Monday, August 07, 2006

Deductive Reasoning

---This is a Monday post. I also, out of the graciousness of my racing mind, posted a Weekend post below. I had them written together in a word doc to babble in without accidentally closing blogger... but divied them up for your reading ability.
I am TRYING not to drag on so long... and STILL this is what you get!! ---

As I walked back into the building from lunch, this is what was going through my head:

**Thigh High black nylons with that sexy little line up the back.
*Pro: you feel super sexy knowing your cootch gets a breeze, everyone wonders how high that line goes, and the lacey trim on top is devine. Plus, they keep your feet from slipping around in the soles of your 3.5" heels.
*Con: if they don’t fit exactly right, they will roll down with every step you take and leave that lacy trim in a wad at your knee, just below your hemline.
*Bonus: perfect for nooners. The strappy shoes and nylons stay on, the panties come off, and the run out of the house is much quicker without these details to attend to.

**Boy Cut Panties, but with cute girl print, like black with red polka dots.
*Pro: essential to be sure that the day after shaving yourself with in an inch (literally one square inch) of bald you DO NOT spend the next week with razor burn Down.There. Also, if they fit right, they allow the perfect amount of curve of the bottom of the cheeks to pop out the bottom and THAT is uber-sexy in my V.S. readin' mind.
*Con: When sitting all day, they allow the perfect amount of curve of the belly to pop out the top and THAT is uber-unsexy feeling in my beer swillin skin.
*Bonus: they are just the thing for catching the effects of thinking of having a nooner all morning. No leakage onto the cute dress OR ::gasp in horror:: the chair underneath – also no stench of cootch to distract me as I sit here.

**Slip on dress that is Just That Flattering in Every Way.
*Pro: These additions to the wardrobe make getting dressed in the morning such a cinch. Available for packing into a supersized purse in case of overnighter on a work night, but can just as easily be figured out during a nooner. Please refrain from anything with a slip or dry clean only label, these tend to wrinkle and defeat the purpose.
*Con: No matter the pattern, cleavage show, flippy shoulder covering, or luscious flip at the knee, ANY underthings (and their malfunctions) are visible and there is NO distraction to be found. This will cause you to suck in your tummy all day and that is NOT good for ANYONE'S mood EVER.
*Bonus: the easy access to said underthings (read: rolling sexy nylons and pooch-creating panties) leaves you able to adjust anywhere – kitchen, elevator, hallway, in your chair, or cleaverly disguised as a strong scratch of an itch in a packed parking garage.

**The Monday Nooner.
*Pro: Much needed endorphin releaser for the 9.5+ hour day that is Monday. Must have location within 8 minutes of office for both parties. Must have hearty snack BEFORE lunch break. Must plan outfit accordingly.
*Con: The red lights on the way will drive you crazy, as well as the slow drive thru line and retarded drivers on the way back to the office. Also, if said location turns the AC off for the day because the owner usually isn't home, the sweat issue may become a negative factor, even with a fan during the act and while dressing. Also, when it is a postponed weekend fuckfest, the lack of time for variety leaves a sense of unsatisfaction no matter HOW great a time you had.
*Bonus: You got laid. Mid day. You got a reason to shave within an inch of your life, wear black nylons, think about lace on your inner thigh while wondering how wet boy cut panties can get before you'll be obvious, and everyone commenting on the flattering dress will have no idea that it was crumpled on a floor across town 45 minutes ago.

This is how my mind is working today. All pro/con. Its an after effect of the weekend's diametrically opposed fantabulousness followed by seething hatred for everything I see, hear, smell, touch, and do. The next post is a taste of the icing of this weekends cake-o-delight-and-despair.


curmudgeon said...

So, only on a monday? Or can it be other days too?

Mom of Three said...

See? You DO totally sound like Citizen Girl!

Miss Sassy said...

C - anyday, but it took him 10 days to keep a time with me!! I was calling saying "I want some sex, how about 6:30pm?" and would get "can't today, WANT TO, how about Tuesday?"
to the point I was supposed to have a 'fuckfest' Sunday but the Den Mother gave me chores and when I told him I was on my way I got "shit! I have a dinner at my g'pa's 15 min ago!! call ya later".
THIS is why he is Mr. Lamer #2.

MOT - PLEASE send me something on this chick so I know what your talking about!! I'll check your blogroll ASAP, otherwise, link a bitch =)