While there are a few boxes left, I don't feel the need to have 2 coffee pots in use in any kitchen at one time, so I'm basically moved in.
Some of this stuff I didn't even unpack in the home that I shared with my sister, and the walls already carry more of me than the apartment did.
I sleep well, I wake up well, and when thinking of what to do this weekend I am ok with being here.
Sister got a DUI last night.
I got a message from her 12 hours earlier saying "it is still strange not having you here sister".
She hasn't yet explained what happened.
It took me 2 hours to send a reply. I said "I don't know what to say."
6 hours later she asked how the unpacking was going, and that was all there was to that conversation.
I've been gone for a week, and she got herself a record.
Honestly, my first thought, quickly followed by "I got out just in time, and they won't follow me here."
The shock is here.
The solidarity that this is the right thing is what my faith is based on, even if I have no fucking idea what I'm doing here.
I don't feel like I was running away any more than I feel like I came here for any particular reason.
Sometimes though, there is a little familiarity, like I've dreamed this and it's finally here.
It's happened before.
It's de ja vu, but wrapped up in comfort like sheppard's pie with it's blanket of mashed potatoes.
I freaked out, I'm kinda scared, and I really need a map. Other than that, JB has come to visit and given the official seal of approval of the place, as a concerned-for-Sassy citizen, and even hung out long enough to let me scribble some notes on how to get to more than the grocery store, like work. Oh, and his version of Welcome to Jersey that was somehow very close to the Welcome to Vegas I got last week and the Welcome to NYC I got last month.
There will be a whole nuther mental break down on that one, but for now it's nice to have a friendly face and a welcome wagon.
I give it like a month.
Anywho, it feels a little better being here now that the force of Get It Done is gone and it's on to the adventure part of it. And that Sister royally fucked up so quickly makes me know that I needed this. Right now.
Yep, that's what gets me to sleep, that I bailed on my soul sucker sister just in time. Add to that the nausia inducing petrifying panic will have to subside enough to make me put real clothes on and go to work and figure out why the fuck I'm spending Thanksgiving in a parka out side of Macy's for the parade when I've spent the last year sacrificing everything I have for my family.
And there we have it.
A breakthrough.
Did I ever tell you I was a psych major? Oh, and I was a philosophy major too, if that helps you explain why it takes me so unbelievably long to actually say anything =)
Thanks for the session Dr. Blogger. I'll be vacating the living room soon if only not to puke at the giggle fest of the roomies. Turns out it's a freshie relationship, so that explains why I'm so jealous of how much fun they have together and have to hide in my internet-less, tv-less room. Oh, shit, it's 1am and I have a day job in three days. Damn sitcoms and their hypnotic laugh tracks... no wonder I'm hungry...
Oh, right, word of the day is: Rockettes. I heard a commercial for the 75th anniversary Christmas Celebration and thought "huh, maybe I'll go to the 100th and compare them" which was immediately followed by sitting back in my chair and calculating how old I would be and imagining me as a woman hardened by New Jersey traffic and New York subways with stories of being a kid in shorts at Christmas and Easter. Of course by then NJ and NY might also be warm enough for that, but I'm tangentially filling space again - I promise, if this thing had page markers I could finish the thought as the sentance hit the midline of the last line before starting a new page - turns out everything I know I knew in 8th grade. Moving sucks for more than the bruises.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Jug Handles
I've made it to Jersey. 3 days of concentrated driving got me from my step-sister's place in Flagstaff, AZ to my new place with almost a shred of intellect left. My ass is flat and my gut is pooched and my posture sucks, but I'm here. The truck of stuff was delivered yesterday, the unpacking has been intense, and there is still plenty to go but I needed a return to the sitting position before my feet completely revolted against being stood on and walked out on me.
I am currently amazed at how I packed everything myself, sealed the boxes myself, and still manage to be allergic to my stuff during the unpacking process, but it's a reason for a break and I'm impressed I've had a thought at all, so thanks for small miracles.
I won't disuade anyone from making the cross country trip, I'll just request that they have enough money to stay in hotels more often and take their time with it. I drove through the entirety of Pennsylvania in the dark - sure, it probably looks a lot like Ohio, but it would have been nice to be an expert on the point. On the other hand, I've learned the value of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the longevity of 8lbs of ice in my cooler, and the number of miles I can go between bathroom breaks (time is irrelelvant in such situations, one must know if "next rest stop, 72 miles" is doable).
Of all the first experiences I've had here so far - getting to a curve in the road and staring at the Empire State Building, Turnpike gas station stops, toll roads, streets that are named Route #xx - my favorite is the randomness of the jug handle turn. It's a great way to avoid traffic being stopped for a left hand turner or pedestrians getting mowed over by a right hand turner, but to see every corner use them and to assume all turns are made from the right and then to get to you're 'exit' from the route to find a left hand turn lane... well, this will be a fun learning curve, I promise you that. Plus, it's fun to say "jug", we kinda let that word fall out of rotation in Cali, and jug handle somehow makes me think of copping a feel 2nd base style... add to that the move to Middlesex county and I'm giggling Bevis and Butthead style every time I talk to anyone.
So, I'm here, slowly regaining my ability to form thoughts and eat something besides drive-thru fare. Next is to finish unpacking, get a TV, and find the phone jack so I don't have to sit in the living room to get online. Other than that, maybe practice wearing real shoes and real clothes so Monday's work attire is less of a shock- it's been 6 weeks!!!!!!!! Off to organize a closet...
I am currently amazed at how I packed everything myself, sealed the boxes myself, and still manage to be allergic to my stuff during the unpacking process, but it's a reason for a break and I'm impressed I've had a thought at all, so thanks for small miracles.
I won't disuade anyone from making the cross country trip, I'll just request that they have enough money to stay in hotels more often and take their time with it. I drove through the entirety of Pennsylvania in the dark - sure, it probably looks a lot like Ohio, but it would have been nice to be an expert on the point. On the other hand, I've learned the value of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the longevity of 8lbs of ice in my cooler, and the number of miles I can go between bathroom breaks (time is irrelelvant in such situations, one must know if "next rest stop, 72 miles" is doable).
Of all the first experiences I've had here so far - getting to a curve in the road and staring at the Empire State Building, Turnpike gas station stops, toll roads, streets that are named Route #xx - my favorite is the randomness of the jug handle turn. It's a great way to avoid traffic being stopped for a left hand turner or pedestrians getting mowed over by a right hand turner, but to see every corner use them and to assume all turns are made from the right and then to get to you're 'exit' from the route to find a left hand turn lane... well, this will be a fun learning curve, I promise you that. Plus, it's fun to say "jug", we kinda let that word fall out of rotation in Cali, and jug handle somehow makes me think of copping a feel 2nd base style... add to that the move to Middlesex county and I'm giggling Bevis and Butthead style every time I talk to anyone.
So, I'm here, slowly regaining my ability to form thoughts and eat something besides drive-thru fare. Next is to finish unpacking, get a TV, and find the phone jack so I don't have to sit in the living room to get online. Other than that, maybe practice wearing real shoes and real clothes so Monday's work attire is less of a shock- it's been 6 weeks!!!!!!!! Off to organize a closet...
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Just Do It
I packed a moving truck alone today.
8' wide, 7' high, 5' deep, tied down, tarped up, and moved the wall of plywood into place myself.
Yes, I manhandled an 8' wide, 7' high slab of plywood down a 28' trailer and locked it into place myself. The truck driver couldn't believe it, he won't even load them in himself.
At this point, after the waiting and dreading and planning and planning a Plan B and C and D, it was all I could do not to get in the car and start driving tonight.
Silly me, when I bumped into Sister this morning - first night she's spent in her own bed in 4 nights, and only because I left a note asking that I be up when she left so I could get my day started - and she didn't know if I left today or tomorrow, I thought she would give a shit that it isn't til tomorrow. I called her when she was supposed to get off work, asked her if it was a good price on the speakers I had to replace (the 4th of July trip she took my car for 12 hours and it came back with the back speakers blown, with a 4 minute commute I didn't give a shit, but I'm driving cross country so it was time to suck it up and prepare to have the volume above 3), and she started in on how hard her day was and how late she would be getting out of the office.
Not that it matters, yesterday she was to call me on her way out of the office and maybe meet me for dinner, I came back to the house at 7pm to find her dressed and ready to go - what did she have to say for herself?? "wanna go to Hollywood? no? didn't think so, bye!"
