Suck

I know, there is no actual excuse to use my blog just to keep a blogroll handy.
I've had a birthday, a cross country trip, an actual vacation complete with calling out sick the day I was set to go back to the office, I've had guys give me their business cards to call them, I've lost touch with a handful of "friends", I've had a nervous breakdown and am currently avoiding finding local doctors to update my blog... I've put on 10 lbs since the last entry, had a meeting with my manager begin with "you don't seem happy here", confirmed that there is no where else to go and I got rocked royally hard on this deal that was supposed to further my career, I've made friends with the bartender too far for the rest of my coworkers to find on a lunchbreak, and the bodega clerks on my way home. I've commited to spend a rent's worth of money to go on another vacation and when the party I was to meet canceled on me due to a suicide in the family, I tried retail therapy, which was exciting while the card swiped but a short 2 hours later I was ready to go home and crawl into bed instead of go pick it up (I felt kinda better seeing my nwe furniture purchase this morning, all lined up where I usually put the trash to take out, but not OH NOW I'M BETTER better). My Netflix only come once a week even with the upgrade because my mail carrier still won't take them back for me, and when I bring them to work I forget them in my desk for 2 days, so I'm bored kinda all the time, to the point the farmer's market guy let me know the labels have his cell number on them and I can call him for recipes anytime - you'd think it was an invitation to chat, but no.

Anyway, I've been busy hating my existance and trying to cope in ways I know are detrimental to the overall progress of my life, but it's bugging me to see blogger remind me that I used to derive a sense of joy from posting and I haven't updated in over a month (to my credit I didn't sit at a computer but once for 2 full weeks of October, and even that one wouldn't let me on the site, but still). So, here's a post, to track the decline of all things satisfactory and add to the doldrom whining of the blog world. Maybe if I get laid I'll cheer up? Didn't work last week, but I'm told next time we can try something new...

Birthday Plans

Jersey boys have a certain easy switch that I hit just by being me.

Case in point, the neighbor man (could be my granddad) rang my door bell last night just to have someone to hang with on the front porch. He ordered us a pizza, we hung out for a good two hours, were joined by the guy who lives below my apartment who wouldn't take my "no thanks, I'm good" when he asked if I wanted a brew from the store - he came back with two and handed me one. So then he and I were chatting into the evening, I was glad he was getting tired, he'd been at the hospital for 2 days straight and was there the moment his dad passed away, but something tells me he didn't go to sleep even at midnight when we went to our respective houses.
So this morning I get my bell rung again, it's the older guy asking if I want to take him up on his offer to go to Atlantic City for the day. Knowing I really don't have any money to eat with, let alone play with, and that I had stuff to do for the day, I wasn't accepting last night, and put him off this morning... so his son was going to be doing the driving, I get my bell rung when he was on his way to make sure I didn't want to just get in the car when he came, was asked to wait out front with him til the car showed... so then I'm meeting the son, who I happened to know was going to be bringing his girl on the trip (not his wife, his girl) and as I'm still turning them down with every excuse in the book, they are both agreeing with me that it's not a good time for me to go as they talk about how well I'll eat and how easy it will be for me to get to work in the morning... this player of a son then hears me say "maybe some other time, when I can plan for it" for the 12th time and decides maybe in 2 weeks it'll be better... so I finally get them to leave, the son goes in for the hug when I shake his hand and then gives me the wink before he lets the handshake go, and apparently I'm going to Atlantic City the weekend before my birthday. =)

Trouble with any of it is, well, there's a lot of trouble there, but I decided if I turned down the trip for today I might as well do what I told them I had to do, so here I am at the office and it is literally 90 degrees in here - absolutely no way I can even breathe, let alone concentrate on work. Perhaps when the sun goes down it will chill out a bit, I hear the vents going, but they must be on fan instead of AC because, dayum. So much for that, I guess I'm off to the laundromat instead. I know I forgot my book, maybe the TV will be on?? The walk in the park was lovely though, so I guess 2 of the 3 items on today's To Do getting done isn't too bad, right?

Dude

Is not going well.

Full moon = no sleep = restless zombie like behavior = crankiness to all collections departments I have to wait on hold for an hour a day to talk to.

