I'm not buried under boxes.
I've not collapsed in exhaustion.
I didn't forgo grocery shopping to pay for my commute.
In fact, I've not felt this at home in years.
Honestly, since the house I shared with my mom.
And tonight, a week anniversary to be celebrated, I won't be sleeping in the place - I've had this weekend planned as an out of town vacation for months, and it just so happens that it is the capstone to the bliss that my world is coming together.
I love my job.
I love my commute to and from my job.
I love waking up.
I love coming home, and doing whatever I want whenever I want, my only worry being that if I fall in a reaction to spinning in the kitchen like a top, the neighbors will call for help and everyone will know I spend all my time in the place completely nude.
I really enjoyed making a salad on a clean counter, with my silverware, and putting it into a clean bowl - all without any effort beyond getting the goods out of the fridge.
I appreciated that I could lick the top off my Magic Brownies Ben and Jerry's pint until I couldn't reach the ice cream anymore, realizing I was sitting in the middle of the living room floor watching a movie with a spoon in one hand and the pint in the other - I put the spoon right back where it came from and was impressed at how much I could lick 'off the top'.
I'm doing really really really well, just not online at home is all - iPhone might be the fix to that, but the way the Jersey Boy downstairs is obviously smitten with me, I'm wondering how many reminders it'll take for him to scrounge up the password to his wireless network...
and now, to do the rest of the Friday Only reports, hit send on these emails I didn't want to send til the very end of the day, and get packing for my trip to see someone I knew before I moved to the east coast for the first time since I moved to the east coast. I'm preparing for a hungover weekend, starting about 9am tomorrow morning - details to come, if I can remember any.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
HELP! I'm Insane!!!
I know what I have to do, but I'm just too exhausted of heart and mind to get excited or revolted or anything besides "I think logically this is a no brainer, but I can't find my logic..."
Let me preface by saying this all came after a great day missing all the traffic to get to work out with Bam Bam before an afternoon getting laid, then off to the mall to see if I could find some work pants that actually fit to find I'm in a totally different cut and one size smaller than whats in my closet, then a quick dinner and drive home... and this is where the HELP begins...
So I park on the street, so I see this woman hosing off in front of her house, do a hot lap around the block to let her finish, then park there. She said "you didn't have to do that!!" and off we went with the chatting. Long story shortened, she's lived on this block her whole life (been married 45 years, so however long that makes her a resident), hates it now, thinks I'm too nice and too pretty to live here, really hates the house I'm in, and her sister lives a block away from the next stop on the train and the tenant that moved in at the beginning of the month had to leave to take care of her sick mother in California.
So we made a date, we got in my car, she toured me the other neighborhood, I met the sister, who's lived in every apartment in that house since she moved off our block... it's on the first floor, the couple who lives upstairs (on top of the 14' ceilings throughout) are super nice and he just became a cop, the family lives in the rest of the place, the handyman is in the basement apartment under this one...
it's $100 more than I pay for the place I'm in now.
I KNOWWWWWWWW.
So, I think I'm moving again.
I have a trip planned to Boston on Aug 2nd, so I'm thinking, ah screw it, I've had a vodka drink, I'm thinking if the weather isn't blistering hot tomorrow, I'd move in tomorrow.
Because I HAVE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY, right??!!??!
I've got boxes of stuff I packed in California that were meant to be unpacked in a place of my own!!!
So what if this guy gets screwed? He moved the dresser I didn't want, and told him so 5 days before I moved in, to the landing outside my door today, 10 days after I moved in. The downstairs room he's renting?? got mopped and scrubbed. I had to go buy a plunger to get my toilet working when I moved in because someone took a monster dump that didn't flush and left it. I typed up a letter that we could get notarized 3 blocks away for $5 so I could park for $15 for the YEAR on the street, instead of the current $10/DAY, he said we'd work something out by Monday - I've seen nothing that says I live here yet, and it's getting late on a Sunday.
So I posted this at 3:30pm on Sunday, and here it is 3 hours later and I've accepted the place and am simultaniously looking at how close the Uhaul is, cable/internet companies, where Public Works is, the hours for the parking permit people, and shopping for a mattress because the AWSOME lady said I could move in ASAP and not pay rent til the 1st and she'll be happy to let in a mattress delivery guy for me while I'm at work.