It's now 7:26pm. The sun has been down for 2 hours. I had a cup of coffee and my favorite doughnut from my favorite place while waiting for the speaker install. I got to the house about half an hour ago to find her in bed with the lights off. Apparently she thinks she's coming down with something. Only because I've artificially stimulated my eyes open am I considering it, but right now I am so frustrated with being ignored I'm ready to hop in the shower, pack my shit, and drive until I see a hotel that will rack me up the airline miles or the Luxor lightbeam, whichever comes first. Surely I'll tucker out right about the time I get the car loaded... maybe that wouldn't be all bad either actually... make it fucking obvious how ready I am to bail by loading the car with my suitcase tonight so I can beat her out the door in the morning and bail.
The big rub is this: after avoiding me for basically the whole 2 weeks I've been living in her bedroom, pointedly disrespecting me here and there, being absolutely no help whatsoever with basics like "I'm taking this jewelry case, which earrings do you want to keep?", she still has the nerve to say (and yes, of the 4 times she's spoken to me in the last 7 days, this was an actual sentance) "I think you should take that bookcase, but no I can't take a lunch and help you load it into the truck. Oh, you want to leave the couch? why???? don't worry, I'll just bring it to you when I come out there or whatever."
Fuck.
Fuck me with a pogo stick.
I will admit part of the appeal of being on the complete opposite side of the country is to be very hard to find by my family. She is already planning to chase me. fuckityfuckfuck. And, go figure, when I try to bring to her attention that this exact behavior is an exact replica of the other times we ended up not talking to each other for about 6 months, she is gone or passed out. Fuck.
So, I'm here killing time until daylight when I can enjoy the scenery and the excitement of a few days in Vegas. A pamer party where I have nothing to do but smile and be enjoyed and spoiled.
And then........................................................................................ I'M MOVING TO JERSEY!!!!!!!!!!
It's guna take a few days, and I didn't invest in a laptop or handheld internet portal yet, but chat me up cuz I'm plopping down in front of the computer the instant I hit my new place and I'd LOVE to feel the love from you!
8' wide, 7' high, 5' deep, tied down, tarped up, and moved the wall of plywood into place myself.
Yes, I manhandled an 8' wide, 7' high slab of plywood down a 28' trailer and locked it into place myself. The truck driver couldn't believe it, he won't even load them in himself.
At this point, after the waiting and dreading and planning and planning a Plan B and C and D, it was all I could do not to get in the car and start driving tonight.
Silly me, when I bumped into Sister this morning - first night she's spent in her own bed in 4 nights, and only because I left a note asking that I be up when she left so I could get my day started - and she didn't know if I left today or tomorrow, I thought she would give a shit that it isn't til tomorrow. I called her when she was supposed to get off work, asked her if it was a good price on the speakers I had to replace (the 4th of July trip she took my car for 12 hours and it came back with the back speakers blown, with a 4 minute commute I didn't give a shit, but I'm driving cross country so it was time to suck it up and prepare to have the volume above 3), and she started in on how hard her day was and how late she would be getting out of the office.
Not that it matters, yesterday she was to call me on her way out of the office and maybe meet me for dinner, I came back to the house at 7pm to find her dressed and ready to go - what did she have to say for herself?? "wanna go to Hollywood? no? didn't think so, bye!"
It's now 7:26pm. The sun has been down for 2 hours. I had a cup of coffee and my favorite doughnut from my favorite place while waiting for the speaker install. I got to the house about half an hour ago to find her in bed with the lights off. Apparently she thinks she's coming down with something. Only because I've artificially stimulated my eyes open am I considering it, but right now I am so frustrated with being ignored I'm ready to hop in the shower, pack my shit, and drive until I see a hotel that will rack me up the airline miles or the Luxor lightbeam, whichever comes first. Surely I'll tucker out right about the time I get the car loaded... maybe that wouldn't be all bad either actually... make it fucking obvious how ready I am to bail by loading the car with my suitcase tonight so I can beat her out the door in the morning and bail.
The big rub is this: after avoiding me for basically the whole 2 weeks I've been living in her bedroom, pointedly disrespecting me here and there, being absolutely no help whatsoever with basics like "I'm taking this jewelry case, which earrings do you want to keep?", she still has the nerve to say (and yes, of the 4 times she's spoken to me in the last 7 days, this was an actual sentance) "I think you should take that bookcase, but no I can't take a lunch and help you load it into the truck. Oh, you want to leave the couch? why???? don't worry, I'll just bring it to you when I come out there or whatever."
Fuck.
Fuck me with a pogo stick.
I will admit part of the appeal of being on the complete opposite side of the country is to be very hard to find by my family. She is already planning to chase me. fuckityfuckfuck. And, go figure, when I try to bring to her attention that this exact behavior is an exact replica of the other times we ended up not talking to each other for about 6 months, she is gone or passed out. Fuck.
So, I'm here killing time until daylight when I can enjoy the scenery and the excitement of a few days in Vegas. A pamer party where I have nothing to do but smile and be enjoyed and spoiled.
And then........................................................................................ I'M MOVING TO JERSEY!!!!!!!!!!
It's guna take a few days, and I didn't invest in a laptop or handheld internet portal yet, but chat me up cuz I'm plopping down in front of the computer the instant I hit my new place and I'd LOVE to feel the love from you!
Friday, November 02, 2007
At Long Last
A job.
I got the job.
Working for my company, in New Jersey.
It took a few weeks to get it to come together, but I just got off the phone with my new boss who thinks it's a little nuts that I want to drive across the country to work with her, but she is excited to have me.
Sight unseen, I got the fucking job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you notes are being mailed today, yes they are!
And, with all the waiting I was considering giving in to the temptation to live somewhere local - now I have got to be across the country and at work 8am 11/19, so no pussy foot'n around it any more.
Yes, I'm excited. I typically don't set big goals because I so hate being disappointed, but here we have it - I wanted a change, I wanted the east coast, I wanted this company to take me places, I wanted to crack the $40K barrier, and I wanted it NOW. I was already hoarse from sleeping with the window open (or the 5 cats in the house, or the lack of any working cleaning tools), but the yelps of happiness I've been squeeking out for the last 10 minutes aren't helping a damn thing!
AAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh... now, to nail one of these apartments to the wall and get a lease signed - or find the month to month roomie that will let me pay off my student loan and save for furniture before I sign a lease somewhere... whatever, details work themselves out right??
I'm going for the exponential joy of getting it all together today - job, place, and moving company all set up within hours? With the research and effort I've already poured into this heartwrenching project, absofuckenlutely! Watch this...
I got the job.
Working for my company, in New Jersey.
It took a few weeks to get it to come together, but I just got off the phone with my new boss who thinks it's a little nuts that I want to drive across the country to work with her, but she is excited to have me.
Sight unseen, I got the fucking job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you notes are being mailed today, yes they are!
And, with all the waiting I was considering giving in to the temptation to live somewhere local - now I have got to be across the country and at work 8am 11/19, so no pussy foot'n around it any more.
Yes, I'm excited. I typically don't set big goals because I so hate being disappointed, but here we have it - I wanted a change, I wanted the east coast, I wanted this company to take me places, I wanted to crack the $40K barrier, and I wanted it NOW. I was already hoarse from sleeping with the window open (or the 5 cats in the house, or the lack of any working cleaning tools), but the yelps of happiness I've been squeeking out for the last 10 minutes aren't helping a damn thing!
AAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh... now, to nail one of these apartments to the wall and get a lease signed - or find the month to month roomie that will let me pay off my student loan and save for furniture before I sign a lease somewhere... whatever, details work themselves out right??
I'm going for the exponential joy of getting it all together today - job, place, and moving company all set up within hours? With the research and effort I've already poured into this heartwrenching project, absofuckenlutely! Watch this...
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Frustration
While it was fun to joke about sharing a bed with my sister, somehow the reality is giving me bronchitis.
I've been kinda living like a hermit, rolling from the bed to the computer and forcing myself to the corner gas station for a cup of coffee just to see if the sun came out that day. While in the summer I'm sure it's nice to have the bedroom window completely covered in wild ivy that fills to the last leaf with butterflys, in October, it's simply a pile of deadness covering whatever amount of light the overcast days of fall might allow. And the roomie is more than accomodating, but to be offered food every time I leave the bedroom accompanied with the hour of chat that has every one of her sentances starting with "it's like"... I got bored of it when I lived with a 21 year old, to have a 50 year old doing it is just driving me more and more into my hole.
