Sunday, January 28, 2007

Its Finally Happening

After a long, late night, alcohol induced conversation with Sister late this week, I got a call Saturday morning that said "I can appreciate that what I was trying to do for you, get you out of your living situation ASAP, is what you have been working to do for me. I also understand your financial position and am thankful that you are able and willing to make sure that I have a place to live and the rent will be covered for February, no matter which day I move in. I see your point about it being more stressful to move in these trying weeks at your job, if for nothing else that you know where all your stuff is, even if you are being yelled at by Brut just for being awake. Thank you Sister for looking out for me and explaining that we were both trying to protect each other. Are you sure you won't have to live there for more than a few weeks? Yes? OK. The reason I called is to tell you that last week I told my manager that I wouldn't be moving and that he could leave me on the schedule past 1/31, but last night I told him that I am moving next weekend and that my last shift will be 2/2. If you could plan on helping me move in on that side of things, I'll find help to load the truck on this side of things, and we'll just move your stuff over in bits until the guy moves out. Perhaps we'll be friends with the guys next door by then and not even have to rent a truck!"

Did you get all that??? My sister was letting her fear of changing her life (she admitted it, I'm not pulling this out of my ass) be overshadowed by her caring for me and my living situation. It was only after I pointed out that we committed to paying for 2 bedrooms of rent and that her living sitch has been shit far longer than mine that she conceded to move as planned.
How fucking sweet is that???
This from the same Sister who, this time last year, wasn't returning my phone calls for a month. This from the same Sister who, this time two years ago, was generous enough to save me a cell phone surcharge the month I declared bankruptcy, only to take the money I was sending her and NOT get the bill paid on time and leave me excommunicated for about 2 weeks of every 2 months - a mere 6 months after shipping out from my home town and finding it tough to set up shop in a new town.
And now I get a call nearly daily just to see if I've thrown my shoe at anyone's head today?? I get someone willing to try to grow like a dandelion through concrete in order to facilitate a better life for me?????
Are you catching this?
The best part is that she has swallowed her fear and loving protection of me and committed to moving next weekend!!!! While this surely has the ingredients for a make or break situation, I'm liking our jumping off point and beg for your whole hearted happy thoughts on this one... we are both excited about living on this street, in this neighborhood, the layout of the house, the garage space, the lack of freakish roommates to learn, the ability to cook a meal fit for queens and polish off a batch of home made cookies and not care who's turn it is to do the dishes. Our family has a lot of skeletons in our closets, but we hide our love for each other there too, so stay tuned for what I come up with when I delve into my darkest corners with my sister's hand as my tether to the real world - you never know what you might find on such a trek, and I don't mind saying that I've been avoiding things much longer than she has and harbor a tremendous fear of these unknown things - and continue to give her shit about her unreasonable frights anyway.
We are sisters, after all, and what good is all the good without a little bad for comparison?

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I See The Light

WAY too little time to go into it, but I have seen the light at the end of the Spaz tunnel and I am working diligently to make gains to reach it - there is just a little resistance and some necessary time delays, but I have reason to believe that life is getting a whole lot sweeter in the very near future =)

Job changed this month, home will change for the 2nd time in 6 months in the next few weeks - I don't know how NOT to make it off the charts for that standardized stress meter, but some people are built for strength I guess; I've always been 'stalky' or 'solid', but suddenly I'm enjoying the dichotomy of the straight skirt and 3.5" heels and perfectly curved calves and the quads that have me leg pressing more than my body weight =) All that lower body strength matched with the learned grace are making these trying tides of change MUCH easier to wade through ;)

Monday, January 22, 2007

Do You...

Have a shotgun?

Can I borrow it??

How about mace? I should probably get some anyway, just in case I would remember it on the late night walks...

I was told I should be more stressed this morning - that it should feel like I'm running with my hair in fire - from a person who loves her job so much she hoovered a ham and cheese (the plastic yellow kind) croissant (I was given TOTAL shit for not wanting it, the defense being "its got protein in it, what?? you don't want it - fine, yours you can rip the croissant OFF") and followed up with pulling out the pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream by 11am.
Monday Morning at 11am I had a pint eater on one side and a compulsive mini chocolate eater on the other - I sat with my tummy of 2oz of clean protein and 1/2 a peach and big cup of water and visualized the fat rolling off me and up their legs and into their hips...
And kept my damn mouth shut about how maybe, just maybe, on my first try at doing this job that I didn't get any training on (its a 3 part cycle, I didn't get to read this part of the training manual and there is a very "fake it til you make it" mentality that permiates this, well, I want to say HELLHOLE, but that may be premature), I should be given a little credit for NOT freaking the FUCK out and hanging up on someone's answering machine mid message because some chick who interviewed last week wants to know if she got the job and that means I have to stop everything and call this company 20 minutes before planned to answer her questions for her.