This is life happening. Moving twice in a month? well, I've been tauting "when your dreams are big enough, the details don't matter!" to a friend for a few weeks, I guess I just forgot this was a dream for a few hours there... but now that I've got this whole house of family members thrilled I'm taking the apartment they've all lived in at some point in their lives, the only thing left to do is actually tell the current tool that I'm leaving, get that rent and deposit back, and move up the hill!
Crap, growing up sucks, but let's just see how life is different when I buy groceries and they are still there when I go for them 2 days later ;)
For now, the nice woman, with my mom's name btw, said I should get a good night's sleep and get ready for a great life in that apartment, so I think I'll turn on the Netflix, get a box for all the clothes I moved out of the dresser and can't hang in my tiny closet, see if I can actually get any of this shopping accomplished today or if I really am relegated to simply sitting in this cosmic fuck that is having awsomeness dropping in my lap. Who needs a gym anyway... just move every 2 weeks!!
Let me preface by saying this all came after a great day missing all the traffic to get to work out with Bam Bam before an afternoon getting laid, then off to the mall to see if I could find some work pants that actually fit to find I'm in a totally different cut and one size smaller than whats in my closet, then a quick dinner and drive home... and this is where the HELP begins...
So I park on the street, so I see this woman hosing off in front of her house, do a hot lap around the block to let her finish, then park there. She said "you didn't have to do that!!" and off we went with the chatting. Long story shortened, she's lived on this block her whole life (been married 45 years, so however long that makes her a resident), hates it now, thinks I'm too nice and too pretty to live here, really hates the house I'm in, and her sister lives a block away from the next stop on the train and the tenant that moved in at the beginning of the month had to leave to take care of her sick mother in California.
So we made a date, we got in my car, she toured me the other neighborhood, I met the sister, who's lived in every apartment in that house since she moved off our block... it's on the first floor, the couple who lives upstairs (on top of the 14' ceilings throughout) are super nice and he just became a cop, the family lives in the rest of the place, the handyman is in the basement apartment under this one...
it's $100 more than I pay for the place I'm in now.
I KNOWWWWWWWW.
So, I think I'm moving again.
I have a trip planned to Boston on Aug 2nd, so I'm thinking, ah screw it, I've had a vodka drink, I'm thinking if the weather isn't blistering hot tomorrow, I'd move in tomorrow.
Because I HAVE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY, right??!!??!
I've got boxes of stuff I packed in California that were meant to be unpacked in a place of my own!!!
So what if this guy gets screwed? He moved the dresser I didn't want, and told him so 5 days before I moved in, to the landing outside my door today, 10 days after I moved in. The downstairs room he's renting?? got mopped and scrubbed. I had to go buy a plunger to get my toilet working when I moved in because someone took a monster dump that didn't flush and left it. I typed up a letter that we could get notarized 3 blocks away for $5 so I could park for $15 for the YEAR on the street, instead of the current $10/DAY, he said we'd work something out by Monday - I've seen nothing that says I live here yet, and it's getting late on a Sunday.
So I posted this at 3:30pm on Sunday, and here it is 3 hours later and I've accepted the place and am simultaniously looking at how close the Uhaul is, cable/internet companies, where Public Works is, the hours for the parking permit people, and shopping for a mattress because the AWSOME lady said I could move in ASAP and not pay rent til the 1st and she'll be happy to let in a mattress delivery guy for me while I'm at work.
This is life happening. Moving twice in a month? well, I've been tauting "when your dreams are big enough, the details don't matter!" to a friend for a few weeks, I guess I just forgot this was a dream for a few hours there... but now that I've got this whole house of family members thrilled I'm taking the apartment they've all lived in at some point in their lives, the only thing left to do is actually tell the current tool that I'm leaving, get that rent and deposit back, and move up the hill!