House has visitors. I'm ready to put pest control fees as a line item on my check for rent and deducting the difference. Receipts have been saved.

Job is not likable. Almost aggressively avoiding the work I don't want to do, maybe next week I'll point out I'm not doing it and remind them of all the reasons I didn't take the promotion offered 4 months ago - and why these job items belong to that position I turned down and not this one I accepted.

Commute is the pits. Almost livable now that the first day of school traffic has subsided a bit, but there are only 2 ways of my hill, I only drive one because it drops me right onto the street I work on and I refuse to circle the entire city just to get off my new brakes. Morning radio shows help, but they catch up on their commercial breaks by the time I'm in the car, so my 25 minutes has 2 sets of their standard "pay the bills" montage.

My postman has decided not to take my Netflix back for me. Twice in two weeks I've come home to find them still there. As this is my only form of fresh entertainment, I'm getting pretty impressed with how much fun I can have feeding the fish, dusting the electronics, and dancing like I'm on drugs I can't afford to CDs I haven't listened to in years.

Boys are decidedly lacking. You wouldn't know it by the texts, calls, emails, and cock-suck count for the month, however, take my word for it, if I had cable, I wouldn't bother. It's pure boredom keeping them in my phonebook, and half of them know it.

My haircut sucks. It's constantly in my face. I'm using the work headset as a headband if I don't have time to lock it back and spray it into a helmet.

I have to find flights that work with my timetable to go to CA in a month, I do not want to have to pay some chick at a customer service call center $20 to see the schedule in a usable way to do this. I also want to book miles to the meager account balance I started to build this time last year.

I prefer being naked lately, I'm having a very hard time keeping my clothes on much past 6:30pm Sometimes I start in the car. Sometimes I start at lunch. As I've successfully avoided doing laundry for an incredible amount of time now (I've lived in this apartment for nearly 2 full months and been to the laundromat once, I'm thinking well over a month ago), the wardrobe is proving that loosing 10lbs opens up quite a few options, and that underthings are often optional. As the weather is cooling, I'm finding I have to have clothes on at home, and this makes me cranky, as all my scrubbies and PJ's were big on me last year and I guess I've actually lost 20 lbs since then, tripping on my pants while carrying dinner to the table has become my practice of either a dance/yoga stretch twist move, or I'm planning to be part of a football team and this will be my diversionary tactic.

I've apparently decided being a bitch is alright. I don't offer a cheery hello to the masses at the office, I don't sugar coat my "I asked you that 2 days ago, you gave me the opposite answer, there is nothing I can do about it now" or the "there must be another way, you go find it, I'm busy right now" retorts that have become more common than "hello" and "thank you" in my vocabulary.

I live on farmers market food alone these days. I almost bought a family sized case of chicken cutlets and fish fillets last night just to avoid the grocery store that much longer, but didn't have $50 on me for it. I'm worried eggs and nuts won't satisfy my protein needs, but I'm willing to give it a few days of getting sandwiches and burgers from the local food joints and seeing if I can meet social and nutritional needs this way. To wit, I've heard of people meeting people at the grocery store, I don't see how that is possible if they don't see me enough to consistently run me over with with their cart, but at a restaurant, luncheonette, or farmers market I get noticed at least enough to ask what is up with the daily specials or the purple bell pepper, and this means I'm happy to drain my wallet of all it's cash to foster this experience.

My lunch break is over and I've been on hold with the same numbers every lunch and every dinner for the past 2 weeks, I'm learning why it's so easy for me to job jump without being unemployed. I'm going to go back to my desk and listen to the people behind me spew false information and backward processes and wonder how they are still employed.

Jersey, phase 3.0

Tomorrow is my last day in the Midtown office.
I'll be starting at the office I can almost see from my house after the holiday weekend.
The job I'm expecting when I get there has changed 3 times in the 3 weeks I've know about my going there.
This, matched with the phase of the moon and the status of my bank account and the low of being single/alone and how my belly is full of baby makin goods that just need to vacate ASAP, has brought me to tears in the last few hours.

It'll be fine. It always is. Knowing this somehow isn't consoling.
I kinda wanted roots. Finally. But this news, in hindsight, is the minute I quite unpacking.
Nothing in life is permanent, but being in a constant state of broke from moving to keep up with it is wearing on me after a few years of it.

