All Men. All the Time. On my Mind.
Trouble is, its the same ones - all unavailable for a myriad of totally legit reasons.
That's ok though, gets me thinking thoughts of moving, and travel, and visits, and smiles... daydreams of various insundry interactions in wildly exotic locations like the CA central valley or my couch or his couch...
n.e. way. yeah, I'm all about the daydream at this point - even the view of the freeway has me wondering where all the cars are going and which one I'm going to follow right out of this life.
Its nice to have a distraction from the mundane sales calls, whatever the cause may be.
Anyone else using Febreeze as a daily staple of getting ready in the morning??? It is so bad, I'm waiting for the dry cleaner around the corner to post their hours of operation instead of finding a drycleaner that already has their equipment installed, THAT is how NOT INTO THIS I am these days...
Also a distraction, training my cat to be a dog. She begs, sits, hangs out sitting next to my chair on the back porch (until the rugrats come scretching at her that is)... she can't catch for shit, but I guess its a cat thing and I'm all about behavioral training, not DNA splicing.
Had a beer for breakfast yesterday, and a doughnut for dinner - sometimes I love being a grown up, basically only on weekends, but it was cool Grown-Uped-Ness in my house yesterday. And yes, I threw in some drunk yoga in the mid-day, just for the fun of it.
Went to a club Saturday night. Felt jipped by the cover charge, couldn't understand how so many AC vents still left NO air circulation, and left sober as the day I was born, my hair wet only on the outside from someone else's sweat, jeans soaked from the bottom up in whatever someone spilled on the dance floor... sounds like a typical day-in-the-life of me a few years ago, but this time I came home absolutely disgusted by the whole scene.
OK, see??? Grown up was only cool on SUNDAY, Saturday had me as the cranky older chick in the clothes that covered some part of her staring at her feet with her elbows out protecting her tatas from the rude sots who don't care where they shove, wondering why it looked like people were having sex every time she looked up.
What I had in mind when I suggested we go out for a drink on a Saturday night was grabbing a table at the outdoor patio and the local joint that serves steak during the day and martini's in actual glass with a stem on it - planting myself firmly in a chair somewhat close to the droves of military men focused on the bar, with a glass just close enough to empty to get someone's attention that I might need a new one, then moving my purse from the chair next to me to have the party get bigger... this would all happen before 10pm mind you. After that, its shots with the guys, one in particular on my arm, I'm on his lap in the chair, racing the next chair-pair to the bottom of the pint glass then seeing who can kiss the longest without laughing.
Oh, and did I tell you I daydream A LOT these days?
I did.
OK, moving on... I'd better clean up my desk, the manager's bosses boss is in town tomorrow and he likes to sit next to me. I'm not sure if he's checking my skills to see if I'm groomable for promotion or he just doesn't like the other side of the room or he's figured out that he can turn around in his seat with a peach pit in his hand and I'll pull out my trash bin while he spews sales figures to his conference call... anyway, its an extra stress to have that level of managment sit next to you and no matter how flattering it is, I've still booked myself out of the office for a majority of the day =)
Also, having this side of the office to myself affords many personal luxeries like burping and picking my nose and blogging that I get a little upset when I have to behave because, you know, the work and all, and I get a little resentful when I can't distract myself with personal pursuits.
On that note, off to fill up my inbox to give me plenty to show off with tomorrow!
Monday, June 18, 2007
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Yep
Same shit, different day.
Ready to walk out of my job yesterday, spent a good 1.5 hours in meetings about it, still not sure the reason I'm so frustrated got across.
Awaiting my first commission. It will add less than one days salary pay to my check. Not sure all this work and effort and tears and pain and having my tablespoon of managerial shit jammed down my throat hourly (instead of the daily or weekly of past jobs) is worth the pittance.
Cops have been to my apartment twice this week. Sister may be a bit paranoid about the vato who wanted to watch my TV, but it must have been freaky to come in to say hi and see a shadow outside my window. So long Sunshine, Hello Dark Cave. The first instance was warrented though - we woke up to find our back sliding glass door open 3 feet wide. Since Sister slept on the couch til about 2:30am, it must have happened in the wee hours. Not Cool.
Yes, we have contacted the management company about legalities of breaking the lease if our house is broken into. No, we haven't started packing.
I am obsessed with travel. I want to go to Wales to visit a romantic interest there. I want to see my friends I only know by phone these days. I need a break from the norm and the daydreams and planning give me a distraction.
Partner has been out for basically 3 solid weeks. Manager is dealing with some heavy stuff at home, but is nothing but upbeat and smiles in the office. We get each other, she sees my frustration, but she is under the wing of Boss, so she is kinda stuck - making it very difficult to get anything actually accomplished on the managerial mishaps so we can all start making some money around here. Front Desk is getting snottier by the day - used to be some Sass I left on the chair, but these days she is just a walking ego that doesn't even get the phone half the time, let alone do any work. Canada just demanded get a few more hours a week so she can earn vacation time or she's walking, which would devestate the office because she has been covering the work that Front Desk forgets to get done as her boyfriend sits in the lobby and she is on the phone with her friends.
All in all... putting the dog down has been the least stressful part of whats happening around here?
How YOU doin?
Ready to walk out of my job yesterday, spent a good 1.5 hours in meetings about it, still not sure the reason I'm so frustrated got across.
Awaiting my first commission. It will add less than one days salary pay to my check. Not sure all this work and effort and tears and pain and having my tablespoon of managerial shit jammed down my throat hourly (instead of the daily or weekly of past jobs) is worth the pittance.
Cops have been to my apartment twice this week. Sister may be a bit paranoid about the vato who wanted to watch my TV, but it must have been freaky to come in to say hi and see a shadow outside my window. So long Sunshine, Hello Dark Cave. The first instance was warrented though - we woke up to find our back sliding glass door open 3 feet wide. Since Sister slept on the couch til about 2:30am, it must have happened in the wee hours. Not Cool.
Yes, we have contacted the management company about legalities of breaking the lease if our house is broken into. No, we haven't started packing.
I am obsessed with travel. I want to go to Wales to visit a romantic interest there. I want to see my friends I only know by phone these days. I need a break from the norm and the daydreams and planning give me a distraction.
Partner has been out for basically 3 solid weeks. Manager is dealing with some heavy stuff at home, but is nothing but upbeat and smiles in the office. We get each other, she sees my frustration, but she is under the wing of Boss, so she is kinda stuck - making it very difficult to get anything actually accomplished on the managerial mishaps so we can all start making some money around here. Front Desk is getting snottier by the day - used to be some Sass I left on the chair, but these days she is just a walking ego that doesn't even get the phone half the time, let alone do any work. Canada just demanded get a few more hours a week so she can earn vacation time or she's walking, which would devestate the office because she has been covering the work that Front Desk forgets to get done as her boyfriend sits in the lobby and she is on the phone with her friends.
All in all... putting the dog down has been the least stressful part of whats happening around here?
How YOU doin?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
When Asked Directly
All she said was "hey, did the rest of your weekend turn out ok, I didn't hear from you after Saturday...", and she recieved:
We call Creepy Guy "kindawannastalkya", he is of the family that knocks at the door for 7 minutes and then tries the door and walks in to see if you can hang out. He has a major crush on Jessie and is a little actually-helmet-worthy crazy (or the drugs make him so, he zones out and speaks Samoan to himself even in a room of people!!!).
Yeah, I kicked his foot out of my house and 3 minutes later my doorbell was ringing like there was a fire in the building… when I finally answered the door he goes "can I come in and hang out?" I said "no, I told you, I'm going to bed, this isn't where the party happens, this isn't a place you should consider when looking to hang out, especially at midnight-ish. BYE."
=)
yeah, I let Sister know I'm not to thrilled with how things are working out, took time to clean and organize and get pretty stuff where I can see it (still can't tell what is clean or dirty laundry, but who needs to walk on carpet anyway???), she started understanding its not fun for me to be her tag-along-date and that I don't like the idea that my social life/bar fund will be depleated because she got a car payment and my covering rent means I haven't met any of my financial goals AND I won't be able to afford the bar on my own either! She got it, and got MoneyBags to show up and pay toward her down payment (would have been felony level fraud if she couldn’t get the chick on the phone to pull the check from the deposit bag!), he is so afraid of my threat of physical violence he didn't come into the house even while I was chill'n on the beach, and then last night he got Sister's old car sold so he can give her the REST of the rest of the down payment. All this means is that my savings account stays intact and I can save for my debts/car insurance payment/Wales trip/vacation anywhere instead of hers.
Got invited to play at the gym with Double Dipper (can't figure out what to call him, he's gay or comes off that way from imitating his older brother and Sister doesn't like him because of it, and he keeps asking for both of us to do stuff though only calls and kisses her…), and Sis hasn't invited me to the Valley to pick up the money for the car sale at the restaurant that has sucked 3-6 hours of my life at a time on 4 occasions in the last 2.5 weeks… might get a night alone if I can swing it!!!
Honestly, I'm not used to hanging out so much, no matter how much I want to be married or codependent or intertwined in someone's life – I've still been a single renting a room from strangers for the last few years and there is a lot of autonomy that comes with it. I'm thinking being in the house alone for that time Saturday started the Flo-induce avalanche of dammed up regular ebb and flow of social/independent/social tendencies.
Just can't figure out which fraction of my world to take a grip of and shake heartily to induce change, but you are right to wonder if I'm stable these days ;)
Also, when is your hubbie's next night at The Club? He can drop you at my place and we can play with girlie stuff while he's off being a guy's guy =)=)
Did you see THAT??? All she did was say "hey, how's it hangen?" and I go through a rant about how this three-day wekend I was a total mess of indignation and self pity and then invite her over!!!!!!!!
Chicks are crazy!!!!
We call Creepy Guy "kindawannastalkya", he is of the family that knocks at the door for 7 minutes and then tries the door and walks in to see if you can hang out. He has a major crush on Jessie and is a little actually-helmet-worthy crazy (or the drugs make him so, he zones out and speaks Samoan to himself even in a room of people!!!).
Yeah, I kicked his foot out of my house and 3 minutes later my doorbell was ringing like there was a fire in the building… when I finally answered the door he goes "can I come in and hang out?" I said "no, I told you, I'm going to bed, this isn't where the party happens, this isn't a place you should consider when looking to hang out, especially at midnight-ish. BYE."
=)
yeah, I let Sister know I'm not to thrilled with how things are working out, took time to clean and organize and get pretty stuff where I can see it (still can't tell what is clean or dirty laundry, but who needs to walk on carpet anyway???), she started understanding its not fun for me to be her tag-along-date and that I don't like the idea that my social life/bar fund will be depleated because she got a car payment and my covering rent means I haven't met any of my financial goals AND I won't be able to afford the bar on my own either! She got it, and got MoneyBags to show up and pay toward her down payment (would have been felony level fraud if she couldn’t get the chick on the phone to pull the check from the deposit bag!), he is so afraid of my threat of physical violence he didn't come into the house even while I was chill'n on the beach, and then last night he got Sister's old car sold so he can give her the REST of the rest of the down payment. All this means is that my savings account stays intact and I can save for my debts/car insurance payment/Wales trip/vacation anywhere instead of hers.
Got invited to play at the gym with Double Dipper (can't figure out what to call him, he's gay or comes off that way from imitating his older brother and Sister doesn't like him because of it, and he keeps asking for both of us to do stuff though only calls and kisses her…), and Sis hasn't invited me to the Valley to pick up the money for the car sale at the restaurant that has sucked 3-6 hours of my life at a time on 4 occasions in the last 2.5 weeks… might get a night alone if I can swing it!!!
Honestly, I'm not used to hanging out so much, no matter how much I want to be married or codependent or intertwined in someone's life – I've still been a single renting a room from strangers for the last few years and there is a lot of autonomy that comes with it. I'm thinking being in the house alone for that time Saturday started the Flo-induce avalanche of dammed up regular ebb and flow of social/independent/social tendencies.
Just can't figure out which fraction of my world to take a grip of and shake heartily to induce change, but you are right to wonder if I'm stable these days ;)
Also, when is your hubbie's next night at The Club? He can drop you at my place and we can play with girlie stuff while he's off being a guy's guy =)=)
Did you see THAT??? All she did was say "hey, how's it hangen?" and I go through a rant about how this three-day wekend I was a total mess of indignation and self pity and then invite her over!!!!!!!!
Chicks are crazy!!!!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Have You Ever...
looked your boss in the face and said "its because of you and your way of managing this place that I don't like my job"??