Well, Sister's hole.
Add to this the screwy sleep cycle (about 4 consecutive hours is all I've managed since returning to CA), the hours spent medling in my old boxes in an effort to ween myself off the packrat mentality and into the tiny Uhaul cross country road trip mentality, and the ashen air replaced with the wet mild fog has my lungs not knowing if they hate living with 5 cats and a broken vacuum more than they hate dust and ash and wetness. Though I do admit there is something almost hot about a Demi Moore rasp, the random hacking cough is getting to be less random and more of a humbling reminder to find the sweatshirts amist the packed boxes.
Perhaps the worst of it all is the leads I've had from jobs and apartments - just enough to get me glued to the internet for 15 hours a day hitting refresh for a morsel of hope that I really will be able to hop in the car next week and start my new life.
In the mean time, its a barrage of moving company quotes, meanial keep busy jobs, shitty roomie situations with outlandish lease requirements, and a few big fish that keep tugging my heartstrings of hope.
It will happen, I'll find a way, but the waiting has me remembering that sometimes being the romantic optomistic has it's perks - everlasting patience for the better.
Oh, there's been plenty of drama too, but honestly, I'm bored of it myself, so you'll miss this round of blah blah dad emails and blah blah Sister bitch fit and blah blah I've deleted half the numbers in my phone for how great my 'friends' have been this week and blah blah Mr. Man hasn't left my email or text alone for more than 6 hours in over a week now and somehow that makes me more sad than excited even though I'm waiting here for him to come take me to Vegas next week.
Back to the rental applications and counting my dollars as they slip out of my account...
I've been kinda living like a hermit, rolling from the bed to the computer and forcing myself to the corner gas station for a cup of coffee just to see if the sun came out that day. While in the summer I'm sure it's nice to have the bedroom window completely covered in wild ivy that fills to the last leaf with butterflys, in October, it's simply a pile of deadness covering whatever amount of light the overcast days of fall might allow. And the roomie is more than accomodating, but to be offered food every time I leave the bedroom accompanied with the hour of chat that has every one of her sentances starting with "it's like"... I got bored of it when I lived with a 21 year old, to have a 50 year old doing it is just driving me more and more into my hole.
Well, Sister's hole.
Add to this the screwy sleep cycle (about 4 consecutive hours is all I've managed since returning to CA), the hours spent medling in my old boxes in an effort to ween myself off the packrat mentality and into the tiny Uhaul cross country road trip mentality, and the ashen air replaced with the wet mild fog has my lungs not knowing if they hate living with 5 cats and a broken vacuum more than they hate dust and ash and wetness. Though I do admit there is something almost hot about a Demi Moore rasp, the random hacking cough is getting to be less random and more of a humbling reminder to find the sweatshirts amist the packed boxes.
Perhaps the worst of it all is the leads I've had from jobs and apartments - just enough to get me glued to the internet for 15 hours a day hitting refresh for a morsel of hope that I really will be able to hop in the car next week and start my new life.
In the mean time, its a barrage of moving company quotes, meanial keep busy jobs, shitty roomie situations with outlandish lease requirements, and a few big fish that keep tugging my heartstrings of hope.
It will happen, I'll find a way, but the waiting has me remembering that sometimes being the romantic optomistic has it's perks - everlasting patience for the better.
Oh, there's been plenty of drama too, but honestly, I'm bored of it myself, so you'll miss this round of blah blah dad emails and blah blah Sister bitch fit and blah blah I've deleted half the numbers in my phone for how great my 'friends' have been this week and blah blah Mr. Man hasn't left my email or text alone for more than 6 hours in over a week now and somehow that makes me more sad than excited even though I'm waiting here for him to come take me to Vegas next week.
Back to the rental applications and counting my dollars as they slip out of my account...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Moven On Out
I've had a couple of phone interviews at this point, they are looking to fill a few positions and told me about each of them. They are interviewing for one, and I would enjoy that job, but the timeline and variety of work involved in the second position have it winning me over.
I was afraid to come back to CA because I thought I'd want to find a way to stay - that the entire skyline is orange and black with fire and my sister that wouldn't leave me alone with the "miss you!" texts while I was gone can't be bothered to talk to me instead if her guy even while I stay in her room. That and the fact that I'm still living out of my suitcase, and I'm set to go.
So, I am supposed to get the call by the end of the week (the office is crazy busy this week, and even the rush job doesn't have a start date until 11/01), and until then apparently my top priority is sleeping and eating. Not that I really need to do either, but when left to my own devices, I plan a whole list of things to do the night before and when my period takes over I kinda let Flo run the show by morning. Plus, staying in means I don't spend money!!!
I was afraid to come back to CA because I thought I'd want to find a way to stay - that the entire skyline is orange and black with fire and my sister that wouldn't leave me alone with the "miss you!" texts while I was gone can't be bothered to talk to me instead if her guy even while I stay in her room. That and the fact that I'm still living out of my suitcase, and I'm set to go.
So, I am supposed to get the call by the end of the week (the office is crazy busy this week, and even the rush job doesn't have a start date until 11/01), and until then apparently my top priority is sleeping and eating. Not that I really need to do either, but when left to my own devices, I plan a whole list of things to do the night before and when my period takes over I kinda let Flo run the show by morning. Plus, staying in means I don't spend money!!!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Vacation, Breakthrough
Small victories are what we are going for these days.
I feel like I just had one.
2 months of hmmmm'n and haaaaawww'n, and I just left a message and sent an email to apply for a job in New Jersey.
That's right, I didn't get to talk to anyone for real, but I made the effort to make the contact and by golly, that is worth a fuck of a lot at this point.
Now, the kids are back, and the neighborhood kids are out of school, and it is climbing in decibals as the kinetic energy in the house gets the afternoon buzz... but I made the effort, didn't just talk about it, and to me, that means my day has been a success.
Oh, and I threw a monster fit via email to everyone who's email address I could remember about how fucked up it is that the company was going to just sit on my final paycheck (that they tried to send 10/04, I wasn't expecting until 10/15, and it is now cusping the CA 72 hour rule) until I asked for it, then hold it captive at the office until I personally came in to get it. No fucking way am I going to set foot in that office again, and I especially won't rush back just to make sure the pissy little bitch at the front desk gets her power trip because she was at her desk to sign for the FedEx package. That was pretty gratifying =)
So, I didn't call EVERY office in New Jersey, but I did write down all the phone numbers so I can possibly use the quiet in the morning to call and ask for managers to see what positions I could get within the same company. Yes, I just threw a fit about a paycheck and want to stay with the same company - its all about getting the resume to look like I don't get bored and leave jobs, which I do, but if its in the same company, its "getting promoted to roles of increasing responsibility" instead of "she was already trained so we moved her to a new seat". =)
Word of the day: spanktopia. We found these yummy little phio dough and spinach things at Costco but the name is so long, we keep coming up with new spank- things to call them. Spankapolooza works just as well. It's fun, just say it and you kinda smile. Additions to the list welcome, I'm all jacked up on french press french roast coffee and can't concentrate on anything besides how full my bladder feels like it is and the pace at which my feet twitch.
I feel like I just had one.
2 months of hmmmm'n and haaaaawww'n, and I just left a message and sent an email to apply for a job in New Jersey.
That's right, I didn't get to talk to anyone for real, but I made the effort to make the contact and by golly, that is worth a fuck of a lot at this point.
Now, the kids are back, and the neighborhood kids are out of school, and it is climbing in decibals as the kinetic energy in the house gets the afternoon buzz... but I made the effort, didn't just talk about it, and to me, that means my day has been a success.
Oh, and I threw a monster fit via email to everyone who's email address I could remember about how fucked up it is that the company was going to just sit on my final paycheck (that they tried to send 10/04, I wasn't expecting until 10/15, and it is now cusping the CA 72 hour rule) until I asked for it, then hold it captive at the office until I personally came in to get it. No fucking way am I going to set foot in that office again, and I especially won't rush back just to make sure the pissy little bitch at the front desk gets her power trip because she was at her desk to sign for the FedEx package. That was pretty gratifying =)
So, I didn't call EVERY office in New Jersey, but I did write down all the phone numbers so I can possibly use the quiet in the morning to call and ask for managers to see what positions I could get within the same company. Yes, I just threw a fit about a paycheck and want to stay with the same company - its all about getting the resume to look like I don't get bored and leave jobs, which I do, but if its in the same company, its "getting promoted to roles of increasing responsibility" instead of "she was already trained so we moved her to a new seat". =)
Word of the day: spanktopia. We found these yummy little phio dough and spinach things at Costco but the name is so long, we keep coming up with new spank- things to call them. Spankapolooza works just as well. It's fun, just say it and you kinda smile. Additions to the list welcome, I'm all jacked up on french press french roast coffee and can't concentrate on anything besides how full my bladder feels like it is and the pace at which my feet twitch.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Vacation, Extended
Word of the Day: whythefucknot?