Let's thank jebus that I had the foresight to get a few 6 packs, a bottle of wine, and a bottle of vodka the last time I was at the drink shop, it might just get me through the weekend - or, I think my paycheck clears tomorrow, and with all the money I put in to my car, I can go find another drink shop who won't know I drank the mountain of booze I got last paycheck ;-)

Big Big Big Weekend

Loving how I wake up at 6:20am every day no matter what and can't find enough reason to get out of bed that early, so therefore hang in bed until I'm running quite late for my day, whatever it might hold for me.
Saturday was no different - I'd taken off early Friday to get my car jumped and the battery replaced, only to find that once they walked to my car and jumped it they promtly locked up shop, forgoing the chance I could sit at a laundromat and go grocery shopping in the morning and replacing it with the delight that is waiting for 2 hours for them to drop a new battery in your car. Not to be deterred from having a great, though malnourished and stinky morning, I packed my gym bag and grabbed my water bottle and headed south for what I am thinking is my last time, to use up what I can of the paid sessions with Bam Bam before my gym membership cancellation is finalized.
An hour of workout with 45 minutes of chatting later, and I basically wait for Bam Bam to be distracted before asking if he'd mind some company on his lunch break (knowing he was meant to eat half an hour before) and when he hesitated (due to distraction) I said "great, lemme change, let's go, we are both running on fumes". He looked over and said "not that place next door we went last week, I know a better place out toward my house". He got a full body nudge, I was ready to accept defeat when he wasn't waiting by the front door, was deceptively calm when he emerged in a tank top, and we had a grand time sharing stories and french fries at the diner with crappy service very near his house.
It took him a few offerings, I could hear his heart beating from a solid 5 feet away, and that I only noticed when trying to hear something beyond his hurried breathing... I was not going to assume, he would have to directly invite me upstairs. This frustrated him a bit - apparently "alright, I'm going to take a shower" to the roomie in the living room we were standing in was meant to be enough - I stood at the bottom of the stairs until my "should I follow you" was met with a forceful "yes".
Strange how I'd thought of this happening for so many months, the girlfriend moving away, giving him a few weeks to get to that level of lonely and frustrated, haivng a few test runs of being outside the gym together... none of it lent to actually picturing the act. Kinda like how I knew I was meant for better, knew that would be at a job I enjoyed in a place of my own, but the details of either weren't important enough to include.
Of all that did happen, (which wasn't all that much, neither of us will be tallying another notch on the bedpost, but he walked out of the house in that very relieved strut men get when women have performed on their knees well) I remember the inception the most vividly. He was in the hallway between the bathroom and bedroom, I walked up behind him, thinking, well, not thinking anything really, maybe that I'd be directed to the bedroom while he freshened up? He turned around and took a step toward me and I reactively took a step backward, lost eye contact to watch his body coming at me, almost fearful in a way that nearly got me uttering "no" or "what are you doing". Instead, a kiss, that kind of kiss that you only get after you've know someone a while, the fruition of all that flirting, the crux of the release only when you remember to breathe and get to enjoy that it is actually happening, the excitement that it was worth all that wondering what it would be like, the joy that I wasn't there just to bow before him, that there was at least enough desire for me as a woman that he took this first chance we were together very alone to back me against the wall and suckle my bottom lip.
I hate him for it, the way he kept me there, the way he explored me, how he let me pull him close and then stayed there, his expertise in opening the door and backing me into the room, I didn't even open my eyes and he had me on my back on the bed, his one arm nearly lifting me entirely to lay me further up on the bed so he could lay against me. Oh for want of the shades to be closed, if it had been a bit darker we might have spent the entire afternoon in there... instead, I remembered how hesitant I was for this to ever happen, how I knew I'd miss him and this would only make it worse, his hand sliding up my skirt making me suddenly self conscious in a way I haven't felt in years - proof I care what he thinks, have heard his judgements, knowing I was already a goddess of the bedroom in his mind and that it would take only the slightest infraction to ruin that. I decided he'd earned some realization of the phrase he'd associated with me for many months now, I pushed him off of me, piled the sheets and pillows for him, took his pants with me as I slid to the ground, and tortured him in the way that is inherit in a first time together. I watched his eyes roll back with this or that method, I realized his inability to speak or even breathe if I were to maneuver in a certain way, thrilled that he'd let me kiss again, and that his hands were able to show me where he prefered my mouth be.
Only slightly awkward after, he let me sit with him while he de-wrinkled his shirt, was prompt with his promise to text me later, and the conversation last night was lighthearted.
This, however, is not the reason for the Big Big Big weekend.
And not that this was in any way directly related, except in the fact that he is my trainer and I hit a goal I'd set for my gym fees to be worth their auto withdrawl.
It started with a conversation in front of a US Atlas book about 9 years ago. I was serious with my boyfriend of about a year at the time, we were deciding on a road trip we could take. As the book is in alphabetical order, we were laughing at the idea of Alabama, Arkansas, driving from California to Connecticut... he flipped to Hawaii, and after the "remember that Disney futuristic idea of how we'd drive in a tunnel to islands or our cars would be hovercrafts for the occassion?" chat he got a bit serious about the idea. I don't remember a whole lot of conversations I had with that boy I was with for 3.5 years, but I distinctly remember looking him in the face and saying "when I weigh what you weigh, we can go to Hawaii." Even at that time it had been years since I'd been close to his poundage, his slender build kept so with the self loathing of the abused and the avoidance of family, and therefore any, dinner as often as possible. We'd been fattening me up with love and ice cream for months, winter rains helping the cause, and without high school forcing activity on me, I was begining to feel it.
Saturday marks the first time since I realized I felt heavy and uttered those words to him that I've hit that weight. I'll be honest, it was an afterthought, I was changing back into street clothes and saw the scale and thought "this'll be the last time I can measure on a real doctor's office style scale, and I've been using this one for the whole year, lets see if it's all in my head or if it will finally show on this damn thing". As I moved the little one further and further to the left, I realized the bar was still pegged, I slowed the push as I saw that number approaching, and when I passed it by 1/10th to get that bar to suspend in "this is you" confirmation, I felt my gut tighten and my eyes water and the grin and gasp combined to hurt my ears a bit.

