Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Weekend Update

Brought to you by Up Too Late Mondays.
And now, your host, Miss Can't Stop Talking Due to Caffeine and Dance Buzz Overload Sassy :

Thanks Bob.
I thought I'd share just a bit about my weekend since I meant to yesteday but really didn't feel like it.
And wouldn't you know it, just when I get the job under control, they give me a ginormous stack of paperwork to fill out to become a Permanent Employee and screw up my whole OnTopOfIt system.
YEAH! But BOO too - getting to a desk with 12 30 min projects waiting and two more to sitting in the lobby isn't a way to drag Miss Sassy to the desk on time.

Anywho, I'm also very excited about this weekends happenings for a few reasons. The short version: I did nothing but appease Aunt Flo on Saturday - hot pad, blanket, pups and me on the couch with the remote in one hand and chamomile tea in the other; cooked a fabulous breakfast and then cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and scrubbed every freshly cleared surface top to bottom for about 6 hours afterward on Sunday).

Now, for the traditional novel:

1. I cooked. I took care of me and nourished myself by preparing something with my own two hands.

2. I ate. I sat at a table in the back yard and took the time to notice what I was shoveling into my pie hole. Normally I hate eating so much I pick something with the right nutrition and look up when its over. This time I was so full I couldn't finish and the pups got a nice surprise when they licked the plate for me.

3. I didn't care when Sqweeky and K came home. I did my thing like it was my house.

4. That cabinet in the kitchen has been a catch all. T complained about it when I moved in SIX months ago. When she came home from work and all the stuff was on the table and I was IN the cabinet scrubbing the back wall of the bottom shelf, she had to say "I can't get my mind around this right now. Let me take what you won't put back to the garage" then proceeded to go upstairs and take a nap.

5. I told Squeeky flat out that a schedule for cleaning is a dumb idea. That if I was supposed to clean the kitchen yesterday, I would not have done THIS. And that I would have hated it on principle. I told her that I clean when it strikes me that it needs to be done and a schedule will kill that instinct and I won't support or follow one. Dumass.

6. It was ME. I, in my natural homey nurturing secure in my surroundings and in my self and abilities and instincts, clean stuff when it needs it. It used to happen about once a quarter in high school. Since I've lived in 6 'homes' in the last 3 years, I haven't done a deep cleaning unless it was for a deposit.

It felt good to sing to the radio and open another cupbard and see that there was an empty wrapper and end up clearing the whole thing out to wipe the soap circles off. It was amazing the way the entire kitchen lit up with the scent of Simple Green and the sparkle only Comet can give. I was proud of my day and knew the effect on the space would only promote the dropping of baggage. And it wasn't mine!!!
It was me in my home cleaning my space because I care how my life functions.
***And when He is around, I forget all that and my life revolves around Him.*** I realized that, acknowledged it, respected it, and kept on with my day.

Tempura had called in the middle of Round 3 - wiping up any trace residue before deciding what to put back. Later he asked (via text message) how the roomies responded. I said "in awe, naturally, of my ability to transform the space into a home". He said "maybe someday we can have a home you could clean. And I can watch you clean naked on a Sunday."
I lost my breath.
Apparently because I talk to him he is ALL about me and I don't know how to keep, um, JUST TALKING to him and convey that I'm not getting the "we'd be cool together forever" vibe.
I told him I would clean in boy shorts and a cami and he changed the topic.
Still talks about me coming out, yes he does, but that he just moved and his rent doubled and his business is slow in the mean time is where he keeps pointing my attention when I ask for a flight number.
Whatever. I'm not dying to be wholed up in the snow with a guy who thinks I'm fantastic just for taking his calls. Oh, and being me, but you get the idea.

I made my bed this weekend.
Usually not a major thing, but I'll give you a timeline for emphasis.
I got back from New Years' trip and washed my sheets the next weekend. I made the bed while He was here that week. I slept in those sheets for, um, I'm going with three weeks (pillow cases washed after 10 days).
These sheets were in a ball at the end of the bed that night. I crawled onto the opened sleeping bag that is my matress pad (also convenient storage, FYI) and pulled the blankets over me.
Its PJs time of year, so almost no skin was sleep-slimin these textiles.
And this weekend I made my bed.
Did you catch that?? January 10th I put on sheets, January 31st I take them off, and MARCH 25TH I put them back on.
PROGRESS folks. This is what they call Movin On ya'll. (thought I'd forget?? HA!) Seriously, it might be a stupid thing to try to attach meaning to... I get the HS cheerleader corrilation. But come on - He lays me in fresh sheets, I sleep in them until I seriously CAN'T anymore, and it takes TWO MONTHS to get them stretched back on?????? Sum'ums up wit dat yo.
And I was a psych major and all my friends are too easy to read right now. =)
Oh, and I slept FAMOUSLY last night, thanks for asking =)

Always having to leave stuff off because I am a flibertygibit of a talker and just won't.stop.the.madness. (this actually started as an email to a budy that I had to copy and paste so I wouldn't want to try to blog at work tomorrow.)
The family is crazy.
My sister will try to talk me into helping her move from west NV to So Cal in the next two weeks or so.
My cousin will be furious because she wants my sisters rent to help her be able to buy a bigger house for her family (rent $ = covered mortgage = bigger kitchen for everyone).
My aunt is a spaz who called off the big wedding (panic attacks planning it 10 months in advance) and who won't cough as to when the eloping may commence. Her house is the current destination of my sister. This should be fun. The house in question is almost an hour from mine and I've visited for two of the three major holidays since I moved here (Christmas and Super Bowl - I called in fake sick to Tday).
Oh, and the sisters in my house are in a tizzy because something is happening with the mortgage payment and K is thinking she is helping by telling T she needs to buck up and shovel the cash to cover the difference since "they (the parents who actually own the house and K who's THEN current income was needed and she is therefore a signatory on the house) thought she would pay more once T got a job and she hasn't". Unfortunately, the entire situation is a bit screwy for my quickly Garfielding eyes, but the jist is that K is a severly self centered and narrow minded cornhole who can't notice if someone is in the room, let alone who they are. T bought this house thinking her fiancee would bear her children here and is constantly frustrated with the level of absentmindedness demonstrated by the DownStairs Girls on a daily basis. To have $$ come up about the house through K to T the week T's "severance checks" from the ex-fiancee (they met at work and were together for 10 years) don't come in for the first time in nearly two years is a little bit much when the Crimson Tide is washing over the place, ya dig?