I highly recommend it =)
And, I recommend you do it over and over and over until your boss apologizes for having bad habits and being hypocritical in their demands of you and promises to hold themselves to a stringent standard of control when approaching you.
Makes the day go faster when no one bugs you for the last 5 hours of the day =)
I highly recommend it =)
And, I recommend you do it over and over and over until your boss apologizes for having bad habits and being hypocritical in their demands of you and promises to hold themselves to a stringent standard of control when approaching you.
Makes the day go faster when no one bugs you for the last 5 hours of the day =)
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Fuck Flo
Hormonal Tyraid Ahead...
Poor Curmudgeon and the replies he gets to his cute little comments...
oh, you should hear the rest!!!
I hear at lunch, in the hallway while I'm on my cell phone coming back from the ladies room, that I get a new coworker TOMORROW!!!!!
the real beast of it is that my ex-manager/current coworker told me on her way to lunch that she was told THIS MORNING that the new person starting tomorrow isn't her replacement but rather her new direct manager.
yeah.
and, as I have 2 companies expecting people at work today that I knew nothing about when I came in this morning, and I filled those positions, and was in tears to get out of bed (literally hid under the covers from the day) then again in the shower, then tried to suck it up before walking in the door, then in the hallway walking off the venom in my veins for being set up for failure first thing on a Monday morning, I am told -as I'm on a personal call in the hallway - that my boss appreciates what a great professional demeanor I have, the good example I set in the department, that she is sure I'll like the person that will sit next to me tomorrow and enjoys that I've set such a high standard on my side of the office.
Today, on the day I am in the hall in tears trying not to just walk out and go home... in a mis-matched outfit with yesterday's ponytail wave in my unwashed hair and my face looking remarkably like I rushed out of the house looking for an omlette on a hangover morning... today I get told I am appreciated (but not quite enough to be asked if I have a minute, if I'm actually talking on the phone that is at my ear, or to be given more than 18 hrs notice to changes in the chain of command in my office).
no, I'm not cranky, why do you ask??? =)=)
in other news, Sister and I hung all our pictures and set our living room up for actual use this weekend, filled the fridge with yummy nutritious food, and set our minds to being martini drinkers and indulged liberally =) Got a few too many pics of the cat I fear, but she was being noteably cute and nice and we needed documentation of the events =)
As for Shorty, there is a bit of lonliness, but not as much as the relief that I can take a full day off work and get out of town for 17 hours without worrying over her. And, I've got the itch to flee, and being able to fit my baggage in a suitcase when I do get the heck outta here has a certain leivity that I've never felt before. I'm kinda enjoying the freedom to be honest, and the dog will come when I have a life to put one in.
And, the cat comes to the door to greet me when I walk in, and its a reasonable enough substitute =)
how was your weekend?? are you checking blogs at lunch, or a slow Monday afternoon time??
See?? now I know why you guys post so I can't just reply to your email directly - I would NEVER have put all that in a comment box!
Poor Curmudgeon and the replies he gets to his cute little comments...
oh, you should hear the rest!!!
I hear at lunch, in the hallway while I'm on my cell phone coming back from the ladies room, that I get a new coworker TOMORROW!!!!!
the real beast of it is that my ex-manager/current coworker told me on her way to lunch that she was told THIS MORNING that the new person starting tomorrow isn't her replacement but rather her new direct manager.
yeah.
and, as I have 2 companies expecting people at work today that I knew nothing about when I came in this morning, and I filled those positions, and was in tears to get out of bed (literally hid under the covers from the day) then again in the shower, then tried to suck it up before walking in the door, then in the hallway walking off the venom in my veins for being set up for failure first thing on a Monday morning, I am told -as I'm on a personal call in the hallway - that my boss appreciates what a great professional demeanor I have, the good example I set in the department, that she is sure I'll like the person that will sit next to me tomorrow and enjoys that I've set such a high standard on my side of the office.
Today, on the day I am in the hall in tears trying not to just walk out and go home... in a mis-matched outfit with yesterday's ponytail wave in my unwashed hair and my face looking remarkably like I rushed out of the house looking for an omlette on a hangover morning... today I get told I am appreciated (but not quite enough to be asked if I have a minute, if I'm actually talking on the phone that is at my ear, or to be given more than 18 hrs notice to changes in the chain of command in my office).
no, I'm not cranky, why do you ask??? =)=)
in other news, Sister and I hung all our pictures and set our living room up for actual use this weekend, filled the fridge with yummy nutritious food, and set our minds to being martini drinkers and indulged liberally =) Got a few too many pics of the cat I fear, but she was being noteably cute and nice and we needed documentation of the events =)
As for Shorty, there is a bit of lonliness, but not as much as the relief that I can take a full day off work and get out of town for 17 hours without worrying over her. And, I've got the itch to flee, and being able to fit my baggage in a suitcase when I do get the heck outta here has a certain leivity that I've never felt before. I'm kinda enjoying the freedom to be honest, and the dog will come when I have a life to put one in.
And, the cat comes to the door to greet me when I walk in, and its a reasonable enough substitute =)
how was your weekend?? are you checking blogs at lunch, or a slow Monday afternoon time??
See?? now I know why you guys post so I can't just reply to your email directly - I would NEVER have put all that in a comment box!
Friday, April 27, 2007
Alright.
It was a very rough week.
If last week brought internal angst resulting in lethargy, this week was the backlash of anger and resentment at all things GROWN UP.
I actually emailed Techie on the work email that I was considering giving my 2 weeks.
DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
My partner is convinced she will be fired next week. She has been convinced of this since I started in this office last summer. She has serious cause to believe it this time, but still, it’s a little annoying to be constantly wondering if she will come back from lunch.
Took Tuesday off to celebrate Sister's bday with her - we didn't leave the house until almost noon, but the absolute luxury of laying about the bed discussing options like Disneyland vs. Universal Studios vs. a picnic on the beach was well worth the verbal bashing for using paid time off. We had a delightful day in the Big City and I would have missed the day's pay to share life experience like that with anyone in my life.
The house is lonely without a 50 pound, 2 foot tall black dog around. Its better because I don't have to watch her walk into walls or fall asleep looking at me or cry at me for pains I can't see or find… but waking up at 5:07 every morning to the fucktard neighbor's car alarm isn't the same when I don't have a dog to curl up with for another hour.
The cat, however, has become decidedly more doglike. She still lofts about, singing her feline song, annoyed when she has no lap to sit on – but, its kinda nice to still trip on a small animal when I walk in the door and have a collar jingle when I call about the house for a mini-hug.
Sister is taking it hard I think. We don't talk feelings in my family, but she went for a cigarette and stopped short to ask "what do I tell the kids when they ask for Shorty?" I said "they don't speak English anyway, just say "no mas Shorty".
Then I had to say it today. They didn't care, they plastered themselves to the sliding glass door and yelled "GATO!! EL GATO!!!!" to ensure my feline friend would be frightened away indefinitely. She doesn't come outside, so we have a new challenge on our hands – kids plastered to the side of my house yelling "GATO!! EL GATO!!!!" for umpteen hours a day =) Lovely.
Delighted to report that PMS is receding, my mood is lifted for the sheer ability for me to verbalize then literally dump my shit onto someone else to sift through with me, I went to the gym for the first time in a MONTH last night, and I left all 3 pies in the work fridge today as I looked for chicken breast strips and apples to snack on. =)
Rough. Its been decidedly rough. BIG CHANGE kinda rough.
But guess what else happened? I looked my boss in the face today and said "We hear you. We don't like this either. Let us get back to trying to fix it because we've discussed everything this meeting was called for" and we were back at our desks within the MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its not that I need to be able to manage my manager, but effective communication in the workplace is key, is it not?? =)=)
Off to clean house to loud music, get that butt-dent in my couch solidified, and get some light beer back in the house to facilitate both of these =) Oh, and gym classes and working on work without the phone ringing is on the list as well, but secondary to the nesting!
It was a very rough week.
If last week brought internal angst resulting in lethargy, this week was the backlash of anger and resentment at all things GROWN UP.
I actually emailed Techie on the work email that I was considering giving my 2 weeks.
DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
My partner is convinced she will be fired next week. She has been convinced of this since I started in this office last summer. She has serious cause to believe it this time, but still, it’s a little annoying to be constantly wondering if she will come back from lunch.
Took Tuesday off to celebrate Sister's bday with her - we didn't leave the house until almost noon, but the absolute luxury of laying about the bed discussing options like Disneyland vs. Universal Studios vs. a picnic on the beach was well worth the verbal bashing for using paid time off. We had a delightful day in the Big City and I would have missed the day's pay to share life experience like that with anyone in my life.
The house is lonely without a 50 pound, 2 foot tall black dog around. Its better because I don't have to watch her walk into walls or fall asleep looking at me or cry at me for pains I can't see or find… but waking up at 5:07 every morning to the fucktard neighbor's car alarm isn't the same when I don't have a dog to curl up with for another hour.
The cat, however, has become decidedly more doglike. She still lofts about, singing her feline song, annoyed when she has no lap to sit on – but, its kinda nice to still trip on a small animal when I walk in the door and have a collar jingle when I call about the house for a mini-hug.
Sister is taking it hard I think. We don't talk feelings in my family, but she went for a cigarette and stopped short to ask "what do I tell the kids when they ask for Shorty?" I said "they don't speak English anyway, just say "no mas Shorty".
Then I had to say it today. They didn't care, they plastered themselves to the sliding glass door and yelled "GATO!! EL GATO!!!!" to ensure my feline friend would be frightened away indefinitely. She doesn't come outside, so we have a new challenge on our hands – kids plastered to the side of my house yelling "GATO!! EL GATO!!!!" for umpteen hours a day =) Lovely.
Delighted to report that PMS is receding, my mood is lifted for the sheer ability for me to verbalize then literally dump my shit onto someone else to sift through with me, I went to the gym for the first time in a MONTH last night, and I left all 3 pies in the work fridge today as I looked for chicken breast strips and apples to snack on. =)
Rough. Its been decidedly rough. BIG CHANGE kinda rough.
But guess what else happened? I looked my boss in the face today and said "We hear you. We don't like this either. Let us get back to trying to fix it because we've discussed everything this meeting was called for" and we were back at our desks within the MINUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Its not that I need to be able to manage my manager, but effective communication in the workplace is key, is it not?? =)=)
Off to clean house to loud music, get that butt-dent in my couch solidified, and get some light beer back in the house to facilitate both of these =) Oh, and gym classes and working on work without the phone ringing is on the list as well, but secondary to the nesting!
Monday, April 23, 2007
If This is Monday...
It is no secret I am a huge fan of Mondays, when they are compared to Tuesdays.
That said, I'll be out tomorrow...
Got repeated and not even originally misdirected blame in the form of flack from the boss for asking for my sister's bday off, but I don't care.
Boss started with "um, we are kinda behind..." and ended with "you were out last week (it was 2 weeks ago, on my death bed, calling in feverish every 2 hours, and she royally fucked my rotation and we still haven't recovered from her meddling), and taking time this week, you don't want corporate to ask why you are taking all this time off so close to your start date..."
To that, I literally bit my tongue (I think she saw me wince), and internally fume "bite my ass as I walk out the door, and you better hope, after talking to me like the company doesn't gift me nearly a full work day of paid time off every 2 weeks, that I come back on Wednesday, or at all."
Yes, I am achingly close to being over the edge... bitter, full of contempt, apathetic, not even self loathing as much as overtly realistic (which, for those of us with brain cells, translates to pessimistic), and the worst of it is I am feeding the negative - onion rings, ice cream, fish and chips at every chance, and my parents spent so much damn money on this smile and I haven't used it in weeks.
Mostly, I am too afraid to feel anything, even returning a smile at a kid passing my window, because it might lead to feeling the rage and hurt and anger and betrayal and and and and that is lurking under my every breath.
So yeah, to have my manager try to fix our department by sitting next to me for an hour today, to have me taking my breaks sitting in the hallway to avoid the aura of misconduct in my office, to hide in the bathroom and breath through the imminent tears, to have weekend after weekend be more stress than my overbearing and intensly draining day job, and then be told that I should reconsider taking time off that the company is paying me to have the opportunity for??? Lets just say I don't give a flying fuck's left nut if I look like a slacker to corporate for deciding to take my paid time off, and her implication that I am making an unwise choice (as she flaunts to the office that I am not the same old Sassy and wants me to explain what my matter is) isn't sitting well here at the end of the day.
Oh, in case you thought the fix would be as easy as a career jolt, Sexy called last night. And texted today. And he wasn't drunk this time. And it was nice to have someone ask what I thought about something without having to stand tall as I steady myself to bear the brunt of "yeah, but's" until the sun goes down.