Crap, growing up sucks, but let's just see how life is different when I buy groceries and they are still there when I go for them 2 days later ;)
For now, the nice woman, with my mom's name btw, said I should get a good night's sleep and get ready for a great life in that apartment, so I think I'll turn on the Netflix, get a box for all the clothes I moved out of the dresser and can't hang in my tiny closet, see if I can actually get any of this shopping accomplished today or if I really am relegated to simply sitting in this cosmic fuck that is having awsomeness dropping in my lap. Who needs a gym anyway... just move every 2 weeks!!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
The Breakthrough
I used to copy and paste emails from that I stole from people I see here, but this one was to a party who doesn't read blogs, but I still talk to like a blog buddy via email - this is what I sent last night:
I was coming back from Ikea and I saw the cityscape and the blimp over downtown and some fireworks going off and Lady Liberty and I was studying the calendar this morning trying to figure out if it was Aug 4th or Aug 11th that we went to the brewery in my old town and what you'd said about "did you ever think a year ago when you met me that you'd be living so close to the Statue of Liberty??" that tonight, for the first time, I smiled so big I cried about it =)
Not in a bad way, at all, don't worry, but, you know, like Meg Ryan does in all her movies, with the happy tears =)
No, I never thought that I'd live where a trip for dinner and a lamp would let me know what colors the Empire State Building was sporting evnet was going on on the way home.
Yes, I am very glad you got me here.
I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, but I'm finally exicted to move within 7 miles of my Park Ave office =)
And, if you notice, 7 as my lucky number is in my address and my zip code, and my work zip code, and when you mentioned the 8's last year, I started seeing them around too, like in my address, and I told someone I was ready to move on to Jersey 2.0 and here I am in apt #2... grasping at straws really, but it's the little things that give hope and joy, so if I can't have you blink your pretty eyes and smile and turn your head in that way when you can't stand how proud you are of me, well then, I'll enjoy my address =)
-- the person I'm talking to is sad that I grew up enough to move away from their backyard, but humble enough to understand that my life is bigger than that backyard.
I'm still missing that aspect, but as it didn't do much for me, I'm thrilled to report that tonight I got to party on the company dime, and that I went to dinner at a steakhouse I would never have entered if it weren't for the request of THE top biller in my company... and the generosity of those who carry that kind of cash on them...
I've pushed aside the idea of stoping at the few bars I know of between where I've left my car and my house 4 blocks away... I'm having a very hard time paying to keep the car even though it will cost me the same as the bus fees to park every day, but my arguement is that I have no idea where I'll be in 6 months and if it's anything like last year, I'll be happy I have a car to run around it... plus, it smells like me, like, I'm tempted to walk the 4 blocks back right now at bed time just to sit in her and chill for a bit...
time for a LOT of water and bed, how was your Tuesday?
I was coming back from Ikea and I saw the cityscape and the blimp over downtown and some fireworks going off and Lady Liberty and I was studying the calendar this morning trying to figure out if it was Aug 4th or Aug 11th that we went to the brewery in my old town and what you'd said about "did you ever think a year ago when you met me that you'd be living so close to the Statue of Liberty??" that tonight, for the first time, I smiled so big I cried about it =)
Not in a bad way, at all, don't worry, but, you know, like Meg Ryan does in all her movies, with the happy tears =)
No, I never thought that I'd live where a trip for dinner and a lamp would let me know what colors the Empire State Building was sporting evnet was going on on the way home.
Yes, I am very glad you got me here.
I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet, but I'm finally exicted to move within 7 miles of my Park Ave office =)
And, if you notice, 7 as my lucky number is in my address and my zip code, and my work zip code, and when you mentioned the 8's last year, I started seeing them around too, like in my address, and I told someone I was ready to move on to Jersey 2.0 and here I am in apt #2... grasping at straws really, but it's the little things that give hope and joy, so if I can't have you blink your pretty eyes and smile and turn your head in that way when you can't stand how proud you are of me, well then, I'll enjoy my address =)
-- the person I'm talking to is sad that I grew up enough to move away from their backyard, but humble enough to understand that my life is bigger than that backyard.
I'm still missing that aspect, but as it didn't do much for me, I'm thrilled to report that tonight I got to party on the company dime, and that I went to dinner at a steakhouse I would never have entered if it weren't for the request of THE top biller in my company... and the generosity of those who carry that kind of cash on them...
