Thursday, December 22, 2005

Notes to Self

1) Even if the tequila is so good it costs $20 a shot in a bar, and the roomie gives you permission to drink whatever you find, its still tequila.

2) When drinking, it is a good time to eek out the tidbits of thoughts from others. You have the guts to ask; they have no inhibitions and will answer. BRING A RECORDER.

3) Tequila = no new memories.

4) Morning wood should not go to waste. Find a towel instead of swallowing as cum shots are harder to justify for breakfast than for dinner.

5) Sleeping for another hour is almost enough time to forget you drank tequila, but not long enough to forget you had a cum shot for breakfast.

6) Don't think because there is leftover mexican that it is edible immediately. Your body still hates you and remembers Every Part of what did this.

7) Planning wardrobe choices around what is easiest to lean over a toilet in does not a good morning make.

8) 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner always sounds like a good idea. It never is.

9) Thinking you are cool because you didn't yak on your outfit is deflated instantly upon finding your reflection and fro ass baby hairs making a funky halo around your head.

9) Remember the big smile he had on. It helps make the bile in your throat and the bad hair day almost worth it.

10) It is possible, even on the rag, to become sexually excited enough to lubricate.
It is also apparently possible to become lubricated enough to drip all over yourself while performing fallatio - and stuffed full with a wad of brand name cotton.
Do Not think you missed some of 'breakfast' when you lean back onto a wet spot.
He is just that cute and you are just that horny when your menstrating.

11) You Rock.
Case in point: kept up on all the shots, made a bomb ass dinner, got nuggets of blush inducing mushy crap to throw back at him for verification, he left satisfied and on time for work, and so did you thanks to his little known talent of finishing off in 2 minutes while he showers.
And no one but the coworkers know about the hangover = no shit from the party people.


The DogGrrrrl said...

This is excellent. So glad I stopped in via??? Oh my swiss cheese of memory.

Never waste morning wood and conversely, I think waking up to a protein shake is the best way to start the day!

Viewfinder said...

stopped in via "overworked and underf*cked. like me, and glad i did.

Viewfinder said...

sheesh... waxing only semi-intelligible, it seems. meant to say (she) stopped in via o&u (comma) like me... etc.

I'm still glad, even if i am an idiot... and hey, we're practially neighbors.

riley said...

number five is the funniest shit I have laughed at loud at all day

riley said...

number five is the funniest shit I have laughed at loud at all day

riley said...

and clearly I am a dumb shit... feel free to delete one of those.