I don't have a job to go back to, everything I own is in storage, I'm not terribly excited about my next step being a friends rent-free extra room (I did that 3 years ago, have I really not gotten past that stage yet? do I really need that experience again??), and Sister says she can make it without me for another week (yes, we are stretching that ambilical cord one day at a time)... so, with the 4 speaking members of the family asking if I really have to go home so soon (the wee one kinda grunts and screams to communicate, but he smiles at me a lot and I figured out he wanted juice and pretzels last night, so in my book he's cool with me), and my gut telling me that I'll have more luck with a breakthrough in deciding where to locate the next chapter of my life in a place where I can't consider hiding in this bed forever (it doesn't belong to me, eventually the girls will want the bottom bunk back)... I booked an extra week of my vacation.
That's right.
I'm not super excited to get back, so why not extend the time away??
So, I fly back to CA next Saturday (because I've got family visiting the next week and I don't want to miss it!), I'm surrounded by kids and dogs and grown ups who are worth spending time with, and there is laundry on site to help keep me from getting too funky before I leave ;) Oh, right, and I'll be in front of the computer for about 40 hours of the week trying to navigate the "I can go anywhere, where do I want to live, what do I want to do, will this job bore the life out of me in 6 months, am I at all qualified for this, am I really ok with living 2000 miles from anything I've known, is it a cop-out to stay where I am, etc, etc, etc" that has haunted me for about two months now and is finally feeling like it might come to fruition soon.
Minor detail, nearly forgot that part of the reason I'm staying.
Also, I'm not the only one using the whythefucknot mentality - last night I got to babysit while the parents went out for a drink... mom said it was the first time since ever... they asked if I was seriously ok with it, and were out the door in less than 4 minutes of my confirmation. They had such a good time, they snuck back into the house a good hour before they let the kids know they were back... I'm not saying they christened the new bedroom, I'm just saying they could have ;)
Try the whythefucknot mentality today, let me know where it takes you =)
I don't have a job to go back to, everything I own is in storage, I'm not terribly excited about my next step being a friends rent-free extra room (I did that 3 years ago, have I really not gotten past that stage yet? do I really need that experience again??), and Sister says she can make it without me for another week (yes, we are stretching that ambilical cord one day at a time)... so, with the 4 speaking members of the family asking if I really have to go home so soon (the wee one kinda grunts and screams to communicate, but he smiles at me a lot and I figured out he wanted juice and pretzels last night, so in my book he's cool with me), and my gut telling me that I'll have more luck with a breakthrough in deciding where to locate the next chapter of my life in a place where I can't consider hiding in this bed forever (it doesn't belong to me, eventually the girls will want the bottom bunk back)... I booked an extra week of my vacation.
That's right.
I'm not super excited to get back, so why not extend the time away??
So, I fly back to CA next Saturday (because I've got family visiting the next week and I don't want to miss it!), I'm surrounded by kids and dogs and grown ups who are worth spending time with, and there is laundry on site to help keep me from getting too funky before I leave ;) Oh, right, and I'll be in front of the computer for about 40 hours of the week trying to navigate the "I can go anywhere, where do I want to live, what do I want to do, will this job bore the life out of me in 6 months, am I at all qualified for this, am I really ok with living 2000 miles from anything I've known, is it a cop-out to stay where I am, etc, etc, etc" that has haunted me for about two months now and is finally feeling like it might come to fruition soon.
Minor detail, nearly forgot that part of the reason I'm staying.
Also, I'm not the only one using the whythefucknot mentality - last night I got to babysit while the parents went out for a drink... mom said it was the first time since ever... they asked if I was seriously ok with it, and were out the door in less than 4 minutes of my confirmation. They had such a good time, they snuck back into the house a good hour before they let the kids know they were back... I'm not saying they christened the new bedroom, I'm just saying they could have ;)
Try the whythefucknot mentality today, let me know where it takes you =)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Vacation, Day 10
When is the last time you were on a vacation for 10 days???
yeah??!!
ME EITHER!!!
It feels great to have nothing to do but eventually change my PJs... but, alas, knowing that I do eventually have to pick a life to come back to, it's starting to get stressful to have nothing to distract me from the thoughts of what's next.
There are 3 dogs and 3 kids and a set of very smart and cool parents to distract me here, but honestly I kinda like that life happens with or without guests sometimes and I've had a chance to get back to the computer, send my emails (aka therapeutic journaling without the talkback or the monthly bill), and find out where I gravitate.
And guess what?? After missing the trains every time I tried to catch them and being caught in the rain and having every guy treat me as if he'd never seen a pair of tits and the girls giving it to me straight with "it's the same here as where you are from, but the weather is better where you are, and the only reason I can afford it is because my boyfriend's dad owns the building we live in" and deciding to stay in the room with the bottle of KY and room service instead of putting on the business suit and going to interview at the offices I'd planned to since I looked into where exactly my international company could take me in... I'm on the exact same sites, checking out the same cities and the same jobs as before.
So, does that mean I'm just as lost? Just as committed to bailing on my comfort zone? The vacation didn't scare me away from these places, but that isn't saying too much since I spent my birthday having a fantasy played out on my behalf and the rest of the time I was escorted by a local through the traffic and noise (or in my hotel with room service and a bottle of KY). Might I still end up living in a ghetto neighborhood simply because I can't wrap my head around applying for jobs that pay what I know I'll eventually be worth... and feel like I'm giving up to apply to do what I used to do, even though the idea of doing anything is completely overwhelming at this point, because I'm fairly convinced it will take more than a week to learn myself well enough to find a job that I WON'T be totally bored of in 6 months (and to get into that job!)
On that note, its about time for me to realize that no matter how late I wake up, I still need coffee to keep the headache away, that I'm in a house with 3 kids and 3 dogs and I can just as easily have a crisis while learning Spanish with Dora the Explorer and getting my hands torn up by puppy teeth... and if we are very lucky, I'll open the wine before dinner and get used to the idea that kids just scream as a form of communication and not because they are in any danger at all, and that as the resident couch surfer I can squelch my inner babysitter and just watch the grown-ups talk over it while I wonder if that strange feeling in my ear is leftover from the number of flights I've taken in the last 2 weeks or if something has actually ruptured.
yeah??!!
ME EITHER!!!
It feels great to have nothing to do but eventually change my PJs... but, alas, knowing that I do eventually have to pick a life to come back to, it's starting to get stressful to have nothing to distract me from the thoughts of what's next.
There are 3 dogs and 3 kids and a set of very smart and cool parents to distract me here, but honestly I kinda like that life happens with or without guests sometimes and I've had a chance to get back to the computer, send my emails (aka therapeutic journaling without the talkback or the monthly bill), and find out where I gravitate.
And guess what?? After missing the trains every time I tried to catch them and being caught in the rain and having every guy treat me as if he'd never seen a pair of tits and the girls giving it to me straight with "it's the same here as where you are from, but the weather is better where you are, and the only reason I can afford it is because my boyfriend's dad owns the building we live in" and deciding to stay in the room with the bottle of KY and room service instead of putting on the business suit and going to interview at the offices I'd planned to since I looked into where exactly my international company could take me in... I'm on the exact same sites, checking out the same cities and the same jobs as before.
So, does that mean I'm just as lost? Just as committed to bailing on my comfort zone? The vacation didn't scare me away from these places, but that isn't saying too much since I spent my birthday having a fantasy played out on my behalf and the rest of the time I was escorted by a local through the traffic and noise (or in my hotel with room service and a bottle of KY). Might I still end up living in a ghetto neighborhood simply because I can't wrap my head around applying for jobs that pay what I know I'll eventually be worth... and feel like I'm giving up to apply to do what I used to do, even though the idea of doing anything is completely overwhelming at this point, because I'm fairly convinced it will take more than a week to learn myself well enough to find a job that I WON'T be totally bored of in 6 months (and to get into that job!)