I've pushed aside the idea of stoping at the few bars I know of between where I've left my car and my house 4 blocks away... I'm having a very hard time paying to keep the car even though it will cost me the same as the bus fees to park every day, but my arguement is that I have no idea where I'll be in 6 months and if it's anything like last year, I'll be happy I have a car to run around it... plus, it smells like me, like, I'm tempted to walk the 4 blocks back right now at bed time just to sit in her and chill for a bit...
time for a LOT of water and bed, how was your Tuesday?
Sunday, July 13, 2008
9am
I've made the move.
This is already a better place - room for something of mine to be in the living room, a roomie who heard me come home and knocked on my door to offer me a beer - then helped me find the box with the tampons in it when the occassion made it necessary to unpack at least one box before bed.
I'm wondering though, if this location is placed at this juncture of my life because I've gotten used to waking up in the middle of the night and being woken up before I naturally blink and stretch. Sure, beer and TV and a cranked AC mixed with chatting with a new buddy til 2am was my fault, but the thumping cars picking up their friends at the bar up the block (that I didn't notice at first glance, I was worried about the dive with the live music two doors down, which incidentally I haven't heard a peep from besides a friendly hello from the smokers out front) was unexpected. So, sleep came at 3am after a LONG Friday, and my Saturday was spent half in bed sleeping it off and then finding out how many scratches I can get on my legs passing various box tops and open drawers before I give up and set up the computer to watch a movie and chill out (took me 7 hours to give in and stop being a clutz). Even with a case of the sleepies come 10:30pm, I found myself texting and watching a movie that I own very intently, then another movie, then more texting, and wouldn't you know I was not asleep enough not to reply to 2:55am texts AGAIN??
Here's the kicker though - yesterday and today I got a text at 9am on the dot. Both from people I'd asked a question of at 9pm the night before.
So my rationalization is to say "grown folks think 9am is plenty late enough to be awake, it's more polite than waking to basketball or a smoke alarm because someone can't fry bacon, and they don't know you didn't go to sleep til 3am because you were talking to totally different people at that rediculous hour...", but the rest of me is wondering if my clumsiness yesterday was due to this interupted sleep, and today my spine is trying to pull in every muscle fiber it's already attached to for a hug or something because the more I stretch the tighter it gets... and I'm tempted to sleep to let my body recover but think perhaps Jersey 2.0 life just starts at 9am and I should go with that.
Here's hoping I get to work by 9am though, instead of waking at 9am, because that would totally defeat the purpose of royally pissing off the last roomie by leaving so quickly and bragging to everyone that I live so close to the office now.
Now that the coffee is in me, the shower is taken, the AC is on, the radio is annoying, I might take a drive to the mecca that is Ikea to pick up a closet extender and see if the 8' of closet rod I filled in the last place can really be condensed to fit in this 3' wardrobe, and maybe snag me some of that yummy candy cake and a few meatballs for lunch =) Maybe even a bathroom organizer so I can keep my extra TP and Qtips somewhere besides the panties drawer. And some meatballs to take home with that awsome tart jam. and maybe some more magazine holders becuse they hold more than magazines. or maybe those little silver cornered boxes to compliment the ones I've got to get me all matchy matchy with my crap. too bad I already have the over the toilet cabinet and the window sill is my headboard because I saw some cool stuff in those sections, but I do need a bathmat that fits...
Side note #1 - coffee and sugar make me happy. There is something to fat people always being happy, it's called "food". I've got a backup ice cream sandwich in the freezer from the corner mart in case of cranky emergency.
Side note #2 - chatty boys make me happy too. Girls too I guess, but they tend to forget to reply or say they'll call and get distracted with someone else. Guys disappear too, but answer back a few hours later like they went on pause or some shit, and it cracks me up and satisfies my social needs, and I just keep doin my thing and texting and smiling and working because I'm connected to someone instead of in my room alone again.