Barfly was a total duche and I'm bored with him before I even had a chance to get his shirt off.
The thought of getting a passport and traveling to a small town in Wales is about all consuming at this point.
I slept on my new couch on Saturday night because I couldn't look at the bedspread stained with Shorty footprints so I didn't go in my room - and even when I made it in there last night I made Sister come watch TV with me.
The cat is cute, but its not the same.
And holding your 13 year old, always at your feet dog while the chick misses veins with the death juice isn't a memory you need flooding you when you try to get into your PJs.
Its quit'n time, and there is no way for me to know if the calls I've planned for Wednesday are going to be productive or a waste of time until I start calling down the list, so I'm going to see if I can avoid the beer long enough to change into gym clothes and get something positive running through my veins in a timely manner... even the gym has a negative connotation in the mood I'm in though, and no amount of distraction is taking away the intense omnipresense of "this is not working, you must change the core of your existence or be irreperably damaged".
That said, I'll be out tomorrow...
Got repeated and not even originally misdirected blame in the form of flack from the boss for asking for my sister's bday off, but I don't care.
Boss started with "um, we are kinda behind..." and ended with "you were out last week (it was 2 weeks ago, on my death bed, calling in feverish every 2 hours, and she royally fucked my rotation and we still haven't recovered from her meddling), and taking time this week, you don't want corporate to ask why you are taking all this time off so close to your start date..."
To that, I literally bit my tongue (I think she saw me wince), and internally fume "bite my ass as I walk out the door, and you better hope, after talking to me like the company doesn't gift me nearly a full work day of paid time off every 2 weeks, that I come back on Wednesday, or at all."
Yes, I am achingly close to being over the edge... bitter, full of contempt, apathetic, not even self loathing as much as overtly realistic (which, for those of us with brain cells, translates to pessimistic), and the worst of it is I am feeding the negative - onion rings, ice cream, fish and chips at every chance, and my parents spent so much damn money on this smile and I haven't used it in weeks.
Mostly, I am too afraid to feel anything, even returning a smile at a kid passing my window, because it might lead to feeling the rage and hurt and anger and betrayal and and and and that is lurking under my every breath.
So yeah, to have my manager try to fix our department by sitting next to me for an hour today, to have me taking my breaks sitting in the hallway to avoid the aura of misconduct in my office, to hide in the bathroom and breath through the imminent tears, to have weekend after weekend be more stress than my overbearing and intensly draining day job, and then be told that I should reconsider taking time off that the company is paying me to have the opportunity for??? Lets just say I don't give a flying fuck's left nut if I look like a slacker to corporate for deciding to take my paid time off, and her implication that I am making an unwise choice (as she flaunts to the office that I am not the same old Sassy and wants me to explain what my matter is) isn't sitting well here at the end of the day.
Oh, in case you thought the fix would be as easy as a career jolt, Sexy called last night. And texted today. And he wasn't drunk this time. And it was nice to have someone ask what I thought about something without having to stand tall as I steady myself to bear the brunt of "yeah, but's" until the sun goes down.
Barfly was a total duche and I'm bored with him before I even had a chance to get his shirt off.
The thought of getting a passport and traveling to a small town in Wales is about all consuming at this point.
I slept on my new couch on Saturday night because I couldn't look at the bedspread stained with Shorty footprints so I didn't go in my room - and even when I made it in there last night I made Sister come watch TV with me.
The cat is cute, but its not the same.
And holding your 13 year old, always at your feet dog while the chick misses veins with the death juice isn't a memory you need flooding you when you try to get into your PJs.
Its quit'n time, and there is no way for me to know if the calls I've planned for Wednesday are going to be productive or a waste of time until I start calling down the list, so I'm going to see if I can avoid the beer long enough to change into gym clothes and get something positive running through my veins in a timely manner... even the gym has a negative connotation in the mood I'm in though, and no amount of distraction is taking away the intense omnipresense of "this is not working, you must change the core of your existence or be irreperably damaged".
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
My Training Day
The training went well.
One of the top 100 women in business for the metro area surrounding my company's headquarters had nothing but compliments for me, down to my makeup. She thought we knew each other. She kept looking at me for the nod of acknowledgement, and smiled when I gave it to her. Even whispered a "thank you for that constructive input" after the specialized/small group training.
And then...
At the end of the day I tallied my points for the work we were supposed to accomplish and came in with the top points =)=)
So, not only did she think we knew each other, and turned into a bobbing head doll when I started my sales schpeel, but now she knows me as the one who either did the most work or is able to keep track of the work the best of the 25 people doing my job in the area =).
Right, and that makes my bosses boss so happy I think I actually heard a squeel =)
And when I bragged to Boss about it, she said "girl!!! just look at you showing off!! Now I'll go in there and blow it and my boss will say "at least you hire well, look what Sassy did!!" and I'll have to remind her that I hired you while I wipe the egg off my face."
My SassyAss reply: "well, you're a manager so you get a few specialized meetings, that means smaller groups to blow it in so they are sure to remember its you!"
Yeah, that got her off the phone pretty quick.
Whatever, I've done a stellar job every time Bosses Boss can check up on me and that makes me feel a lot better about shoveling the petty shit under the rug.
How was your Tuesday??
Catch that?? Tuesday?? The day that is typically shitty for me??
I didn't mention that I was in the car driving to the training office at 6:45am, that I had 20 hours notice that I would be required to be 40 miles away, or that I had to call to move the appointment to put my dog down because of the lack of notice, and that I didn't get back to the house until 8:30pm last night... all that little stuff doesn't make as much difference as knowing that Bosses Boss KNEW I didn't have any warning about the meeting, KNEW that Boss was out yesterday and I didn't get the list of requirements until 3pm when everyone else got them Thursday, and gave me a DVD to celebrate my day's accomplishments while I graciously accepted my praise from HER boss, one of the sharpest women I've had the pleasure of meeting in my entire life (no small feat, as I've actually been around non-white-trash people, even in her metro area, that had my coworkers peeing their pants at their awsomeness).
Right, I'm done bragging about how I'm getting bigger than the little stuff and can show off on no sleep and early rising with little to no prep enough to at least ensure I'm not on the chopping block this week.
So, again, how was your Tuesday?
One of the top 100 women in business for the metro area surrounding my company's headquarters had nothing but compliments for me, down to my makeup. She thought we knew each other. She kept looking at me for the nod of acknowledgement, and smiled when I gave it to her. Even whispered a "thank you for that constructive input" after the specialized/small group training.
And then...
At the end of the day I tallied my points for the work we were supposed to accomplish and came in with the top points =)=)
So, not only did she think we knew each other, and turned into a bobbing head doll when I started my sales schpeel, but now she knows me as the one who either did the most work or is able to keep track of the work the best of the 25 people doing my job in the area =).
Right, and that makes my bosses boss so happy I think I actually heard a squeel =)
And when I bragged to Boss about it, she said "girl!!! just look at you showing off!! Now I'll go in there and blow it and my boss will say "at least you hire well, look what Sassy did!!" and I'll have to remind her that I hired you while I wipe the egg off my face."
My SassyAss reply: "well, you're a manager so you get a few specialized meetings, that means smaller groups to blow it in so they are sure to remember its you!"
Yeah, that got her off the phone pretty quick.
Whatever, I've done a stellar job every time Bosses Boss can check up on me and that makes me feel a lot better about shoveling the petty shit under the rug.
How was your Tuesday??
Catch that?? Tuesday?? The day that is typically shitty for me??
I didn't mention that I was in the car driving to the training office at 6:45am, that I had 20 hours notice that I would be required to be 40 miles away, or that I had to call to move the appointment to put my dog down because of the lack of notice, and that I didn't get back to the house until 8:30pm last night... all that little stuff doesn't make as much difference as knowing that Bosses Boss KNEW I didn't have any warning about the meeting, KNEW that Boss was out yesterday and I didn't get the list of requirements until 3pm when everyone else got them Thursday, and gave me a DVD to celebrate my day's accomplishments while I graciously accepted my praise from HER boss, one of the sharpest women I've had the pleasure of meeting in my entire life (no small feat, as I've actually been around non-white-trash people, even in her metro area, that had my coworkers peeing their pants at their awsomeness).
Right, I'm done bragging about how I'm getting bigger than the little stuff and can show off on no sleep and early rising with little to no prep enough to at least ensure I'm not on the chopping block this week.
So, again, how was your Tuesday?
Monday, April 16, 2007
Weekend Update
Blatently copied from an email reply I sent out this morning, names changed to protect the innocent, sentances enhanced to boast about the wicked...
So, since I have to work soon, the recap is that Pupster is on a bunch of steroids so she is comfortable and lucid until I can convince Sister that I am tortured to see her and we have to put her down like I wanted to at the vet Saturday morning, Dad is buying us many meals in the name of Sister's bday and refuses to treat me like anything but a common street rat as exemplified by trying to tell me he planned on spending $300 on us and then waving $1000 cash in the furniture store and giving me shit for not running right to his side over it (then making me beg for it, as its in his hand and the sales guy is wetting his pants to get a peice of it), I've made a new friend in a youngen we will call Barfly though I was too tired to bring him home Friday night and our schedules haven't meshed enough to see if he can knock a smile on my face, hung out with my part time receptionist who is married to a Navy man who liked us enough to ask for recruiting tips for guys to bring to the backyard bbq this Saturday, I'm desperately awaiting details on when my suiter from the other side of the globe and wishing he could be here this weekend to cuddle me on my new couch and make my heart stop turning to stone, and seriously distracted with thoughts of when he will be coming to see if I should take advantage of this fuck buddy or a Navy guy or wait for a Master's Degree'd witty hard body to throw bills to the wind and fly over oceans for me.
Boss is at jury duty, partner is MIA this morning, and just received word I'll be in training tomorrow in an office 40 miles away for the entirety of tomorrow... not like I have family in town or a dog to euthinize and could have used a little fucking warning about my week's schedule... can't even tell you how much I need like a 2 week vacation at this point, I am SO over this!!!! Love the benifits I haven't used and 401K raping my income and still being able to throw $200 at Costco for food and stuff, but I HAD PLANS FOR TUESDAY and a little warning would have been LOVELY, could have put together the preplanning needed for a full day of corporate training materials sometime BESIDES the bulk of my Monday work day...
as if; its so quiet around here its creepy, and I have been venting to you all morning!!
time to earn my keep, I'll check in later =)
So, since I have to work soon, the recap is that Pupster is on a bunch of steroids so she is comfortable and lucid until I can convince Sister that I am tortured to see her and we have to put her down like I wanted to at the vet Saturday morning, Dad is buying us many meals in the name of Sister's bday and refuses to treat me like anything but a common street rat as exemplified by trying to tell me he planned on spending $300 on us and then waving $1000 cash in the furniture store and giving me shit for not running right to his side over it (then making me beg for it, as its in his hand and the sales guy is wetting his pants to get a peice of it), I've made a new friend in a youngen we will call Barfly though I was too tired to bring him home Friday night and our schedules haven't meshed enough to see if he can knock a smile on my face, hung out with my part time receptionist who is married to a Navy man who liked us enough to ask for recruiting tips for guys to bring to the backyard bbq this Saturday, I'm desperately awaiting details on when my suiter from the other side of the globe and wishing he could be here this weekend to cuddle me on my new couch and make my heart stop turning to stone, and seriously distracted with thoughts of when he will be coming to see if I should take advantage of this fuck buddy or a Navy guy or wait for a Master's Degree'd witty hard body to throw bills to the wind and fly over oceans for me.
Boss is at jury duty, partner is MIA this morning, and just received word I'll be in training tomorrow in an office 40 miles away for the entirety of tomorrow... not like I have family in town or a dog to euthinize and could have used a little fucking warning about my week's schedule... can't even tell you how much I need like a 2 week vacation at this point, I am SO over this!!!! Love the benifits I haven't used and 401K raping my income and still being able to throw $200 at Costco for food and stuff, but I HAD PLANS FOR TUESDAY and a little warning would have been LOVELY, could have put together the preplanning needed for a full day of corporate training materials sometime BESIDES the bulk of my Monday work day...
as if; its so quiet around here its creepy, and I have been venting to you all morning!!
time to earn my keep, I'll check in later =)
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
The Haps
I really have been thinking of my blog.
