Monday, August 21, 2006

Fuck Blogger, formerly 60 Second Update

I had a post.
It was marvelous.
It was concise.
Well, it was trying to be.
I had this idea that I could fit this momentous week into however many words I could read back in 60 seconds.
Saving you all from going blind reading it all.
Its been a B I G fucking week ya'll! I mean every facet of my life has had some kind of great development!!! I'm in control, I'm on top of it, I'm riding the wave of good fortune, I'm here to tell the tale...
and Blogger ate it.

In my new downtrodden mood, the one that comes from hitting save every 3 seconds and having to log back into the post, I'll be talking decidedly slower. Perhaps this is what a 60 second speech SHOULD look like anyway... fuckin blogger.
Love the blog, keeps me from writers cramp or sore shoulders from keeping a bedside journal, and I LOVE you guys for caring and checking in, but I had some really good stuff in there and in the EDIT process it locks up and eats it??? wwwhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaa ::tear::

Alright. The Biggest Week Of The Year - on the positive list that is, the shitty stuff has its own Biggest Week...

Monday: on time for the fuckass 7:30am Monday Morning Meeting. Full of all kinds of crack-in-a-can stimulants, Mr. Techie personal question emails (never before has he started a conversation, or with 'how you doin today?', especially before lunch = he was thinking of me first thing Monday morning!!!!), productivity, and good vibes that carried me through 1.5 hrs of cardio at the gym and enough ramped up Sassy to have to have red wine to think of sitting down to TV myself to sleep.
Tuesday: I always think I feel good on Mondays partly because I wake up with the sun... try this, snooze instead. Get downstairs to find a note from a DSGirl that is mean and uneccessary and shouldn't have been directed at me anyway, from the catch phrase quoted. Kindly reply with "thank you for choosing to spend your time judging and accusing me" after a morning of thinking I'll blow an eyeball out of my head from fury alone. Have another day at the office, kinda productive, drama with the girls I heard of later in the day when it finally cleared, quicky at the gym before coming home to find the house is MINE ALL MINE. Do my home stuff while singing and dancing and making noise while I cum and all the stuff I do when there is NO ONE HOME. After the 18 hour day on 4.5 hours of sleep that was Monday, I'm crashed by 10pm. Wake up at 11:30pm to the DSGirls drunk ass clog draggen slut dress wearen door slammen screamin about the note topic fucken (this was all better last time, I can't dredge up the anger again, I'm spent) bitches from the overpriced club. I am flying down the stairs completely possessed by the same demon that possessed my mother every time the dog would dash out the door across the street and she saw a car coming... the octive was 4 lower than her speaking voice, the volume at least 4 notches above what her 5 foot nothin frame should be able to produce... POSSESSED. After 45 minutes, I had Squeeky in fear of physical assault in her room, and TweedleDumbass crying, hugging me, apologizing, and offering me part of her quesedilla. Yeah, I pretty much kicked ass. AND I didn't even loose my voice. I thanked my demon, told him to go get some from my guardian angel, who ensured I didn't fall flat on my sleepy face coming down those stairs like that.
Wednesday: Tired, feeling my vocal chords screaming for hot tea, but 10 pounds lighter. Not that I suggest threatening ASSAULT on your housemates, but after 11 months of keeping my mouth shut, it was a relief. Get to work, continue with the tea instead of coffee, try to keep my head straight. Wonder why Mr. Techie is quiet all of a sudden. Try to get work done, IM my cousin who I am visiting at the end of THIS week instead. At 6:00:00pm, I turn the phones off, lock the doors, grab the purse, I'm ready to go at 6:00:14pm. Long story short, I am in the parking garage at 7:25pm texting Mr. Techie's email address "I've been asked to think about taking a promotion. Any comment to make me NOT pee my pants over this?" I've been with the company 5.5 months people. I've started at the bottom, got promoted to my managers position, and was asked to seriously consider the idea of jumping ladders to the next rung. To be seriously talked about at a later time, but its on the table and I'm still getting a nervous heart rate about it.
OK, so I miss the 7pm cardio class, but figure the 8pm yoga will get me out of my head for a bit and I can get a grip on all this after the meditation. Well, sick yogi = new teacher = different kind of yoga = I can't even keep my eyes closed at the end of the class to meditate because my body is still COLD after an hour and a half of her version of power yoga. So I'm in the locker room chatting with a friend about how I needed this workout to help me work this nervous energy out of me, she spends time telling me about how I can do this and its a step up and they obviously have faith that this would be a good job for me and who cares if I want the job I have to be solid take the promotion anyway... by the time I leave, I'm feeling confident, assured, pumped up, and just a little bummed that I didn't have any socks in my gym bag to do a cardio set before going home.
Instead, I spend an hour chatting it up with the cuter that cute newbie at the front counter who catches my eye every day and is sure to get nervous enough looking back at me to drop my keys while checking me in. Instead of rushing for the door, I stop at the desk for the obligitory "have a nice night" they all give when someone leaves. He gets my number and a "I assure you, I am just as ready to do all the things you have rushing through your mind right now, but I have to take some time to think on this work thing. Call me Friday when you get off, we'll play then."

