Do You...

Have a shotgun?

Can I borrow it??

How about mace? I should probably get some anyway, just in case I would remember it on the late night walks...

I was told I should be more stressed this morning - that it should feel like I'm running with my hair in fire - from a person who loves her job so much she hoovered a ham and cheese (the plastic yellow kind) croissant (I was given TOTAL shit for not wanting it, the defense being "its got protein in it, what?? you don't want it - fine, yours you can rip the croissant OFF") and followed up with pulling out the pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream by 11am.
Monday Morning at 11am I had a pint eater on one side and a compulsive mini chocolate eater on the other - I sat with my tummy of 2oz of clean protein and 1/2 a peach and big cup of water and visualized the fat rolling off me and up their legs and into their hips...
And kept my damn mouth shut about how maybe, just maybe, on my first try at doing this job that I didn't get any training on (its a 3 part cycle, I didn't get to read this part of the training manual and there is a very "fake it til you make it" mentality that permiates this, well, I want to say HELLHOLE, but that may be premature), I should be given a little credit for NOT freaking the FUCK out and hanging up on someone's answering machine mid message because some chick who interviewed last week wants to know if she got the job and that means I have to stop everything and call this company 20 minutes before planned to answer her questions for her.

Hmmmm... I sit drinking water and planning my work and diligently working my plan, and am surrounded by people cramming their faces with sugar early in the day (and I started my period TODAY, check my willpower, you can borrow some later this week when I'm done with it!) who tell me I'm doing it, well, kinda WRONG because I'm not a total freakazoid????
Somehow I feel qualified for this job, but I guess its only the first day and having my job description change twice TODAY might prove to me otherwise...

Happily writing my shopping list for the stop on the way home to fill fridge I scrubbed out this weekend and cook a mighty fine meal to take to my freshly scrubbed bedroom (I picked up the folded Tshirt I wore for PJs from the Thanksgiving trip unpacking spree... its has been THAT long since I've really cleaned my room, I was NOT kidding when I said I was in a funk) to hibernate in for the evening with my space heater and dog...