So here I sit, my body happy, my mind feverishly replaying the feeling of his hand on my head, his kiss on my lip, the conversation at lunch, the conversation in front of that atlas book... I'm a little sad all over that I know I had to move across the country and slowly shed the people and their influence from my life to get my body to shed it's protective weight, I'm more than aware that my favorite friend chose the last session to invite me home and he won't be making special efforts for a repeat - he may not even let me put in the drive time to spend any kind of time together.

Enjoying my freedom at the office to sit in memory, realizing this is my last week here isn't helping relieve my sadness, the news has gotten around and my short timer's mentality is only worsened by everyone being so very nice to me all the time.
I'm dunking Oreo's in my coffee because I don't have any food here, I think it's time to go find an egg sandwich, malnourished is no way to be on the brink of heartbreak all over one's life.

Never a Dull Moment

I loved it all, went on vacation, came back to an enlightened sense of contentment... and now, just one week later, I'm staring down the last week of this version of bliss, as I've worked myself into being a great asset to the company and they asked me if I would take a promotion and I struggled with it for three laborious days but finally couldn't say no.

So, right, the 5 minute walk to the 22 minute train to the mile walk to the office is now changing to a 5 minute walk to the train station, 2 stops, then a walk across the building to my office.

No more forking over cash for the parking garage and agonizing about street parking where they sweep 4 times a week and I'd need to park on the right side or get booted, the company pays for a garage at the office, and with the train right there, I can use the car, bring it to work, leave it for 3 days, use it again...

A new team of people to sit with, a new kitchen to acclimate to, a new potty to pick my fave stall in.

Not that I haven't done it all before, but I'm just not ready to break up with Midtown, and I've made sure everyone knows it.

Notice the job itself doesn't play in this? I'm in denial. In fact, the new manager wants me to transfer, get to know the crew, let them see me and get to know me, then they won't hate me for getting the promotion. I don't know why, but when it comes down to it, I'll be doing the same job in a different office until the guy man's up and decides it's time to get an office manager named, then I'll get the title and $$ that I interviewed for.