Hmmmm... I sit drinking water and planning my work and diligently working my plan, and am surrounded by people cramming their faces with sugar early in the day (and I started my period TODAY, check my willpower, you can borrow some later this week when I'm done with it!) who tell me I'm doing it, well, kinda WRONG because I'm not a total freakazoid????
Somehow I feel qualified for this job, but I guess its only the first day and having my job description change twice TODAY might prove to me otherwise...

Happily writing my shopping list for the stop on the way home to fill fridge I scrubbed out this weekend and cook a mighty fine meal to take to my freshly scrubbed bedroom (I picked up the folded Tshirt I wore for PJs from the Thanksgiving trip unpacking spree... its has been THAT long since I've really cleaned my room, I was NOT kidding when I said I was in a funk) to hibernate in for the evening with my space heater and dog...

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Just for Shits and Giggles

Remember that omlette and fruit I had the other day, that had me so full I didn't even want to eat the muffin until 4pm??
Yeah, I'm not saying it was THAT, or the driving around town all afternoon in a new truck with a new driver (I like the idea of visiting people I want to do business with, but jumping in a truck with a coworker for 3.5 hours is kinda icked my wow on it), or Spaz working my last nerve with the "you still owe me the rest of the deposit I put down 2+ years ago so I come out even, and I hope I called this guy early enough so I still have a place to go, sign this peice of binder paper saying you owe me money", or maybe just maybe it was coming back to the office that somehow smells of rank BO at almost all times (menapuase is a BITCH, and it will make ypu smell like a man, FYI), or perhaps that it was windy yesterday and after being a passenger in a car all day I just couldn't take the building swaying on me... add to all that the late night (company standard to stay until 7pm once a month) and you get One.Sicky.Sassy.

I was up most of Tuesday night with sharp stabbing pains in my stomach, this after 1/2 a bowl of soup broth and a walk around the block with Pupster (kinda bad when you have the chills and like the chill on your face, no?), was passed out by 8:15pm, woke up at 2am with a crazy trip to the bathroom that had me in another bought of "ok, lets try sitting up a bit, maybe leaning against the wall, or maybe laying down on my side? no, nope, ok, well, how about wrapped around a pillow??" for 1.5 hours before I passed out again.
Even with all this, I tried to go to work yesterday - called in 3 times before I gave up, got myself some Ginger Ale and some chicken noodle soup and some dinner rolls and a yogurt for the sweet tooth, and hunkered in for the day.

I can honestly say, its not a fun as it sounds to sleep through a Wednesday =(=(

The one bonus is that I had time to sign the lease and get it to the property management company!!! No excuses from Spaz now, as I've made it clear that I will not be handing her any more money to move out with (she wants her full deposit back, the one she left on the place 2+ years ago!!!), and Sister and I have nailed down next weekend for a move date, so Spaz can figure out how to delay this further while 3 of us need the same shower every morning before work ;)
Oh, and I moved SweetPea's food dish to my room - lets see how quickly I don't have to blame her waistline on the medication when her kibble quits being covered in canola oil and sprinkled with cheddar cheese and pepperoni (cuz, you know, "its not fair to give it to one dog without giving it to the other". GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR).
The power WILL be mine, and who cares if I have to take a day off work to fight off food poisoning symptoms?

OH, a big heads up to anyone I converse with about actually visiting - I really hate hearing people eat. Please, keep eating to specific times, preferably when I will be eating with you and can be distracted by the sounds of my own mastication, and if you really really must have food next to you through the entire day and put something in your mouth every 5 minutes, maybe make it something you can wrap your mouth around (preferably squishy or pudding like that you don't even have to chew), and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD do NOT think that you are a master time stacker because you take a bite while waiting for someone to pick up the other end of the phone call you just dialed - this will surely anger the receptionist you are trying to get to give you the name of the person we want to do business with; first you assume she will suck at her job and take 5 rings to pick up, then you waste her time telling her how funny you think it is to not be ready for her to answer the phone and ask her to let you finish chewing so you can beg her company for business.
Just Say'n, maybe lets get the manners back on the table, and I'll keep all of you apprised of any further pet peeves that pop up =)