Its past midnight now. I was gonna shower the gym off so I could sleep in (to when I normally get up mind you) in the morning, but perhaps my skin won't notice that its in its own yummy oils for the night??? Or will 6:30am not come that early tomorrow, now that I get INTO bed, and I'll get out of bed on time?

I'm laughing too, its ok, yuck it up.

ttfn, and don't say I never wrote you nuthin.

Friday, March 24, 2006

News of the Day

Here it is - another list of random thoughts because I am too distracted to organize them.

1) I picked up a pen last night to write a little note about something and realized that no matter how many revelations I pour out on Blogger, there is nothing quite like putting a pen to paper and watching the words pour from your brain to your wrist to your fingers and onto the page. The simplicity of the ink gliding over even the cheapest paper makes the process of expressing ones self that much more powerful.
Plus my handwriting was On.Point. last night and it looked pretty =)

2) I saw Blonde Bombshell last night.
No chick in tow.
And I can't be sure if it was a reaction to being stared at, but I caught him looking at me REPEATEDLY through the class.
Caddycorner across the room.
In the mirror while I did my crunches.
Doing lunges.
The OTHER time I was on my back doing crunches.
He was in the rotation directly across from me the whole evening.
When I insisted that he walk into the little back room carrying 16 steppers before me (after he tried to let me go first twice), I leaned in just a bit and said "thank you, but seriously, I'm carrying FOUR"... and I made him laugh. And it was all I could do not to take a deep breath of MAN while we waited in line to be good people and clean up our messes. And he couldn't help himself and had to take my FOUR steppers and put them up for me.

So after class I chitchat with the girls that I am now trying very hard to remember the names of, go to the locker room to get my crap (and avoid catching my fingers in the spring loaded doors of death), and realize that because of the instructor/personal trainers advice after last weeks class, I was able to move this week.
So I go back to the room to catch the trainer and thank him for making me remember that the human body wasn't meant to sit in a chair or in front of a keyboard all day. To let him know I've gotten quite a few compliments on my posture since he told me to lead with my chest instead of my forehead or shoulders. That I can feel blood flowing in my neck and shoulders again.
And guess what I found... a group of his groupies hangen out after class. So I slip into the conversation, university sweatshirt on; hair down and fabulous. Blonde Bombshell is directly across from me and I am that retarded girlie girl who laughs at all the jokes and laughs twice at his.
But whatever.
Hes cute and I like his smile and he has a football players ass and there is no harm in having a friendly personality.
Its not like I licked him or groped him or asked what he was doing later.
And he was RIGHT across the room from me all night so its not like I was killing myself to look at him.
And he was looking at me too. So THERE.

3) What do you do when you keep learning the ropes of your job within two weeks and find time to blog first thing in the morning because you are so caught up???
The boredom will set in. The monotony will have me agonizing over why I took ANOTHER front desk position. The frustration at having ideas as to how to streamline the office will meet a brick wall called Status Quo and I will harbor resentment to the two faced managers who tell me they love me but only as long as I shut it and sit pretty.

So the other day I am at my desk and this Cookie Lee sales person is talking to me while she waits for her prey to get out of a meeting. She tells me that the parties are so fun and that she enjoys my personality and that she would love to see me at the party she is setting up. Somehow it slips out that I know exactly the script she is using because I am with the company that MASTERED direct sales marketed toward women. She gets all wide eyed and I'm thinking "we can talk shop instead of her trying to sell me stuff that I wouldn't pick up at the dollar store if it were half price" - instead she blurts out "OH GOOD!! I love your products and got the card of a girl from a trade show a few weeks ago but I'd rather buy from you because you are so much more fun! Whats your number?"

The blood fell from my cheeks. My throat went dry. My neck started to sweat.
Then I thought "no one ever calls, its cool, and she has a card from the other girl and I'm giving her a postit. She'll lose it and I can keep my pipe dream in its pipe where it belongs."

No dice ya'll. (I can't get over that word!!! Got a replacement?)
She called me at work yesterday and set an appt for Sunday morning.
Its a little frightening when you hear that someone wants what you have and wants it from you because its you.
Its the point of the business I have gathering dust in my closet, but for some reason I've talked myself out of that option, and now I'm having a little revelation that if I just think about making money with her and getting hot leads, it will happen.

So, this weekend I get to do my taxes (stupid forwarding of the mail is NOT.WORKING. and I finally got my W2 - a copy of the employers copy - YESTERDAY) and dust off all my stuff for a pamper party for one.
All kinds of nerve wracking fun!!!!!