I've had this job before. It gave me bipolar disorder and a drinking habit. I've told this to my current manager, who promptly spilled the beans about what may be happening in the next 4-8 months... that I got more excited about that than what I'll be doing in 2 weeks makes me sad for the office I'm going to in 2 weeks, because I'm already not wanting that job and half knowing I'll be asked to be part of the changes down the line... but, whatever, I'm being promoted, my car is taken care of, and the way my body likes to wake up at 7:30am, I'm ok with cutting my commute down to a solid 20 minutes.
That I am technically transfering is actually a load off, and honestly it wouldn't be the absolute worst if the current staff whines enough to get the promotion, as I really didn't enjoy my life when I had that job last time... love how I'm already making excuses??? yeah, me too!!

In other news, the house is more like a home since I nested all weekend. It now smells like all my cleaning products, I've loaded up the shelves I do have (committing them to their current location at least for now), and bought area rugs after furniture shopping all afternoon =) Also exciting, is my ability to make a mounded deliciously various salad for dinner every night, and to notice that the tag I ripped off my pants this morning is 2 full sizes (from 14 to 10, though I can't find an 11 to save my life these days) smaller than half my wardrobe... they are a stretchy material and we'll see how the afternoon bloat treats me, but yeah, I had to have a seat and take that in... no WONDER my skirt last week was spinning as I walked, it was WAY too big!
All in all, going very well over here. Let's hope it stays that way, because I can't afford cable quite yet, let alone a raging drinking habit ;)

A Quickie

I'm not buried under boxes.
I've not collapsed in exhaustion.
I didn't forgo grocery shopping to pay for my commute.

In fact, I've not felt this at home in years.
Honestly, since the house I shared with my mom.
And tonight, a week anniversary to be celebrated, I won't be sleeping in the place - I've had this weekend planned as an out of town vacation for months, and it just so happens that it is the capstone to the bliss that my world is coming together.
I love my job.
I love my commute to and from my job.
I love waking up.
I love coming home, and doing whatever I want whenever I want, my only worry being that if I fall in a reaction to spinning in the kitchen like a top, the neighbors will call for help and everyone will know I spend all my time in the place completely nude.
I really enjoyed making a salad on a clean counter, with my silverware, and putting it into a clean bowl - all without any effort beyond getting the goods out of the fridge.
I appreciated that I could lick the top off my Magic Brownies Ben and Jerry's pint until I couldn't reach the ice cream anymore, realizing I was sitting in the middle of the living room floor watching a movie with a spoon in one hand and the pint in the other - I put the spoon right back where it came from and was impressed at how much I could lick 'off the top'.

I'm doing really really really well, just not online at home is all - iPhone might be the fix to that, but the way the Jersey Boy downstairs is obviously smitten with me, I'm wondering how many reminders it'll take for him to scrounge up the password to his wireless network...
and now, to do the rest of the Friday Only reports, hit send on these emails I didn't want to send til the very end of the day, and get packing for my trip to see someone I knew before I moved to the east coast for the first time since I moved to the east coast. I'm preparing for a hungover weekend, starting about 9am tomorrow morning - details to come, if I can remember any.

HELP! I'm Insane!!!

I know what I have to do, but I'm just too exhausted of heart and mind to get excited or revolted or anything besides "I think logically this is a no brainer, but I can't find my logic..."

Let me preface by saying this all came after a great day missing all the traffic to get to work out with Bam Bam before an afternoon getting laid, then off to the mall to see if I could find some work pants that actually fit to find I'm in a totally different cut and one size smaller than whats in my closet, then a quick dinner and drive home... and this is where the HELP begins...

So I park on the street, so I see this woman hosing off in front of her house, do a hot lap around the block to let her finish, then park there. She said "you didn't have to do that!!" and off we went with the chatting. Long story shortened, she's lived on this block her whole life (been married 45 years, so however long that makes her a resident), hates it now, thinks I'm too nice and too pretty to live here, really hates the house I'm in, and her sister lives a block away from the next stop on the train and the tenant that moved in at the beginning of the month had to leave to take care of her sick mother in California.
So we made a date, we got in my car, she toured me the other neighborhood, I met the sister, who's lived in every apartment in that house since she moved off our block... it's on the first floor, the couple who lives upstairs (on top of the 14' ceilings throughout) are super nice and he just became a cop, the family lives in the rest of the place, the handyman is in the basement apartment under this one...
it's $100 more than I pay for the place I'm in now.