I guess I better stop avoiding and get something started... maybe unpack enough to find the bathing suit and lay out in this beautiful weather on my almost private deck =)
This is already a better place - room for something of mine to be in the living room, a roomie who heard me come home and knocked on my door to offer me a beer - then helped me find the box with the tampons in it when the occassion made it necessary to unpack at least one box before bed.
I'm wondering though, if this location is placed at this juncture of my life because I've gotten used to waking up in the middle of the night and being woken up before I naturally blink and stretch. Sure, beer and TV and a cranked AC mixed with chatting with a new buddy til 2am was my fault, but the thumping cars picking up their friends at the bar up the block (that I didn't notice at first glance, I was worried about the dive with the live music two doors down, which incidentally I haven't heard a peep from besides a friendly hello from the smokers out front) was unexpected. So, sleep came at 3am after a LONG Friday, and my Saturday was spent half in bed sleeping it off and then finding out how many scratches I can get on my legs passing various box tops and open drawers before I give up and set up the computer to watch a movie and chill out (took me 7 hours to give in and stop being a clutz). Even with a case of the sleepies come 10:30pm, I found myself texting and watching a movie that I own very intently, then another movie, then more texting, and wouldn't you know I was not asleep enough not to reply to 2:55am texts AGAIN??
Here's the kicker though - yesterday and today I got a text at 9am on the dot. Both from people I'd asked a question of at 9pm the night before.
So my rationalization is to say "grown folks think 9am is plenty late enough to be awake, it's more polite than waking to basketball or a smoke alarm because someone can't fry bacon, and they don't know you didn't go to sleep til 3am because you were talking to totally different people at that rediculous hour...", but the rest of me is wondering if my clumsiness yesterday was due to this interupted sleep, and today my spine is trying to pull in every muscle fiber it's already attached to for a hug or something because the more I stretch the tighter it gets... and I'm tempted to sleep to let my body recover but think perhaps Jersey 2.0 life just starts at 9am and I should go with that.
Here's hoping I get to work by 9am though, instead of waking at 9am, because that would totally defeat the purpose of royally pissing off the last roomie by leaving so quickly and bragging to everyone that I live so close to the office now.
Now that the coffee is in me, the shower is taken, the AC is on, the radio is annoying, I might take a drive to the mecca that is Ikea to pick up a closet extender and see if the 8' of closet rod I filled in the last place can really be condensed to fit in this 3' wardrobe, and maybe snag me some of that yummy candy cake and a few meatballs for lunch =) Maybe even a bathroom organizer so I can keep my extra TP and Qtips somewhere besides the panties drawer. And some meatballs to take home with that awsome tart jam. and maybe some more magazine holders becuse they hold more than magazines. or maybe those little silver cornered boxes to compliment the ones I've got to get me all matchy matchy with my crap. too bad I already have the over the toilet cabinet and the window sill is my headboard because I saw some cool stuff in those sections, but I do need a bathmat that fits...
Side note #1 - coffee and sugar make me happy. There is something to fat people always being happy, it's called "food". I've got a backup ice cream sandwich in the freezer from the corner mart in case of cranky emergency.
Side note #2 - chatty boys make me happy too. Girls too I guess, but they tend to forget to reply or say they'll call and get distracted with someone else. Guys disappear too, but answer back a few hours later like they went on pause or some shit, and it cracks me up and satisfies my social needs, and I just keep doin my thing and texting and smiling and working because I'm connected to someone instead of in my room alone again.
I guess I better stop avoiding and get something started... maybe unpack enough to find the bathing suit and lay out in this beautiful weather on my almost private deck =)
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Who Needs a Holiday?
I'm not ready.
I can't deal with 3 day weekends, I end up spending as much time as possible in bed. Looking around pretending I'm planning my course of action to move so I don't pay rent in 2 places longer than possible is possibly my favorite double think of the year.
Being an addictive depressive means doing whatever it takes to do what needs to get done, leaving me with grease and carbs and straight sugar with vodka shots and beer chasers being what got me out of bed for the first time since getting into it at 4am Saturday morning.