On that note, its about time for me to realize that no matter how late I wake up, I still need coffee to keep the headache away, that I'm in a house with 3 kids and 3 dogs and I can just as easily have a crisis while learning Spanish with Dora the Explorer and getting my hands torn up by puppy teeth... and if we are very lucky, I'll open the wine before dinner and get used to the idea that kids just scream as a form of communication and not because they are in any danger at all, and that as the resident couch surfer I can squelch my inner babysitter and just watch the grown-ups talk over it while I wonder if that strange feeling in my ear is leftover from the number of flights I've taken in the last 2 weeks or if something has actually ruptured.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
Vacation, Day Three
So fucking sue me, I'm on vacation and I missed an update day.
It's been quite a good vacation - sleeping til noon, not wearing makeup or brushing my hair, barely leaving the house but when we do it's for food or shopping...
I have dinner plans for my birthday on Sunday that required THE little dress, so we went to get it, then needed the shoes, then the underthings, then the wrap... I might even go for the mani and pedi and even a haircut to go with, but since my bank was nice enough to think that my extravegent spending habits in Maryland were a bit out of character, then have me on hold for an HOUR until my PHONE DIED in the shoe store without releasing the hold on my account... well, I might be seeking out a branch in Jersey before I find a pamper place.
I will say though, especially to Curmudgeon, that I now have a GREAT outfit for a New Years celebration (hhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttt).
The only thing that sucks so far is that 1) I haven't applied for a job yet and I'll be away from a computer until Wednesday so I'd better do it, well, NOW, midnight before I have to be up at 7am to catch my ride out of here, and 2) that I've had the strangest expectation of de ja vu all day today... like everything is set for me to 'remember' having a conversation that just has no reason to be here with these people or even in my head at all since I can't 'recall' enough of it to get it started and out of my head... so I just keep living in this partial haze of being an onlooker of what is going on and wanting this ah-hah moment that really just isn't going to come.
Vacations ROCK. I don't care where I stay or with who or how crazy it is to go to a xxx store looking for garter belts or teddys with the wife of the guy who promised to ravage me on sight since the first day we chatted while he went for a cup of coffee and she handed me items to try on... it's new and different and a break from the normal day-to-day and I will be using all my vacation days I acrew anywhere ASAP - and I urge you to do the same.
It's been quite a good vacation - sleeping til noon, not wearing makeup or brushing my hair, barely leaving the house but when we do it's for food or shopping...
I have dinner plans for my birthday on Sunday that required THE little dress, so we went to get it, then needed the shoes, then the underthings, then the wrap... I might even go for the mani and pedi and even a haircut to go with, but since my bank was nice enough to think that my extravegent spending habits in Maryland were a bit out of character, then have me on hold for an HOUR until my PHONE DIED in the shoe store without releasing the hold on my account... well, I might be seeking out a branch in Jersey before I find a pamper place.
I will say though, especially to Curmudgeon, that I now have a GREAT outfit for a New Years celebration (hhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttt).
The only thing that sucks so far is that 1) I haven't applied for a job yet and I'll be away from a computer until Wednesday so I'd better do it, well, NOW, midnight before I have to be up at 7am to catch my ride out of here, and 2) that I've had the strangest expectation of de ja vu all day today... like everything is set for me to 'remember' having a conversation that just has no reason to be here with these people or even in my head at all since I can't 'recall' enough of it to get it started and out of my head... so I just keep living in this partial haze of being an onlooker of what is going on and wanting this ah-hah moment that really just isn't going to come.
Vacations ROCK. I don't care where I stay or with who or how crazy it is to go to a xxx store looking for garter belts or teddys with the wife of the guy who promised to ravage me on sight since the first day we chatted while he went for a cup of coffee and she handed me items to try on... it's new and different and a break from the normal day-to-day and I will be using all my vacation days I acrew anywhere ASAP - and I urge you to do the same.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Vacation, Day One
Yesterday doesn't count, I was on a plane all day. Though the location I landed in is absolutely magnificent in it's floiage, and dinner at the local steak house was delightful, it was still a travel day and really much less of a vaction than, say, waiting in line is what you go to Disneyland for.
So, day one was spent in bed. I was hollered at around 3:30pm and asked if I was planning on getting out of bed at all... I woke up a few times, but prefered to roll over and write in my journal or read in my book or simply stare out the window at the branch of leaves where one half is bright red and the other side is still healthy green... I showered, but the only clean clothes I had upstairs with me were my PJs, so I came down clean and in my jammies and was handed a breakfast lean pocket and a cup of coffee at nearly 5pm.
I listened to a bit of the financial channel, then when the coffee started making my feet twitch I asked to get online and am now checking emails and job postings and apartment listings and making sure all my mailers get to my sister's address until further notice.
And, as Shoes suggested, I'm feeling quite reserved from the world. The house is literally covered by trees, they have lived here since 1973 so there is a very lived in feel to the rooms (not what I'm used to since the apartment I just moved out of had absolutely everything replaces or freshly painted over the day we moved in), and the people are simply from a different frame of mind, for 23405245809280 reasons, than anyone I'm used to spending any real time with, and all of this has me very much out of my norm, and quite well poised to facilitate stepping out of myself and taking a good look at what I want to be doing... instead of hiding in my comfort zone and whining about not wanting to leave.
More soon...
So, day one was spent in bed. I was hollered at around 3:30pm and asked if I was planning on getting out of bed at all... I woke up a few times, but prefered to roll over and write in my journal or read in my book or simply stare out the window at the branch of leaves where one half is bright red and the other side is still healthy green... I showered, but the only clean clothes I had upstairs with me were my PJs, so I came down clean and in my jammies and was handed a breakfast lean pocket and a cup of coffee at nearly 5pm.
I listened to a bit of the financial channel, then when the coffee started making my feet twitch I asked to get online and am now checking emails and job postings and apartment listings and making sure all my mailers get to my sister's address until further notice.
And, as Shoes suggested, I'm feeling quite reserved from the world. The house is literally covered by trees, they have lived here since 1973 so there is a very lived in feel to the rooms (not what I'm used to since the apartment I just moved out of had absolutely everything replaces or freshly painted over the day we moved in), and the people are simply from a different frame of mind, for 23405245809280 reasons, than anyone I'm used to spending any real time with, and all of this has me very much out of my norm, and quite well poised to facilitate stepping out of myself and taking a good look at what I want to be doing... instead of hiding in my comfort zone and whining about not wanting to leave.
More soon...
Friday, September 28, 2007
Fired
It was nicely, and they are giving me a kind of severence, but I was fired this morning.
I'm having a hard time wording the "I'm giving 2 weeks" letter, but I'm sure something will pop out.
It's entertaining at this point, the shock has worn off and I'm looking at all the things that I can shred and use as packing materials.
I'm set to move out of the apartment this weekend, board a plane Tuesday for a 2 week vacation, and try to decide if I want to return to So Cal at the end of it or not.
I could stay local, but I might as well bail, right??
I'm having a hard time wording the "I'm giving 2 weeks" letter, but I'm sure something will pop out.
It's entertaining at this point, the shock has worn off and I'm looking at all the things that I can shred and use as packing materials.
I'm set to move out of the apartment this weekend, board a plane Tuesday for a 2 week vacation, and try to decide if I want to return to So Cal at the end of it or not.
I could stay local, but I might as well bail, right??
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Miscommunication
The word of the day.
Absolutely defines what I have been busying myself with for the past 4 hours.
I was going to plow through my work this morning and skip lunch break and leave early to deal with some of the details of moving that require before-5pm attention, but as it stands I was having conversations that every one of my other office staff had with clients because "somehow I just think it isn't getting through and I've talked to you the most over the past few weeks and just feel better telling you directly because I want you to not miss anything I've told your partners". A good hour of my morning was spent getting someone to the right place because a message was left at her home last night asking her to report to work - come to find out the name of the place wasn't part of that message so we had her 25 miles in the wrong direction - when I tried to get some information out of the person who I thought would have it, I was told to let it sit and have a meeting instead of working out the details; 30 minutes later I have an embarrassed worker at the wrong office and the office staff wondering what kind of organization she is working with if we are sending people to the wrong place - all the while an office across the county is left wondering why they asked for our help and it's not there.