Honestly, every time something chaotic or hilarious or down right morally wrong happens, the first thing I want to do is post about it and get some sense of power from the fact that I'm not the only poor schmuck who takes a job and gets the whole department reorganized on them basically weekly; that I'm not the only Sassy summumabitch who can't for the life of her get a piece of ass; not the only sales person on the block who somehow can't close a DOOR let alone an account; not the only proud mama who looks at her pup and wonders if this is one of the moments she is lucid or if she can even see me sitting in front of her (vet appt set for Saturday, MOT, I'll take pics in case her shallow breathing is from pain and not great dreams); I need some assurance that I'm not the only stubborn sot on the block who isn't at all happy that Dad wants to stop by my house and buy me a new couch to sit on, if for nothing else than I KNOW he has been too chicken shit to ask Sister and I to come up in TWO WEEKS and will try the guilt angle once he's moved in the furniture I've saved up to buy on my own; I need to know if its my version of a mid life crisis that I refuse to unpack my personal effects and have boxes as nightstands and can only think of when I can get time off approved to take vacations this year; I really want to hear that I'm not the only one who was in bed for 3 days with a hell of a chest cold, and that I'm not totally crazy for wanting to get to the office to keep the tally marks adding up to ensure THIS MONTH starts the commissions rolling in.
All this, and I hate to see my StatMeter emails reporting that my silent fans have stopped checking in. =( Its so bad, I've started opening Word docs to get the goods in some format to post, and I have a list of half completed thoughts in my file that are so old, I don't even remember what the point was.
Honestly, if I didn't have to buy a few business suits to go with this new job (told you things are changing, didn't I??!?!), and if I wasn't concerned about the monster vet bill taking my savings I had earmarked for furniture and vacations and Sister's bday celebration, I would certainly incur the monthly cost of internet access at home to better satisfy my lust for social contact. In the mean time, know that even with me at the desk for some 10-12 hours a day, I still can only DREAM of checking in with my blogworld, and I miss you terribly.
ttys,
Honestly, every time something chaotic or hilarious or down right morally wrong happens, the first thing I want to do is post about it and get some sense of power from the fact that I'm not the only poor schmuck who takes a job and gets the whole department reorganized on them basically weekly; that I'm not the only Sassy summumabitch who can't for the life of her get a piece of ass; not the only sales person on the block who somehow can't close a DOOR let alone an account; not the only proud mama who looks at her pup and wonders if this is one of the moments she is lucid or if she can even see me sitting in front of her (vet appt set for Saturday, MOT, I'll take pics in case her shallow breathing is from pain and not great dreams); I need some assurance that I'm not the only stubborn sot on the block who isn't at all happy that Dad wants to stop by my house and buy me a new couch to sit on, if for nothing else than I KNOW he has been too chicken shit to ask Sister and I to come up in TWO WEEKS and will try the guilt angle once he's moved in the furniture I've saved up to buy on my own; I need to know if its my version of a mid life crisis that I refuse to unpack my personal effects and have boxes as nightstands and can only think of when I can get time off approved to take vacations this year; I really want to hear that I'm not the only one who was in bed for 3 days with a hell of a chest cold, and that I'm not totally crazy for wanting to get to the office to keep the tally marks adding up to ensure THIS MONTH starts the commissions rolling in.
All this, and I hate to see my StatMeter emails reporting that my silent fans have stopped checking in. =( Its so bad, I've started opening Word docs to get the goods in some format to post, and I have a list of half completed thoughts in my file that are so old, I don't even remember what the point was.
Honestly, if I didn't have to buy a few business suits to go with this new job (told you things are changing, didn't I??!?!), and if I wasn't concerned about the monster vet bill taking my savings I had earmarked for furniture and vacations and Sister's bday celebration, I would certainly incur the monthly cost of internet access at home to better satisfy my lust for social contact. In the mean time, know that even with me at the desk for some 10-12 hours a day, I still can only DREAM of checking in with my blogworld, and I miss you terribly.
ttys,
Monday, March 19, 2007
This Monday, We Have...
Very stressed few hours on this side of the world - I'll copy what I sent another friend as an example of my attitude going to bed last night and starting today -
My car needs some help.
I sent a text to 10 people in my area asking for a body shop.
One of the people on the list has a wife.
I spent the entire evening glad my phone freaks out and doesn't like to ring when I set it to LOUD.
I get it. Always getting the call at the wrong time. Now I see your point in full glory.
Thank you for saving us both from the opportunity for me to get us in a sticky, icky, somewhat psycho situation.
However, I stand by my romantic ideal that there would be no reason to steal my man's phone and call some chick to leave rude messages and text long into the night because he got a text asking for a body shop in the area.
It's silly, I know, to hold on to this idea, but aren't I cute the way I like to stay naïve?
Happy Monday!!! My partner called at 7:25am to tell me she is on vacation for this week, maybe next week too - I was set to walk in at 7:30am and caught her with a box of stuff in her arms in the parking lot, but her personal pics are on her desk so we'll see; my front bumper doesn't like the speed bumps in my neighborhood, flapping all over the place, and I got a parking ticket that I am freakishly afraid I might forget to pay and get a warrent issued without my knowing it [inside joke with the recipient, deal with it]; my house finally isn't covered in cardboard boxes, but I was up a little too late to be able to wake up to a HOME; and I am plagued with thoughts of "do all this work" mixed in with "how can I tell this freak that I honestly don't want her husband, that I didn't mean to proposition him, that I really just need a body shop and she can stop wiggen out" splashed with a little "where are all the snacks cuz I forgot my lunch in the fridge, right next to my breakfast…"
How was your weekend? Its been grey for a few days now, makes me think winter thoughts, and that makes me wonder how quickly I can get to Big Bear and learn how to strap on some snow boots, which somehow gets me jealous that you always have tentative plans to go boarding =)
Better get to work… hoping you are having some fun this morning, really hoping you can tell me about it =)
This was sent to Techie who I got to chat with for about 30 minutes last week. He sounded worn out but comfortable in his ick... I am not at all comfortable in my ick and have a hard time NOT running for the hills on a minute by minute basis. The shitty part is, I happen to be really really good at what I'm doing in this job, and my boss can't stop saying great things about me, and I kicked ass at work today, and now that my house is kinda set up to live in, I feel ok being in the office for 12 hours a day again (like I was when I was offered this position).
I remember, about 3 months ago, a long day... followed by longer days, followed by What the Fuck days, followed by Who Thinks This Is Funny Cuz I Sure the Fuck Don't days...
Must complete a few more things in the next 15 minutes. Off to storm the castle...
My car needs some help.
I sent a text to 10 people in my area asking for a body shop.
One of the people on the list has a wife.
I spent the entire evening glad my phone freaks out and doesn't like to ring when I set it to LOUD.
I get it. Always getting the call at the wrong time. Now I see your point in full glory.
Thank you for saving us both from the opportunity for me to get us in a sticky, icky, somewhat psycho situation.
However, I stand by my romantic ideal that there would be no reason to steal my man's phone and call some chick to leave rude messages and text long into the night because he got a text asking for a body shop in the area.
It's silly, I know, to hold on to this idea, but aren't I cute the way I like to stay naïve?
Happy Monday!!! My partner called at 7:25am to tell me she is on vacation for this week, maybe next week too - I was set to walk in at 7:30am and caught her with a box of stuff in her arms in the parking lot, but her personal pics are on her desk so we'll see; my front bumper doesn't like the speed bumps in my neighborhood, flapping all over the place, and I got a parking ticket that I am freakishly afraid I might forget to pay and get a warrent issued without my knowing it [inside joke with the recipient, deal with it]; my house finally isn't covered in cardboard boxes, but I was up a little too late to be able to wake up to a HOME; and I am plagued with thoughts of "do all this work" mixed in with "how can I tell this freak that I honestly don't want her husband, that I didn't mean to proposition him, that I really just need a body shop and she can stop wiggen out" splashed with a little "where are all the snacks cuz I forgot my lunch in the fridge, right next to my breakfast…"
How was your weekend? Its been grey for a few days now, makes me think winter thoughts, and that makes me wonder how quickly I can get to Big Bear and learn how to strap on some snow boots, which somehow gets me jealous that you always have tentative plans to go boarding =)
Better get to work… hoping you are having some fun this morning, really hoping you can tell me about it =)
This was sent to Techie who I got to chat with for about 30 minutes last week. He sounded worn out but comfortable in his ick... I am not at all comfortable in my ick and have a hard time NOT running for the hills on a minute by minute basis. The shitty part is, I happen to be really really good at what I'm doing in this job, and my boss can't stop saying great things about me, and I kicked ass at work today, and now that my house is kinda set up to live in, I feel ok being in the office for 12 hours a day again (like I was when I was offered this position).
I remember, about 3 months ago, a long day... followed by longer days, followed by What the Fuck days, followed by Who Thinks This Is Funny Cuz I Sure the Fuck Don't days...
Must complete a few more things in the next 15 minutes. Off to storm the castle...
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Alright, I Know
Everyone hates the whirlwind reports, I GET IT.
But oh my fuck it is nothing BUT whirlwind around here!!!
Today alone:
-I got news from Asshat that left us evicted that he hasn't forgotten he flat out stole money and has promised to give it back, but he has had his paycheck held in the office for whatever reason.
- Spaz replied to my "why the fuck am I paying a parking ticket for my sister for the day I told her to move her car? she says you moved your car into my safe spot and didn't tell her where else to put her car, you didn't refund my deposit, you owe me money, please pay up or fess up to why you are such a duche" with "I got a parking ticket that month too, just happens, kinda wish I could help you but I wish I would have moved out and let you have this place because Asshat bailed to the next state and I had to cover the whole rent myself and the other place would have meant a cut in the 1st dues, how is Pupster by the way?"
- The coworker that got the job I now have in September instead of me is transfering to the next over office. Same one that tore me a new one telling me she couldn't work next to my sour attitude, then says the ONLY reason she is leaving is that the other office is closer to her house. WHATEVER, you can't make money out here and you think I dispise my life and can't handle sitting next to it, even though you smile at me 403874 times a day and I start half of the smile chains in this office.
- Had the boss all up on my desk, listening to half my calls, training after every one, grooming me to be BAD ASS at this job. I was am in this chair for the 12th hour straight (pee breaks and chowing Taco Bell for 7 minutes in the back isn't worthy of counting as time off).
- Can't get contact with the temp agency I worked with for 6 months last year, really have no idea how to get a hold of my tax forms so I can file, really really getting pissed off since I know they have business in the area and their phone numbers and websites don't work AT ALL.
- Sister and I didn't carpool this morning for the first time in 2 weeks. I got a text saying her Married B/F might come out to visit tonight (I was told at 2pm, our "I need to watch Grey's Anatomy, can I come watch your cable TV" friend found out at 8am)... got another text at 6pm saying "He's Here!!" like I should like it, then the only reply I got out of the 6 messages I sent her today was in regard to when I might be stopping by the house... No Judgements, but AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! He lives an hour away and only wanted to date her since the MINUTE she said she wouldn't live around the corner from him anymore!!!! And doesn't follow through on any of his promises (couch, TV, dinner... but calling her 5 times per work shift to make sure she is too busy to go meet AVAILABLE guys?? ALL over that).
- Got a wink from the guy I work with. He is married. He is great. He helped us move, is a hard worker, very easy to get along with, I know he is a dog at heart because he's told me so... and I know the girl he was trying to date turned him down hard recently. And today I was on my game and he was on his game and I got a wink across the office. I smiled and commented at how well the day was going, but AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
- Have the pup pouting at me in the mornings and its killing me. I don't know how to satisfy her because I can't let her meander the way we used to in this neighborhood. Plus its cold cold cold when the wind picks up, and I am spending 12 hrs a day at work, and I get bored waiting for her to sniff every leaf of every ivy bank in the apartment complex (every side of every one of the 20 buildings). She is doing better now that we have unpacked and made some room in the place, and having the cat in the house seems to be helping a lot too, and her haircut this week has given her all new reason to want to be out and showing off... but still, I need to be active and so does she and she pouts at me in the mornings and it hurts.
- I did a "this is the true you" chainmail questionaire for distraction tonight and Sexy ended up on the list linked to "twin soul". With every female I know having sleep overs this week, I'm feeling left out. He is, I think, taken, but I am suddenly craving his style and know he's a dog and if I catch him on the right day I can take serious advantage of him... and am not sure if I can be selfish like that, but the same test said I picked "selfish" as the adjective for what I look for in a mate - here lies the bitch of it all.
- I didn't sleep much last night. Or any time in the last few weeks actually. Part of it is the pooch not understanding we have established that NOTHING exciting is happening outside at 1am or 4am... part of it is the brick I know call the muscle patch between my shoulder blades and neck, part of it is the sheer stress of it all I'm sure.
