Turns out I'm growing up.
For instance, this is my 100th post. A graduation in itself. I gave myself larangitis for the occasion!!
It coincided with my sisters birthday and a trip to Magic Mountain and 9 world class roller coasters to celebrate, but I figure I'll be so bummed with not being able to talk that email will be my only refuge.
See? Thinkin ahead. Sure sign of leaving the whimsy of childhood behind.
A recap of recent realizations that have lead me to this conclusion:
Its officially been 14 weeks since any carnal pleasures have included another's touch and I am embracing my celebacy. I'm finding it very liberating to see how long I can have the same razor in the shower, how many days I can go without a shower or a phone call, and I'm counting days instead of hours between the "Why Not Me?" that comes with singledom. Somehow not being judged on my sexual prowess alone is making me realize that whoever finally comes along that can endure the rest of my talents will be worth the wait (because I am finding my personality perks up when not stiffled by, um, MEN.)
In true psycho menstruating change her mind woman form - my Mojo is back. Yes, I am coming into my singledom and bragging that I'm being noticed by my male counterpart agian. Sure, the chicks at the gym patting my ass and the grandpa aged men sparkling that I got their joke and retorted to wit is fine... but seeing which beer is MORE on sale and giving my number to two cool cats my age with a party coming up who saw me and had to talk to me and get my number before they got into the beer case... well, thats better.
I don't even need him to call actually, I just needed the ego stroke of being noticed by guys my age - progress ya'll.
I've elicited change in my workplace. It took only weeks be get off the temporary payroll and onto a permanent gig, and in less than a month my influences are being felt in the entire office. Heck, even my ideas are coming out of my managers mouth!! She came up to me last week and spouted about changing hours to better accomodate everyone - the exact words I used in the conversation three days before were pouring from her (in a much snottier fashion, but whatever they were my thoughts)! And I got my way =)
No longer am I the lemming in the cube - I'm now the sqweeky voice that answers phones and smiles pretty again. I've been any number of titles for the same job for all my work since college and I'm damn good at it and gosh darn it, people like me. And I like them. In the first week at this job, my roomies noticed a positive change in attitude. Sure I sold out to the man, but only for six months. When this job came around, I knew the pay cut would hurt but that my soul would be crushed if I were to permanently have all day every day to check blogs. Nothing personal, but Nothing revives a people person like having to deal with people all day.
My sass is back. I realized that life is day by day and why not crack a joke under your breath about the instructors birthday being his 12th and maybe he'll finish puberty soon? Why not laugh at yourself when you trip walking up stairs you walk every day? Why not smile at the retarded bagger who Just Had To Bag Each Item In Case Of A Spill Of The Soup and throw a bigger smile at the checker who is just so sick of hearing the narration of his events?? Why not stand up tall, walk into a room chest first, and demand attention because I am a person with merit and its ok to notice me??
It left for a while. Remember?? Well, when I grow up, I want to be stronger than the person I was a few months back and so I am practicing. Well, maybe I'm more like deciding that my best isn't gonna wait until I'm grown all the way up - that now is grown up enough to start being what I 'will be when I grow up'.
Maturation. Its bound to happen eventually. I take it as a compliment that I'm still carded but that they are surprised I am so much younger than they thought. Its like in the military when you see a blazer with all those badges of honor dangling - people don't look at me and assume my naivety anymore because I'm wearing my badges.
I've got an arsenol of beauty treatments to ensure it will never be the skin telling my age. I'd rather a look in the eye prove that I have lived in my life.
"In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey." Remember that line from that song?? It just came on the radio =) Its the same song that promotes you "go crazy with the Cheez Whiz". Kind of appropriate actually - it took me until THREE MONTHS AGO to understand the song "White Lines".
Yup. I've been a pup.
I figured it this way - at twelve - why be grown up if I don't have to?? Look at the life span nowadays. Why move out if I can avoid paying rent? Why rush out to get a job if I'm gonna have one forever once I get started? There had to be something about this 'childhood' business that made everyone wish they could go back to it so I decided to be a kid as long as possible.
I'm 26 and a half and I'm officially deciding not to call myself a kid anymore. I'm gonna use 'youngen' if 70somethings ask me, but these days I'm looking around at what I have and where I've been and what I've done and who I've become and there is just no calling me 'kid' anymore.
Its the 100th post. Its been 6 months since I started. The people in my life have changed considerably. My job has changed. I'd moved into this place I think two weeks before my first post, but my roomies have changed anyway. My priorities have changed from reruns to gym classes and from vodka to protein bars and from having someone to call after work to being glad I don't sit by the phone waiting for anyone. I've slept with three guys in a week and I've gone three months with only giving phone sex.
I dress like a grown up every day now.
And I look goooooood.
The trick is that I don't know where to go now. We don't really get a road map past college do we? I had it all laid out until there and here I am 5 years later and looking around at the vast opportunities and stumbling over little things like choosing an IRA over a mexican cruise and wondering if helping my sister is hurting us both and how much moxy is appropriate when you see your managers missing big opportunities for streamlining.
But the first step is knowing where I stand I suppose. And since I missed the part where I traded in my patent leather mary janes with lacy socks for hiking boots to get up and over this hill, I'm quite thrilled to realize, with my 100th post tipping me off, that I am indeed movin on up.
I was hoping to change my template but did you catch that I was at a theme park ON A MOUNTAIN today?? Yeah, I'm bushed. But I've wanted to do this post since last weekend so deal. Maybe I'll even organize my photos and get those back in the mix too huh??
Thanks for checkin in, I've been so slovenly on this front, but soon, very soon, my weekends will be mine again and my weekdays will have a little me time in them and Presto Viola I'll have stuff to blah blah blah about again. =)