4) Maybe I don't have any room to talk... but why in the FRICK would T tell her stoney lametarded b/f to bug off because he finally went to far (ie bought her a cruise for Christmas, booked the date three months later without asking, she took the time off work, and two days before leaving asked what the weather would be like on the water and he said "I'm taking Charlie because I don't think you and I can spend four whole days together when your acting like this" and went on HER cruise without her), let him come over and hang candelabras, and THEN let his "surprise on Wednesday" be a trip to her fave restaurant, a gift of a spa day, a lovey card, and a bottle of vodka back at HIS place where she STAYED THE NIGHT?????
Lets put it this way - she was seeing another guy last week. A new, available, not controlling, not manipulative, mid western breed guy who totally digs her and let her 'crash' at his place when she drank too many margaritas on their 2nd date.
Thats right ya'll!! (AGAIN. I know. I need an intervention or something.) She slept over at a guys place on Sunday and spent the night with the ex on Wednesday.
And she calls her sister a whore for kissing a new guy at a club!!!!

My rant started with this idea - why oh why would you break up with someone if you will let them date you the next week????
OK - so He was redated, but a year later is different than a WEEK later, no?
And OK so I slept with other people between redating - but a WEEK??? When whore is her favorite word for a KISS???

5) What is rye and why do people like it?
I caved and got half a bagel this morning with the light cream cheese with salmon in it (because its almost noon and I have learned that the girls will cut a meeting short to take THEIR lunches on time but when it comes to saving me from passing out from low blood sugar because I don't want to TALK ON THE PHONE or MEET PEOPLE with food in my mouth, they conveniently say 'in a few minutes, k?' when 2pm rolls around and I realize why I'm snapping at my coworkers).
It wasn't a whole wheat bagel.
It is rye.
And not toasted.
Now I have that seedy stanky stuck in the back of my nasal cavity stench that only comes from these little hidden buggers and no sourkraut to even it out. I'm all for a random Reuben, but when you expect whole wheat and get rye, its a shock to the Good Morning, Here is Some Nutrition For You Body!! message I was trying to send.

Maybe a sweet coffee will help??

6) How Could I Forget??
For my coffee mongers...
I found a new version of my new fave this morning.
I didn't like that the French Vanilla from the cappucchino machine was too sweet and not caffeinated enough, so I started with a plain espresso shot and added the FV on top.
This offered a jolt that would snap me awake, but I would chug it so fast that I would reach for the empty cup just for a sip of warm creamy goodness. And go back for more. And be disappointed that I had to settle for the full sugary version so I wouldn't buzz off my chair.

Today though... I hit the Americano button before the FV button and I got a hot cup of coffee that was just enough sweet to cover the bitter, just enough froth to keep me from burning my tongue, and big enough to have a CUP of coffee this morning!!!!

Its the little things folks.
I sit at a desk and enter info into a database and answer calls and smile big when anyone comes to my desk.
To have a nice warm slightly sweet foamy creamy bit of comfort for me in the mornings makes it worth keeping the pink and blue cup on my desk day to day.
Otherwise its like that butterfly tattoo from HS that you got to match your best friends the month before you found out she'd been screwin your b/f for six months - a good thing that has so many bad memories that its not worth keeping.
Not that I have that.
Or that I had a b/f in HS for that matter.
But to see the cup sitting here knowing that it is a great cup but the memories are so disappointing...
This is why I don't have ink.
Except on a page.

7) I was recently asked to send a picture because an email buddy is dying to know what I look like. So I described myself in pretty accurate detail. Somehow it sounded like an ER report, but still.
This person did not think "I look like every other moderatly attractive middle class white chick you've ever met" was a reasonable summation.
I ask you, whats wrong with maintaining a bit of mystery if I want to??
I've got a few other email buddies that don't even know my real name I pleaded.
What about all the fantastic imagination and Avatar building and Characature stuff we can do when I give you the details of my composition without the photo proof??
Still I was asked to create a digital image of myself and send it pronto.
Comply? Or maintain my stance that 1)I don't HAVE a photo to email, 2) I don't WANT to send one even if I did have one, and 3) I LIKE that you want to see me and that I have the Power to withhold???

8) I need more hobbies. The gym and Tivo and blog reading and watching the dogs twitch in their sleep are great, but I think I'm ready for something more. Now.
If you lived 1/2hr from the beach. 1/2hr from the hills, and 45min from the great metropolis of LA... what would you do on a Saturday?

Its now 2:38pm and I am gonna take my bleery eyed self to the back and demand someone come cover my desk so I can drive up the street to the park, pull the blanket out of my trunk, lay barefoot in the sunshine, and ask Tempura why he keeps telling me he'd love to let me know how much better my ass looks after all this gym stuff but refuses to book a ticket for me to fly out and see him. (I know, he should come see me, but I don't want to give HIM a place to stay, drive HIM around, and take HIM to the airport three hours early so he can have a stiff drink to round out a weekend of fondling and spoiling me.)

Tuesday, March 21, 2006


Again, I'm gonna talk about how bad ass I am at work.

Turns out that yesterday one of the administrative assistants got offered a job in our office in the town she lives in.
Instead of thinking it over last night, she accepted before she went home last night.
This means something only because today I got another impromptu meeting with my boss and her boss about my employment here.
Basically, they are RIGHT NOW drawing up papers to get me on the company payroll instead of having me fill out a temp time card.
Like by April 1st I won't be a temp anymore!!!!

OK. So here's the reason I've stopped working to blog.
This admin position is the same $$ an hour as I'm making. Its in the bullpen of short cubes. The desk thats being vacated is next to a window. No more having to worry if they'll send me home because I'm refusing to wear a suit coat everyday. And I was flat out asked if I would consider moving to the back.
Not that its a given - just sayen that the new place wants her like TODAY so there will be a slew of people interviewing until they like someone enough to come work with us. And where I sit next week is soley determined by their ability to like someone for the front desk or the back desk.

Exciting right!!!!!

To ensure the good karmic flow, I finally pulled out my checkbook for a few charities I've been asked to donate to (see Laurie, Avatar, and my buddies little girl is going to be the American ambasador for the People for Change trip to Australia!).