I KNOWWWWWWWW.

So, I think I'm moving again.

I have a trip planned to Boston on Aug 2nd, so I'm thinking, ah screw it, I've had a vodka drink, I'm thinking if the weather isn't blistering hot tomorrow, I'd move in tomorrow.
Because I HAVE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY, right??!!??!
I've got boxes of stuff I packed in California that were meant to be unpacked in a place of my own!!!
So what if this guy gets screwed? He moved the dresser I didn't want, and told him so 5 days before I moved in, to the landing outside my door today, 10 days after I moved in. The downstairs room he's renting?? got mopped and scrubbed. I had to go buy a plunger to get my toilet working when I moved in because someone took a monster dump that didn't flush and left it. I typed up a letter that we could get notarized 3 blocks away for $5 so I could park for $15 for the YEAR on the street, instead of the current $10/DAY, he said we'd work something out by Monday - I've seen nothing that says I live here yet, and it's getting late on a Sunday.

So I posted this at 3:30pm on Sunday, and here it is 3 hours later and I've accepted the place and am simultaniously looking at how close the Uhaul is, cable/internet companies, where Public Works is, the hours for the parking permit people, and shopping for a mattress because the AWSOME lady said I could move in ASAP and not pay rent til the 1st and she'll be happy to let in a mattress delivery guy for me while I'm at work.

This is life happening. Moving twice in a month? well, I've been tauting "when your dreams are big enough, the details don't matter!" to a friend for a few weeks, I guess I just forgot this was a dream for a few hours there... but now that I've got this whole house of family members thrilled I'm taking the apartment they've all lived in at some point in their lives, the only thing left to do is actually tell the current tool that I'm leaving, get that rent and deposit back, and move up the hill!

Crap, growing up sucks, but let's just see how life is different when I buy groceries and they are still there when I go for them 2 days later ;)
For now, the nice woman, with my mom's name btw, said I should get a good night's sleep and get ready for a great life in that apartment, so I think I'll turn on the Netflix, get a box for all the clothes I moved out of the dresser and can't hang in my tiny closet, see if I can actually get any of this shopping accomplished today or if I really am relegated to simply sitting in this cosmic fuck that is having awsomeness dropping in my lap. Who needs a gym anyway... just move every 2 weeks!!

The Breakthrough

I used to copy and paste emails from that I stole from people I see here, but this one was to a party who doesn't read blogs, but I still talk to like a blog buddy via email - this is what I sent last night:

I was coming back from Ikea and I saw the cityscape and the blimp over downtown and some fireworks going off and Lady Liberty and I was studying the calendar this morning trying to figure out if it was Aug 4th or Aug 11th that we went to the brewery in my old town and what you'd said about "did you ever think a year ago when you met me that you'd be living so close to the Statue of Liberty??" that tonight, for the first time, I smiled so big I cried about it =)
Not in a bad way, at all, don't worry, but, you know, like Meg Ryan does in all her movies, with the happy tears =)

No, I never thought that I'd live where a trip for dinner and a lamp would let me know what colors the Empire State Building was sporting evnet was going on on the way home.

Yes, I am very glad you got me here.
I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, but I'm finally exicted to move within 7 miles of my Park Ave office =)

And, if you notice, 7 as my lucky number is in my address and my zip code, and my work zip code, and when you mentioned the 8's last year, I started seeing them around too, like in my address, and I told someone I was ready to move on to Jersey 2.0 and here I am in apt #2... grasping at straws really, but it's the little things that give hope and joy, so if I can't have you blink your pretty eyes and smile and turn your head in that way when you can't stand how proud you are of me, well then, I'll enjoy my address =)

-- the person I'm talking to is sad that I grew up enough to move away from their backyard, but humble enough to understand that my life is bigger than that backyard.
I'm still missing that aspect, but as it didn't do much for me, I'm thrilled to report that tonight I got to party on the company dime, and that I went to dinner at a steakhouse I would never have entered if it weren't for the request of THE top biller in my company... and the generosity of those who carry that kind of cash on them...