- Diet going well. Forgetting to eat isn't technically called a diet though, so I guess the cutting of calorie intake is going well. I am still ending the day with a drink and know that is the source of the beer belly but really don't give a rats ass at this point (until I think of calling Sexy or some likeness to him anyway). Being hungry and not realizing it sucks though - blinding headaches that don't go away, quivering digits trying to type, weak thought processes and legs when trying to navigate to the bathroom... all not things I want on a regular basis that I've dealt with...
TODAY.
I am not shitting you. This is all stuff I did TODAY. And I'm not even done yet. I'm going to crash my sister's love shack (aka my house) to change out of these work clothes that I didn't Febreeze enough to make through the 13.5 hours I've been in them now, stop by the bbq place for some chow and go next door for mexican for my friend cuz she doesn't do hawaiian food, sit and try to watch my favorite show while she macks on her little new boy toy, and HOPE I can get through to my sister on the way home so I can get let into the gated parking and not have to hoof it up the street to get into my own place. I don't know what her Married told the wife and kids, but I do know they are set to leave the country for a while in the near future and they have BOTH asked me what I think about him staying with us while he has no accountability.
My comeback was rediculously awsome - something like "I don't care who he is Sister, I care that we are unpacking these boxes and every time we find a picture of you with a guy you really liked he was with someone else before you and you knew it the entire time you were in love with him. I can't tell you that you can't have anyone here, but could you please let me unpack my work shoes and a pan to cook dinner in and ask me if I like living here before you ask me if we can add a roommate?" - but honestly, if I don't leave now, I might very well sleep here in these rank clothes and thats not good on SO many levels.
Check in with me MOT, C, Vince, Shoes, April, Laurie, Awsome Chick I Can't Ever Remember The Name Of But Love to Read About Who is Also On MOT's Blogroll... I miss my email life and swear that as soon as we see what an electric bill looks like in this place, it is a tossup between a gym membership and cable/internet bill.
I'm not gone, just too busy and too watched over right now is all.
Keep me sane. Keep me social. Muah!
But oh my fuck it is nothing BUT whirlwind around here!!!
Today alone:
-I got news from Asshat that left us evicted that he hasn't forgotten he flat out stole money and has promised to give it back, but he has had his paycheck held in the office for whatever reason.
- Spaz replied to my "why the fuck am I paying a parking ticket for my sister for the day I told her to move her car? she says you moved your car into my safe spot and didn't tell her where else to put her car, you didn't refund my deposit, you owe me money, please pay up or fess up to why you are such a duche" with "I got a parking ticket that month too, just happens, kinda wish I could help you but I wish I would have moved out and let you have this place because Asshat bailed to the next state and I had to cover the whole rent myself and the other place would have meant a cut in the 1st dues, how is Pupster by the way?"
- The coworker that got the job I now have in September instead of me is transfering to the next over office. Same one that tore me a new one telling me she couldn't work next to my sour attitude, then says the ONLY reason she is leaving is that the other office is closer to her house. WHATEVER, you can't make money out here and you think I dispise my life and can't handle sitting next to it, even though you smile at me 403874 times a day and I start half of the smile chains in this office.
- Had the boss all up on my desk, listening to half my calls, training after every one, grooming me to be BAD ASS at this job. I was am in this chair for the 12th hour straight (pee breaks and chowing Taco Bell for 7 minutes in the back isn't worthy of counting as time off).
- Can't get contact with the temp agency I worked with for 6 months last year, really have no idea how to get a hold of my tax forms so I can file, really really getting pissed off since I know they have business in the area and their phone numbers and websites don't work AT ALL.
- Sister and I didn't carpool this morning for the first time in 2 weeks. I got a text saying her Married B/F might come out to visit tonight (I was told at 2pm, our "I need to watch Grey's Anatomy, can I come watch your cable TV" friend found out at 8am)... got another text at 6pm saying "He's Here!!" like I should like it, then the only reply I got out of the 6 messages I sent her today was in regard to when I might be stopping by the house... No Judgements, but AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! He lives an hour away and only wanted to date her since the MINUTE she said she wouldn't live around the corner from him anymore!!!! And doesn't follow through on any of his promises (couch, TV, dinner... but calling her 5 times per work shift to make sure she is too busy to go meet AVAILABLE guys?? ALL over that).
- Got a wink from the guy I work with. He is married. He is great. He helped us move, is a hard worker, very easy to get along with, I know he is a dog at heart because he's told me so... and I know the girl he was trying to date turned him down hard recently. And today I was on my game and he was on his game and I got a wink across the office. I smiled and commented at how well the day was going, but AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
- Have the pup pouting at me in the mornings and its killing me. I don't know how to satisfy her because I can't let her meander the way we used to in this neighborhood. Plus its cold cold cold when the wind picks up, and I am spending 12 hrs a day at work, and I get bored waiting for her to sniff every leaf of every ivy bank in the apartment complex (every side of every one of the 20 buildings). She is doing better now that we have unpacked and made some room in the place, and having the cat in the house seems to be helping a lot too, and her haircut this week has given her all new reason to want to be out and showing off... but still, I need to be active and so does she and she pouts at me in the mornings and it hurts.
- I did a "this is the true you" chainmail questionaire for distraction tonight and Sexy ended up on the list linked to "twin soul". With every female I know having sleep overs this week, I'm feeling left out. He is, I think, taken, but I am suddenly craving his style and know he's a dog and if I catch him on the right day I can take serious advantage of him... and am not sure if I can be selfish like that, but the same test said I picked "selfish" as the adjective for what I look for in a mate - here lies the bitch of it all.
- I didn't sleep much last night. Or any time in the last few weeks actually. Part of it is the pooch not understanding we have established that NOTHING exciting is happening outside at 1am or 4am... part of it is the brick I know call the muscle patch between my shoulder blades and neck, part of it is the sheer stress of it all I'm sure.
- Diet going well. Forgetting to eat isn't technically called a diet though, so I guess the cutting of calorie intake is going well. I am still ending the day with a drink and know that is the source of the beer belly but really don't give a rats ass at this point (until I think of calling Sexy or some likeness to him anyway). Being hungry and not realizing it sucks though - blinding headaches that don't go away, quivering digits trying to type, weak thought processes and legs when trying to navigate to the bathroom... all not things I want on a regular basis that I've dealt with...
TODAY.
I am not shitting you. This is all stuff I did TODAY. And I'm not even done yet. I'm going to crash my sister's love shack (aka my house) to change out of these work clothes that I didn't Febreeze enough to make through the 13.5 hours I've been in them now, stop by the bbq place for some chow and go next door for mexican for my friend cuz she doesn't do hawaiian food, sit and try to watch my favorite show while she macks on her little new boy toy, and HOPE I can get through to my sister on the way home so I can get let into the gated parking and not have to hoof it up the street to get into my own place. I don't know what her Married told the wife and kids, but I do know they are set to leave the country for a while in the near future and they have BOTH asked me what I think about him staying with us while he has no accountability.
My comeback was rediculously awsome - something like "I don't care who he is Sister, I care that we are unpacking these boxes and every time we find a picture of you with a guy you really liked he was with someone else before you and you knew it the entire time you were in love with him. I can't tell you that you can't have anyone here, but could you please let me unpack my work shoes and a pan to cook dinner in and ask me if I like living here before you ask me if we can add a roommate?" - but honestly, if I don't leave now, I might very well sleep here in these rank clothes and thats not good on SO many levels.
Check in with me MOT, C, Vince, Shoes, April, Laurie, Awsome Chick I Can't Ever Remember The Name Of But Love to Read About Who is Also On MOT's Blogroll... I miss my email life and swear that as soon as we see what an electric bill looks like in this place, it is a tossup between a gym membership and cable/internet bill.
I'm not gone, just too busy and too watched over right now is all.
Keep me sane. Keep me social. Muah!
Monday, February 19, 2007
Catching My Breath
If you thought last week I had a lot of big news in a few bullets, get yourself a bungee cord to strap yourself in with because Wholly Fuck this week was something else.
Even for me.
1) I came home Thursday night to a For Rent sign on my house.
Yes, the house I JUST moved the LAST box into WEDNESDAY.
The.Very.Next.Day, after wearing a big ol' shit eat'n grin all fuckin' day on Thursday because He and I talked and it was cool and Sexy and I were chill buds on Sunday and Sister and I were moved in our new place and the sun was out and the pup was sleeping off the week of moving and blah bullshit blah, I come home to Sister in a state of psychosis between breakdown and breakstuff.
Whatever. That is SOOOOO, like, last week. Asshat roomie guy moved the last of his shit out on the last day rent was due, called the landlord and said "ok, this is my last month's rent, next month is all you - I have this chick interested in renting the place...".
You heard me.
Sister and I spent a total of 10 hours driving around the county checking out places to live this weekend, got an appointment to see a few, fell in love with this apartment that is so close to work that I can see if the lights are on in my office if I stand on the roof (oh, and its affordable, just got new carpet and linolium flooring and stove and fridge and paint, and the only wall we share with any other neighbor is the ceiling (and that saying "I before E except after C or when it says ahe as in neighbor and weigh just TOTALLY helped me out of a spell check, thank you so much PHONICS) and the dog is invited to the lush gardnered lawns and the carport right outside the kitchen window and the on site laundry, gym, pool, and jacuzzi - and we don't give a FUCK that we may very well be the ONLY white chicks in the entire complex (20 buildings, some 3 stories high, at least 200 apartments) - we've already made friends with our neighbors and thats all you need in vatoville, right??), which is great since there is a shitload of construction at the end of the block and it might just be easier to tote the cute shoes in the purse and hoof it to the office considering how many people have to use the detour that will be right outside my clicker-operated-only fenced driveway.
--- don't hate, appreciate, the stylings of that rambling clusterfuck of all the info you know you needed to know about my place. I am the tangent queen, and no one in my real life lets me talk like this.
2) I met my goals at work last week. I needed to shake so many hands and get my voice heard by the right people so many times EVERY WEEK for the last MONTH and LAST WEEK, as I was fagged out from super happiness followed by eviction followed by lease signing and lunch breaks and leaving on time... I met my goals!!!!
Know what I got????
nut'n.
It came to Friday at the end of the day, the part of the day when the dry erasers come out and we look at what we did and what we have left to do and as third in line to the board I found myself staring at BLANK WHITE when I got there and a whole new week's set of goals being scribbled up.
I said "hey, guess what I did?? I MET MY GOALS!"
reply - "hey. so did that other thing shore up for this week, or is it still up in the air?"
so I looked the other way and said "HEY, I met my goals this week for the first time!"
reply - "I didn't even run my numbers because I met mine at like 2pm."
aAHHHHRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHLLRRRGGGGHHHH.
"Hey, boss, I met my goals this week and it was the first time I've met both goals!! =)=)=)"
reply "HEY! THERE YA GO!!!! Look at you work'n your thang!! See??!?! Alright, thats alright, you just come in and go to work and see what happens!!?!? Thats just great!!"
This week - don't give a FUCK, and wanna take off a day or two to move and have a vacation. Maybe because I've been living out of boxes for, um, 3 weeks now... not sure.
3) Sister got a job. A real job with real money that takes up 40 hrs a week!!! The one she had here would have been part time, but they were slow on the uptake (well, she was gonna take over for someone who thought "do you want a job?" meant "do you want to take time off your new job to go on job interviews and get hired away in 2 weeks so we have to waste time training you and then your replacement?") and Sister was in Go Mode and got us a place to check out on the same day she got a job in my building =)=)
Carpooling in California feels good, can I just tell you???
4) I got picked up in a bar this weekend by a GAGGLE of military brats on a drunken Friday night. I spent the night making out with the smartest/oldest/most accomplished/ most bold of the bunch. I kept my pants on. And my shirt on. And so did he. And we made out like we were in high school (if I'd have gotten drunk on Jager shots in HS anyway) and it was FUN. Sister was there, we played "who of the 10 of us can't stand up on their own?" for a good 4 hours, woke up taking shots to curb the hangover, went to the grocery store for grub that we devoured in about 12 minutes before passing out in piles in front of the TV... and we don't have any phone numbers or random callers to linger with.