The bummer - while my bosses boss is telling me how excited she is that I am doing such a kick ass job at my desk that she is almost afraid to move me to the back, she turns to my boss and asks if there is anything that we should talk about before actually moving forward.

This mousie doe eyed meek little ass muncher (not kisser, MUNCHER - was directly hired for the position by her current boss) says that some people have come to her saying I was a little, um, well there is a personality issue we should mention, because, um, I guess you are a bit sarcastic sometimes.
I looked her straight in the face and said "I certainly have a sarcastic sense of humor, but with the new guy calling me Da Bomb and the guys I went to Happy Hour with saying things like "can we go home yet?" I got the feeling that my "oh yeah, I'm da bomb!" and "seriously, get outta here, it'll be here tomorrow anyway, right?" wouldn't be taken offensively.
She blinked heavily.
Her boss says she is gonna stand up for Mouse but ends up speaking for me... something along the lines of "I certainly haven't been offended by anything you've said, but maybe just be a little aware of the stress level of the person your talking to from here on out."


We work in a marketing sales office and I'm supposed to know when these are people or back stabbing honkies.

Its a perm job no matter what, right??
And in a good location (15 min from home, 10 min from the gym), the hours are cool (unless they start wanting me here at 7:30am, the maybe we'll talk), and since the head honcho chick likes me and the work I do I'm inclined to think the petty drama Mouse was refering to won't be anything more than her bad day being trumped by my KICK ASS WORK HABITS.

Yeah. Thats right. I'm Da Bomb. And getting promoted away from weekly time sheets.
I'll tell you what - Mouse has NOTHING on Miss Menthol in the race to reach the end of my last nerve; this is a cakewalk (which I actually participated in during the spring of my 6th grade year and suddenly the term made sense!)
Two for two on the good work days - how U doin??

Monday, March 20, 2006

Thats RIGHT!

Its 5pm on Monday and I am officially CAUGHT UP.

I started this job without my trainer shadowing me two weeks ago today and I am finally at the point where I can look my unexperienced blank starin boss in the face and say "I don't need you to take anything off my desk, what you see that I'm working on is all I've got!"

She lost her words.
Then said "oh, well, uhhh, GREAT! ok then, I'll go find something else to do!"

Apparently the girl before me was fine with having people not in the computer system set up to get a job ASAP, but to me that seemed a bit lame.
I also have a problem with consistently showing up at someone elses desk with my inbox and saying "I can't do it. You do it."
And these poor people looking for a job!!!
First they come in thinking they have a job interview and have to fill out 30min - 1.5 hours of paperwork before they meet anyone, they spill their guts to however many people want to get them on THEIR team (1-4 interviews back to back), THEN most people get to take assessments that are 1/2 hr long each (1-4 of these too), only to see their test scores and be told that if they don't get a call in three days or so they can call in.

In the mean time, this little hussy that sat here before would apparently email her new crush, talk on her cell phone to her b/f, or doodle hearts on the wrist wrests - their paperwork stacking up in a not so neat pile at the end of her desk.

Today, while this malicious process was happening to these poor people, I entered all their info into the computer, emailed them the training services login, input their references and nearly filed their paperwork before they could ask for a cup of water between tests.

Thats right ya'll.
There is no stoppin a girl with a mission.
I wanted to be caught up by last week. I stayed til 7:15pm to get it done.
And today I proved to myself that being good at this job isn't a pipe dream.
AND I proved that missing a lunch break is humanly possible. Sure I had a peice of the home made cherry pie. Sure the usual snack of trail mix hit the desk. OK, so sometimes a pile of brocolli is actually dinner - why can't it be lunch too??

Just had to brag a bit.
How was YOUR Monday?? =)=)

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Quick Thoughts

1 - If you tell me that I can arrange my desk however it works for me, listen to me tell you where everything is and why I put it there, and tell me you will work my desk while I go to lunch, WHY THE FUCK wouldn't you let me get all the way through the door before telling me I will hate you and then show me how you put EVERYTHING back the way YOU want it????

2 - When I tell you that a person in the lobby with a clipboard and a pen in her hand has already been helped and there is no reason to inform the party she is meeting until her paperwork is completed and verified BY ME, THE PERSON YOU HIRED TO DO THIS JOB, don't look at me and squishy up your face and tell me that the 20 questions you give everyone in the lobby every time you walk in "is to be polite".
If you want to make a difference in the world by adding niceties, DO NOT make the person sitting out there waiting for a job interview think there is any reason not to trust the person who takes their social security card and drivers license and has already made it clear that she has all the power over what the computer says about them to possible new bosses.
In other words, WHY are you micro managing so hard? Who fucked you over? What might happen if you just smile at the person to be polite? You might gain my respect?? Yeah. STOP.IT.

3 - If I tell you that my fave show didn't get TiVo'd because your lame ass decided that it would be easier if the box sat useless for two days until Juan Dillhole can come back and plug in the right part so the satalite can talk to the box... and I call you to see if you are still on my side of town for lunch, DO NOT tell me that you set appts all through the time Juan Dillhole is set to come back and that you are gonna see if he can come back on SATURDAY. Tell me you've already eaten and see how my day is going before pissing me off.
Love ya T, but a little testing of the water when you know the crimson tidal wave is rushing the house MIGHT help.