Miscommunication. Definately the word of the day.
Absolutely defines what I have been busying myself with for the past 4 hours.
I was going to plow through my work this morning and skip lunch break and leave early to deal with some of the details of moving that require before-5pm attention, but as it stands I was having conversations that every one of my other office staff had with clients because "somehow I just think it isn't getting through and I've talked to you the most over the past few weeks and just feel better telling you directly because I want you to not miss anything I've told your partners". A good hour of my morning was spent getting someone to the right place because a message was left at her home last night asking her to report to work - come to find out the name of the place wasn't part of that message so we had her 25 miles in the wrong direction - when I tried to get some information out of the person who I thought would have it, I was told to let it sit and have a meeting instead of working out the details; 30 minutes later I have an embarrassed worker at the wrong office and the office staff wondering what kind of organization she is working with if we are sending people to the wrong place - all the while an office across the county is left wondering why they asked for our help and it's not there.
Miscommunication. Definately the word of the day.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Tweak
I've been called a lot of things, but never did I think I'd ever be the kind of girl who could be called "crackhead" and have it apply.
I didn't clue in to chew gum until well into day two... I'm on a liquid diet until further notice only because I'm well on my way to a snap-diagnosis of TMJ and the dentist will be ripping my mouth open on Thursday.
Side note - I'm looking into laptops and digi cams at the same time I get a catalog for a Pleasure Party across my desk at work. I'm going on a major 2 week vacation in a week and moving this weekend and apparently I'm dead set on blowing a shitload of money... nothing like 2 all-nighters to get you thinking you need everything under the sun in your posession =) But, I don't do shopping very well at all, so I've been a bit of a pest about referrals for these items... also, I need a great dress for a dinner in NYC at a place that used to have a great view of WTC - if anyone can think of where I'm being taken (it's a birthday surprise!!!) and how to appropriately dressed (black cocktail dress was mentioned, mine is a bit hussy though) and where I can find a dress (maybe in NYC???) that mere mortals can afford (and shoes to go with???), I'd be more than appreciative!
I nearly forgot my word of the day - onetouchcumable.
That was my physical state for about an hour today, verified when Aunt Flo demanded I stop looking at the party catalog and dislodge the sopping wet cotton rocket and give her one SHE could use. I like how it is one word but says so much.
I didn't clue in to chew gum until well into day two... I'm on a liquid diet until further notice only because I'm well on my way to a snap-diagnosis of TMJ and the dentist will be ripping my mouth open on Thursday.
Side note - I'm looking into laptops and digi cams at the same time I get a catalog for a Pleasure Party across my desk at work. I'm going on a major 2 week vacation in a week and moving this weekend and apparently I'm dead set on blowing a shitload of money... nothing like 2 all-nighters to get you thinking you need everything under the sun in your posession =) But, I don't do shopping very well at all, so I've been a bit of a pest about referrals for these items... also, I need a great dress for a dinner in NYC at a place that used to have a great view of WTC - if anyone can think of where I'm being taken (it's a birthday surprise!!!) and how to appropriately dressed (black cocktail dress was mentioned, mine is a bit hussy though) and where I can find a dress (maybe in NYC???) that mere mortals can afford (and shoes to go with???), I'd be more than appreciative!
I nearly forgot my word of the day - onetouchcumable.
That was my physical state for about an hour today, verified when Aunt Flo demanded I stop looking at the party catalog and dislodge the sopping wet cotton rocket and give her one SHE could use. I like how it is one word but says so much.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
new favorite word
perhaps if I stop trying to make every post a soul search, I'll get here more often.
so, today, I offer my new favorite word: twatmonster.
typically used as a nicname, it can also become an adjective if I'm so inclined.
feel free to drop this into you adult conversations and watch te creativity ensue.
=)
so, today, I offer my new favorite word: twatmonster.
typically used as a nicname, it can also become an adjective if I'm so inclined.
feel free to drop this into you adult conversations and watch te creativity ensue.
=)
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Been a While
I know, I hear you, but I like not being in front of the computer all the time!
Well, more like, I like being asked to WORK at work and not being able to fill my time with meandering thoughts that leave my fingertips callused.
Whatever, this is what I've been up to:
--Made a big splash at work, got my entire office into the black, so that when my boss and her boss went in front of a panel of the next 5 levels of whip-slashers, they were told to take a coffee break. I will make approximately $333 for my efforts - before taxes.
--Got laid. Sticky situation, but it was really good, and he is all sucked up on me now, telling me that I am just a genuine person with a warm disposition that he finds rare enough to finagle a way back into my area to be around. Could be trouble, but for now, its a new friend and a reason to remember the good parts of being a woman - namely Fuck Me Heels and how to walk in them properly.
--Put Sister in her place a bit, aired my greivances, told her where I feel taken advantage of, and that I won't put up with this disrespect anymore. Its a more mellow kind of hanging out now, but we aren't avoiding each other anymore, and I haven't had to sleep in my car for a couple of weeks just to get some rest, so that's better.
--Still fighting with the security of my home. Sister found the door open again last week and the property managers can't be bother to return phone calls or be in the office EVER, so we've put in work orders for this and that and aren't paying rent until we get someone to talk to us. =) Being a bitch is sometimes a most addicting kind of delicious =)
--I've got a boy. Young, clueless, almost yummy, but mostly someone to cuddle with whenever I feel like it. Too bad for him I got a man to fuck the ever liven back into me, or I might put up with his LITERAL 2-pump-chump-ness (picture 'American Pie', but instead of the embarassment, it was 'wow, you are good'. I simply can't find a way to show you what a disappointment this is). He buys me dinner when I tell him I'm hungry, he hired a new guy at his work so he can take time off just to take me to dinner, and he really likes me, doens't want to talk about my ideas of the east coast, but I simply am bored with him and have to talk myself into calling him. I might lower my standards and want to train this youngen soon, but since I never even had to potty train an animal, let alone train it to sit and stay, I'm kinda not predispositioned to putting up with "huh? repeat please."
--I'm seriously considering moving to the east coast - Baltimore, New York, New Jersey are my searches today. Having been born and raised in California, I'm a little impressed at how easy it is for me to imagine being there - and knowing that flights are the same price to take me from here to Reno or here to Portland (HI MOT!!!) or here to Baltimore... well, it makes it easier to daydream about since it doesn't feel like I'll be 3,000 miles away from anything remotely familiar. Plus, I've got some friends out that way who have birthdays coming up and its about time to say hi.
--I'm sick of wearing professional clothes. Am seriously wondering if this industry actually has the money they keep teasing me with, or if I should find a restaurant where I can wear the company logo on a Tshirt and whatever tennies I pick up at Costco and use the $50K my dad put into my teeth to make me prom queen to bring home the $$$$ in a job where I can have fun. Sales is alright, but if a deal goes bad at a restaurant, you're out $50, not keeping your team from hitting a revenue mark and having to remember for the next 2 years why that company won't talk to you ever again even though they'd already spent bukubucks with the company before you came along.
--Finally chumming up and making the doctors appointments. Surely this will be a process, to get to talk to everyone I need to about this and that thing I need checked out, but the statement of what I've spent this year to have the opportunity to go is pissing me off to the point that the fear of them finding something serious (or just annoying but incurable) is taking a back seat. I'm very good at the "what you don't know can't hurt you" and the Darwinian theory meshed together when it comes to medical care... but I have a solid group of care-about-me friends and its time to listen to them boss me around a bit and conceed that maybe I don't know EVERYTHING about everything, even if it is contained in my very own skin sack.
I guess thats about that's on my mind these days - I rock at this job but need to start making money to at least buy a new suit to pull it off, I'm looking at nationwide opportunities to change things up a bit, and in the mean time I've got leftovers from dinner last night with the youngen with a twitch in my britches for someone else.
Of course the day-by-day playbook is SO much more fun that this, but if I can keep up from here, I'll get on it =)
Well, more like, I like being asked to WORK at work and not being able to fill my time with meandering thoughts that leave my fingertips callused.
Whatever, this is what I've been up to:
--Made a big splash at work, got my entire office into the black, so that when my boss and her boss went in front of a panel of the next 5 levels of whip-slashers, they were told to take a coffee break. I will make approximately $333 for my efforts - before taxes.
