Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Moven On Out

I've had a couple of phone interviews at this point, they are looking to fill a few positions and told me about each of them. They are interviewing for one, and I would enjoy that job, but the timeline and variety of work involved in the second position have it winning me over.

I was afraid to come back to CA because I thought I'd want to find a way to stay - that the entire skyline is orange and black with fire and my sister that wouldn't leave me alone with the "miss you!" texts while I was gone can't be bothered to talk to me instead if her guy even while I stay in her room. That and the fact that I'm still living out of my suitcase, and I'm set to go.

So, I am supposed to get the call by the end of the week (the office is crazy busy this week, and even the rush job doesn't have a start date until 11/01), and until then apparently my top priority is sleeping and eating. Not that I really need to do either, but when left to my own devices, I plan a whole list of things to do the night before and when my period takes over I kinda let Flo run the show by morning. Plus, staying in means I don't spend money!!!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Vacation, Breakthrough

Small victories are what we are going for these days.
I feel like I just had one.
2 months of hmmmm'n and haaaaawww'n, and I just left a message and sent an email to apply for a job in New Jersey.
That's right, I didn't get to talk to anyone for real, but I made the effort to make the contact and by golly, that is worth a fuck of a lot at this point.
Now, the kids are back, and the neighborhood kids are out of school, and it is climbing in decibals as the kinetic energy in the house gets the afternoon buzz... but I made the effort, didn't just talk about it, and to me, that means my day has been a success.

Oh, and I threw a monster fit via email to everyone who's email address I could remember about how fucked up it is that the company was going to just sit on my final paycheck (that they tried to send 10/04, I wasn't expecting until 10/15, and it is now cusping the CA 72 hour rule) until I asked for it, then hold it captive at the office until I personally came in to get it. No fucking way am I going to set foot in that office again, and I especially won't rush back just to make sure the pissy little bitch at the front desk gets her power trip because she was at her desk to sign for the FedEx package. That was pretty gratifying =)

So, I didn't call EVERY office in New Jersey, but I did write down all the phone numbers so I can possibly use the quiet in the morning to call and ask for managers to see what positions I could get within the same company. Yes, I just threw a fit about a paycheck and want to stay with the same company - its all about getting the resume to look like I don't get bored and leave jobs, which I do, but if its in the same company, its "getting promoted to roles of increasing responsibility" instead of "she was already trained so we moved her to a new seat". =)

Word of the day: spanktopia. We found these yummy little phio dough and spinach things at Costco but the name is so long, we keep coming up with new spank- things to call them. Spankapolooza works just as well. It's fun, just say it and you kinda smile. Additions to the list welcome, I'm all jacked up on french press french roast coffee and can't concentrate on anything besides how full my bladder feels like it is and the pace at which my feet twitch.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Vacation, Extended

Word of the Day: whythefucknot?
I don't have a job to go back to, everything I own is in storage, I'm not terribly excited about my next step being a friends rent-free extra room (I did that 3 years ago, have I really not gotten past that stage yet? do I really need that experience again??), and Sister says she can make it without me for another week (yes, we are stretching that ambilical cord one day at a time)... so, with the 4 speaking members of the family asking if I really have to go home so soon (the wee one kinda grunts and screams to communicate, but he smiles at me a lot and I figured out he wanted juice and pretzels last night, so in my book he's cool with me), and my gut telling me that I'll have more luck with a breakthrough in deciding where to locate the next chapter of my life in a place where I can't consider hiding in this bed forever (it doesn't belong to me, eventually the girls will want the bottom bunk back)... I booked an extra week of my vacation.
That's right.
I'm not super excited to get back, so why not extend the time away??

So, I fly back to CA next Saturday (because I've got family visiting the next week and I don't want to miss it!), I'm surrounded by kids and dogs and grown ups who are worth spending time with, and there is laundry on site to help keep me from getting too funky before I leave ;) Oh, right, and I'll be in front of the computer for about 40 hours of the week trying to navigate the "I can go anywhere, where do I want to live, what do I want to do, will this job bore the life out of me in 6 months, am I at all qualified for this, am I really ok with living 2000 miles from anything I've known, is it a cop-out to stay where I am, etc, etc, etc" that has haunted me for about two months now and is finally feeling like it might come to fruition soon.
Minor detail, nearly forgot that part of the reason I'm staying.

Also, I'm not the only one using the whythefucknot mentality - last night I got to babysit while the parents went out for a drink... mom said it was the first time since ever... they asked if I was seriously ok with it, and were out the door in less than 4 minutes of my confirmation. They had such a good time, they snuck back into the house a good hour before they let the kids know they were back... I'm not saying they christened the new bedroom, I'm just saying they could have ;)

Try the whythefucknot mentality today, let me know where it takes you =)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Vacation, Day 10

When is the last time you were on a vacation for 10 days???

It feels great to have nothing to do but eventually change my PJs... but, alas, knowing that I do eventually have to pick a life to come back to, it's starting to get stressful to have nothing to distract me from the thoughts of what's next.
There are 3 dogs and 3 kids and a set of very smart and cool parents to distract me here, but honestly I kinda like that life happens with or without guests sometimes and I've had a chance to get back to the computer, send my emails (aka therapeutic journaling without the talkback or the monthly bill), and find out where I gravitate.

