my sister off a ledge this evening got me all philosophical.
She doesn't have a working phone of her own, so I am at her mercy of when I talk to her.
I REAMED her for a good four straight minutes about her leaving me desperate crying messages as the first communication in a month and not giving me a way to get a hold of her and then trying to trump my woes with hers.
We're sisters, we can do that.
My best friend hasn't called in three weeks, and she'll be getting an earful too.
The reason I tell you this instead of the rest of the hour of conversation while I bonded with the cat who lives in the garage because the kitten (whos actual name is Monster Under the Bed) was too terrorizing and she'd rather have dreads than live with this beast, is because its been a hard few weeks in SassyLand and by golly if I didn't sum it up into a 90 second sshmear of highlights for Lil Sis.
Then I called the psycho epitomy of LA women known as the aunt who saved my sorry ass and let me crash with her when I had REAL drama last year to tell her that Lil Sis will be calling looking for a new life starting at her house in about a week if she can't straighten her shit out where shes at.
And again I knew that the lingering dramatic thoughts wouldn't be appreciated and rounded up the highlights for the baked in the head.
This made me understand what is the possible root of my malfunction of late.
Its all changing.
And I used to puss out on life and let it change around me while I hid in the eye of the storm... I knew I was in it, but there was no telling by looking around.
Today I am right in there flying around in the dark clouds of whatever the tornado swept up to knock me around with.
And every time I get used to the beat up truck or the wheezing heefer or the tiny stings of backstabbing or manipulation, I get whisked up into another tide of the whirlwind and have to acclamate to the new suroundings before they make me nutty.
And with nothing solid to hang onto besides a fantasy of what could maybe someday be... it gets easy to get swept away.
I'm gonna curl up in bed with Steinbeck and My Gorgeous Girl and hunker down with my jammies and a blanket and remember, with a faint smile, all the blessings I indeed have. The fantasies and the drama and the pretending not to see the truth are old habits I'd learned when I was shielded and protected from the storm BY the storm... and when I return to that peaceful place I'll surely fall back into those comfortable old ways... but for now I need to clear my mind and find something to focus on before all this gets to me (worse than it has), and that includes saving your hours from the scroll bar and giving your something a tad bit more interesting to avoid your daily duties with. =)
Next time... Tempura is back, the toilet seat mystery, and a cat fight over Girl Scout Cookies.