Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Holiday Freak Zone


I made it!!

Traveling Christmas weekend, didn't loose luggage or have flight delays or broken rental cars or family blow ups or over-drunkenness or a wad of cash in my stocking or ill feelings when someone made a bowl of soup instead of eating the feast my sister and I prepared for Christimas Eve dinner... I even got confirmation that I'm not making this shit up when the step-sister's boyfriend and I dodged an 'old family friend' party and he said "I thought my family was wierd, but this whole place operates in such a fucked up way - there is NO FUCKING WAY I would date the girl I saw in there tonight, its like she puts on a show for her mom, she is such a great girl in Arizona, but here, its like the fucking Twilight Zone!"

OK, so Flo came 10 days late right in the middle of my dad's house all over my outfit. This caused me to be OK with the idea of breaking into the Capt'n Morgan bottle at about, um, 11am Saturday morning. You know, to help the ibprofin haze hit a little sooner and a little harder. Sister and I spent Saturday bumming around the old hometown shopping for people I vehimently did NOT want to spend money on but after I saw the stack under the tree with my name on it I HAD to get SOMETHING... Sister doesn't realize she and her "free trip to see the stepsisters" cost me $200. THANKS, not like I have to COVER YOUR RENT in a WEEK or anything... and I didn't want car insurance this month anyway =)
So I spent the whole weekend bleeding profusely, half tossed, and having polite (then excessively frank) conversation with people that have no idea who I really am and don't care to know.
The reason I start with this is: I came back to work to find a girl sitting at my desk. My bosses hired a replacement for me and didn't let me know, so this poor thing was sitting there answering phones with nothing else to do for an hour and a half.
So, to have a girl sitting next to me this week and next with no bosses around, we have become fast friends and gabbed about all sorts of stuff as we waited for her login name to get processed and for people to get out of interviews so we could leave for lunch and just because when Would Be Boss called for the 5th time in 3 hours and I replied to "whats up" with "I wanna call Sexy and I don't really know why."

Long story short, I made the call. He got a message. He called back. He apologized for how it went down. We caught up on school and holidays and new jobs and all that. He said he thinks about how we would have sex sometimes. I said I do to. I said I called because I missed my friend. He will call on his break cuz he called on his way in to work. Trainee got all excited to hear the dirt when I came back to the desk she was working at and was flush in the face.

Why? Everyone says I want to get laid. Latent reason? Surely. Compounding that though, suddenly I want to get girliefied and clean my room and unpack and organize and go grocery shopping and all the stuff I used to do because I had more in my life than work and bed. I like that my heart raced today every time the phone rang, wondering if it was him.

I realize this is a condensed version of His and my relationship, with the rediculous amounts of game playing followed by hiatus followed by pleasantries... the next steps will be fantastic sex and him leaving me instants afterward only to be ultimately left on the sidelines while he goes off and has a real relationship with someone else.
And that I know this and will meet him if he asks... baffles the mind, doesn't it??

In the mean time, my sister gave me this book with an eating plan that says "pull out the ziploc baggie and eat everything in it" every 3 hours, and a walk once a day, and I can be not bulging out of my clothes by next week, and maybe be using my gift card for a new size of jeans by the end of the second week... the trouble with that is I have to go to the store and buy food and cook it and put it in the ziploc baggies AND tell WouldBeBoss that I appreciate her buying breakfast for the office but I just don't eat doughnuts or bagels anymore. Oh, and stop drinking daily =( This might be the hardest of all... of course "1 cup cooked rice" could equal the carbs of "1 12oz light beer"?????

I'm an idiot. I know. I like to have great sex. I know. I said I was done with the bullshit and I called him anyway. I know. I've been the same pound and in the same pants for at least 5 years and think THIS WEEK I'll change my life??? right, I know.
But hey, Trainee thinks Sassy fits my real personality splendidly after I lucked out and let her listen to my and Techie's conversation and told her thats what Techie and the boys call me, so I guess the day isn't a total wash of blatent retarded behavior, huh??


vincentblackshadow said...

Guinness has no calories, drink that instead.

It does sound like Sassy is the ideal description for you though.

curmudgeon said...


But glad you're back.

Miss Sassy said...

V - um, SURE. We'll see how that works when you wheelbarrow my bloated beer gut out the door =)

C - ME TOO, thats EXACTLY the noise I made, but it was a LONG night of introspection and talking it out and figuring what the FUCK is the matter with me that THIS was a good idea... I got some good stuff, its still sinking in, if I get 2 minutes to blog without a trainee over my shoulder I'll report back =)

Glad you're back too =) I read even if I can't comment ;)

vincentblackshadow said...

Happy New Year or Blwyddyn Newydd Dda (Welsh) to ya.

Is it bad that I still have a hangover on Jan 2 or just a sign I had a good times on NYE.

april said...

Flo fucked me up too!! Came right on new year's eve, 2 weeks early!! All over my brand new thongs I got for xmas. I was pissed too!

Miss Sassy said...

Vince - surely you will give us audio posts so my California girl English won't royally mutilate your Welsh greetings?!?!?

I think being hung over on the 2nd is a sign that you partied through the DAY of NY and not NYE =)

April - cute new pic!
And yeah, Flo and her fucked timing can be attributed to more than one trip to VS for "do they still have my color?"
I don't care if its every month, I'll blog about that hat'n bitch every time she screws with me!