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Spaz Update

Have you ever come to work, been chastized for being 20 minutes early, then go to a breakfast meeting 3 miles away but take 45 minutes to get there because your driver didn't look up WHERE the restaurant is, then spend 2 hours eating and talking to get bystander-anxiety on the way back to the office only to find out its lunch time and you had plans to take the lease you was told was "your copy" 8 days ago to the property management company and ask them a few questions (like 'thank you for paying for a gardener, everything in the yard is dead, will you reimburse me for grass seed and some bushes or should I just tell you that your gardener needs to bring these on his next visit?' and 'I need a walkthrough to see what you would give me TODAY as a return on the deposit, because I know the origional lease holder will be leaving soon and she is asking that I pay her what she paid to get into the place and I happen to know from experience NEVER to expect a full deposit back, so I want her expectations of what I will be paying out of pocket to be realistic') but you HAVE to get your goals met for the week and being out of the office for the first 3 hours of the day isn't lending you the opportunity to bail for an hour???
Has this ever happened to you on the same day you are asked to write a $600 dollar check to someone before they will sign a lease they already signed or they won't follow through with the moving out that they initiated?? I know it sounds silly, but I thought it was totally reasonable for me to meet the people who will be responsible for evicting me, and somehow this psycho is telling me that she will "just take it over, I can even fax it!" but refused to sign it so I could do the same. To the point where she called me, after she knew I would be at work at 8am, to say that as someone on the lease I needed to go through her if I was going to bring up that the grout between the tub and the wall needs to be looked at before I'll sign off on taking responsibility for this place - she's right, as someone on the lease, she would be told about issues with the house that concern me, and since I've brought this up 3 times in 2.5 months and nothing has been done, I wanted to let the management company know there is a pre-existing condition that may or may not need treatment in order to keep me from incurring the cost of, oh, replacing the wall in the bathroom...
Yeah, and it was 56 degrees in my room this morning when I woke up, and the water took 4 minutes to heat up for my shower, and the "where are you? what do you mean you are at your desk working?" followed by "what time is it? we are in SO much trouble!!" as I'm checking messages to see how angry work is and hear "so, is it the deposit money I need you to give me so I can give it to the place I'm moving? and you can't just walk in somewhere and start saying "mold" because places freak out about that and just tell me whats going on!" as I try to make sure it doesn't take us 45 mintues to get BACK to the office that I can SEE from the parking lot we are pulling out of...

Its not even lunch yet and I need a Valium.
Its Tuesday.
But, I'm commited to leaving ON TIME to talk to the management company and sign the lease, I will reiterate that the place will be fixed up, but its a matter of who pays for it, and that Spaz will be vacating ASAP so if I could get a simple walk thru for an estimate of needed repairs, Sister will be at the house next Wednesday!

Oh, and I had a veggie omlette, no cheese (well, they left it off the top), a cup of Sweet n Low'd coffee (refilled 4 times), the fruit cup, and the muffin came back with me to be my carbs with lunch (whenever I stop burping up breakfast, I'll dive into that!). So far, I'm on my new eating plan today is the point =) My skirt (that is part spandex, but mostly stiff cotton, that was left in the dryer too long last week) is reminding me that "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" isn't just for the post-menapausal women who love to repeat it ;)

Thursday, January 11, 2007


Riddle me this - if you started chatting with an ex that you left on barely good terms with, nearly had her in your bed before you had a dinner date with your girlfriend, then chatted the night away with the ex unitl your OTHER girlfriend showed up at your door to get you finally laid, would you remember all of this with shame or pride once the beer wore off?
While I don't knock the excitement of getting three girls in an evening, I do wonder why I was asked how he could break it off with the chick he left me for. I was left with "I need to talk to you more - I need a grown up in my life Sassy, these girls are so busy playing games I can't have fun with them anymore, plus you make me laugh, I gotta go."
I told him I was ready to throw him down and take advantage of his calling me on a night I happened to have to be 30 miles from my house and 2 freeway exits from him - but that I was conflicted because the resolutions I've set for myself (because of him actually) should have me ignoring this opportuinity... he told me to stick to my resolutions and we could chat later.
Right. After calling out of almost nowhere (I've deleted his number TWICE now for shits sake!), getting me all reved up for some hot sex, tell me its ok to stick to my gut instinct to not deal with sex unless its strictly sex (or date, but without the now typical good night fuck, so the "are you here yet, I'm hard and ready for you")
He attempted to woo me a bit later with "sorry for the back and forth, we need to hook up in the next couple of days." My reply was "I'd appreciate the fuck buddy, but I more appreciate a friend that tells me to stick to my resolutions. Which do you prefer to be?" I got a call 10 seconds later and heard all the uninhibited details of whats been going on with him (in the sexual realm anyway) since the weekend we stopped talking.
So, if you were to call an ex and have all this go down, what kind of outcome would you be looking for - besides the obvious?
Honestly, I'm tempted to get him all worked up like we are meeting for just the sex, come in, grab him by the pants, toss him on the bed, tell him he isn't built to be a player if he is going to care enough about his fucks to want a relationship with them, hand him a pocket pussy, turn around and walk out. Or, bring a roll of duct tape for his face, rip his clothes off of him, abuse him until his little hard body gives out or my pussy swells shut, THEN walking out without another word.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I Suck, I Blow, I Spit, I Swallow