Thursday: I get approached first thing with "I don't care if its PC or inappropriate or jumping the gun... WHAT DID YOU DECIDE!!!" Work went well, I got out of the office on time, got to the gym and found him behind the counter. I said "I thought you didn't work tonight" to which he replied "I took someone's shift, I get off at 8pm, we should hang out."
Skip ahead through my workout, chat withanother gym buddie/confidant/moral compass about the job, and the Sassy at her best telling the flirt who won't go too far that I picked up the new hottie at the front desk and we have a dinner date and THAT is why I'm not in the class he used to teach that I used to LOVE... two margaritas, a quesedilla, lots of giggles and fun later we christen his ride. Its always wanted to be called the Shaggen Wagon, and now it can. =)
And we didn't stop there... oh no, when you have a 22 year olds vigor in a body that craves 3 hour workouts attached to a mind that needed to get 2 jobs to satisfy his need for getting ahead before starting classes at the local college and a mouth that says "this was straight up amazing. that was fucken. Capitol F, Capitol K. FucKen. wow. but, I don't know, your really something... I want to, um, I guess treat you right. I want to feel you, softly, slowly, without the fucking, in a bed with pillows and softness for you to be comfortable..." Thats where I kissed him and let him follow me back to my place.
Four hours of nakedness with an almost total stranger, minus the HOT chemistry that had his eyes haunting my dreams before I could read his name tag and his insatiable desire to watch me smile, and a half hour of sex for breakfast and Friday was starting out pretty well. Even the tequilla wasn't killing me!! The sleepies were pretty intense come 3pm, but I think that has something to do with not having to leave my desk, let alone the office, for any kind of nourishment. The lack of movement alone would put anyone in a coma. Free food to boot?? "Where's my Pillow" was an email I sent out to a fellow desk jockey.
Yeah, well, I perked up by the end of the day - fresh air is amazing - and after 2 messages to my buddie who was supposed to go to Happy Hour with me after we worked out Mon-Thurs, I decided to continue the streak instead of holding down the couch with my drunk ass on ANOTHER Friday night. Cuz going to the gym is SO much cooler. Whatever, I was feeling pretty studly after chewing my bitchy self righteous inconsiderate roomies a new collective poopshoot, getting semi offered a promotion, getting my dad to realize he can't buy me and the acceptable response to a conversation is more like the post card I got that guilt money, worked my Sweet Sassy Mouth to the vet chick who somehow got the perscription for my dog's $12 pills to change from "no refills" to "when will you be needing these" so I don't have to drag the dog two towns over and parade her for a raping of $40 so the doc can say "she's great, give her the pills", AND I got more than just laid - I got fucked, pounded, jackhammered, kissed, caressed, fondled, bruised, rugburned, spanked, yanked, eaten, cuddled, petted, and taken in every wonderful way these Mr. Lamers can't fathom even after I write out the script the day before and feed them the lines mid performance.
And guess who was there??? Yeah, so after talking to my sister for an hour while on the treadmill to try to wiggle the jello off the toned hard body we all know is there, I find myself again at that counter giggling and flipping my hair and asking as politely as possible if our already planned fuckfest was still on, or if he was satisfied from last night. In the cutest flicker of his 3-toned shy eyes, he admitted he wasn't very good at this stuff. I almost passed out laughing, then assured him that he surely knows what he's doing, and if it was the planning part he was refering to, he could simply answer yes or no - will I be seeing you again tonight?
At 2:15am I turned the lights out, at 7am he was up and out for plans he had, and I went to pee so I could sleep in as long as I wanted to and found that Aunt Flo can't tease on a Thursday and then handle 6 hours of getting her house rocked. So this weekend has been lazy, drunken, chock full of ibuprofin and sunshine and naps and homemade food and having the house to myself and all the funky personality that can express itself when there is no one to hear you get babytalkTerret's with the animals.
Somehow at bedtime on Sunday, before the fuckass M.M.Meeting, I start feeling normal and alert and NOT SLEEPY so I get online and IM a friend and clear out some personal emails before work hours (novel concept, I know) and find that he (still working on the nicname, Mr. Lamer #x just isn't gonna work - Mr. Studly? Mr. Hard Body? Mountain Man? I'm not sure yet) has sent me a photo for no reason in particular. I'd like to figure out how to block out some features so I'm not posting a real photo, but I still haven't figured out how Avatar does her CBW dots... plus I should leave something for tomorrow, right??

OK, I admit it took me a little longer than 60 seconds to read that bitch back, but seriously, with all the shit that went down this week, there were SO many juicy details I left out its like jerky compared to the filet mignon I started with.
Did you catch all that? Mr. Techie thinks of my first thing Monday morning, the roomies know I'm a force to be reconed with and then hugged, the workplace sees so much potential in me they don't need an open seat to promote me to before they ask me to think about moving up, I was in the gym every weeknight, I solidified family relationships, I snagged a hottie for my new toy, AND I got the weekend to myself to absorb it all. Plus Aunt Flo didn't fuck up my life and won't fuck up the vacation I have coming up at the end of this week.

Mojo. Its a wonderful thing. =)

2 comments:

curmudgeon said...

Busy busy!
But it's all good.

Note: To hide stuff, you need some sort of image program that can pixelize. The generic Paint type programs what come with Windoze can't do that.

Mom of Three said...

Ahhh, these are the days that will sustain you in the old folk's home! When those younger thangs will wonder what the fuck you have to smile about.