Monday, June 30, 2008

C, This One's For You

I've been asked how the house hunting is, or is not, as it were, going.

May have overdone that sentance. It's 11:39pm and I've been up since 5:55am, give me a break.

As I sit here with a pint of almost yummy ice cream in my hand, PJs on, face needing to be washed, I am letting today's flood of events just settle in and ruin my foundation.

I slept quite a bit this weekend, but not all that much last night, so I'm not sure if it's evening out or if I'm in my third wave, but somehow being stuck in traffic in my town for an HOUR this morning seems so long ago... being 45 minutes late to work because of this delay just a blip on the WTFareyougonnadoaboutitcry?getupandgettothatlastdayofthemonthstackalready! radar. Not getting the excel spreadsheet to say what I needed it to before lunch? meh. whatev.
Not getting it to say what I need it to before the end of the day?? there is no deadline on it, I'll do it with fresh eyes tomorrow. I was busy chatting up potential roomies.

That's RIGHT. Last day of the month, another Monthly Bus Pass purchase looming, and I finally get a response of "hey, let me know when you wanna come by, heres my number" instead of "thanks so much to you I so much look forward for us to be friends. I am at my job I take in London, and I have the only keys, I hope we can compromise. Just give me your full address and we can make you move very soon." Not one, but TWO places, within 2 miles of each other!!
So, I did what I had to do - put off as much work as possible to print maps and find train schedules that would get me home eventually. That didn't work out, so I took the bus to my car, then went to the grocery store for a sandwich, then got in the car and drove back up the same highway I just came down on to get within viewing distance of the city (MOT, I tried to get a pic, but I was driving down the freeway, you see the predicament). It worked out ok, I'm here and awake and surely wouldn't have been asleep before now anyway, at least I have a reason to be up this late tonight!

So, the first place might be a keeper, going to sleep on it. There are 2 rooms available, one is upstairs with 2 windows overlooking the the deck, a closet system has to be installed (where I'm not sure, might need 2) but its the vaulted sunroofed warmest room of the house with a private bath. 3 flights of stairs to get there, but I'm thinking the 4am stagger home of the roomie will be SO much less annoying without them walking past my bedroom door. On the other hand, the 2nd floor room is this blue color I've picked to have my room painted before, already has a closet AND a personal AC, and they said if a woman (hear that!?!?! these basically frat boys said WOMAN!!! I don't even call us that!!) that the two of them would share the full bathroom downstairs and give the woman the 2nd floor bath. It is a boys' place - black leather couches, they want to get rid of the massive oak dining room table, the 100 gallon fish tank is on it's way out, and they bbq more than cook on the stove these days (which is a BONUS if I might add) and they strung the dangly white Christmas lights around the living room instead of getting a lamp. They do have a completely packed rolling butler of booze bottles, a bar 2 doors down, grocery on the next block with the laundry place, and the train to the city is 4 blocks down. For the price, I'm excited - not to move up 3 flights of stairs, but that there are mattresses in the rooms so I can save that cost, a balcony to get some sunshine on, boys who party, and a local that means I can be in the city in 20 minutes (or get home from the city in 20 minutes!!).
The other one, well, the price is insanely cheap, but I think I spotted roaches, and I am having enough of a hard time getting my head around moving to the city without bugs in my house :(

All in all C, it's a tough road. I don't want to move, but I hate being here, but in my room with my things where it smells like me, it's comfortable. I'm torn between want and need, and the pick'ns are slim out there in the rental market (at least in the 36 emails I've sent out, only 2 replies weren't scams, so it feels bleak). I will suck it up and just know the next place will have some problems, so maybe having a third floor to myself (hoping I'm not getting some as the boys want the top deck) would be a great solution? Maybe a blue room will cure all? Maybe this is just the beginning of a stroke of GREAT RENTERS LUCK and I can find a place with laundry in the building by the end of the week?