This is the ONLY title that came to mind today, as I picture a string of sorority girls trying to snake through the crowd of fans at a back patio of a dive bar with a man and his Casio electronic piano and his mic starting a verbal riot at these obviously rude chicks trying to vacate in the middle of a show.
Well, it was "you suck, you blow, you...", but looking at my latest comments I realize it has been FAR too long with WAY too many things happening for it to have been a full week since I've posted!!!
My greatest apologies, my dedicated Statmonitored friends, for I hate when I am looking forward to a continued saga and find a repeat on the screen =(

Its lunch break on my second day at my new job and I am LOVING this new position with this company. It doesn't hurt that I came in during a flush week of activity and positive attitudes from everyone, but whatever it takes to keep me running from this place (at least until I see exactly what the new take home pay is next week ;) ).
The trainee isn't quite understanding that she needs to cut the cord, but I have been able to take lunch alone this week so thats a good start I guess.
I'm getting nothing but praises from all levels of managerial staff - apparently they are talking out loud about my strengths as much to boost my spirits and keep me working as they are to pat each others backs about how good they are at their jobs to get me here, but who am I to bust a bloated ego??
No sex as of late, becoming quite a problem, but I've also finally polished off all the alcohol in the house which was topped off with a bender at the company party (and the bar around the corner, don't worry, I didn't let the coworkers see me smashed!), and really think the negative mood I'd been carrying might have had something to do with the mini-detox I was calling a work day. Time will tell, but yesterday and today have been lovely =)
Also, there is no substitute for sunshine. Monty, this means you! My new desk sits back in a corner of a glass building and even with my back to the view I am awash in natural light and this alone is worth the constant frozen fingers from the fan of my coworker next to me in our 4' cubicles.

What else??? Spaz brought home some boxes the other day but I haven't seen them packed yet. Brut is only annoying when I walk by him, as his new favorite game is "MY CHEWIE" - only annoying because Spaz hands him a chewie every time he looks at her, and I get howled at for going into my room (when I didn't try to get near enough to him to try to take it, but he wants me to) or when I leave my room (when he sees me thinking about passing him and defends his chewie with every fiber of his retarded being) or when I come home (when he drops one at my feet and brags that he still has his and My Gorgeous Girl ate hers already)... yeah. I'll be packing those boxes come Saturday if she doesn't STOP GIVING THIS TOOL OF HATEFUL NOISE to this animal.
I don't think I'm kidding.
Curmudgeon, Sister is still kinda my bain of existence with the back and forth, and there is no convincing her that the praise she is receiving can be gotten at a place that will pay her more than minimum wage (in CA the wages just went up and no, she didn't get bumped accordingly). She isn't saying she won't move, or even into my place, but she is saying if Spaz wants to stay she is fine with that and I am trying to convince her that she will be scooping my addled brain off the pavement if I have another 6 weeks of this life.

OK - was that it? I breezed over the extreme embarassment covered by nearly severe alcohol thresholds with the karaoke at the office party, didn't mention that my boss's position in the next office asked if Sister was looking for work out here (then introduced her to my boss's BOSS by name, apparently there is a job like my new one open in the neighboring office), the limo ride from the bar to the house on the water with the guys with the drugs and the not so wandering hands and a surprising amount of trouble finding a way to leave their house in the morning (note to self: at 40 years old, I will have a working vehicle in the crowd of mechanical metal heaps in the driveway).