I stuck to my resolution of not being used for sex, I stuck to my resolution of not thinking every guy that takes and interest in me is worth a serious chunk of my time, and I let guys buy my drinks ALL NIGHT for TWO NIGHTS and then Sister and I locked eyes, nodded toward the door, excused ourselves for a smoke break (she still smokes, I can't handle second hand), and walked our tipsy asses home on the beachfront path we live on until this weekend. =)
Somewhere along the line we realized that we slept away and drank away the weekend, so this morning was a bitter awakening, but it was FUN to PLAY like a GROWN UP, and we suddenly reverted to three year olds who get tossed into the pool with the floaties catching us - our catch phrase by last night was "do it again??? do in again!!!!"
4) I cleaned out my address book the other day. I saw the names of the Lamers I've dismissed (but didn't want to accidentally answer their calls so I leave their numbers just in case), the old coworkers and roomates I've left in the wake of this Ventura County traversing, the friends from Northern California that sometimes forward me "friendship is forever" emails but have no idea what my life is about, the restaurants I used to order To Go's from that are now on the wrong side of the county instead of at the end of the block.
Maybe the timing was a bit off, but it solidified my nomadic existence and had me understanding why people travel in packs.
Work doesn't count.
Email friends are a bandaid.
I need to stop moving and stop being driven by nothing but career success and get myself a life before I forget how to, say, be nice to barflys and end up like :shudder::puke: Spaz - a loner with a dog.
5) Sister and I are still sharing a bed, still sharing shoes, still stepping over each other to see what kind of lipstick the other has in her magic bag of paints... its like she is visiting, but this time we get to pick the movies and dinners together. Surely this will get old, but Trainee commented last week that "at least [we] have each other, could you imagine if you didn't have a sister to do this with? I mean this is some shitty situation, actually quite a few fucked up situations, but you have your sister right there to help you through it. It sucks, but at least you don't have to do it alone." Sister and I are both impressed at how far we've come, considering this time last year we weren't speaking to each other, and we just curl up with the pillows and the pup every night and hope when we wake up we are closer to having a real life to share instead of a survival existance.
Its 9:30pm on a Monday night. I left the office at 5:10pm, went home to play with the dog and start laundry and cook a fantabulous dinner and chill with a beer and the TV and before rolling over to suck down the rest of a 6 pack and slobber myself to sleep, I decided to suck it up, come into the office, plot my course for all my hand shaken tomorrow, and leave an update for you, my drama lapper uppers.
If I can sit up for another 20 minutes, I'll comment on your blog - if I don't, call Techie for me and see if there is a way he can personally replace the keyboard I have surely smacked hard enough with my forehead of coma sleep to warrent a house call and equipment replacement. =)
Even for me.
1) I came home Thursday night to a For Rent sign on my house.
Yes, the house I JUST moved the LAST box into WEDNESDAY.
The.Very.Next.Day, after wearing a big ol' shit eat'n grin all fuckin' day on Thursday because He and I talked and it was cool and Sexy and I were chill buds on Sunday and Sister and I were moved in our new place and the sun was out and the pup was sleeping off the week of moving and blah bullshit blah, I come home to Sister in a state of psychosis between breakdown and breakstuff.
Whatever. That is SOOOOO, like, last week. Asshat roomie guy moved the last of his shit out on the last day rent was due, called the landlord and said "ok, this is my last month's rent, next month is all you - I have this chick interested in renting the place...".
You heard me.
Sister and I spent a total of 10 hours driving around the county checking out places to live this weekend, got an appointment to see a few, fell in love with this apartment that is so close to work that I can see if the lights are on in my office if I stand on the roof (oh, and its affordable, just got new carpet and linolium flooring and stove and fridge and paint, and the only wall we share with any other neighbor is the ceiling (and that saying "I before E except after C or when it says ahe as in neighbor and weigh just TOTALLY helped me out of a spell check, thank you so much PHONICS) and the dog is invited to the lush gardnered lawns and the carport right outside the kitchen window and the on site laundry, gym, pool, and jacuzzi - and we don't give a FUCK that we may very well be the ONLY white chicks in the entire complex (20 buildings, some 3 stories high, at least 200 apartments) - we've already made friends with our neighbors and thats all you need in vatoville, right??), which is great since there is a shitload of construction at the end of the block and it might just be easier to tote the cute shoes in the purse and hoof it to the office considering how many people have to use the detour that will be right outside my clicker-operated-only fenced driveway.
--- don't hate, appreciate, the stylings of that rambling clusterfuck of all the info you know you needed to know about my place. I am the tangent queen, and no one in my real life lets me talk like this.
2) I met my goals at work last week. I needed to shake so many hands and get my voice heard by the right people so many times EVERY WEEK for the last MONTH and LAST WEEK, as I was fagged out from super happiness followed by eviction followed by lease signing and lunch breaks and leaving on time... I met my goals!!!!
Know what I got????
nut'n.
It came to Friday at the end of the day, the part of the day when the dry erasers come out and we look at what we did and what we have left to do and as third in line to the board I found myself staring at BLANK WHITE when I got there and a whole new week's set of goals being scribbled up.
I said "hey, guess what I did?? I MET MY GOALS!"
reply - "hey. so did that other thing shore up for this week, or is it still up in the air?"
so I looked the other way and said "HEY, I met my goals this week for the first time!"
reply - "I didn't even run my numbers because I met mine at like 2pm."
aAHHHHRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHLLRRRGGGGHHHH.
"Hey, boss, I met my goals this week and it was the first time I've met both goals!! =)=)=)"
reply "HEY! THERE YA GO!!!! Look at you work'n your thang!! See??!?! Alright, thats alright, you just come in and go to work and see what happens!!?!? Thats just great!!"
This week - don't give a FUCK, and wanna take off a day or two to move and have a vacation. Maybe because I've been living out of boxes for, um, 3 weeks now... not sure.
3) Sister got a job. A real job with real money that takes up 40 hrs a week!!! The one she had here would have been part time, but they were slow on the uptake (well, she was gonna take over for someone who thought "do you want a job?" meant "do you want to take time off your new job to go on job interviews and get hired away in 2 weeks so we have to waste time training you and then your replacement?") and Sister was in Go Mode and got us a place to check out on the same day she got a job in my building =)=)
Carpooling in California feels good, can I just tell you???
4) I got picked up in a bar this weekend by a GAGGLE of military brats on a drunken Friday night. I spent the night making out with the smartest/oldest/most accomplished/ most bold of the bunch. I kept my pants on. And my shirt on. And so did he. And we made out like we were in high school (if I'd have gotten drunk on Jager shots in HS anyway) and it was FUN. Sister was there, we played "who of the 10 of us can't stand up on their own?" for a good 4 hours, woke up taking shots to curb the hangover, went to the grocery store for grub that we devoured in about 12 minutes before passing out in piles in front of the TV... and we don't have any phone numbers or random callers to linger with.
I stuck to my resolution of not being used for sex, I stuck to my resolution of not thinking every guy that takes and interest in me is worth a serious chunk of my time, and I let guys buy my drinks ALL NIGHT for TWO NIGHTS and then Sister and I locked eyes, nodded toward the door, excused ourselves for a smoke break (she still smokes, I can't handle second hand), and walked our tipsy asses home on the beachfront path we live on until this weekend. =)
Somewhere along the line we realized that we slept away and drank away the weekend, so this morning was a bitter awakening, but it was FUN to PLAY like a GROWN UP, and we suddenly reverted to three year olds who get tossed into the pool with the floaties catching us - our catch phrase by last night was "do it again??? do in again!!!!"
4) I cleaned out my address book the other day. I saw the names of the Lamers I've dismissed (but didn't want to accidentally answer their calls so I leave their numbers just in case), the old coworkers and roomates I've left in the wake of this Ventura County traversing, the friends from Northern California that sometimes forward me "friendship is forever" emails but have no idea what my life is about, the restaurants I used to order To Go's from that are now on the wrong side of the county instead of at the end of the block.
Maybe the timing was a bit off, but it solidified my nomadic existence and had me understanding why people travel in packs.
Work doesn't count.
Email friends are a bandaid.
I need to stop moving and stop being driven by nothing but career success and get myself a life before I forget how to, say, be nice to barflys and end up like :shudder::puke: Spaz - a loner with a dog.
5) Sister and I are still sharing a bed, still sharing shoes, still stepping over each other to see what kind of lipstick the other has in her magic bag of paints... its like she is visiting, but this time we get to pick the movies and dinners together. Surely this will get old, but Trainee commented last week that "at least [we] have each other, could you imagine if you didn't have a sister to do this with? I mean this is some shitty situation, actually quite a few fucked up situations, but you have your sister right there to help you through it. It sucks, but at least you don't have to do it alone." Sister and I are both impressed at how far we've come, considering this time last year we weren't speaking to each other, and we just curl up with the pillows and the pup every night and hope when we wake up we are closer to having a real life to share instead of a survival existance.
Its 9:30pm on a Monday night. I left the office at 5:10pm, went home to play with the dog and start laundry and cook a fantabulous dinner and chill with a beer and the TV and before rolling over to suck down the rest of a 6 pack and slobber myself to sleep, I decided to suck it up, come into the office, plot my course for all my hand shaken tomorrow, and leave an update for you, my drama lapper uppers.
If I can sit up for another 20 minutes, I'll comment on your blog - if I don't, call Techie for me and see if there is a way he can personally replace the keyboard I have surely smacked hard enough with my forehead of coma sleep to warrent a house call and equipment replacement. =)
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
The Haps
SO much stuff has been happening that I can have a computer that gets online at home and STILL not check in!!!
1 - I moved. Sister moved. She is getting the last of the kitchen stuff moved today. We have a place. It is AWSOME. Pics to come if I can remember and be awake and home during daylight hours.
2 - Job is going. Training and coaching daily has me understanding how to work the system to get what I need (like a goal met so I don't feel like the day has been wasted every day).
3 - Diet is shot to hell. I, therefore, feel like a bit of hell is dragging behind me. Working on it, but the beer was SO CHEAP for the Super Bowl so I HAD to get the big case and then moving and unpacking seems such a chore without a frosty brew at every corner... anyway, I'll get back into a schedule one of these days, but until then, know that I sleep in a drunken stupor and that makes my mornings nearly unbearable.
4 - I miss my online friends. Even just reading blogs. Makes a random call from Him that much more satisfying. Haven't talked in about 5 months, then a half hour catch up session. I'm not a mess... actually, I'm pretty impressed at how easy it was to just say hi. No promises about any follow up, but it made me feel like less of a loner - and a little awsome that he remembers me fondly enough to call and be civil and enjoy conversing with me. I.Am.That.Fucking.Cool. And I regret not being able to share this with you often enough.
5 - I had the bartender kick a guy out last night because I wasn't enjoying his company. My boss has my sister coming in to be our temp receptionist part time, starting tomorrow. The calls I was making yesterday had me realizing I actually do get people eating out of the palm of my hand as they wrap themselves around my little finger in about the first 10 seconds of chat. Somehow feeling that the pangs of hard work are coming to fruition... off to shake hands and see if I can be referred to as "so charming we just don't want you to leave our office!" EVERY day this week =)
1 - I moved. Sister moved. She is getting the last of the kitchen stuff moved today. We have a place. It is AWSOME. Pics to come if I can remember and be awake and home during daylight hours.
2 - Job is going. Training and coaching daily has me understanding how to work the system to get what I need (like a goal met so I don't feel like the day has been wasted every day).
3 - Diet is shot to hell. I, therefore, feel like a bit of hell is dragging behind me. Working on it, but the beer was SO CHEAP for the Super Bowl so I HAD to get the big case and then moving and unpacking seems such a chore without a frosty brew at every corner... anyway, I'll get back into a schedule one of these days, but until then, know that I sleep in a drunken stupor and that makes my mornings nearly unbearable.
4 - I miss my online friends. Even just reading blogs. Makes a random call from Him that much more satisfying. Haven't talked in about 5 months, then a half hour catch up session. I'm not a mess... actually, I'm pretty impressed at how easy it was to just say hi. No promises about any follow up, but it made me feel like less of a loner - and a little awsome that he remembers me fondly enough to call and be civil and enjoy conversing with me. I.Am.That.Fucking.Cool. And I regret not being able to share this with you often enough.