--Got laid. Sticky situation, but it was really good, and he is all sucked up on me now, telling me that I am just a genuine person with a warm disposition that he finds rare enough to finagle a way back into my area to be around. Could be trouble, but for now, its a new friend and a reason to remember the good parts of being a woman - namely Fuck Me Heels and how to walk in them properly.
--Put Sister in her place a bit, aired my greivances, told her where I feel taken advantage of, and that I won't put up with this disrespect anymore. Its a more mellow kind of hanging out now, but we aren't avoiding each other anymore, and I haven't had to sleep in my car for a couple of weeks just to get some rest, so that's better.
--Still fighting with the security of my home. Sister found the door open again last week and the property managers can't be bother to return phone calls or be in the office EVER, so we've put in work orders for this and that and aren't paying rent until we get someone to talk to us. =) Being a bitch is sometimes a most addicting kind of delicious =)
--I've got a boy. Young, clueless, almost yummy, but mostly someone to cuddle with whenever I feel like it. Too bad for him I got a man to fuck the ever liven back into me, or I might put up with his LITERAL 2-pump-chump-ness (picture 'American Pie', but instead of the embarassment, it was 'wow, you are good'. I simply can't find a way to show you what a disappointment this is). He buys me dinner when I tell him I'm hungry, he hired a new guy at his work so he can take time off just to take me to dinner, and he really likes me, doens't want to talk about my ideas of the east coast, but I simply am bored with him and have to talk myself into calling him. I might lower my standards and want to train this youngen soon, but since I never even had to potty train an animal, let alone train it to sit and stay, I'm kinda not predispositioned to putting up with "huh? repeat please."
--I'm seriously considering moving to the east coast - Baltimore, New York, New Jersey are my searches today. Having been born and raised in California, I'm a little impressed at how easy it is for me to imagine being there - and knowing that flights are the same price to take me from here to Reno or here to Portland (HI MOT!!!) or here to Baltimore... well, it makes it easier to daydream about since it doesn't feel like I'll be 3,000 miles away from anything remotely familiar. Plus, I've got some friends out that way who have birthdays coming up and its about time to say hi.
--I'm sick of wearing professional clothes. Am seriously wondering if this industry actually has the money they keep teasing me with, or if I should find a restaurant where I can wear the company logo on a Tshirt and whatever tennies I pick up at Costco and use the $50K my dad put into my teeth to make me prom queen to bring home the $$$$ in a job where I can have fun. Sales is alright, but if a deal goes bad at a restaurant, you're out $50, not keeping your team from hitting a revenue mark and having to remember for the next 2 years why that company won't talk to you ever again even though they'd already spent bukubucks with the company before you came along.
--Finally chumming up and making the doctors appointments. Surely this will be a process, to get to talk to everyone I need to about this and that thing I need checked out, but the statement of what I've spent this year to have the opportunity to go is pissing me off to the point that the fear of them finding something serious (or just annoying but incurable) is taking a back seat. I'm very good at the "what you don't know can't hurt you" and the Darwinian theory meshed together when it comes to medical care... but I have a solid group of care-about-me friends and its time to listen to them boss me around a bit and conceed that maybe I don't know EVERYTHING about everything, even if it is contained in my very own skin sack.
I guess thats about that's on my mind these days - I rock at this job but need to start making money to at least buy a new suit to pull it off, I'm looking at nationwide opportunities to change things up a bit, and in the mean time I've got leftovers from dinner last night with the youngen with a twitch in my britches for someone else.
Of course the day-by-day playbook is SO much more fun that this, but if I can keep up from here, I'll get on it =)
Thursday, July 12, 2007
The Softer Side of Sassy
Today's Quote
We know nothing of tomorrow, our business is to be good and happy today.
-Sydney Smith
I get these in my email, I kinda like them for the perspective they tend to lend.
In a chat with Curmudgeon, I realized that right this minute, I am not bitching, and decided that was document worthy!
Work is work, but the pressure to double the weekly goal that I acheived as a sole effort on TUESDAY is totally self imposed, the sun is shining and I've got the windows open so I'm feeling a bit more alive with the natural light pouring in (plus I can see the ocean from my office, so while the phone rings I spin around in my chair and stare at the deep blue sea, waiting for the afternoon white caps to start appearing any moment now), the cat was normal and polite this morning so I didn't start the day with profanity labels, and my body is in a delightful state of worked out and nourished without being sore or starved that has an obvious benifit on my personality. Can one really live on nutritional suppliments and fresh fruit alone, forever?? Cuz I kinda like not worrying whats for lunch these days...
Speaking of, I'm off to enjoy the sunshine, have a smile today, or borrow mine, I've got plenty!
We know nothing of tomorrow, our business is to be good and happy today.
-Sydney Smith
I get these in my email, I kinda like them for the perspective they tend to lend.
In a chat with Curmudgeon, I realized that right this minute, I am not bitching, and decided that was document worthy!
Work is work, but the pressure to double the weekly goal that I acheived as a sole effort on TUESDAY is totally self imposed, the sun is shining and I've got the windows open so I'm feeling a bit more alive with the natural light pouring in (plus I can see the ocean from my office, so while the phone rings I spin around in my chair and stare at the deep blue sea, waiting for the afternoon white caps to start appearing any moment now), the cat was normal and polite this morning so I didn't start the day with profanity labels, and my body is in a delightful state of worked out and nourished without being sore or starved that has an obvious benifit on my personality. Can one really live on nutritional suppliments and fresh fruit alone, forever?? Cuz I kinda like not worrying whats for lunch these days...
Speaking of, I'm off to enjoy the sunshine, have a smile today, or borrow mine, I've got plenty!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Shit
Waking up 45 minutes late because Sister has spent the last few nights at Double Dip's and I am accustomed to waking up to a rukkus.
Well, Shit.
OK though, I've developed a new hair style that REQUIRES that I neither brush nor dry my hair before leaving the house, and I've got the War Paint (read: face of makeup) down to a 5 minute science and I've been wearing the same outfits to work for longer than I care to admit (read: YEARS, all new clothes are Saturday wear).
So, I'm a little sore from the cat sleeping on me and my back wearing an extra 10 pounds through the night but I am getting out of the house with 10 minutes to get 7 minutes up the street and I eek a little when I bend over to grab my shoes and wonder what hell-atious dump the cat took that the multiple cat box and litter to herself can't mask even a bit of the stench and I look up to the cream microfiber chair I was going to sit in to put my shoes on and its covered in shit.
Covered. In Shit.
So I turn to find the cat and repremand her for, you know, having a regular BM, and find that she was so upset at her behavior that she puked ALL OVER the living room.
All. Over.
So, yeah, morning didn't start well.
I roll into work with a swirl of leaves in the wake of my path (literally, actually, not blow'n smoke at ya this time) and in the elevator turn my phone to vibrate to find a text from Front Desk saying "I'm coming in maybe an hour late, can you turn the phones on?" with one of those obnoxious signature lines with smiles and decorations all over it.
Oh, and I started a diet plan Monday to reset my metabolism and break the sugar roller coaster I spend my days on, so on top of all that, I'm hungry.
Really, really hungry.
No shakes or headaches, but my stomach is bored and tells me about it.
Minute by minute updates, especially in the morning.
So, I'm a bit sore from the gym, resetting my metabolism, aching for a lude to let me fall off the wall I'm climbing, frustrated that I woke up thinking "I am going to double the weekly goal this week, and I'm going to get at least 50% credit on every order, so that means my vacation in October won't rape my checkbook the way I thought..." and I'm now here, looking around for my manager, wondering "who the fuck signed me up for this shit??"
I guess I did.
Well, Shit.
Well, Shit.
OK though, I've developed a new hair style that REQUIRES that I neither brush nor dry my hair before leaving the house, and I've got the War Paint (read: face of makeup) down to a 5 minute science and I've been wearing the same outfits to work for longer than I care to admit (read: YEARS, all new clothes are Saturday wear).
So, I'm a little sore from the cat sleeping on me and my back wearing an extra 10 pounds through the night but I am getting out of the house with 10 minutes to get 7 minutes up the street and I eek a little when I bend over to grab my shoes and wonder what hell-atious dump the cat took that the multiple cat box and litter to herself can't mask even a bit of the stench and I look up to the cream microfiber chair I was going to sit in to put my shoes on and its covered in shit.
Covered. In Shit.
So I turn to find the cat and repremand her for, you know, having a regular BM, and find that she was so upset at her behavior that she puked ALL OVER the living room.
All. Over.
So, yeah, morning didn't start well.