4 - Why is it that as soon as your mind decides something is ok, the whole world falls into place the way you never thought it could?
Case in Point - I decide its ok to talk to Tempura. Yesterday I was so piled up with compliments my text inbox overflowed. NO JOKE.
Case in Point - I decide its ok to work out with other people. I get called out of a room of 50 people shaken their ases and flailing their arms to perform with 5 others who exeplify "what the dance is supposed to look like when you put some Sass in that Ass". Direct quote. I'm not altering it at all to fit my personality - she thought I had so much sass that I deserved to show the other shy wallflowers what Cardio Funk is all about.
THEN, after the whole yoga class watches this performance throught the window, and the teacher tells me 'good' as he walks by fixing my neighbors Warrior 1 and Flying Airplane, I go to ask a simple question. Apparenly the gurus have pow wowed before and I get to stay for an HOUR chatting it up with the boys.
Case in Point - I decide its ok to let go of Him, that life is better than fine without Him, and I get smiled at when I go get a sandwich for lunch. Subway, Quizznos, Vons... no matter where I go, I get smiles. For dinner at El Pollo Loco I made two friends in line, had the cashier call over her buddy to laugh with us, and every table on the way out had people in it that smiled at me as I passed.
Case in Point - I decide its ok to live my life, do the gym every day, work at a job with little prestige but easy work, and My Gorgeous Girl cuddles with me every night again. And the cats run to me when I come in.

5 - Is it necessary to cut across 5 lanes of traffic to get on the freeway because you and your buddy got the bosses convertable for the lunch break? Do you not understand lane assignments because the roar of your dumb ass revving the Mustang into second gear is clouding your thought process? Did your boss know you don't know how to drive a stick when he tossed you the keys and said "lets keep it to two beers today, ok boys?"??? I'm just sayen, I was sucked into the "hey, the are fuckin cool" until I took another blink and you... well, YOU were there.

6 - If the program saves the work every time I hit save, why is the information not there when I go back???
If someone else LOOKS at the profile I am adding to, why does that make the SAVE button do NOTHING?
How is it possible that this compnay is as bad ass as everyone says it is if this program that they designed just for them is so bad at Saving stupid stuff like the guys phone number or work history or references... but somehow never loose any info on the page that gives people credit for seeing the weepy SOB that came in (in other words, the screen that gets them paid)???

7 - Is it a bad sign in society if I come back from lunch to find that the covering receptionist AND the interviewer both refer to the two women testing by pulling the corners of their eyes out and saying "they both look like this, I couldn't tell them apart when they sat in the lobby!"

8 - I only drink on Fridays these days. Just cuz. No abstinence or lent or fighting it, just happening. Is it a sign that I am HAVE to sleep till noon to avoid the raging hangover every Saturday??? Or just that I need to 1) eat dinner before Happy Hour, 2) drink more often to keep up my tolerance, or 3) that I need to roll over and give up my status as a Party School Attendee and leave the 32oz cups at home on 'bring your own cup' nite???

9 - If you are a super big wig at some company calling another company that you are putting in charge of staffing you operation, is it an actual written law you get from the Golfers With Shafts Up Their Prostates Association that you need to cut off the receptionist and demand to speak with SoAndSo??
I mean really, do you talk to the people in your office that way? And are you SURE you want to talk to that person, because all I have to do is just hang up on you or put you right to voice mail or give you to the wrong person and apparently that would be The. Worst. Crime. Against. Your. Self. Important. Secretary. Filled. Out. For. You. Day Planner. I know this because the two seconds it takes for me to annoucnce my name pisses you off to the point you have to bark over me.
Be nice or Lose.The.Call. Thats it. Fucker. Don't piss me off for the next caller, its not their fault you have no manners, decency, or cooth.

10 - I had to round out the list. Ten is a good number.
Just when I thought I didn't have a tenth thought, I come up with two.
Go figure.
I like 10, though it isn't my favorite number. I realized today that I round off my life in decades and that this triflin shit I've been blabbin/blubbering/bloggin about is just the BS of this decade. Give me a few years and I will hate myself for this crap, but here in the mid twenties I figure its just part of the territory.
My second thought is that we have a new hire in our office and so many people are helping him get started that he is too busy interviewing to take calls and too busy on the phone to greet his interviews. As I typed his name to get his credit for all this work, I mistakenly wrote his last name as "Bumpass" instead of "Bumpus". Is this my dancing queen peeking through? My opinion of his wide stature and slow southern drawl pissing me off when all he wants is to borrow a pen? Or perhaps seeing Aunt Flows bus rounding the bend is getting my mind into the all familiar gutter to duck for cover and this was a written invitation for a Freudian Slip???

Yep. I meant it when I said Quick Thoughts. This is me trying to sum things up. But hey, at least its not sappy drivel like I've been prone to, huh??

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Fuck Murphy and His Laws

I'm sitting here in my new job with two weeks experience and PISSED OFF that I don't have it completely up to snuff yet.
The phones go through the computers but when I have paperwork all over the keyboard or am running to the phone from the file cabinet I just want to put the call on hold using the button on the phone call HOLD. I then try to page someone only to find out that the HOLD button does NOTHING and I just hung up on someone.
So I resign to using the computer program. It doesn't pop up when I get the call. It hesitates when I drag the call to somones extension. It doesn't let me use the headset... instead all my calls come straight out of the phone and they can't hear me.
When the fucking thing DOES decide to let me use the program, it takes over and whatever I was typing when the call came in is now the name of the extension I want to transfer to... leaving the poor sap who called having to repeat everything they just said since the computer wanted to transfer them to the DATE.
Oh, and that I am finally catching up on entering peoples applications is a bonus, except that every one I do someone has a question about and it looks like the computer isn't saving half my work even though the process talkes ten minutes longer than it should because after ANY ENTRY, click of a box, or review of a screen I have to save it "just to be sure the computer keeps the info".

Fuck. Work sucks kinda.
I want to say its worth it to keep a roof overhead but after cashing my first paycheck I realize that but I will be short the equivelent of my car payment minimum every month I am at this pay rate.
And this computer is a satalite of teh INTERNATIONAL server and I literally can't wait for the letters t ocome up so I am typing about a full sentance faster than the coputer can register if THAT gives you any idea of how slow this phone system operates.