5 - I had the bartender kick a guy out last night because I wasn't enjoying his company. My boss has my sister coming in to be our temp receptionist part time, starting tomorrow. The calls I was making yesterday had me realizing I actually do get people eating out of the palm of my hand as they wrap themselves around my little finger in about the first 10 seconds of chat. Somehow feeling that the pangs of hard work are coming to fruition... off to shake hands and see if I can be referred to as "so charming we just don't want you to leave our office!" EVERY day this week =)
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Its Finally Happening
After a long, late night, alcohol induced conversation with Sister late this week, I got a call Saturday morning that said "I can appreciate that what I was trying to do for you, get you out of your living situation ASAP, is what you have been working to do for me. I also understand your financial position and am thankful that you are able and willing to make sure that I have a place to live and the rent will be covered for February, no matter which day I move in. I see your point about it being more stressful to move in these trying weeks at your job, if for nothing else that you know where all your stuff is, even if you are being yelled at by Brut just for being awake. Thank you Sister for looking out for me and explaining that we were both trying to protect each other. Are you sure you won't have to live there for more than a few weeks? Yes? OK. The reason I called is to tell you that last week I told my manager that I wouldn't be moving and that he could leave me on the schedule past 1/31, but last night I told him that I am moving next weekend and that my last shift will be 2/2. If you could plan on helping me move in on that side of things, I'll find help to load the truck on this side of things, and we'll just move your stuff over in bits until the guy moves out. Perhaps we'll be friends with the guys next door by then and not even have to rent a truck!"
Did you get all that??? My sister was letting her fear of changing her life (she admitted it, I'm not pulling this out of my ass) be overshadowed by her caring for me and my living situation. It was only after I pointed out that we committed to paying for 2 bedrooms of rent and that her living sitch has been shit far longer than mine that she conceded to move as planned.
How fucking sweet is that???
This from the same Sister who, this time last year, wasn't returning my phone calls for a month. This from the same Sister who, this time two years ago, was generous enough to save me a cell phone surcharge the month I declared bankruptcy, only to take the money I was sending her and NOT get the bill paid on time and leave me excommunicated for about 2 weeks of every 2 months - a mere 6 months after shipping out from my home town and finding it tough to set up shop in a new town.
And now I get a call nearly daily just to see if I've thrown my shoe at anyone's head today?? I get someone willing to try to grow like a dandelion through concrete in order to facilitate a better life for me?????
Are you catching this?
The best part is that she has swallowed her fear and loving protection of me and committed to moving next weekend!!!! While this surely has the ingredients for a make or break situation, I'm liking our jumping off point and beg for your whole hearted happy thoughts on this one... we are both excited about living on this street, in this neighborhood, the layout of the house, the garage space, the lack of freakish roommates to learn, the ability to cook a meal fit for queens and polish off a batch of home made cookies and not care who's turn it is to do the dishes. Our family has a lot of skeletons in our closets, but we hide our love for each other there too, so stay tuned for what I come up with when I delve into my darkest corners with my sister's hand as my tether to the real world - you never know what you might find on such a trek, and I don't mind saying that I've been avoiding things much longer than she has and harbor a tremendous fear of these unknown things - and continue to give her shit about her unreasonable frights anyway.
We are sisters, after all, and what good is all the good without a little bad for comparison?
Did you get all that??? My sister was letting her fear of changing her life (she admitted it, I'm not pulling this out of my ass) be overshadowed by her caring for me and my living situation. It was only after I pointed out that we committed to paying for 2 bedrooms of rent and that her living sitch has been shit far longer than mine that she conceded to move as planned.
How fucking sweet is that???
This from the same Sister who, this time last year, wasn't returning my phone calls for a month. This from the same Sister who, this time two years ago, was generous enough to save me a cell phone surcharge the month I declared bankruptcy, only to take the money I was sending her and NOT get the bill paid on time and leave me excommunicated for about 2 weeks of every 2 months - a mere 6 months after shipping out from my home town and finding it tough to set up shop in a new town.
And now I get a call nearly daily just to see if I've thrown my shoe at anyone's head today?? I get someone willing to try to grow like a dandelion through concrete in order to facilitate a better life for me?????
Are you catching this?
The best part is that she has swallowed her fear and loving protection of me and committed to moving next weekend!!!! While this surely has the ingredients for a make or break situation, I'm liking our jumping off point and beg for your whole hearted happy thoughts on this one... we are both excited about living on this street, in this neighborhood, the layout of the house, the garage space, the lack of freakish roommates to learn, the ability to cook a meal fit for queens and polish off a batch of home made cookies and not care who's turn it is to do the dishes. Our family has a lot of skeletons in our closets, but we hide our love for each other there too, so stay tuned for what I come up with when I delve into my darkest corners with my sister's hand as my tether to the real world - you never know what you might find on such a trek, and I don't mind saying that I've been avoiding things much longer than she has and harbor a tremendous fear of these unknown things - and continue to give her shit about her unreasonable frights anyway.
We are sisters, after all, and what good is all the good without a little bad for comparison?
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
I See The Light
WAY too little time to go into it, but I have seen the light at the end of the Spaz tunnel and I am working diligently to make gains to reach it - there is just a little resistance and some necessary time delays, but I have reason to believe that life is getting a whole lot sweeter in the very near future =)
Job changed this month, home will change for the 2nd time in 6 months in the next few weeks - I don't know how NOT to make it off the charts for that standardized stress meter, but some people are built for strength I guess; I've always been 'stalky' or 'solid', but suddenly I'm enjoying the dichotomy of the straight skirt and 3.5" heels and perfectly curved calves and the quads that have me leg pressing more than my body weight =) All that lower body strength matched with the learned grace are making these trying tides of change MUCH easier to wade through ;)
Job changed this month, home will change for the 2nd time in 6 months in the next few weeks - I don't know how NOT to make it off the charts for that standardized stress meter, but some people are built for strength I guess; I've always been 'stalky' or 'solid', but suddenly I'm enjoying the dichotomy of the straight skirt and 3.5" heels and perfectly curved calves and the quads that have me leg pressing more than my body weight =) All that lower body strength matched with the learned grace are making these trying tides of change MUCH easier to wade through ;)
Monday, January 22, 2007
Do You...
Have a shotgun?
Can I borrow it??
How about mace? I should probably get some anyway, just in case I would remember it on the late night walks...
I was told I should be more stressed this morning - that it should feel like I'm running with my hair in fire - from a person who loves her job so much she hoovered a ham and cheese (the plastic yellow kind) croissant (I was given TOTAL shit for not wanting it, the defense being "its got protein in it, what?? you don't want it - fine, yours you can rip the croissant OFF") and followed up with pulling out the pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream by 11am.
Monday Morning at 11am I had a pint eater on one side and a compulsive mini chocolate eater on the other - I sat with my tummy of 2oz of clean protein and 1/2 a peach and big cup of water and visualized the fat rolling off me and up their legs and into their hips...
And kept my damn mouth shut about how maybe, just maybe, on my first try at doing this job that I didn't get any training on (its a 3 part cycle, I didn't get to read this part of the training manual and there is a very "fake it til you make it" mentality that permiates this, well, I want to say HELLHOLE, but that may be premature), I should be given a little credit for NOT freaking the FUCK out and hanging up on someone's answering machine mid message because some chick who interviewed last week wants to know if she got the job and that means I have to stop everything and call this company 20 minutes before planned to answer her questions for her.
Hmmmm... I sit drinking water and planning my work and diligently working my plan, and am surrounded by people cramming their faces with sugar early in the day (and I started my period TODAY, check my willpower, you can borrow some later this week when I'm done with it!) who tell me I'm doing it, well, kinda WRONG because I'm not a total freakazoid????
Somehow I feel qualified for this job, but I guess its only the first day and having my job description change twice TODAY might prove to me otherwise...
Happily writing my shopping list for the stop on the way home to fill fridge I scrubbed out this weekend and cook a mighty fine meal to take to my freshly scrubbed bedroom (I picked up the folded Tshirt I wore for PJs from the Thanksgiving trip unpacking spree... its has been THAT long since I've really cleaned my room, I was NOT kidding when I said I was in a funk) to hibernate in for the evening with my space heater and dog...
Can I borrow it??
How about mace? I should probably get some anyway, just in case I would remember it on the late night walks...
I was told I should be more stressed this morning - that it should feel like I'm running with my hair in fire - from a person who loves her job so much she hoovered a ham and cheese (the plastic yellow kind) croissant (I was given TOTAL shit for not wanting it, the defense being "its got protein in it, what?? you don't want it - fine, yours you can rip the croissant OFF") and followed up with pulling out the pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream by 11am.
Monday Morning at 11am I had a pint eater on one side and a compulsive mini chocolate eater on the other - I sat with my tummy of 2oz of clean protein and 1/2 a peach and big cup of water and visualized the fat rolling off me and up their legs and into their hips...
And kept my damn mouth shut about how maybe, just maybe, on my first try at doing this job that I didn't get any training on (its a 3 part cycle, I didn't get to read this part of the training manual and there is a very "fake it til you make it" mentality that permiates this, well, I want to say HELLHOLE, but that may be premature), I should be given a little credit for NOT freaking the FUCK out and hanging up on someone's answering machine mid message because some chick who interviewed last week wants to know if she got the job and that means I have to stop everything and call this company 20 minutes before planned to answer her questions for her.
Hmmmm... I sit drinking water and planning my work and diligently working my plan, and am surrounded by people cramming their faces with sugar early in the day (and I started my period TODAY, check my willpower, you can borrow some later this week when I'm done with it!) who tell me I'm doing it, well, kinda WRONG because I'm not a total freakazoid????
Somehow I feel qualified for this job, but I guess its only the first day and having my job description change twice TODAY might prove to me otherwise...
Happily writing my shopping list for the stop on the way home to fill fridge I scrubbed out this weekend and cook a mighty fine meal to take to my freshly scrubbed bedroom (I picked up the folded Tshirt I wore for PJs from the Thanksgiving trip unpacking spree... its has been THAT long since I've really cleaned my room, I was NOT kidding when I said I was in a funk) to hibernate in for the evening with my space heater and dog...
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Just for Shits and Giggles
Remember that omlette and fruit I had the other day, that had me so full I didn't even want to eat the muffin until 4pm??
Yeah, I'm not saying it was THAT, or the driving around town all afternoon in a new truck with a new driver (I like the idea of visiting people I want to do business with, but jumping in a truck with a coworker for 3.5 hours is kinda icked my wow on it), or Spaz working my last nerve with the "you still owe me the rest of the deposit I put down 2+ years ago so I come out even, and I hope I called this guy early enough so I still have a place to go, sign this peice of binder paper saying you owe me money", or maybe just maybe it was coming back to the office that somehow smells of rank BO at almost all times (menapuase is a BITCH, and it will make ypu smell like a man, FYI), or perhaps that it was windy yesterday and after being a passenger in a car all day I just couldn't take the building swaying on me... add to all that the late night (company standard to stay until 7pm once a month) and you get One.Sicky.Sassy.
I was up most of Tuesday night with sharp stabbing pains in my stomach, this after 1/2 a bowl of soup broth and a walk around the block with Pupster (kinda bad when you have the chills and like the chill on your face, no?), was passed out by 8:15pm, woke up at 2am with a crazy trip to the bathroom that had me in another bought of "ok, lets try sitting up a bit, maybe leaning against the wall, or maybe laying down on my side? no, nope, ok, well, how about wrapped around a pillow??" for 1.5 hours before I passed out again.
Even with all this, I tried to go to work yesterday - called in 3 times before I gave up, got myself some Ginger Ale and some chicken noodle soup and some dinner rolls and a yogurt for the sweet tooth, and hunkered in for the day.
I can honestly say, its not a fun as it sounds to sleep through a Wednesday =(=(
The one bonus is that I had time to sign the lease and get it to the property management company!!! No excuses from Spaz now, as I've made it clear that I will not be handing her any more money to move out with (she wants her full deposit back, the one she left on the place 2+ years ago!!!), and Sister and I have nailed down next weekend for a move date, so Spaz can figure out how to delay this further while 3 of us need the same shower every morning before work ;)
Oh, and I moved SweetPea's food dish to my room - lets see how quickly I don't have to blame her waistline on the medication when her kibble quits being covered in canola oil and sprinkled with cheddar cheese and pepperoni (cuz, you know, "its not fair to give it to one dog without giving it to the other". GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR).
The power WILL be mine, and who cares if I have to take a day off work to fight off food poisoning symptoms?
OH, a big heads up to anyone I converse with about actually visiting - I really hate hearing people eat. Please, keep eating to specific times, preferably when I will be eating with you and can be distracted by the sounds of my own mastication, and if you really really must have food next to you through the entire day and put something in your mouth every 5 minutes, maybe make it something you can wrap your mouth around (preferably squishy or pudding like that you don't even have to chew), and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD do NOT think that you are a master time stacker because you take a bite while waiting for someone to pick up the other end of the phone call you just dialed - this will surely anger the receptionist you are trying to get to give you the name of the person we want to do business with; first you assume she will suck at her job and take 5 rings to pick up, then you waste her time telling her how funny you think it is to not be ready for her to answer the phone and ask her to let you finish chewing so you can beg her company for business.
