Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Get On Your Knees

Pray for me ya'll, I need all the strength I can muster.

I've already told the story 4 times in the last hour, but lucky for you I emailed it once so I'm just gonna copy and paste the long version and you can see just what a mental dump looks like.

**Somehow, my getting assaulted by 120 pounds of retarded hound dog every morning wasn't enough to drive Spaz over the edge... somehow when he gets his teeth around my hand every other time I come home, and him pouncing me, and chest pressing me, it wasn't THAT big of a deal... and with my best efforts to bring to her attention that this is a DOG we are dealing with and ASKING him IF he can sit and take a chewie for going hoarse yelling at me because I brush my hair before I go to work, she still insisted that the situation was just something to deal with.

So, I got bit yesterday morning. It's never hard, but the teeth marks my flesh red for a few hours and he is TRYING to grab at me when it happens. I yelled at him, raised my hand and nearly came down with a punch in the head, and yelled some more when he started howling at me - she didn't come flying downstairs to tell me not to use a harsh tone - I assumed she was in the shower because she INSISTS you coddle this mofo.

Last night, I come home, he screams his head off, jumps at me, and refuses to let me in even the 6 feet before I could escape upstairs. She is in the kitchen, talking baby talk to him, and I have scratch marks on my chest from his antics.
THEN, Sister comes in, maybe 3 minutes after me. He is still barking at me, turns around and there she is, he walks to bark at the wall, then bark out the window, then bark in the kitchen - he isn't even looking at her or me, just talking to mid air. We are all being nice, Sister takes 3 steps in the house, and he lunges at her.

I FLIP OUT. I grab his neck, yell loudly over his pathetic attempt at a believeable squeel, try to drag him to throw him outside, Spaz is trying to interceed, we are all in the hallway (with SuperAwsomeShortyPup underfoot trying to say hi in all the maylay)...

I am done fighting with this dog, Spaz takes him to the kitchen, the noise has stopped, Sister and I start upstairs with Shorty right behind us, Spaz is saying I should have warned her that my sister (who is over about 3 days a week at this point) was coming so she could have TOLD THE DOG we would have guests, I say "it is completely unacceptable that he bit me this morning, that I was mauled coming home, and that he was FINE with her for WEEKS and is now she gets bite marks every time she comes to the place I call home."

I checked my phone - I got a text from Sister saying she got to work on time, and a voicemail from Spaz saying "thats it. I can't have Brut attacking your sister like that. I'll find a place this weekend, and you guys can take over on the first, if that still works for you. ok, bye"

Right-o.

I like control.
I'd lost control.
I was grinding teeth that she said she would leave January first and then changed her mind. I just kept thinking that 2007 would be a great year and it will start ON NEW YEARS and BAM!!!

Apparently my getting bit every other day, and my sctached up chest from where he pounces me when I come home as he howls and yells and barks and snarls at me was OK to live with, but let my sister get this vicious attack was over her edge.

So, Sister was liking the idea of keeping her job 45 minutes away and staying where she is now and housesitting around the family for the month and moving in February first... how do I politely say that our screaming match last night and storming out and coming home at 2am was enough to get Spaz to fulfill my wildest happiest most perfect fruition of this goal and that she and I are paying January rent in TWO WEEKS?? **

I am asking for a little help - I need as many people as possible to get some good thoughts on this because if this freak decides to change her mind again, I will pack her shit for her and leave it in the driveway, and I really don't think I'm exaggerating on this. I have all the boxes from when I moved in still intact on the back porch, it will be REALLY easy to chuck anything that isn't mine into a box and walk it to the carport. The couches she will try to sell me she can drag out her damn self.

The worst of it is, I would have never thought of her moving out if she hadn't mentioned it so many times!!!! I would have told my people that her dog was a mess and we'd find something else to do besides hang out at my spacious naturally lit hardwood floored pad where we can hear the ocean waves and smell the ocean breeze!! We really really would have made Denny's the new cool place to hang!!! Since two days after I moved in, she has been talking about leaving and DAMN if I'm getting sick of all that hot air being blown in my face.

Come with me on this one...get on you're knees, put your hands together, close your eyes, and get the good thoughts of a Brut-mark-free Sassy, a well fed Sassy with a fridge full of meat that isn't earmarked for the dogs, a Sassy who can get ready for work in the morning in a full sized bathroom without a dog as her blowdryer, a Sassy who can come home from work without groaning when her roomie is there!!!!

8 comments:

vincentblackshadow said...

When can I move in?

Mom of Three said...

I am so sorry that such a good weekend had to culminate in such a distateful event. Especially with all the good doggie-lovin' you put out to the universe on Sunday. 'Taint fair.

Okay, take a deep breath. This is not fatal. Jessie has a job and you no longer have a car payment. Talk to the landlord, finnagle a reduction in rent (there's a glut of rentals, show him the section, tell him good renters are an asset).

All this and PMS too? Girlfriend, you're more together than I would be!

curmudgeon said...

I of course, am pulling for you.

You've already more or less made the deal with sis. If she tries to back out, remind her of it. And make her stand by it.

Miss Sassy said...

Vince - we have no living room furniture, so bring your own couch and make sure Bo comes to play with Shorty and you've got the downstairs =)

MOT - NO SORRYS!!!! This is the BEST end to the weekend I can imagine - getting to grab life by the balls and say "if I want to blow town for the weekend I can" and come back to find that "if I want to have a new roomie Jan 1st I can"... its the ANTITHESIS to the "I have no control over anything in my world" post of yesterweek =)=)=)=)=)=)
And Flo is taking her sweet time, so its kinda the hormonal calm before the storm, its the ONLY reason I was able to keep my wits while tearing Spaz a new hole to spew from ;)

C - I knew that ;) She has been reminded, she will relocate, and it is because of her desire to stay in THAT house that I'll be taking over the lease instead of moving.

You guys ROCK, by the way - its the good Sassy karma thats making this happen, and I wouldn't have thought myself into a happy place if I didn't get you guyzes support. MUAH!

vincentblackshadow said...

So all i need is a couch, my dog and the living room is mine, cool.

How much is airfare to Cali these days?

Miss Sassy said...

Vince - just about what I'll be paying for my part of the rent next month for the cheapest fares listed, no mention of furniture transport or pup patrol though.

I thought things were going splendidly on your side of the world, why would you leave on an upswing??

I'd not looked up fares before... if this job is what I think it can be, I'll be taking you up on your offer sooner than you think!

vincentblackshadow said...

The sooner the better

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