Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Ah, the Fun of it All

Its been a wild ride these last few days ya'll, lemme tell ya!!!!
I decided I hate the drive to and from work enough to look for a new place to live... picked the day that the entire north side of the county was getting an ASH SHOWER from the fires on the other side of the hill from where I want to live. Nevermind that, I had been frustrated enough by trying to make a tuna sandwich at home - first, the cans that were tuna last week were replaced, in teh exact place in the cabinet, and backwards, with tuna FOR CATS... so I find a can of soup that isn't revolting and I can not find a can opener to save my sanity... 7 cork pullers of various sizes and atrocious contraptionisity -that even the smoke in my hair and lungs didn't deter my spirit!! Got a call from Mr. I'm Totally Sucked Up On YOU Cool Ass Chick To Hang Out With And Bone, aka Mr. Sexy, on his way back into town from his weekend trip as I'm scraping ash from my back window so I can avoid getting ass rammed when I slam on the brakes for a "for rent" sign... he needed company on the long drive and asked me to tell him more about ME!!!!
He is just so cute about the whole "ssooooooo... what would you do if I told you I was sleeping with someone else?" and then "where are you? what are you doing? can I come do that with you? why aren't you stalking me at work tonight? what about that story from when you were 8 years old? why aren't you snuggled up with me yet?" stuff that somehow, to ME, sounds like he has a girlfriend, but for the I'm Too Young To Be Tied Down Freakout Factor we can't be labeled anything so I just call him daily and wink at him incessantly and touch him as much as possible to convince him that he does NOT have a girlfriend. Cuz I'm a Cool Ass Chick like that. :muah:
Anyway, so I'm all freaked out about why we are having the "where are we" talk, then the weekend to wait for Flo and feed her salty chocolatey greasy crunchy late night early morning how about a Goober craving out of fucking nowhere cater to every desire only to have her bail on the whole WELCOME festivities AGAIN while letting every Meg Ryan movie ever made get me looking like I'm swelling from a bee sting allergy to the face, then decide to take my life into my own hands and find a new place to live and then get sucked into the gigling giddy blushing teasing lurve sick puppydog stuff before sunset on Sunday.
Yeah, its a fun ride being a hormonal basketcase with a crush and a 3 day salt binge bloat, you guys should try it. Cheaper than Disneyland, and you get to slap kids out of your way without security being called on you =)

moving on... so I come to work Monday for the FuckAss Monday Morning Meeting that obligates me to a 9.5 hour workday. Cuz we all know we need more Monday in our lives, right??? yeah, so the new girl started this week, the one that got the seat I was going to get promoted to (no hurt feelings, its better this way, but come on) and my boss doesn't show up. Not for the meeting, not for the entire MORNING. By the end of the day, she is trying to let us know what SHOULD have happened first thing of the day... the three of us who were waiting at 7:30am for our leader to dictate the new rules to us look blankly back at her, then I say "I appreciate your checking up on this stuff, but we did that this morning, just the way you said we should, when you weren't here". She gets all perky and says what a good team she has and bebops her way back across the room... my would-be manager looks at me, I look at her, she looks at the new girl, looks back at me, and smiles the weary grin of a manager with a new trainee at the end of a 9 hour day.
At this point I thought "the worst is over".
The sun moon and stars heard this, talked it over with the spirits and gods and mother earth and they all decided to show me how TOTALLY ARROGANT I was with this thought. I don't remember all of it... I do remember filling the dog kibble bowls only to catch the lip on the water dish and toss kibble across the entire kitchen and filling the water dish to boot; being completely out of it mentally while fidgeting and twitching and fumbling anything in my hands due to the caffeine kick I tried to open my eyes with; feeling totally vindicated in my phobia of doorways and enterances and thresholds when I didn't look down when I came back from lunch and ripped the entire bottom of my heel off in the doorjam, leaving the head of the nail to walk on the rest of the day; my phone didn't charge the night before and faded to its death when I tried to call the numbers under "RENTAL" to kill the afternoon lull - I had 4 messages and 3 texts when I plugged it in last night, more than I've had in the last week combined; thought I'd be careful on the drive home and keep 2 hands on the wheel after I tried to apply lipstick in the parking garage (still parked mind you) and smeared the fine edge down the window, to the plastic, and into the upholstry on the door; went around the corner for the "18 pack of cheeeeep swill beer for $11" and managed to rip open the "open here" side of the box as I laid it on the floorboard which made me feel AWSOME when the cop turned his lights on behind me (he needed me out of his way and everyone ELSE was too afraid to go the speed limit so I slam on the gas and then realize "fuck you're an idiot" until he can pass me); uummmm those are the highlights I guess...
How about this for a BWAHAHAHA to the heavens - as soon as I broke open a can of alcoholic refuge and pounded that bad boy, cracked another and headed upstairs to sort laundry, all the fuck ups stopped. Yeah, I get TOSSED from not eating for 6 hours before chugging 2 beers in 15 minutes flat, and suddenly I am coordinated and well spoken and in good spirits and free of all freaky shitty coincidental bitch slaps of humility!!! Not a good lesson, now that I have found EVERY restaurant in the 5 block radius that serves beer with lunch...
Then Mr. Sexy reached out to ask why he hadn't seen me in the gym, asked if he could see me after work, and VWA LA I was back to the tippy top of good spirits in 2.3 seconds FLAT.
Not much sleep last night, but he did need me to curl up in the crook of his arm before he would go to sleep, so that cutsie gag me for the adorableness of it tidbit had me grinning right through his spastic body twitches and worry of his bicep giving me a crook in my neck until the hug-and-roll let he AND I sleep with more appropriate body/sleep contact - the pads of our feet cupping each other, his arms flailing between dreams, my hair nowhere in his mouth =)

And there you have the update of the week for the world of Miss Sassy... actually Would Be Manager calls me Sassy in real life if you can wrap your brain around THAT nugget of whatthefuckedness... Off to see what kind of damage control I need to apply for today's slew of meetings and managerial decisions...

6 comments:

Laurie said...

Girl...I love you...you are the QUEEN of run on sentences...

Glad to hear you are getting a high hard one.

We all need penis now and again.

Miss Sassy said...

Laurie - see, you rock the short tight punctuated sentances, I'll rock the paragraph long around the world and back around your feet kind of rant =)

After a 6 month stretch of celebacy, I'm ALL OVER this little sex machine!!!!

Mom of Three said...

I am just so happy for you. Enjoy, these are so wonderful. There aren't many times in life where your relationship is so intoxicating that it can override all that stupid shit.

Miss Sassy said...

MOT - I agree, Wednesday had to be better than Tuesday by default, but the warmed-by-Sexy heart made a big difference =)
And yes, I know this doesn't last forever, and I am trying to document every single instance of it, just for the residual smile of rehashing it =)

curmudgeon said...

Hey! Being a real-life 'Sassy' and an alter-ego 'Sassy' makes it easy to keep your id straight!

(High hard one. BWAH!)

Miss Sassy said...

C - It was my fault - she gave me the one-eye-through-the-eyebrow look one day and I said "they don't call me Sassy for nuthin" and she latched onto it like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snow storm... she is at the point where she will look at an interviewee and say "ain't she cute with all that sass??" or whatever the line of the day is.
If she didn't feed it, I would forget I can SPEAK these thoughts... she is regretting it!