I've pushed aside the idea of stoping at the few bars I know of between where I've left my car and my house 4 blocks away... I'm having a very hard time paying to keep the car even though it will cost me the same as the bus fees to park every day, but my arguement is that I have no idea where I'll be in 6 months and if it's anything like last year, I'll be happy I have a car to run around it... plus, it smells like me, like, I'm tempted to walk the 4 blocks back right now at bed time just to sit in her and chill for a bit...

time for a LOT of water and bed, how was your Tuesday?

9am

I've made the move.

This is already a better place - room for something of mine to be in the living room, a roomie who heard me come home and knocked on my door to offer me a beer - then helped me find the box with the tampons in it when the occassion made it necessary to unpack at least one box before bed.

I'm wondering though, if this location is placed at this juncture of my life because I've gotten used to waking up in the middle of the night and being woken up before I naturally blink and stretch. Sure, beer and TV and a cranked AC mixed with chatting with a new buddy til 2am was my fault, but the thumping cars picking up their friends at the bar up the block (that I didn't notice at first glance, I was worried about the dive with the live music two doors down, which incidentally I haven't heard a peep from besides a friendly hello from the smokers out front) was unexpected. So, sleep came at 3am after a LONG Friday, and my Saturday was spent half in bed sleeping it off and then finding out how many scratches I can get on my legs passing various box tops and open drawers before I give up and set up the computer to watch a movie and chill out (took me 7 hours to give in and stop being a clutz). Even with a case of the sleepies come 10:30pm, I found myself texting and watching a movie that I own very intently, then another movie, then more texting, and wouldn't you know I was not asleep enough not to reply to 2:55am texts AGAIN??
Here's the kicker though - yesterday and today I got a text at 9am on the dot. Both from people I'd asked a question of at 9pm the night before.
So my rationalization is to say "grown folks think 9am is plenty late enough to be awake, it's more polite than waking to basketball or a smoke alarm because someone can't fry bacon, and they don't know you didn't go to sleep til 3am because you were talking to totally different people at that rediculous hour...", but the rest of me is wondering if my clumsiness yesterday was due to this interupted sleep, and today my spine is trying to pull in every muscle fiber it's already attached to for a hug or something because the more I stretch the tighter it gets... and I'm tempted to sleep to let my body recover but think perhaps Jersey 2.0 life just starts at 9am and I should go with that.
Here's hoping I get to work by 9am though, instead of waking at 9am, because that would totally defeat the purpose of royally pissing off the last roomie by leaving so quickly and bragging to everyone that I live so close to the office now.

Now that the coffee is in me, the shower is taken, the AC is on, the radio is annoying, I might take a drive to the mecca that is Ikea to pick up a closet extender and see if the 8' of closet rod I filled in the last place can really be condensed to fit in this 3' wardrobe, and maybe snag me some of that yummy candy cake and a few meatballs for lunch =) Maybe even a bathroom organizer so I can keep my extra TP and Qtips somewhere besides the panties drawer. And some meatballs to take home with that awsome tart jam. and maybe some more magazine holders becuse they hold more than magazines. or maybe those little silver cornered boxes to compliment the ones I've got to get me all matchy matchy with my crap. too bad I already have the over the toilet cabinet and the window sill is my headboard because I saw some cool stuff in those sections, but I do need a bathmat that fits...

Side note #1 - coffee and sugar make me happy. There is something to fat people always being happy, it's called "food". I've got a backup ice cream sandwich in the freezer from the corner mart in case of cranky emergency.
Side note #2 - chatty boys make me happy too. Girls too I guess, but they tend to forget to reply or say they'll call and get distracted with someone else. Guys disappear too, but answer back a few hours later like they went on pause or some shit, and it cracks me up and satisfies my social needs, and I just keep doin my thing and texting and smiling and working because I'm connected to someone instead of in my room alone again.

I guess I better stop avoiding and get something started... maybe unpack enough to find the bathing suit and lay out in this beautiful weather on my almost private deck =)