And the micro managing. GO THE FUCK AWAY!!! We have no one to ask questions of and then suddenly there is someone breathing down my neck telling me that the 2 second it takes me to pound out a 5 # extension to transfer a call would be much more convenient if I just click here, type the persons name, then drag and click and click and whisper page and redrag and when the menu comes up just click this one BUT NOT THIS ONE NO MATTER WHAT that is right next to it ad don't mind the pause in the mouse drag and release with confidence UNLESS YOU ARE GOING TO RELEASE THE CALL ONE THAT LINE THAT WE NEVER USE.

The only reason I bring this up is because 1) I have time to slack off because I was here an hour late last night trying to catch up, 2) because its noon and I am on my third cup of coffee and am full of energy I can't use because of hte teather to my head dictated by MicroBitch, and 3) because I've gotten a FEW calls from the posting I put up in JANUARY on the get-me-a-job site and its pissing me off that they are only finding my resume after I have a job!!!!!!!!

I was told to keep my options open and check out these calls I'm getting... but is it really a good idea to hate my job so much in the first too weeks that I will cut and run??
I mean seriously speaking, its just that is like every other front desk job I've had without the boredom.
And I am isolated enough that I can tickety tack away to you all again.
And if this week is as slow as it looks like, I might be able to check in with your blog again.

In other news, the TV dude will e at my house this morning to set up the TiVo in my ROOM with TWO cables so I can watch a show and tape another AT THE SAME TIME. The TV I am using is so old that I will be putting my computer monitor right next to the TV and using IT as my DVD player. I'm mot sure if the keyboard will be more comfortable from the bed, but surely my ass won't be able to fall asleep as quickly and I can get in some hardcore surfing while the commercials are on!!!! Oh, and do stupid stuff like put away laundry and do my budget for FEBRUARY and write my grandma a letter without moving all my shit downstairs to be riffled through by the inconsiderate roomies and whatever jackhole guys they bring through our house.

=) (AAAHHHHHHHH AGAIN!!!! I thought I'd be a super stud and give you all a pic today and the stupid computer won't refresh so I can SEE the pics!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! Fuck I need to take a lunch break and get the fuck out of this building!!! )

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Jist

So I've been a blubbering fool the last few posts... whatever.
You still came back, didn't you??
Well then, I guess it wasn't THAT awful to hear of the woes of getting life yanked around on someone else for however many paragraphs I could spew between phone calls.
For the record, I actually was on a roll of about one call every 10 seconds... this was noted by the caller on my cell phone who waited patiently for two minutes for me to tell them I was at work and couldn't talk - you all are SO lucky I needed to vent so shit last week or you'd have had to find, like, 12 other blogs to take up your reading time.

Its now late late late on a Sunday and I should have been in bed hours ago but somehow talking my sister off a ledge this evening got me all philosophical.
She doesn't have a working phone of her own, so I am at her mercy of when I talk to her.
I REAMED her for a good four straight minutes about her leaving me desperate crying messages as the first communication in a month and not giving me a way to get a hold of her and then trying to trump my woes with hers.
We're sisters, we can do that.
My best friend hasn't called in three weeks, and she'll be getting an earful too.

The reason I tell you this instead of the rest of the hour of conversation while I bonded with the cat who lives in the garage because the kitten (whos actual name is Monster Under the Bed) was too terrorizing and she'd rather have dreads than live with this beast, is because its been a hard few weeks in SassyLand and by golly if I didn't sum it up into a 90 second sshmear of highlights for Lil Sis.
Then I called the psycho epitomy of LA women known as the aunt who saved my sorry ass and let me crash with her when I had REAL drama last year to tell her that Lil Sis will be calling looking for a new life starting at her house in about a week if she can't straighten her shit out where shes at.
And again I knew that the lingering dramatic thoughts wouldn't be appreciated and rounded up the highlights for the baked in the head.

This made me understand what is the possible root of my malfunction of late.
Its all changing.
And I used to puss out on life and let it change around me while I hid in the eye of the storm... I knew I was in it, but there was no telling by looking around.
Today I am right in there flying around in the dark clouds of whatever the tornado swept up to knock me around with.
And every time I get used to the beat up truck or the wheezing heefer or the tiny stings of backstabbing or manipulation, I get whisked up into another tide of the whirlwind and have to acclamate to the new suroundings before they make me nutty.
And with nothing solid to hang onto besides a fantasy of what could maybe someday be... it gets easy to get swept away.

I'm gonna curl up in bed with Steinbeck and My Gorgeous Girl and hunker down with my jammies and a blanket and remember, with a faint smile, all the blessings I indeed have. The fantasies and the drama and the pretending not to see the truth are old habits I'd learned when I was shielded and protected from the storm BY the storm... and when I return to that peaceful place I'll surely fall back into those comfortable old ways... but for now I need to clear my mind and find something to focus on before all this gets to me (worse than it has), and that includes saving your hours from the scroll bar and giving your something a tad bit more interesting to avoid your daily duties with. =)

Next time... Tempura is back, the toilet seat mystery, and a cat fight over Girl Scout Cookies.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006


Its Wednesday.
I've been at work for an hour.
I have my music going, the phones ringing off the hook, and the staff behind me rowdy as always trying to make the deal that will set them up for the rest of the week.

