Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Memorial Day Wrap-up

Its midnight at the end of a long weekend.
Tomorrow is the first day I officially begin my new job... when I run into a problem I can't turn to the trainer and say "um, I frgot" and have it go away.
Its also the end of the month and I have to remember all the stuff she said has to happen by or on the first.
And wouldn't you know it, I get less days THIS week to figure out what ALL those STUPENDOUSLY important things are.

So what do I do??
Get on Blogger and recap the weekend so I might get SIX hours of sleep before this chaos begins.

Trips to the gym - none.

Cups of ice cream eaten - two.

Calls, texts, checkins from family while THEY were intoxicated - four.

Number of nails bitten off, broken, torn, or otherwise in need if filing to the nub - ALL TEN.

Number of times I said out loud "Aunt Flo is a fucking Bitch. Dammitalltodogshit." - 27.

Number of roomies I shared the house with during night hours - NONE until tonight!!!

Number of times it was obvious someone else used the bathroom I was supposed to have to myself because T was out with the ex all weekend - 3.

Days in PJs, bikinis, slippers, braless, or otherwise not presentable at the 7-11 - 2.

Days spent with a gay guy couple admiring kittens, gemstones, and The Girls in my shirt - one completely full day of being told everything I was doing was great, including TWO homecooked meals and NO drinking (there were kittens to play with and The Girls to admire).

Number of times I was awakened by a pet - SEVEN. Normally my lucky number... now its midnight and I can't sleep because I kept trying to wake up on my own accord and it NEVER HAPPENED. They sure are cute though... so glad I remembered to feed them all so they could have enough energy to bite my nose and ram their heads into my eye sockets and play jungle gym on over my legs and bark at every falling leaf they saw and dig in the garbage and find the only can not rinsed and lick it and clap it against the tile floor and never be satisfied with being inside or outside so I can't even pass out on a commercial break and enjoy it!!!!!! AAhhhhhh...

Number of hours I spent laying naked in the sun - 2.5. It was supposed to be 2, but as it turns out the alarm doens't beep through when your on a call... so starting that call with 10 minutes left before its time to turn over, NOT leaving a message like expected but rather having a HALF HOUR conversation at 12:15pm on a crystal clear blue sky day maybe wasn't the BESTEST time to find out this feature of my phone. Yeah.

Number of applications of aloe and Vitamin E oil in the last 10 hours - 10. And my hair got greasy too... very hot right about now in SSSOoooooooo many ways.

Number of times I was impressed at the warm response I got from a guy I hadn't heard from/talked to/seen in at least 2.5 months, or met for the first time this weekend - 7. HERE its a lucky number I guess, but considering 2 were gay, and 2 were questionable, does it still count?

Times I called a friend and asked her NOT to rip me a new one for doing EXACTLY what EVERYONE I know tells me NEVER to do, but I HAD to tell someone ANYWAY - One, and she was very kind about it, and it was due to her kindness that I burned BOTH sides of my too-light-to-match-ivory200-foundation-and-thats-to-match-the-sun-kissed-parts-of-my-HIDE.

Number of minutes on the phone with a guy (he needs a nicname, it will come to me) before he gets up the guts to tell me he would like to see me again - 97. I'm not kidding. This after 3 breaks in the call, me telling him he sounds tired and can call me later in the week TWICE, and mentioning out ONE randevu and subsequently less fun dates thereafter numerous times. Finally, after he says he never SAID he didn't want a repeat performance (its just that after coffee and a movie he didn't let me KISS HIM GOODNIGHT)... he leaks that he could take care of my sunburn for me (I say he could take me to dinner and I would promise to be good if he kept me in public)... and then he says hes ready for another "mindblowing" evening with me.

Number of times I have repeated, in conversation and context, enough times to emblazen a resume worthy phrase for my bedroom conduct in my head for at least a year - 37.
Number of times they didn't appreciate me laughing at their choice of words until I could catch my wits and think of something remotely nice to say back - 37. =)

All in all, not a bad weekend now that I look back on it. Killed my phone battery connecting with a few people, got plenty of time in the house to myself, got the now Annually Celebrated Backyard Tanning Gone Wrong Memorial Day Sunburn, managed NOT to kick/throw/angrily toss/mangle an animal for being an animal, and bragged to enough different people about how well my life is going that not ONE got sick of telling me how well my life is going =)
If only Aunt Flo would vacate so I could have been driving to Mr. Calling Out of Nowhere's place and seeing if all this yoga and dancing was helping turn "mindblowing" back into "I really think I died and went to heaven for a minute". Dammitalltodogshit.


curmudgeon said...

Ugh. Fried flesh don't sound very comfortable.

But gays admiring 'The Girls'? They just can't appreciate them nearly enough.

Mom of Three said...

No question about it, girlfriend, you are on a biorhythmic upswing and congrats to you!!! It's high time, as we long-term Sassy readers will attest.

As for animals, I just try, as I clean up ANOTHER puddle, that they rely on me to be kind and understanding. I could be cruel and short-tempered and they'd be every bit as much at my mercy. Still they did wake up at four a.m. again this morning! Putzes! At least they let me know they had to go outside!

Monty said...

The price you pay for multiple orgasms is having periods. So make sure you have those multiples while you can! go get 'em tiger.