I roll into work with a swirl of leaves in the wake of my path (literally, actually, not blow'n smoke at ya this time) and in the elevator turn my phone to vibrate to find a text from Front Desk saying "I'm coming in maybe an hour late, can you turn the phones on?" with one of those obnoxious signature lines with smiles and decorations all over it.
Oh, and I started a diet plan Monday to reset my metabolism and break the sugar roller coaster I spend my days on, so on top of all that, I'm hungry.
Really, really hungry.
No shakes or headaches, but my stomach is bored and tells me about it.
Minute by minute updates, especially in the morning.
So, I'm a bit sore from the gym, resetting my metabolism, aching for a lude to let me fall off the wall I'm climbing, frustrated that I woke up thinking "I am going to double the weekly goal this week, and I'm going to get at least 50% credit on every order, so that means my vacation in October won't rape my checkbook the way I thought..." and I'm now here, looking around for my manager, wondering "who the fuck signed me up for this shit??"
I guess I did.
Well, Shit.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Broken
my phone is broken.
it worked fine this morning, alarm clock going, still had my unchecked voicemail indicator on, let me know what time it was when I left the house... I pulled in the work parking lot and turned the ringer to vibrate and put it back in my purse where it sits every day.
at lunch, I pulled it out to see if I could find out if my partner plans to return to her post only to find it dead.
"well, this is new. usually if it presses a button I show that I'm trying to dial ####00000###00#0##00#0#"
I try the usual tricks, take out the battery, blow off the sim card... resign to standing in line at the local shop where they have no way to test what is wrong and the best affirmation I could get was "electical devices, you never know, but if you want to see the upgraded model over here..."
apparently a 2 year contract comes with absolutely no expectation that the phone might hold out as long as the bills do.
so here I sit, hopeful that somewhere I can find a way to check voicemails and text messages without my trusty sidekick to guide me.
and in the car is my gym bag, to accompany the new healthy lifestyle complete with a full regime of fiber shakes and protein bars and whatever fruit I want to fill out my regular eating schedule... and no iTunes phone to join me on the cruisade toward baggy clothing.
The clencher... Double Dip was over last night and asked me for the umpteenth time "have you ever had any trouble with this phone? I had to switch this one out like 6 times before I gave up and paid for a new phone..."
Damn Murphy's Law and my reply of "nope, never, you ask me that every time..." and I didn't knock on wood.
it worked fine this morning, alarm clock going, still had my unchecked voicemail indicator on, let me know what time it was when I left the house... I pulled in the work parking lot and turned the ringer to vibrate and put it back in my purse where it sits every day.
at lunch, I pulled it out to see if I could find out if my partner plans to return to her post only to find it dead.
"well, this is new. usually if it presses a button I show that I'm trying to dial ####00000###00#0##00#0#"
I try the usual tricks, take out the battery, blow off the sim card... resign to standing in line at the local shop where they have no way to test what is wrong and the best affirmation I could get was "electical devices, you never know, but if you want to see the upgraded model over here..."
apparently a 2 year contract comes with absolutely no expectation that the phone might hold out as long as the bills do.
so here I sit, hopeful that somewhere I can find a way to check voicemails and text messages without my trusty sidekick to guide me.
and in the car is my gym bag, to accompany the new healthy lifestyle complete with a full regime of fiber shakes and protein bars and whatever fruit I want to fill out my regular eating schedule... and no iTunes phone to join me on the cruisade toward baggy clothing.
The clencher... Double Dip was over last night and asked me for the umpteenth time "have you ever had any trouble with this phone? I had to switch this one out like 6 times before I gave up and paid for a new phone..."
Damn Murphy's Law and my reply of "nope, never, you ask me that every time..." and I didn't knock on wood.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Vacation Blows
I've said it before.
My family pisses me off.
I know I said I wouldn't go back, so I was asking for it by adding the home town to the trip.
It was for the grandparents though, and that part went well, and the visit to the cemetary was a highlight, I didn't realize it had been 4.5 years since my mom died until I put my hand on the gravestone.
And the local fruit and veggie chips, that almost made it worth my car falling apart while I'm driving down the highway.
But add on top of the 1300 miles in 4 days "vacation" complete with forgetting the toothbrush and frizzy hair and moving the painters tarp off the bed to go to sleep and watching my 48 year old father not be able to stay awake at 3pm while his 2 daughters sit in front of him at his work that the work place has been nothing but adrenaline inducing crises and clean ups and wondering what actually DID get done while I was away for the 15 work hours I wasn't here. To be thrown to the wolves while both my immediate managers bailed for the majority of the morning yesterday and leave me with no one to ask "huh??" to, on top of the post holiday rush, on top of the rage I was trying to quell from the "vacation"...
Lets put it this way, I've chosen a new hair style based on what I can put together without a blowdryer, brush, comb, or hairspray. Luckily, my coworkers love the funky half wavy tossed up with chopsticks look just as much as my morning schedule hates the 7 minutes it was taking me to actually DO my hair... and the headaches are noticeably subdued without the yank and pull of an actual ponytail or bun.
Its all about the silver lining here folks, stay with me.
So, today, I reconnected as a person with my front desk chick, took 7 orders from companies before 10am, fired 3 people, got 3 people interviews, had a month long fight with red tape give way... been a good productive day, I think I'll have some of the chocolate birthday cake that will be thrown out at the end of the day to celebrate my ability to be an absolute nightmare of complaints and whining and jealousy and anger and indeciciveness at home and a delightful competent coherent and totally professional workaholic at the office!!
Oh, and next week I start the Restart diet with the low glycemic shakes and prefab protein bars and water as the only liquid and all that to see if I can look at my clothes with buttons without cringing anytime before, say, the next shorts-and-tank holiday (or my birthday that I expect to spend between some sheets in Wales)... just as a heads up, its meant to kinda detox and refresh my starting point but in the mean time there may be a bit of extra crankiness.
The beer and wine and vodka hasn't been cheering me up, I figure I can't get much worse than the daily hangover even if I am starving and/or withering away.
Updates as soon as I get 2 more minutes to myself...
My family pisses me off.
I know I said I wouldn't go back, so I was asking for it by adding the home town to the trip.
It was for the grandparents though, and that part went well, and the visit to the cemetary was a highlight, I didn't realize it had been 4.5 years since my mom died until I put my hand on the gravestone.
And the local fruit and veggie chips, that almost made it worth my car falling apart while I'm driving down the highway.
But add on top of the 1300 miles in 4 days "vacation" complete with forgetting the toothbrush and frizzy hair and moving the painters tarp off the bed to go to sleep and watching my 48 year old father not be able to stay awake at 3pm while his 2 daughters sit in front of him at his work that the work place has been nothing but adrenaline inducing crises and clean ups and wondering what actually DID get done while I was away for the 15 work hours I wasn't here. To be thrown to the wolves while both my immediate managers bailed for the majority of the morning yesterday and leave me with no one to ask "huh??" to, on top of the post holiday rush, on top of the rage I was trying to quell from the "vacation"...
Lets put it this way, I've chosen a new hair style based on what I can put together without a blowdryer, brush, comb, or hairspray. Luckily, my coworkers love the funky half wavy tossed up with chopsticks look just as much as my morning schedule hates the 7 minutes it was taking me to actually DO my hair... and the headaches are noticeably subdued without the yank and pull of an actual ponytail or bun.
Its all about the silver lining here folks, stay with me.
So, today, I reconnected as a person with my front desk chick, took 7 orders from companies before 10am, fired 3 people, got 3 people interviews, had a month long fight with red tape give way... been a good productive day, I think I'll have some of the chocolate birthday cake that will be thrown out at the end of the day to celebrate my ability to be an absolute nightmare of complaints and whining and jealousy and anger and indeciciveness at home and a delightful competent coherent and totally professional workaholic at the office!!
Oh, and next week I start the Restart diet with the low glycemic shakes and prefab protein bars and water as the only liquid and all that to see if I can look at my clothes with buttons without cringing anytime before, say, the next shorts-and-tank holiday (or my birthday that I expect to spend between some sheets in Wales)... just as a heads up, its meant to kinda detox and refresh my starting point but in the mean time there may be a bit of extra crankiness.
The beer and wine and vodka hasn't been cheering me up, I figure I can't get much worse than the daily hangover even if I am starving and/or withering away.
Updates as soon as I get 2 more minutes to myself...
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