For any annonomous blog readers who don't need all that "TMI", stop here. There will be gruesome details of a personal nature that certainly have no relevance to any company info you may be seeking out to incriminate me with, even though I am no longer talking about you anyway.
Alright, for the rest of you...
Turns out, after consulting my desk calendar, that I didn't quite hit the 6 month mark of celibacy. That would have been NEXT MONDAY.
Thank the heavens and all things naughty and carefree that Mr. Lamer turned desperate like me!!!
He has been off and on calling for a few weeks but we never connected. I called him Friday to see if he wanted to have a Happy Hour dinner with me and he declined with a promise to call the next day.
I thought of this promise as I stood in the shower Saturday afternoon with a razor in one hand and heat stroke threatening my ability to stand. I decided not to tempt fate or shaving in cold water, or the inability to maintain my vision while bending toward a tiled wall while covered in water and shaving cream. I had thoughts of Laurie HATING her waxer for not being available to facilitate her sex life and realized I trying to convince myself that my lack of drive to facilitate my own sex life was actually my being empowered - somehow I thought I deserved a shank anyway!)
He called at 7pm and asked if I had eaten dinner yet.
We met at a local sit down spot at 8:30pm. He drove to MY town to buy ME dinner. I was overwhelmed with glee that someone was putting forth effort and it wasn't ME!!!! Hahahahahaha, the power of the vajayjay!!!!
So he was quite during the meal, watching the numerous TVs and visably disarmed by the alcholic beverage he sucked down in true Navy boy style.
As we left, he asked if he could see my place, if it was ok if he followed me home.
I politely said 'sure, follow me out of the parking lot this way' and walked to my car.
Once inside, I vehimently cursed myself for having little faith in this mild mannered machismo man and did the run up the calf to see exactly how bad it was.
As I waited for the light to change, I texted everyone I know who is strapped to their cell phone to ask if it was poor one-nighter edicit to jump into the shower while he amused himself in my room... then remembered the time I KNEW the guy needed his women shaved within an inch of their life and came back ready for action to find his drinks had made him PASS OUT and thought "I warned Mr. Lamer, he can deal".
We are in my room, sans drinks. He comments on my MANY MANY many many many wall hangings and shelf stuffers before asking if we could watch a movie. I gave him my stack of DVDs and went to piss the 22oz beer I had with dinner (who forgets that bladders can't deal with beer AND has broccoli for lunch the first day in 6 months she has a guy in her bed??? Damn straight its Sassy!)
We started Moulin Rouge, got all comfy laying on the bed COMPLETELY SEPARATED.
I have my pillow, he is on the FAR SIDE of a queen bed with one leg off the matress on his stack of pillows.
No body HEAT contact people!!!
I was worried.
This is the guy that met me online, was hot as hell on the phone, clammed up on our first/coffee date, let me bring a 6pack to his apartment for our second meeting where 3 beers and 3 hours left him comotose and me walking bowlegged for 2 days, then over the next 3 months took me to 4 scary movies and I didn't get so much as a good night kiss out of any of those $30 evenings.
Was he backing out? Did he need a cuddle? Was he just needing someone to tell him he looked good with his muscles all veiny and bulging out of his AE tshirt?? Am I gonna have to wait until the next time he falls asleep and take that 4 minute window to molest him into giving me what we both know I need???
Well, he commented on his sleepiness, I turned off the movie, and we declaired "good night" to each other about 48 times in the next hour and a half... each time after various conversation topic changes, glances toward the other, body contact turned "what did you do for Father's Day?" (NOT ME), more and more undress, a conversation about why it had been so long since anyone had been in my bed that ended (by him) "wow. thats trauma. don't worry, He'll come back to you." with a very firm "come on, lets cuddle" to break the silence the INSTANT it was getting obnoxious... Yeah, it took about 4 minutes for our pressed half naked bodies to create enough body heat to require the fan to get OFF oscilate and get DIRECTLY ON US ON TOP SPEED. Then I rolled to my stomach, reached out to ask if his nipples were functional or just for decoration with a little flick to prove my point, and in the next 14 seconds he directed my roaming hand from his chest to inside his boxers to both of us being stripped to me riding him like the bucking bronco I remembered him to be.
A few phone calls, a dinner, a few hours of finding our comfort zone, and just like that I got mine THREE TIMES.
He didn't want the last one, but I told him I would be nice. He said he wouldn't last long, I said I didn't need him to =) Damn me and my knowledge, I got him to take my lead, let me tease the everloven vein popp'n breath out of him, let me shiver and quake all over, and THEN give him the three pumps he needed to seal the second deal of the morning.
I even cooked him breakfast in gratitude, and he didn't say a damn thing about my toaster oven being set to "frozen" and turning his whole wheat toast into frisbees.
Again he asked if we could watch TV (he's simple, but if you look at him from the neck down, you just don't give a shit anymore) and with almost no body contact and short menial conversations we mustered through Madagascar (its a cute movie, and the roomies were home, I don't want to hear it) before his need for a clean pair of chonies got the better of him.
I get off work at 3pm today and am only about an hour away from where I need to be at 7pm. I'm thinking, after all that effort, and that he inspired me to FINALLY trim the hedges and get back my camel toe, maybe I'll ring him and see if I can sneak in a little afternoon fun before my drive to the City. (Thanks for revv'n me up Monty!)
Lets hope he's ready... Saturday I was all loopy from the tanning and the swimming and the napping and was in my hang-out-in-almost-nothing-because-its-DAYM-hot-in-the-house clothes and NO makeup; today I am shaved up to the landing strip, glowing golden with bronzer and mascara highlighting all the right spots, and all hyped up on thoughts of cock =)=)
All Mighty help him keep his strength if he lets me in his sights this weekend.