In other news, Bam Bam and I chatted a bit as I was trying to get him to tell me he could get me from the train station as long as I could get back before xx pm... somewhere in there he tossed out "I'd be fine with picking you up that late, but I'd make you go down on me". His gf leaves sometime toward the beginning of August. When they broke up last time (they aren't breaking up, but she's moving 900 miles away) he was in a new chicks pants within a week. Maybe he'll be my motivation to use the gym membership I pay for??? He already has me walking like a $2 hooker who had to pay off $10K in debt over the weekend...
Totally unrelated but surprisingly tangential, the bottom of this pint (it was close to done when I started, I totally swear) has like this icy texture that is somehow MO BETTA than the whipped ice cream sitch that was going on for the rest of the pint. I don't even care that the chocolate swirl ran out, this ice part is magnifico!!
It's midnight and I'm eating ice cream and talking about the freshly 21 year old who tells me he's spending the evening with his gf but would be ok getting me from the train station between 8 and 11pm if I agree that there will be some foreplay involved... maybe it's time to cancel the gym anyway...

How are you doin, in your real world?

Thursday, June 19, 2008

I Can't Keep Up

I simply can't do it.
There is too much vertigo on my particular roller coaster to even start to try to document it.
I used to, it used to keep me centered in a way.
I even started a post and couldn't finish the thought so saved it and now it's so obsolete I don't remember where I was going with it.

Every day is a lifetime worth of struggle.

I have great medical insurance, I've almost got the gumption to look into finding a doctor to tell me if this is just the side effects of moving/changing jobs/changing my inner circle of friends/ growing up, or if I should be able to get through a day without a headache, a low spot, a sex fantasy, and a sense of paralyzing fear all to go with my chipper Good Mornings and exceptional chit chat with whomever crosses my path.

I will say this. I was at the gym again tonight (yes, even on top of walking nearly a mile from the bus to work, and the same trip backwards after work, I'm going to the gym, training 2-3 times a week, and doing cardio whenever I remember to put my clothes in the car so I can stop in on the way home), and my Bam Bam was so cute, and we laughed, and the workout was hard, and I got to walk'n on the treadmill anyway (cuz 2 miles was what I used to do, whats another 1 or 2 more?)... and there is something about having those doctor's office scales everywhere that just makes it so easy to get on... boys and girls, let me tell you the shock and awe that came over me when it was a solid 3 lbs less than TUESDAY.
Nope, I didn't get a haircut since then.
Yep, I was in the same shoes, and a very similar outfit.
And oh yes, I drank plenty of water today, so it wasn't that I was dehydrated.

The point isn't the 3 lbs, its that something is changing. In all this strife and worry and internalized agony, something is working hard enough to effect change.
I even turned down brownies today.
Come on!!!! That IS my weakness!!! and the free pizza last week that I passed up??? SERIOUSLY, this is some major evolution happening!!

I'd try to tell you about some of it, but honestly, so much has happened in the last 3 hours that it would take a thesis paper to catch you up on all the super fun/cool/traumatic/enticing/rediculous/noteworthy stuff that's happened since Saturday, which is incidentally how far back my memory goes.

Time to try for a normal bed time...

Monday, June 09, 2008

This Week in Sassyland

Hello boys and girls,
so sorry to keep you waiting!! Sassy has been a busy busy girl, and with the job being actually time consuming, whell, computer time has been scarce!

The highlights then, because Sassy will be crashing soon and she hasn't even changed out of her work clothes... the sin of it... I mean, really...

Finding the commute not only tolerable, but somewhat like meditation. Staying awake after returning to the Jersey side is no longer a struggle, the shoe pile under the desk is very nearly every pair of heels owned, and even in the 95 degrees it was today, there is something very real about walking the blocks between work and the bus. Having devoured one entire book and half of its successor in the 3 weeks since this began, well, it's a bit invigorating to be honest ;) Sure, being a bookworm can be attributed to many of my social malfunctions as a kid, maybe even some I carry today, but, to notice my bench partner in today's travels was a young, single, well dressed gentleman on both traverses, and that the new man on the team I support and sit with was kind enough to ask if I wanted something from downstairs on the almost clock-work-like snack run (and they say girls need sugar to function! HA!) and wouldn't let me reach for my wallet and brought me back a chocolate scrumptiousness I wouldn't have allowed myself to indulge in otherwise... well, I was escorted out of the building by another staff member I hadn't met yet and was accompanied almost my entire walk by this so-obviously-enchanted fellow, I'd stopped to smell my own musk to be sure I wasn't sprinkled by a mystery fairy godmother to elicit the nicest bits of male attention!