And guess what?? After missing the trains every time I tried to catch them and being caught in the rain and having every guy treat me as if he'd never seen a pair of tits and the girls giving it to me straight with "it's the same here as where you are from, but the weather is better where you are, and the only reason I can afford it is because my boyfriend's dad owns the building we live in" and deciding to stay in the room with the bottle of KY and room service instead of putting on the business suit and going to interview at the offices I'd planned to since I looked into where exactly my international company could take me in... I'm on the exact same sites, checking out the same cities and the same jobs as before.

So, does that mean I'm just as lost? Just as committed to bailing on my comfort zone? The vacation didn't scare me away from these places, but that isn't saying too much since I spent my birthday having a fantasy played out on my behalf and the rest of the time I was escorted by a local through the traffic and noise (or in my hotel with room service and a bottle of KY). Might I still end up living in a ghetto neighborhood simply because I can't wrap my head around applying for jobs that pay what I know I'll eventually be worth... and feel like I'm giving up to apply to do what I used to do, even though the idea of doing anything is completely overwhelming at this point, because I'm fairly convinced it will take more than a week to learn myself well enough to find a job that I WON'T be totally bored of in 6 months (and to get into that job!)

On that note, its about time for me to realize that no matter how late I wake up, I still need coffee to keep the headache away, that I'm in a house with 3 kids and 3 dogs and I can just as easily have a crisis while learning Spanish with Dora the Explorer and getting my hands torn up by puppy teeth... and if we are very lucky, I'll open the wine before dinner and get used to the idea that kids just scream as a form of communication and not because they are in any danger at all, and that as the resident couch surfer I can squelch my inner babysitter and just watch the grown-ups talk over it while I wonder if that strange feeling in my ear is leftover from the number of flights I've taken in the last 2 weeks or if something has actually ruptured.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Vacation, Day Three

So fucking sue me, I'm on vacation and I missed an update day.
It's been quite a good vacation - sleeping til noon, not wearing makeup or brushing my hair, barely leaving the house but when we do it's for food or shopping...
I have dinner plans for my birthday on Sunday that required THE little dress, so we went to get it, then needed the shoes, then the underthings, then the wrap... I might even go for the mani and pedi and even a haircut to go with, but since my bank was nice enough to think that my extravegent spending habits in Maryland were a bit out of character, then have me on hold for an HOUR until my PHONE DIED in the shoe store without releasing the hold on my account... well, I might be seeking out a branch in Jersey before I find a pamper place.
I will say though, especially to Curmudgeon, that I now have a GREAT outfit for a New Years celebration (hhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttt).
The only thing that sucks so far is that 1) I haven't applied for a job yet and I'll be away from a computer until Wednesday so I'd better do it, well, NOW, midnight before I have to be up at 7am to catch my ride out of here, and 2) that I've had the strangest expectation of de ja vu all day today... like everything is set for me to 'remember' having a conversation that just has no reason to be here with these people or even in my head at all since I can't 'recall' enough of it to get it started and out of my head... so I just keep living in this partial haze of being an onlooker of what is going on and wanting this ah-hah moment that really just isn't going to come.

Vacations ROCK. I don't care where I stay or with who or how crazy it is to go to a xxx store looking for garter belts or teddys with the wife of the guy who promised to ravage me on sight since the first day we chatted while he went for a cup of coffee and she handed me items to try on... it's new and different and a break from the normal day-to-day and I will be using all my vacation days I acrew anywhere ASAP - and I urge you to do the same.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Vacation, Day One

Yesterday doesn't count, I was on a plane all day. Though the location I landed in is absolutely magnificent in it's floiage, and dinner at the local steak house was delightful, it was still a travel day and really much less of a vaction than, say, waiting in line is what you go to Disneyland for.
So, day one was spent in bed. I was hollered at around 3:30pm and asked if I was planning on getting out of bed at all... I woke up a few times, but prefered to roll over and write in my journal or read in my book or simply stare out the window at the branch of leaves where one half is bright red and the other side is still healthy green... I showered, but the only clean clothes I had upstairs with me were my PJs, so I came down clean and in my jammies and was handed a breakfast lean pocket and a cup of coffee at nearly 5pm.
I listened to a bit of the financial channel, then when the coffee started making my feet twitch I asked to get online and am now checking emails and job postings and apartment listings and making sure all my mailers get to my sister's address until further notice.
And, as Shoes suggested, I'm feeling quite reserved from the world. The house is literally covered by trees, they have lived here since 1973 so there is a very lived in feel to the rooms (not what I'm used to since the apartment I just moved out of had absolutely everything replaces or freshly painted over the day we moved in), and the people are simply from a different frame of mind, for 23405245809280 reasons, than anyone I'm used to spending any real time with, and all of this has me very much out of my norm, and quite well poised to facilitate stepping out of myself and taking a good look at what I want to be doing... instead of hiding in my comfort zone and whining about not wanting to leave.
More soon...