I spent the morning crying for the first Him I felt love for.
He conducted basically the entire cerimony. The priest did the first and last prayer, but He had 10 pages of kind words and funny stories and truely telling tales about the man he is the Junior to.
He held his sister close in the pew. He read her speech for her. He acknowledged the coffin often.
I sat in the back. I cried when he walked in. I laughed at his jokes and dropped tears when he lost it at the end.
I waited for the standing room only crowd to file out the already opened back doors. I stood and contemplated and then put my purse down and walked right up to Him.
He put out his arms like I'd seen him do to everyone, acknowledged me by name as he leaned in for the hug. I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything. Where a part should be, a kiss on the neck I recieved, and a lean back in. I held him tighter, heard the staggered breath in my ear and felt his chest quake. I wanted to be the one to support him, make it ok to cry, to be the one he could crack his shell with... but I leaned back a bit and told Him he was a good man. The space between our bodies filled to eighteen inches and he asked if his speech was ok. He told me he tried to make sure it wasn't all gut wrenching sadness and needed assurance that he was funny and not that they were laughing just as a break from the crying. I told him it was very well put together and that he did a great job standing up there and delivering all the kind thoughts.
I knew there was someone behind me trying to get to him so I stepped to the side. When the path cleared I asked for his address to send a card to.
He told me to call him.
He then told everyone in hearing range how to get to the reception.
Then looked me straight in the face and nodded.

I sat in my car parked across the street as he hugged the women and shook hands with the men and listened and held his sister tight. I watched him over do the cool guy gig with the pretty girls and wondered how many of them were his fucks, like me.

When the crowd cleared a bit and I wipped my tears and straightened out my hair, I turned the motor over and headed toward the freeway.
I got off to cut through town to the next freeway.
The street where the reception was commencing was second on the left.
I called a friend from the parking lot. Told her of how I wanted to go in but didn't know why. She allowed me to talk out my reasoning, but ultimately be both knew that I could go in under the guise that I needed to pee and it was lunchtime and there was a sandwich I could munch while figuring out what I was doing there.

He came in. Shook more hands, hugged his sister more, and the woman carrying His child was barely stopped to touch his arm as she pointed to the back corner where she would be.
I got a sandwich, found a place to sit, and was soon joined by a sweet pair of old ladies that used to be my neighbors when I lived with Him.
We ate and chatted and I watched His grandpa at the next table spread his sandwich into the mustard on his plate. I saw Him past the half wall taking care of everyone and smiling whenever possible.
I was ready to leave. I saw Him convincing His sister to eat a sandwich as he neglected His own. I thought how I could just tap Him on the shoulder and say goodbye and walk out the door and leave Him behind.
He got up. He started greeting and shaking hands and thanking people for coming. And the sweet old ladies were talking up a storm. And it was nice to be treated like a person for a minute, so I drank my water and nodded and watched him make His way to my table.
His approach in included "well, look at all the lovely ladies we have at THIS table!" He grew up down the street and around the corner from these women and they laughed about the basketball in driveway story He'd shared.
He turned His attention to me, bent over, and hugged me where I sat. Two arms, bent way over, and didn't stop to see if he could peek down my shirt. He thanked me for coming over, lingered a second when I looked back at Him, then turned to greet His grandpa, gave a little jest to the man who would bury his son in a few hours.
I stood. I was glad He could remind grandpa of who I was so I could address him directly and tell him how glad I was I could come pay my respects to a family I hold in such high regard. I looked up and saw Him tuck in His lips and look me in the eye and appreciate me. He backed up a bit when grandpa went back to dipping his sandwich; I asked him what he was doing the rest of this week. He said He might get back to work just to get His head straight again.
I told Him I actually have to get back to work this afternoon, that I never had to stand up in front of a crowd and talk about my mother and I thought He did an amazing job.
He leaned in for a hug goodbye. He kissed my cheek again. He again gave 18 inches between us. I looked Him in the eye, and he looked back, and I watched Him transfer his focus from one eye to the other and he just kept looking at me, into me, through me, and His cheeks lifted ever so very slightly and I nearly lost my composure right there in the middle of a Moose lodge.
I told Him he would have a beautiful baby.
A new man stood before me in an instant - this one fidgety and shifty and looking in Her direction but not trying to see Her.
"Oh, ... yeah... so you saw... you saw my other... "
I am stuck for words. I look at Him not being able to look at me and I say "your other what? No, I say Your Girl. You will have a beautiful baby." I fixed his collar and picked the random blonde hair off his shoulder and looked up to meet his gaze again. So I looked right back into the eyes that will forever haunt me and said "I can tell you are very proud."
He looked down again and raised His head only to tell me "thanks again for coming, get yourself to work; someone has to pay those bills!" and got tugged away to meet some more people who are sharing the loss of a Man among working men.
I thanked the ladies for a lovely conversation and excused myself. Tossed the garbage, grabbed another water bottle, and didn't fidget with my purse or jacket as I made my exit.

There were picture boards at the doorway and no one blocking the view.
I remember telling Him in Vegas that I would just love to see baby pics of Him.
Today I did.
I remember the stories He told me in Vegas and wondered if I would ever see Him cry.
Today I did.
I watched my dad a few weeks back and thought of how much love He had with His father and was so jealous in the middle of Disneyland and so grateful that I had seen a father and his Junior son be best friends.
I wondered last week what I would be upset about leaving as a loose end if I died. He was all I could think of that wouldn't resolve itself satisfatoraly.

I'm not making this up.
The priest actually started his 5 minute intro saying "we are here to honor the life and memory of Mr. Him Jr..." I blurted from the second to back row "SENIOR", and a few murmurs were heard.
When He came to the podium minutes later, He introduced Himself as Him Jr., and said He was alive and well and He would be speaking on the life of Him SENIOR. A big laugh rolled through the crowd, and I was able to look at Him and see someone who would be fine without me.
He has no idea how important this mornings funeral was in my life.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Slump Returns

So my new job is rockin right along... The computer halts when I type too fast and every screen I go into I have to save before exiting so I feel like a gimp because I have to leave work on my desk when I leave at night, but overall its only mildly aggravating to have three people checking over what I do all day every day.
So I sit at the front desk... Does that mean I don't exist?? That when you walk into the lobby and see three people scribbling on clipboards in the lobby right in front of my open window it is REQUIRED that you ask them if they've been helped?? You just got back from a three hour meeting and I've been waiting for your return to cover my desk so I can, um, EAT SOMETHING, but go ahead and ask if I've told them all to sit and wait for you instead of asking me if I'm going to pass out because you are two hours late.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, you smirky little wench.