In other news, the search for a new dwelling is underway. A few chains of chat regarding details have begun, almost a desire to be in those homes has been witnessed, and a bit of need to be cleaning up has certainly become habit. When something actually happens on this front, surely it will be noteworthy.

Other than that, the sunshine has been more than welcome, the skin tone is decidedly less akin to mayonnaise, and there was some sleep over the weekend that wasn't lullabied by the yammerings of the television.
Small accomplishments breed massive strokes to the ego, which creates a looming grin not one can deny!

In case you are wondering what the storyteller narration is about, I urge you to settle in to get used the writing style of Gregory Macguire, for after that lure, you will surely be as hooked as I have become on the tale of Elphaba before she was the Wicked Witch of the West. At my current point in the story, she is out of college and part of some job she won't tell anyone about, and I promise the strangeness of some details are eased in nicely, the clarity of scenery is shocking, and the development of characters has me forgetting the bus ride is 50 minutes or that I was motion sick most of the first 2 weeks!! Coincidentally, the strong desire for a beer upon crossing the threshold has all but disappeared as well...

When I can remember to document the incidentals of this ever widening grin, I surely will - the stack of leftover work from the person I took over for is nearly dispersed to it's properly allocated places throughout the office, ostensibly giving me time to do such things =)

Monday, June 02, 2008

Chicks are Retarded

As I sit here, in the bedroom I've turned into a studio apartment (seriously, I have a spot for food and drink), on my milk crate of a computer chair (which has to be slid under a table for me to get to my shoes in the morning), I wonder why my inbox is full of messages I've forwarded myself of possible roomies from Craigslist and I vehemently avoid my inbox by doing anything besides emailing these people.

What the ever love'n piss test is the matter with me?? It's just another move, I've literally had 10 addresses in just under 4 years, and this time I don't even have a mattress to haul!!! Half my stuff is already in boxes because I can't fit it in my studio and the 1000 sq feet of downstairs space must be covered in all things Ikea (or, if we refer to the last 5 weeks, whatever Roomie emptied out of his room to make room for his chick to move in, and whatever she moved in that doesn't fit in the half a closet he cleared out for her), I can't make dinner (putting a lean cuisine in the microwave) without intruding on their conversation and space, the AC happens to always be on when I have my screenless window open which gives me a parade of flying insects to go with my ever clogging sinuses... I don't get home til 7:45pm and that I must leave the house by 7:05 every morning means I rarely give a flying love handle about making it to they gym (I am walking 2 miles a day, but it's not walking 2 miles uphill like I do at the gym, followed by intermittent running for the next 2 miles, then crunches and 15 minutes of stretching - its more of a mad dash through crowds to race for a chair to plant myself in), have invested in the biggest case of beer that will fit in my fridge, and can barely muster the energy to fully change into PJs, let alone get my car legal, fix my phone bill, even renting a movie is beyond me.

So, what gives?? Am I finally getting worried about moving the way everyone else did for me every other time? Is my lust for life so devoid that I'm finally just happy to not have as many hours to kill at home? Hiding?? But from what? Or is my breakout, need for all things sweet AND salty, poor mental attitude all weekend, lack of spunk even in the face of fantastic sex, and these welts of acne I'm itching like exposed boils an indication that the worst of me is exhibited during the ovulation part of my month and next week I'll be back on top of my game??
Incidentally, last Wednesday I had a phenomenal day at the office, I've found a great sense of pride in being able to take any of the numerous options of walking from work to my mass transit that 4 lateral and 8 longitudinal blocks can offer without hesitation, enjoyed the offerings of Indian cuisine for lunch today and truly enjoyed my meal... I'm not devoid of good stuff here, I'm just avoiding anything having to do with my personal life.