Girls have a strange way of being friends. Reminds me why I like guys, and even taken guys, so much better. I kinda don't like how girls in bars interact, and watching them gets very boring, and being looked over by the guys for these girls incites just enough jealousy and self-loathing to order another drink and be sure to stop at Dunkin Donuts of a small coffee and chocolate chunk cookie on the way home. (I've learned to always take a multi or B-complex after a night like this, and learned the hard way not to do it on an empty stomach and that caffeine at this hour will not keep you up but will keep you from a headache. I've got 4 milk crates of college notes I've not read since I wrote them; hangover tactics is the useful stuff I learned in college.)
I'm not excited about the new place. Neither is anyone I've met/known here. I don't motivate myself, they don't know this well enough to hide their disappointment I won't be at their beckoned call so I can do what's right for me. I've been killing myself with this commute and disjunctified schedule for them for weeks and gotten no support for that either. And no one is helping me move. I'm thinking of hiring people just so I don't have to do it alone.
(I know disjunctified isn't a word, but it says what I want it to.)
Being this alone sucks. Thinking you have enough of a friendship to get you by, then realizing you don't...
I'm going to get a shot and a fresh beer, anyone want one?
Being grown and alone sucks.
Moving sucks sweaty balls that won't cum.
Paying rent for two places at once is the unlubed dildo in the ass without warning.
I can't deal with 3 day weekends, I end up spending as much time as possible in bed. Looking around pretending I'm planning my course of action to move so I don't pay rent in 2 places longer than possible is possibly my favorite double think of the year.
Being an addictive depressive means doing whatever it takes to do what needs to get done, leaving me with grease and carbs and straight sugar with vodka shots and beer chasers being what got me out of bed for the first time since getting into it at 4am Saturday morning.
Girls have a strange way of being friends. Reminds me why I like guys, and even taken guys, so much better. I kinda don't like how girls in bars interact, and watching them gets very boring, and being looked over by the guys for these girls incites just enough jealousy and self-loathing to order another drink and be sure to stop at Dunkin Donuts of a small coffee and chocolate chunk cookie on the way home. (I've learned to always take a multi or B-complex after a night like this, and learned the hard way not to do it on an empty stomach and that caffeine at this hour will not keep you up but will keep you from a headache. I've got 4 milk crates of college notes I've not read since I wrote them; hangover tactics is the useful stuff I learned in college.)
I'm not excited about the new place. Neither is anyone I've met/known here. I don't motivate myself, they don't know this well enough to hide their disappointment I won't be at their beckoned call so I can do what's right for me. I've been killing myself with this commute and disjunctified schedule for them for weeks and gotten no support for that either. And no one is helping me move. I'm thinking of hiring people just so I don't have to do it alone.
(I know disjunctified isn't a word, but it says what I want it to.)
Being this alone sucks. Thinking you have enough of a friendship to get you by, then realizing you don't...
I'm going to get a shot and a fresh beer, anyone want one?
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Jersey, 2.0
So, I'm moving.
I'm not getting a New York address, but, I do get a floor all to myself, including a bathroom, and so many windows I might have to BE HAPPY sometimes - 2 on the one wall, 2 on the other that look out over the deck that they hardly use because they bbq on the balcony on the 1st floor, and a skylight in the vaulted ceiling. I needs a closet, so that means SHOPPING, and moving to the 3rd floor doesn't sound terribly exciting, but, I can pick up the keys tonight and that means I can be at least partially moved by the Monday commute.
So, welcome to Jersey 2.0, I'll be seeing if the deck is facing the right way to let me see the fireworks at the Statue of Liberty before deciding where my 4th of July party will be =)
I'm not getting a New York address, but, I do get a floor all to myself, including a bathroom, and so many windows I might have to BE HAPPY sometimes - 2 on the one wall, 2 on the other that look out over the deck that they hardly use because they bbq on the balcony on the 1st floor, and a skylight in the vaulted ceiling. I needs a closet, so that means SHOPPING, and moving to the 3rd floor doesn't sound terribly exciting, but, I can pick up the keys tonight and that means I can be at least partially moved by the Monday commute.
So, welcome to Jersey 2.0, I'll be seeing if the deck is facing the right way to let me see the fireworks at the Statue of Liberty before deciding where my 4th of July party will be =)
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