Thursday, December 21, 2006

As The Spaz Turns


I sincerely hope that by the time I'm pushing 50, my daily life does not include tears of rage followed by apologies, followed by hocus pocus rationalization, followed by blame placing, followed by an alcoholic stupor before my interupted by trips to the bathroom and something that requires the shower to get turned on repeatedly in the night.

Long story short, we had a blow-out, I stood my ground (literally, she told me to get out and I didn't even shift my weight), it was solidified that she would be out by the first (again, yes, we are back to Jan. 1 move date), and I started making plans to facilitate that.

So who KNOWS what kind of freak fit she threw last night when I brought over my coworker to meet Her Shortness before the weekend where Shortstack will be living at Coworker's house (she needs a nicname, I know, I can only think of ones I've used before though, so give a Sass a minute) only to get, this morning, "um, she can stay here, its really not necessary to get a dogsitter."
Excu - WHAT????
"You told me that you were going to be gone this weekend looking for places to move to, you said on the message that you AND BRUT would be gone this weekend, so I found a way to take care of My LoveBug while you were gone."
"Oh, well, I'll look for places but I can't take him with me, so I'll be home at nights, and I can look for places from home, so really, you don't need... I mean, I know we had a fight this week, but I really don't mind watching her ::big eyed blink:: plus she will miss you anyway and this way she doesn't have all her weekend disrupted."
"Listen, its not that I don't want you watching her, but you said you'd be gone. I've spent 2 days racking my brain and options to get this set up."
"oh, well, she can stay..."
I look at the 'baroo' eyes on my sweeties face and though of how well she took to Coworker and how excited they both were at the ideas of what this weekend would entail - we were talking in the driveway about poop schedules and walking habits and pill popping and table scrap policies and finally we decided it was too cold to kabitz anymore so Coworker walks to her truck as I get Shorts to stand up and walk back toward us (from her perch Right.On. the property line staring down the long sidewalk like she can see past 10 feet) and Sweetness veered right to waddle after Coworker. We all three stop, and I try to persuade SugarBoogie to follow me back to the house so I can get on some walking shoes and a sweater so we can check out the long stretch of sidewalk she'd been staring down. She looks at me, looks at Coworker, and takes a few more steps toward the truck.
Giggle ensue, Sweets finally gets it that she isn't leaving in the vehicle, nudges Coworker's knee for one more scratch behind the ear, then begrudgingly mopes back to my side of the great divide (or driveway, whatever, she though it was quite the mean trick to play).

Yeah, I'm thinking we will both get a vacation this weekend. And I really don't care what Spaz thinks about it at this point - I've made plans, Coworker and her whole family and house have made plans, I've got the money to pay in advance for CHEEEEEEP dogsitting, and I KNOW BoogieBear will have a splendid romp at the horse stables before plenty of under-the-knee-snuck table scraps and a fight over who's feet she will snuggle at bedtime.

All this after a few hours of pen tossing (I don't have a coin, shut up) to figure which sitch would be best all around. I'm going with "happy coworker I will be partners with next week, happy pup who gets to show her cuteness to a whole new set of pet lovers, smiles on my face knowing she is being loved on instead of sitting at home with Brut waiting for Spaz to talk shit about me" instead of "be a tightwad and let pup sit home alone all day like she does every day so its not that bad and try not to hurt Spaz's feelings by declining her offer".

In 24 hours I'll be flying over California, and I have NO idea what to do with myself after I land on the other side. I'm hoping someone has an idea, otherwise I'm likely to take one of the cars and cruise town for, oh, 10 hours to see if my dreams will stop involving all my college drinking spots ;)
Oh yeah, its been WEEKS since this Sassy has had her pants ripped off by an able man and with Flo literally knocking (thats what it feels like with the random spazmatic mini cramps, like there is someone on the inside banging my junk with the end of a cane) I am totally contsantly conscious of and focused around my crotch and its every momentary change - this is why I couldn't be a guy; every time my pants moved I'd think of my dick and what it was doing and SCHZAM I'd have the nicname Woody by the second day anyone knew me... I digress - I'll be bleeding through prime One Night Stand vacation days so there will be no "bend me over in the bathroom, then you can buy me a drink" this holiday.
To preceed Vince's comment - sure, I'll be done by New Years, and of COURSE I'm thinking of traveling for the holiday, but I really need to pay, um, what was it, oh, right, RENT next month as I'll be the lease owner, so we'll see if I'm doing anything besides wanking off in an empty house while waiting for the Dick Clark Ball Drop.
That sounded dirty and wrong, but you follow. ;)

In case I don't get to check in over the weekend - here's wishing you all those totally sincere happy cliche sayings that come around this time of year that I'm too busy signing generic cards to think of - to EACH and EVERY one of you!


Miss Sassy said...

I've already gotten thumbs up from THREE of my nearest and dearest emailers that my choice to steal MuzzlePuff from home for her very own Christmas Holiday Getaway is the right move - So Much Love this time of year!!!

vincentblackshadow said...

Would email you do the same but I don't have your address, so I can't even send you an Xmas e-card. Never mind, you'll just have to send me one instead.

Definitely the right thing to do with the dog, Pupster deserves the best.

If its any help if you fly me over I'll happily, what was it, help with the "bend me over in the bathroom, then you can buy me a drink" thing. No charge.

Happy Holidays

Miss Sassy said...

Vince - I just noticed my email isn't posted... but I was GUNA email you something and I didn't see your's either ::raspberry:: ::tongue out::

Thanks for the 'no charge', must be the holidays making you so giving huh?

Surely your place is more convenient, with the tongue and the drinks already ready ;)
Besides, if Sister moves in, I'll have a built in dogsitter, and I can flee town whenever I get another "extra month's rent" under my belt!

vincentblackshadow said...

Now I've shown you mine, now you show me yours.

Miss Sassy said...

Vince - Yahoo told me you don't have an account like that - I just copied and pasted???
I tried it at, it hasn't spit it back yet, but I don't know if its YOU I'll say hi to or some other (surely less worthy) bloke.

vincentblackshadow said...

sorry, my bad, seems I'm slightly retarded

Mom of Three said...

Hm. I feel like I'm watching something here I shouldn't be...

vincentblackshadow said...


My thought pattern might be slightly out of whack (8 pints of beer does that to a person), but me thinks you might be flying off for the holidays. So before you go please have a Very, Very Happy Holidays.

Or if you prefer - Nadolig Llawen (Welsh for Merry Xmas).

Have a good one.


Miss Sassy said...

Vince - I'll try the new email, it finally did kick back to me, and yes, I did fly out to solidify that I really really get no vibe at all from the home town that I would go back for any time soon.
Post to come - training 2 new people with NO notice that I would be doing so is severely cutting into my personal stuff at work time.

MOT - nothing I wouldn't email you about sooner or later anyway ;)
Though if you've figured out how to post your email addy on your profile, I'll take some Blogger hints from you for a change =)

Jamie said...

ooh now I'm jealous of vincent getting your e-mail.

Would you be so kind as to e-mail me at