Ah, well, thats the jist of it I guess, my 1/2 of lunch I didn't have time to eat yesterday is calling my name and I am certainly ready to chow for 5 minutes before the next onslaught of super fast paced pressure oriented deadline driven work starts flowing across my attention span - ttys, I swear!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Total Bad Girl

I texted Sexy til my fingers hurt. The last sent said "seriously, thanks, and ceste la vie".

I thought I broke a sex toy. Turns out it just needed new batteries and a lighter touch.

I dulled a brand new razor blade shaving all the body parts I'd neglected for (apparently) far too long. I now feel like a woman again... and I stayed indoors to save the weak from my prowess.

I slept so many hours I lost track of what day it was. Then woke up, finished the drink on my nightstand, went for food and more drink, and I think I took the dog for a walk but I can't be sure if that was this weekend or last week.

My quest to drain the house of the beer and 3 handle sized bottles of alcohol was met in near triumph. Eventually, with no other nutrition and holiday hours at the store, you are left with nothing but a bottle and a shot glass for sustinance, and that is how you sleep for the majority of a 3 day weekend.

I deleted phone numbers from my address book, thinking "if this Lamer decides to call or text again, I don't need to have his number available to reply to." Yes, Sexy finally made the list of Lamers.

I'm training my replacement and the INSTANT she leaves the room I'm emailing and blogging, having no remorse that I can't find the ONE thing we have to order this month and instructing her to not waste her time searching for anything but to essentially deligate the job to another office and ask them where they order it from... all so I can super sleuth my way through the day and find the part of my profile that says "email me here".
I don't want my availability to be like a club thing, I'm cool with emailing ALL my blogger buddies, and only if it gets crazy with spam or hate or annon emails will I make it a need-know basis.
Jamie, click away =)

Yeah, I have my priorities straight, why do you ask??

While I am holding fast to the concept that 2007 will be a super stellar year, I am also clinging to the idea that how you start something is not how you finish it. I heard the neighbors parties, saw their fireworks, screamed from my window with them that it had crossed the witching hour, then cuddled back into my cocoon of blankets and took the pause off my movie. Somehow I thought the ending of this movie was FUCKING AWSOME the first time I saw it, but having known someone who nearly died that way in real life, I ended up in a pile of tears. So the next movie I watched I remembered being a techincal marval that I could delve into, only to realize that at the core it was a movie about a kid loving his mom so much and it just so happened that her closing words to him as she closed her eyes to sleep forever were pretty much exactly how my mom and I played out during her last cogniscent conversation, so THAT idea was pretty much fubared too. So I went back to the old standby, the seen 10 times this 2 weeks chick flick, and tried tried tried not to think about all the ways my life is NOT like a romantic comedy and how I should NOT emulate what Hollywood sees as a relationship in my real life. I fought the urge to swim in the memories of last New Year, denied myself the opportunity to check my old PAPER address book for His number to see if I remembered it correctly, sat staring at my walls and stuff and piles of me-ness and realized that everything changes and my 2007 New Years celebration last year showed no bearing on how 2006 turned out and so this weekend's events shall also have no resemblence to how I spend the majority of my year.

The greatest part of this weekend was this revelation: the person I fuck and the person I date do not, at this point in time, have to be the same person. I really function better when my lunch hour is spent getting rugburn on the bruise on my shoulder from where the backseat hits me when he grinds me into the corner. I am a total mess when the guy I'm dating says "your freakin me out" for my kissing a napkin and leaving it on his windshield. These can be mutually exclusive and I just might be on the lookout for satisfying both of these areas but one can be dumped without the other.
Or, if anyone has word to the contrary, please speak up before I become that late 20's hussy at the bar thinking she can pick up on randoms... or before I become that late 20's prude who thinks its OK to date without putting out. Usually by the time I hang with someone long enough to want to fuck them, I end up getting a call for lunch the next day... and if I go out with 4 days of fuzz on my legs so I will date them and go home right after dinner, I end up, well, laid anyway.

So much for my idea of "just leave a quicky post Sassy, you've got work to get back to."
Whatever, the new girl will have to deal with the fact that she went home after 8 hours and my sorry ass is still here 10 hours later.

My ass hurts and my cootch is getting the grow back itchies, I gotta bail before I edit and revise this bad boy - good luck and I'm wishing you all a very quick recovery from your New Year's celebrations, as my attitude is kinda fairing toward the "withdrawl" series of hangover symptoms more than the "you done fucked yo'self up Miss"... not really sure which is better at this point...