Thursday, October 11, 2007

Vacation, Day 10

When is the last time you were on a vacation for 10 days???

It feels great to have nothing to do but eventually change my PJs... but, alas, knowing that I do eventually have to pick a life to come back to, it's starting to get stressful to have nothing to distract me from the thoughts of what's next.
There are 3 dogs and 3 kids and a set of very smart and cool parents to distract me here, but honestly I kinda like that life happens with or without guests sometimes and I've had a chance to get back to the computer, send my emails (aka therapeutic journaling without the talkback or the monthly bill), and find out where I gravitate.

And guess what?? After missing the trains every time I tried to catch them and being caught in the rain and having every guy treat me as if he'd never seen a pair of tits and the girls giving it to me straight with "it's the same here as where you are from, but the weather is better where you are, and the only reason I can afford it is because my boyfriend's dad owns the building we live in" and deciding to stay in the room with the bottle of KY and room service instead of putting on the business suit and going to interview at the offices I'd planned to since I looked into where exactly my international company could take me in... I'm on the exact same sites, checking out the same cities and the same jobs as before.

So, does that mean I'm just as lost? Just as committed to bailing on my comfort zone? The vacation didn't scare me away from these places, but that isn't saying too much since I spent my birthday having a fantasy played out on my behalf and the rest of the time I was escorted by a local through the traffic and noise (or in my hotel with room service and a bottle of KY). Might I still end up living in a ghetto neighborhood simply because I can't wrap my head around applying for jobs that pay what I know I'll eventually be worth... and feel like I'm giving up to apply to do what I used to do, even though the idea of doing anything is completely overwhelming at this point, because I'm fairly convinced it will take more than a week to learn myself well enough to find a job that I WON'T be totally bored of in 6 months (and to get into that job!)

On that note, its about time for me to realize that no matter how late I wake up, I still need coffee to keep the headache away, that I'm in a house with 3 kids and 3 dogs and I can just as easily have a crisis while learning Spanish with Dora the Explorer and getting my hands torn up by puppy teeth... and if we are very lucky, I'll open the wine before dinner and get used to the idea that kids just scream as a form of communication and not because they are in any danger at all, and that as the resident couch surfer I can squelch my inner babysitter and just watch the grown-ups talk over it while I wonder if that strange feeling in my ear is leftover from the number of flights I've taken in the last 2 weeks or if something has actually ruptured.

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