Just Say'n, maybe lets get the manners back on the table, and I'll keep all of you apprised of any further pet peeves that pop up =)
Yeah, I'm not saying it was THAT, or the driving around town all afternoon in a new truck with a new driver (I like the idea of visiting people I want to do business with, but jumping in a truck with a coworker for 3.5 hours is kinda icked my wow on it), or Spaz working my last nerve with the "you still owe me the rest of the deposit I put down 2+ years ago so I come out even, and I hope I called this guy early enough so I still have a place to go, sign this peice of binder paper saying you owe me money", or maybe just maybe it was coming back to the office that somehow smells of rank BO at almost all times (menapuase is a BITCH, and it will make ypu smell like a man, FYI), or perhaps that it was windy yesterday and after being a passenger in a car all day I just couldn't take the building swaying on me... add to all that the late night (company standard to stay until 7pm once a month) and you get One.Sicky.Sassy.
I was up most of Tuesday night with sharp stabbing pains in my stomach, this after 1/2 a bowl of soup broth and a walk around the block with Pupster (kinda bad when you have the chills and like the chill on your face, no?), was passed out by 8:15pm, woke up at 2am with a crazy trip to the bathroom that had me in another bought of "ok, lets try sitting up a bit, maybe leaning against the wall, or maybe laying down on my side? no, nope, ok, well, how about wrapped around a pillow??" for 1.5 hours before I passed out again.
Even with all this, I tried to go to work yesterday - called in 3 times before I gave up, got myself some Ginger Ale and some chicken noodle soup and some dinner rolls and a yogurt for the sweet tooth, and hunkered in for the day.
I can honestly say, its not a fun as it sounds to sleep through a Wednesday =(=(
The one bonus is that I had time to sign the lease and get it to the property management company!!! No excuses from Spaz now, as I've made it clear that I will not be handing her any more money to move out with (she wants her full deposit back, the one she left on the place 2+ years ago!!!), and Sister and I have nailed down next weekend for a move date, so Spaz can figure out how to delay this further while 3 of us need the same shower every morning before work ;)
Oh, and I moved SweetPea's food dish to my room - lets see how quickly I don't have to blame her waistline on the medication when her kibble quits being covered in canola oil and sprinkled with cheddar cheese and pepperoni (cuz, you know, "its not fair to give it to one dog without giving it to the other". GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR).
The power WILL be mine, and who cares if I have to take a day off work to fight off food poisoning symptoms?
OH, a big heads up to anyone I converse with about actually visiting - I really hate hearing people eat. Please, keep eating to specific times, preferably when I will be eating with you and can be distracted by the sounds of my own mastication, and if you really really must have food next to you through the entire day and put something in your mouth every 5 minutes, maybe make it something you can wrap your mouth around (preferably squishy or pudding like that you don't even have to chew), and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD do NOT think that you are a master time stacker because you take a bite while waiting for someone to pick up the other end of the phone call you just dialed - this will surely anger the receptionist you are trying to get to give you the name of the person we want to do business with; first you assume she will suck at her job and take 5 rings to pick up, then you waste her time telling her how funny you think it is to not be ready for her to answer the phone and ask her to let you finish chewing so you can beg her company for business.
Just Say'n, maybe lets get the manners back on the table, and I'll keep all of you apprised of any further pet peeves that pop up =)
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Spaz Update
Have you ever come to work, been chastized for being 20 minutes early, then go to a breakfast meeting 3 miles away but take 45 minutes to get there because your driver didn't look up WHERE the restaurant is, then spend 2 hours eating and talking to get bystander-anxiety on the way back to the office only to find out its lunch time and you had plans to take the lease you was told was "your copy" 8 days ago to the property management company and ask them a few questions (like 'thank you for paying for a gardener, everything in the yard is dead, will you reimburse me for grass seed and some bushes or should I just tell you that your gardener needs to bring these on his next visit?' and 'I need a walkthrough to see what you would give me TODAY as a return on the deposit, because I know the origional lease holder will be leaving soon and she is asking that I pay her what she paid to get into the place and I happen to know from experience NEVER to expect a full deposit back, so I want her expectations of what I will be paying out of pocket to be realistic') but you HAVE to get your goals met for the week and being out of the office for the first 3 hours of the day isn't lending you the opportunity to bail for an hour???
Has this ever happened to you on the same day you are asked to write a $600 dollar check to someone before they will sign a lease they already signed or they won't follow through with the moving out that they initiated?? I know it sounds silly, but I thought it was totally reasonable for me to meet the people who will be responsible for evicting me, and somehow this psycho is telling me that she will "just take it over, I can even fax it!" but refused to sign it so I could do the same. To the point where she called me, after she knew I would be at work at 8am, to say that as someone on the lease I needed to go through her if I was going to bring up that the grout between the tub and the wall needs to be looked at before I'll sign off on taking responsibility for this place - she's right, as someone on the lease, she would be told about issues with the house that concern me, and since I've brought this up 3 times in 2.5 months and nothing has been done, I wanted to let the management company know there is a pre-existing condition that may or may not need treatment in order to keep me from incurring the cost of, oh, replacing the wall in the bathroom...
Yeah, and it was 56 degrees in my room this morning when I woke up, and the water took 4 minutes to heat up for my shower, and the "where are you? what do you mean you are at your desk working?" followed by "what time is it? we are in SO much trouble!!" as I'm checking messages to see how angry work is and hear "so, is it the deposit money I need you to give me so I can give it to the place I'm moving? and you can't just walk in somewhere and start saying "mold" because places freak out about that and just tell me whats going on!" as I try to make sure it doesn't take us 45 mintues to get BACK to the office that I can SEE from the parking lot we are pulling out of...
Its not even lunch yet and I need a Valium.
Its Tuesday.
But, I'm commited to leaving ON TIME to talk to the management company and sign the lease, I will reiterate that the place will be fixed up, but its a matter of who pays for it, and that Spaz will be vacating ASAP so if I could get a simple walk thru for an estimate of needed repairs, Sister will be at the house next Wednesday!
Oh, and I had a veggie omlette, no cheese (well, they left it off the top), a cup of Sweet n Low'd coffee (refilled 4 times), the fruit cup, and the muffin came back with me to be my carbs with lunch (whenever I stop burping up breakfast, I'll dive into that!). So far, I'm on my new eating plan today is the point =) My skirt (that is part spandex, but mostly stiff cotton, that was left in the dryer too long last week) is reminding me that "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" isn't just for the post-menapausal women who love to repeat it ;)
Has this ever happened to you on the same day you are asked to write a $600 dollar check to someone before they will sign a lease they already signed or they won't follow through with the moving out that they initiated?? I know it sounds silly, but I thought it was totally reasonable for me to meet the people who will be responsible for evicting me, and somehow this psycho is telling me that she will "just take it over, I can even fax it!" but refused to sign it so I could do the same. To the point where she called me, after she knew I would be at work at 8am, to say that as someone on the lease I needed to go through her if I was going to bring up that the grout between the tub and the wall needs to be looked at before I'll sign off on taking responsibility for this place - she's right, as someone on the lease, she would be told about issues with the house that concern me, and since I've brought this up 3 times in 2.5 months and nothing has been done, I wanted to let the management company know there is a pre-existing condition that may or may not need treatment in order to keep me from incurring the cost of, oh, replacing the wall in the bathroom...
Yeah, and it was 56 degrees in my room this morning when I woke up, and the water took 4 minutes to heat up for my shower, and the "where are you? what do you mean you are at your desk working?" followed by "what time is it? we are in SO much trouble!!" as I'm checking messages to see how angry work is and hear "so, is it the deposit money I need you to give me so I can give it to the place I'm moving? and you can't just walk in somewhere and start saying "mold" because places freak out about that and just tell me whats going on!" as I try to make sure it doesn't take us 45 mintues to get BACK to the office that I can SEE from the parking lot we are pulling out of...
Its not even lunch yet and I need a Valium.
Its Tuesday.
But, I'm commited to leaving ON TIME to talk to the management company and sign the lease, I will reiterate that the place will be fixed up, but its a matter of who pays for it, and that Spaz will be vacating ASAP so if I could get a simple walk thru for an estimate of needed repairs, Sister will be at the house next Wednesday!
Oh, and I had a veggie omlette, no cheese (well, they left it off the top), a cup of Sweet n Low'd coffee (refilled 4 times), the fruit cup, and the muffin came back with me to be my carbs with lunch (whenever I stop burping up breakfast, I'll dive into that!). So far, I'm on my new eating plan today is the point =) My skirt (that is part spandex, but mostly stiff cotton, that was left in the dryer too long last week) is reminding me that "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" isn't just for the post-menapausal women who love to repeat it ;)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Question
Riddle me this - if you started chatting with an ex that you left on barely good terms with, nearly had her in your bed before you had a dinner date with your girlfriend, then chatted the night away with the ex unitl your OTHER girlfriend showed up at your door to get you finally laid, would you remember all of this with shame or pride once the beer wore off?
While I don't knock the excitement of getting three girls in an evening, I do wonder why I was asked how he could break it off with the chick he left me for. I was left with "I need to talk to you more - I need a grown up in my life Sassy, these girls are so busy playing games I can't have fun with them anymore, plus you make me laugh, I gotta go."
I told him I was ready to throw him down and take advantage of his calling me on a night I happened to have to be 30 miles from my house and 2 freeway exits from him - but that I was conflicted because the resolutions I've set for myself (because of him actually) should have me ignoring this opportuinity... he told me to stick to my resolutions and we could chat later.
Right. After calling out of almost nowhere (I've deleted his number TWICE now for shits sake!), getting me all reved up for some hot sex, tell me its ok to stick to my gut instinct to not deal with sex unless its strictly sex (or date, but without the now typical good night fuck, so the "are you here yet, I'm hard and ready for you")
He attempted to woo me a bit later with "sorry for the back and forth, we need to hook up in the next couple of days." My reply was "I'd appreciate the fuck buddy, but I more appreciate a friend that tells me to stick to my resolutions. Which do you prefer to be?" I got a call 10 seconds later and heard all the uninhibited details of whats been going on with him (in the sexual realm anyway) since the weekend we stopped talking.
So, if you were to call an ex and have all this go down, what kind of outcome would you be looking for - besides the obvious?
Honestly, I'm tempted to get him all worked up like we are meeting for just the sex, come in, grab him by the pants, toss him on the bed, tell him he isn't built to be a player if he is going to care enough about his fucks to want a relationship with them, hand him a pocket pussy, turn around and walk out. Or, bring a roll of duct tape for his face, rip his clothes off of him, abuse him until his little hard body gives out or my pussy swells shut, THEN walking out without another word.
Thoughts?
While I don't knock the excitement of getting three girls in an evening, I do wonder why I was asked how he could break it off with the chick he left me for. I was left with "I need to talk to you more - I need a grown up in my life Sassy, these girls are so busy playing games I can't have fun with them anymore, plus you make me laugh, I gotta go."
I told him I was ready to throw him down and take advantage of his calling me on a night I happened to have to be 30 miles from my house and 2 freeway exits from him - but that I was conflicted because the resolutions I've set for myself (because of him actually) should have me ignoring this opportuinity... he told me to stick to my resolutions and we could chat later.
Right. After calling out of almost nowhere (I've deleted his number TWICE now for shits sake!), getting me all reved up for some hot sex, tell me its ok to stick to my gut instinct to not deal with sex unless its strictly sex (or date, but without the now typical good night fuck, so the "are you here yet, I'm hard and ready for you")
He attempted to woo me a bit later with "sorry for the back and forth, we need to hook up in the next couple of days." My reply was "I'd appreciate the fuck buddy, but I more appreciate a friend that tells me to stick to my resolutions. Which do you prefer to be?" I got a call 10 seconds later and heard all the uninhibited details of whats been going on with him (in the sexual realm anyway) since the weekend we stopped talking.
So, if you were to call an ex and have all this go down, what kind of outcome would you be looking for - besides the obvious?
Honestly, I'm tempted to get him all worked up like we are meeting for just the sex, come in, grab him by the pants, toss him on the bed, tell him he isn't built to be a player if he is going to care enough about his fucks to want a relationship with them, hand him a pocket pussy, turn around and walk out. Or, bring a roll of duct tape for his face, rip his clothes off of him, abuse him until his little hard body gives out or my pussy swells shut, THEN walking out without another word.
Thoughts?
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