Anyway, this is only exacerbated because I got the phone system set up (a full week later) and every time I get a call (about 3 a minute for the first 5 hrs of the day, then it crawls to one every other minute), this window pops up and covers whatever I'm working on. The trick is, I am Quick Draw and have already answered the call and am in the middle of transferring it before any call details show up on this stupid window. So I either learn how to suck more at my job, or don't use this fancy new system they put in a month ago - and keep transferring calls to people already on the phone because the actual phone doesn't tell you any of that because the computer is supposed to. In all fairness, it does, but only if you shrink all your other open windows (I use about 6 for every person who walks up to my desk) in order to leave the extension monitor up. Whats the big deal?? Well, every person needs all six screens to pop up seperately and to resize each of them as they come up is a Little.Time.Consuming.And.Pisses.Me.Off.
Just think... you walk into a temp agency and have an appointment and have all your documents in order and the wide eyed perkfest at the front desk takes 10 minutes to 'pull your file'. This WILL NOT be me. I won't file my nails, chew gum, twirl my hair, or talk on my cell phone at this desk either. My manager tells me its cool to eat lunch at my desk, but that chickedee has another thing coming if she thinks I'll eat while taking calls.

Yeah, so I'm a little on edge. But really, its not the job (I don't think... I hope not... pray to the beer gods with me!!!).
I called Him last Friday.
No idea why. Apparently I was starting to enjoy my life and needed a swift kick in the junk to curl me into a heap again.
It worked.
He ANSWERED my call in the middle of the first ring. I didn't recognize His voice. We stammered around that a bit before I got out "hows it goin? whats up with you?" His reply: "My dad died two days ago, so I've been dealing with that. How are you these days?"
I was sitting in my car, all proud of myself for not crying on the way home, and suddenly I actually felt the wind knocked out of me.
We got around to the part where I find out He Sr. went to work digging trenches for new pipes to be lain in Malibu Wednesday morning and moved live power lines and didn't come home. That it was quick and painless. That his family just walked in from making the arrangements at the mortuary and I can check the Sunday paper for the details if I'd like to attend the services.
He asked about me, so I told him my new job had me thanking him for fixing up my car so my max horsepower could have me duckin and jivin around the asswipes that can't drive in the rain, and that on Wednesday I found a new onramp that had me sitting under the freeway at a red light and thinking that if an earthquake hit and I died that minute that the only thing I could think of that wouldn't be resolved would be how He and I parted ways.
He took that in for a moment, I tried to grasp at the fleeting thoughts of normal conversation while fighting tears, and we ended the conversation after he said "Thank You so much for calling but my family is all waiting for me now so I really have to go."

Or it could be that my coworkers are covering me like I don't exist and refuse to acknowledge any teaching style besides "throw them in the water and they will learn to swim".

But I'm pretty sure its the later... and its killin my mojo with the suited up, slicked back, cologne soaked Mr.s that have been trollen by my desk all day.

I can't wait until this job isn't catching up for how lame my predecessor was and starts to run the way I want it too... so I can cry to you all about how in love I am with a guy who may or may not have told me when tragedy strikes if fate hadn't de-chickened me in time AND get all my work done AND check in and comment on your fabulously distracting blogs!!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Fuck Its Friday

Hi ya'll.
Yeah, I'm a California girl hooked on the word "ya'll" like its crack.
Deal with it.

Ok, you'd think at a new job and left to the desk alone for the first time I'd be THRILLED its Friday... except I was told I'd have a shadow/mentor ALL WEEK and so I was DONE yesterday. And the gym dude who teaches my kick ass class with my Blonde Bombshell distraction upped me in the circuit last night so instead of little sissy pushups and squats and just standing on the Bosu ball I was adding tricep presses to my squats on the Bosu ball with a jump and solid land in between, no knees on the pushups to move straight into The Plank (like I did 12 times in yoga Wed. night), and enough crunches to make even the most advanced Mister Man in class (AKA Blonde Bombshell) taking the time to learn a new move as an opportunity to LAY.THE.FUCK.DOWN.
Thats right folks. The teacher has to come up with harder moves for this guy and HE was passing out!!!
And all this was after the dance class taught by the little Portugese woman who loves the chacha and mambo... but this week decided the chorus of the song wouldn't be a cha-se or hip swing but rather DOUBLE.HOPS.THREE.TIMES. followed immediatly by a little back and forth with the foot and then a TURN.COMPLETELY.AROUND. and then do it all in the other direction.
And She had a Red Bull before class.
And I had a 200 calorie shake for dinner in the car on the way to class.
And She was side stepping the hops and I was jumping my tatas into my chin the whole damn time.

So yeah, I'm a little upset that its FRIDAY.
Everything in my being says it should be a DAY.OFF.DAMMIT.
I'm not sore, just worn out. I'm not sucking at my job alone, just avoiding doing it. I'm not sorry I did all that work last night, just sad I forgot that my chicken salad for lunch was a waste of a to-go box labeled "nutrition". I'm not cranky, just SO unbelievably thrilled that our coffee machine here makes REAL mochas... making it that much easier to sit at a desk and blog my morning away =)

No pics from here yet - gotta figure out how to be on a remote computer and have 17 programs open without crashing the system...

Happy Friday to you all... may all your gym workouts be soothed by warm creamy french vanilla flavored caffeine...